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TOPIC TITLE: bulimia, shidduchim and hope?
Created On 3/13/07 9:56 PM
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fighter88
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3/13/07 9:56 PM
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I've been bulimic since I was 11 and I am now 18. For the first time in my life I've started recovering after my 4th hospitalization this past August. It was what i needed to do and has helped. I'm on anti depressants and last week I just stopped takign my medication because 1-my psychology teacher said it makes u fat, u become dependent on them, its just an economical determinant(which i now have learned is 100% false in every single way) and because i dont want to be dependent on them.
But anyway, I am now seriously depressed and now purging every single day 1-10 times a day, after months of seriously reducing those behaviors. I'm exhausted and hopeless. I don't want to start my medication again because I guess I'm in the self destructive phase where I jsut don't care.
Also, why should i try to recover again and try to get healthy and prolong my life when my life is full of pain anyway? I rather my eating disorder kill me sooner. I am not suicidal but I just don't want to help myself.
But at the same time, the past few months were the best time of my life. I was able to think clearly, I felt strong that I was beating my eating disorder and I wasn't living with my head permanently in the toilet.
But now, I just don't know. I don't know what to do.
I will never find a normal shidduch if i'm on meds. So i guess i dont care. i dont want to help myself get better if i dont have a future anyway. I would never marry a guy on meds because what kind of kids would we have. So, I don't blame anyone who wouldnt want to go out with me.
i guess i feel hopeless and depressed right now about my future.


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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killedlastyear
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3/19/07 10:33 AM
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firstly: you said you were feeling better when you were on meds? but now that you're off them you dont want to get back on them cuz you're in your depressed stage again. how bout you just force yourself back on them as an experiment? and once you're back on if you're feeling better maybe you'll want to stay on them, and if not you can always stop them again. As far as shiduchim go you're "only" 18 and it's not like if you wait a couple more years it'll be the end of it. obviously you have too much other stuff in your life right now to worry about shiduchim so i recomend just like NOT thinking about it. as far as finding a guy who'll want to marry you when you're on meds, you really never know! you might as well try to get healthy and see what happens! if you believe in god i guess you believe that he helps people and there's someone out there for you? if you don't believe in god then i dont know why you're worrying about shiduchim anyway.

not all anit-depressants make you fat by the way. you'd rather be dependant on your depression or on the medication that can make you feel better? personaly i'd rather feel better and be dependant on meds than a life where i'm just waiting to die.

eh, i'm really not one to talk considerin i'm totaly messed up myself, but i'm just tryin to say stuff that might be helpful to you.
 
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fighter88
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3/19/07 2:54 PM
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thanks, i appreciate the reply.
i started my meds again, lol i was totally losing it. yes i feel way better now. I'm back on track, fighting the bulimia and doing better once again. I feel more hopeful....


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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killedlastyear
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3/20/07 10:06 AM
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yay i'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!
 
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