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TOPIC TITLE: For those of you who look occasionally...
Created On 1/19/15 8:27 AM
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mouse
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1/19/15 8:27 AM
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I think I may have finally found a therapist with a specialty in dissociative disorders. The big prob now is I'm not sure if she is good. She uses out-dated terms and modalities in some respects. Also she does quacky stuff on the side....reiki and shamanic healing (i think that's what it said.) As long as the quacky stuff isn't in my treatment, I'll be fine. (The latter in the quacky dept. is avodah zara I believe....not sure, but I think so.)


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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channafofanna
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1/19/15 11:28 AM
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yThat's great! Did you talk to her het? How did you find her? Is there someone you can talk to who can help you decide if shes good or not ( in regard to the outdated and quack stuff) ?
 
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MorahL
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1/19/15 5:26 PM
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Hi - I'm new here but I just wanted to say that's great and I'm happy for you! I hope your treatment with her goes well bez"H!
 
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mouse
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1/19/15 6:22 PM
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Thanks, Morah L for your encouragement. Welcome to the forum and I hope you find it as helpful as I have over the past several yrs.

Channa, I've spoken to her in person for a session once. So far so good. I see her again tomorrow. Once she has spoken to my old therapist, I may call the old therapist and get old therapist's opinion on new therapist. What disturbed me is she referred to my diagnosis as MPD which is an outdated term for DID. Furthermore, she mentioned hypnosis as one therapy modality even though all research points to that being not a good idea for ppl with DID. This doesn't mean I'm totally against it, but it concerns me she finds it ok. Maybe I'll ask Dr. Price about it.... Then there is the stuff that borders on if not is total avodah zara. THAT bugs me. My problem wth it is that it may sway her to think one or another more because of quackish beliefs. I want to be sure I trust her opinion more. Dunno. Maybe it will work out, maybe we'll part ways. Can't tell yet. I guess I gotta give her a chance.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MorahL
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1/19/15 8:59 PM
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mouse, firstly, thanks for the welcome! amen - i've been reading frumsupport for a bit but only started posting more recently.

that's great that you're going to ask your old therapist for her perspective on the new one - if he/she approves, then you'll probably feel more comfortable with the new one, right? when I had to switch therapists, i went with the recommendation of my old one and went to her with my concerns about the new one, which have b"H been resolved. the thing is, the old one told me that once i made the switch totally, i couldn't really talk to her anymore b/c that's "splitting" between two therapists, which is counterproductive, apparently. oh well.

that's kind of strange that your new therapist referred to DID as MPD - i thought no one calls it MPD anymore?

anyway, hatzlocha rabbah - i hope it goes well for you bez"H.

 
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mouse
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1/20/15 4:02 AM
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Yeah, I thought it was strange too...that she called it MPD. That's why I'm a little skeptical.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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channafofanna
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1/22/15 9:50 PM
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How was it
 
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MorahL
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1/23/15 2:21 PM
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hope things are getting better, mouse.

channafofanna - hi and nice to meet you - i'm new here.
 
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mouse
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1/24/15 7:54 PM
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I think it's gonna work out with new therapist, channa. She seems nice enough. And I think the disconnect between terms are just that.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MorahL
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1/24/15 9:52 PM
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mouse, that's so good - so happy to hear! yay b'H!
 
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mouse
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1/25/15 5:33 AM
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Out of curiousity, Morah L, what brings you to this forum??? Welcome and glad you're here. .


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MorahL
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1/25/15 8:04 AM
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aww thanks i really appreciate that!

i've been reading frumsupport for a while - the past couple of years were very difficult for me in many ways and, as my previous t says, "genetics load the gun, and environment pulls the trigger" - my parents and their parents had suffered from different emotional conditions, so my "gun" was loaded, and b/c i was in really hard circumstances, the "trigger" was pulled - and i was soon diagnosed with anxiety, features of c-ptsd, possibly traits of various personality disorders, etc...so frumsupport has been a source of chizuk/inspiration for me. it's always helpful to connect with other people who are struggling with mental health challenges - you can encourage one another and know that you're not alone - even though it may feel that way...

the more i read on here, the more hope i feel that hopefully things will get better bez"H.
 
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mouse
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1/25/15 3:21 PM
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I hope it works out for you too.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MorahL
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1/25/15 3:31 PM
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amen!
 
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keep climbing
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1/26/15 6:08 AM
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Welcome, Morahl.
I think that one of the hardest things of having a MI is not being able to tell people. This lack of support drives me crazy.
 
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Shver
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1/26/15 9:23 AM
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Keep Climbing this is very true.
I have a fallen into a severe deperession/anxiety state over the weekend.
One issue is I can't share my problems with anyone
This forum at least provides some outlet
 
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keep climbing
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1/26/15 9:42 AM
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Did something happen to make you feel like that, Shver?
 
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MorahL
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1/26/15 10:53 AM
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keep climbing, thanks for the welcome

i definitely agree - one of the most difficult parts of MI is not being able to talk about it. or even if you have one or two people you can speak to (besides a therapist), when it comes to most friends, it's still like - there's a whole significant part of my life, my thoughts, etc. that i don't share with even those people who feel close to me. it's like having a "glass wall" up - they think they're seeing the whole person, but there's still a barrier that i don't let them pass - because i don't know how they'd look at me if they knew.

it's also hard b/c so many people who have b"H never suffered from MI tend to judge - simply b/c they don't know any better. "depression? just get over it! be happy!" or "anxiety? have bitachon!" etc. If only it were that simple.

Shver, i'm sorry to hear about your tough weekend. i'm glad that frumsupport is available, but still, that's very difficult not to be able to share your fears/feelings with anyone in real life. i hope you feel calmer very soon and that this wave of depression/anxiety passes quickly bez'H.
 
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Shver
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1/26/15 11:13 AM
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Since Succos I have been in a very good mood most of the time.
Somehow last week, I started thinking about my problems.
It may sound strange but during the winter I feel better.
It just got worse and by Sunday I was extremely anxious and depressed.
I am starting to lose hope.
I am sorry I cannot be more specific but these thoughts are very private.
 
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mouse
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1/26/15 1:32 PM
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I totally get the stigma and judgemental problem. I have two sets of friends - those who know about the dark side of me and those who don't. Most don't. I mind that I have to be so private, but at the same time few people (if any) disclose ALL their problems to anything but their closest friends. It's not like you get on the bus and turn to the person next to you and say, "Hey, I got MI." (That would be creepy.) I wish I didn't feel the need to keep it from my kids though. It's a big secret since my daughter sees a therapist too. (Her therapist said I shouldn't say anything since she doesn't suspect and nothing good will come of it -- which is probably true.) But seriiously, if someone told me to have bitachon when i'm anxious, I'd lose it.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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channafofanna
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1/26/15 7:12 PM
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Nice to meet you too MorahL. If reading the forums helps you have hope then please keep reading!!

Its kind of ironic though, that the type of illnesses that actually gets better from peer support/ is exacerbated by a lack of support, is the type of illness that none of us can tell people about and actauly get support!!!! Like Keep Climbing said, its the lack of support that drives us crazy!!! And that is literally true!

Hey Shver, sorry to hear youre having a hard time right now, but remember that you were ok, this may just be a little dip, but you were in a good mood, theres no reason you cant get there again , and soon.

Mouse, glad you think it wlll work out! I wish you luck!
 
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MorahL
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1/26/15 10:32 PM
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Shver, it sounds like you've been doing really well overall b"H, just that now things are taking a dip, as channa said. That is interesting that in the winter you feel better! For me, spring and summer are easiest to feel good. But to each his/her own, I guess. I hope things get easier soon bez"H. Maybe spending some time outside might help, you know with all the snow/winter weather?

mouse, you said exactly what I have been thinking for a long time about having different types of friends - those who know the "dark side," the more painful part of me, and those who just know the happy, positive, stable, upbeat etc. side of me that is definitely a significant part of who I am, but it's not always the dominant part. so when it's harder to access, i put on an act - act all smiley, "Great, b"H, everything's good! and how are you?" - when inside i might be a total mess. sometimes it's too hard to put on the act. lately i'm finding that only the people i live with (roommates) really see the dark side of me...and my t. even my family has not seen much of my dark side.

mouse, about not being able to tell your kids - that's really hard! are your kids older or younger? b/c i could see why younger kids might not quite be able to grasp the implications of MI and everything. in any case, though, it's like having to hide a huge part of who you are from some of the most important people in your life.

It's so frustrating when people are like, "just be happy! what's so hard about that? trust Hashem! have bitachon! everything is gam zu l'tova!" - b/c if it were that simple, there would be no need for all the ts and p-docs and self-help books etc. not to mention seforim on going through yissurim. the worst is when people blame the MI victim - "you're choosing to be anxious/depressed/manic/whatever - just control yourself!". so unfair and simplistic. the nekudas habechirah is in a totally different place for s/o with MI than for s/o w/o MI!

channafofanna, thanks for the welcome and that's a good point you made - MI is often triggered by social/emotional difficulties (even tho a person may be predisposed to MI genetically, as my previous t likes to say, "genetics load the gun; environment pulls the trigger"). so lack of support/acceptance/exclusion/rejection can precipitate the development of the MI, and then b/c the person doesn't automatically find a support network, things can quickly deteriorate c'v. you're right that it's completely ironic. it's a good thing we have frumsupport b'H! i wish there weren't stigma. esp when it comes to shidduchim etc.
 
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TBear
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1/27/15 7:47 PM
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Hi everyone... I miss coming on here just has been so hard....

Mouse, sounds like you are off to a start at least. My present therapist is old school - although he does not use the outdated terms, he has been treating trauma and DID for at least 25 years - in practice for more than 30 years. He is xtian, liberal and uses some techniques that originate in Buddhism. That being said - experience wins out - he knows what he is doing. I hope the same for you! He does not use hypnosis but others use hypnotic technique to keep a distance from the actual trauma when processing and for stabilization suggestions after processing.

I have been thinking about you Mouse - davening, am glad you have found someone - hope she works out.

Stigma really is huge issue for me - no one can know the MI part for fear - of judgement rooted in ignorance. But then no one can be close, or can they..... Today, I was reflecting on something in therapy - a visualization/ meditation technique from the book True Refuge where you visualize a person or people who you know truly love you and would be there for you, and give counsel, etc.... I could not think of anyone..... know how awful that feels? But I think that I need to redefine relationship and love - people don't have to know the gory details of my diagnosis or the 23 parts that make up who I am...or the trauma that brought each into being. Living in the present with awareness and accepting each friend or relationship is possible without being fully known.

After all is said and done - only Hashem can fully know you and be fully trusted, because He is that only One Who can fully love, perfectly. I have also been reading Duties of the Heart (again - I was learning it when the house fire took the house and everything, including books, had to re-purchase it) - the Chapter on Trust is amazing and is restoring a feeling of peace within.

OK - so I am rambling - good to read and get updated on you guys - Channa, Keep climbing, Shver (hope you feel better), and MoMo(on another thread)

Welcome MoraL - although you have been here more than me lately.

I am still lurking from time to time - when I can get on a computer.

 
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keep climbing
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1/28/15 6:36 AM
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Shver, how are you feeling?
Tbear, so glad to hear from you. And everyone! Boy, do I need this forum! I felt so awful yesterday! I was so depressed and lethargic. I was hanging on by a thread. Daven for me that I should feel well,please.
I heard a shiur on Torah Anytime this morning. Reb. Aiva Feiner said that the tzaros of our generation are harder than ever. How can that be? How can we compare it to the Holocaust or the Spanish Inquisition? In those times, people were united in their suffering-it was a tzora for the whole klal. Today, we are each wallowing in our own personal gehennom and can't share it, and that's what makes it so hard. Don't we know that!!
Hope everyone has a good day!
 
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MorahL
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1/28/15 8:06 AM
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wow, keep climbing - that's a really good point Reb. Feiner made. wow. thank you so much for sharing that. ???? ??? ???, ?????? - a person should share the da'agah in his heart - and if we can't do that, then on top of the tzara itself, there's the isolation, fear, shame, stigma...etc.

i hope you are feeling better today!
 
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MorahL
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whoops - all the question marks were hebrew words - da'agah b'lev ish, yasichenah
 
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Shver
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1/28/15 12:42 PM
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B'H' I am feeling better. Still very tense but no comparison to Mon.
As everyone stated stigma is a big issue because it is difficult to share with others.
My children (who are all adults) have no knowledge of my condition.
I always need to be extra careful when discussung my condition.
 
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mouse
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1/29/15 6:51 AM
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My kids are preteens and I feel like I have to be extra careful too. My hubby made a big mistake yesterday and mentioned something regarding therapists in front of my kids. I luckily thought of saying it's physical therapy he was referring to. It was bought. .


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MorahL
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1/29/15 8:02 AM
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That's a close call, mouse! Quick thinking.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to keep that from your kids...
 
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keep climbing
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2/3/15 5:46 AM
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The bad weather is making me totally crazy. Help!
 
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mouse
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2/5/15 2:25 PM
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Sorry to hear the weather driving you nuts. It's getting on my nerves too. I usually love the winter but this year I seem to have seasonal affective disorder. Usually, I get depressed in the summer. Now I just want to hibernate day and night. Feeling so uninspired to do anything. Back to hibernation mode .


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MorahL
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2/5/15 8:58 PM
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I find that it's much easier for me to be in a good mood when the sun's out, even if it's freezing. (although, sunny or not, I'm tired of getting snow in my boots!)
 
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Shver
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3/9/15 10:35 AM
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Even though I do not participate very much in this group, I do miss all of the post of encouragement.
Unfortunately, my OCD has flared up and I feel hopeless.
All of this anxiety is becoming very difficult to bear.
I wish I could be more open with the group but....

 
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keep climbing
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3/9/15 4:44 PM
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Sorry you're feeling bad. Don't give up. We're all with you. It's going to get better, iy"h.
 
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keep climbing
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3/10/15 11:14 AM
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Shver, how are you doing today?
 
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Shver
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3/10/15 1:48 PM
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Definitely better than yesterday.
I appreciate your concern.

Went to sleep early last night and slept through night
which is unusual for me.
I feel better at night so I often force myself to stay up late.
In that way, I hope to nap during the day to minimize my time with anxiety.
Slowly learning that things don't work that way.
It is better to be rested during the day.
 
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