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TOPIC TITLE: Miss my parents...still
Created On 7/6/15 7:08 AM
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mouse
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7/6/15 7:08 AM
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It's been a while since my parents have died. Five years for one and even longer for the other. But it's so weird. I still miss them. It's like every day I wake up and think of them. Sometimes I admit it's because my kids mention them often, but sometimes I just wake up missing them. Has anyone else here dealt with the loss of parents who were relatively young (60's)??? Does the homesickness ever go away??? I'm so angry I can't go back to my old house where I grew up. This is kinda weird since I have many very bad memories there. But I miss it because I miss them!!! Any thoughts are welcome on this one. I can't believe I'm getting teary eyed all over again .


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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7/6/15 11:19 AM
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Aww
That was home that's where there was some sense of being taken care of that surviving in this world isn't all on your own shoulders. Those are just some of the things that might make you miss them...

I'm not sure what else to say.
 
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mouse
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7/7/15 1:24 AM
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Thanks MoMo....I think that is probably part of it ....just sad.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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TBear
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7/8/15 7:42 PM
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Mouse,

Sorry about the grieving. Both my parents are also gone. I am told that with a deep attachment, then the pain or sadness will always be there to some degree when you think of the person. Hopefully the longer it is the more you will remember the good and the intensity of the pain will be less as you give it room.

That being said - I know you have mentioned your diagnosis, and that only comes about from ongoing stuff at a young age (not your fault) - perhaps the bad memories are in conflict and something needs to be resolved. Grieving can only be completed when we are honest with ourselves about the relationship that was lost. It is harder when the parting comes at a younger or sooner than expected time - that leaves "unfinished business" within. For instance - in another thread you are blaming yourself for contributing to their deaths - and I agree with Momo - only Hashem is in charge of that. You may know it - but you are feeling otherwise.... so maybe the key is to forgive yourself or at least examine your erroneously perceived contribution to their difficulties. Sorry for being an armchair therapist - but this is one I have encountered myself - and there can be so many mixed feelings all bound up in the past..... mine was shame, self loathing and self blame based... so hard to let go and realize it wasn't me - all is controlled by Hashem....

May Hashem help you to find inner peace.
 
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mouse
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7/10/15 1:32 PM
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Thank you Tbear. I see what you're saying. Don't know how to resolve the confflict but will discuss with therapist in future . I think your points are valid.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/16/15 11:06 AM
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Sorry about your parents, mouse. Don't have much to contribute, as both my parents are still alive. Sad, but I doubt I'll miss either one after 120. Guess I should learn from you.
 
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whatheheck
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7/16/15 12:14 PM
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Hi Mouse,
I'm new to the forum, and feel a little unworthy of posting because for the most part my meds keep me in control, but I have to share this thought with you. Sorry if it's presumptuous.

I think it's beautiful that you miss your parents. One of the side affects of depression is being wrapped up in your own misery. To miss someone is to feel love for them, and that's a good thing. I'm not as far along as wishtobehappy, but I don't have a lot to do with my parents. The fact that you miss them could also be selfish, but it wouldn't exist if you hadn't had a relationship to start with. Can you think about the good times you had with them and imagine them doing the same where they are?
 
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mouse
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7/20/15 8:33 AM
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Thank you, whatheheck, for your response. I understand what you are saying, but I'm just not at that place in time...perhaps one day.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Who am I
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9/24/15 8:46 AM
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I lost my father when I was 21 (he was only 49). That was 14 years ago and not one day goes by without me thinking about him. My fathers friend brought up the idea of going to a bereavement counselor. Just to set things straight: I am a big boy and I feel like I can take care of this by myself. But this has nothing to do with how strong you are inside, sometimes you need to let others help you out even if you think it's not needed or it won't help. Maybe give this some thought.


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smile and the world smiles with you
 
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