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TOPIC TITLE: To my Parents,
Created On 6/30/07 11:05 PM
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avious101
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6/30/07 11:05 PM
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ok i really dont know how to put hthis but its somthing i should have done a long time ago, but i dont have the cougage to tell you face to face
ok so heres the story (Daddy- i know you read my posts)
a little more then a month ago i started throwing up after dinner i admit that was one of the not smartest things ive ever done but to make tings worse i diddnt tell you or my T or my Pdoc and that was even worse b/c i was scared you wouldnt let me go to camp but i stoped a little while ago and i look back and think "how could i have done such damage to my body and even worse my parents trust in me "i now know you will never trust me agian and i totaly understand that but my reasoning was that i wouldnt tell anyone and then id be able to go to camp - but i was wrong - more than wrong actually and i just messed everything up and im really sorry but i wnt you to know that i stoppped and i dont think about it anymore and i regret every time i made myself throw up (even though you probably dont belive me and never will) but i just ask one thing of you - please let me go to camp i love it there and im just a diferent person and you can have them weigh me everyday and watch me 72 minuets after i eat - give me a shadow for all i care but i really dont want to miss camp i know you dont care about the money if im not up to it but i am and im really looking foward to it and my whole life would change if i dont go to camp so please please please let me go and i hope that you read this really soon so that i can prove to you that but i did stop i did please belive me im not lying like i did when you asked me if i was throwing up but i did it not to hurt you and b/c there was always other people around listening and it wasnt in a realxed enironment and stuff like that so im really really sorry i truly am and i love you
Love, your daughter,
Avigayil
 
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su7kids
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7/1/07 12:43 AM
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I hope you made sure to send this to his email box as well as posting it here.

Sounds deeply sincere to me!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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avious101
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7/1/07 10:39 AM
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well actually i was thinking about that last night and how my father doesnt check my posts every night and im not even 100% shure he does read my posts but i cant figure out how else they could have found out so i decided i would write the letter over and then put it in the mailbox
do you think theyle let me go to camp???????
 
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su7kids
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7/1/07 11:10 AM
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Oh, I hope so!!!

I hope your decisions are "permanent" and that you continue to work on yourself. Your postings over the last few weeks have shown improvement.

Is this for sleep away camp?

For your own good, honesty is definitely the best policy, especially with your therapist who is hired to HELP you!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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avious101
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7/1/07 11:48 AM
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Ijust dont want to hurt aNYONE ANYMORE i put so many people through unbearable pain and here i am crying hystericky for someone on the board who may have killed himself and i dont even no him imagine how much worse it would have been if it were a family member to make s/o feel inadiquate that they diddnt show enough love or give enough presents or pay atention is so bothering me how could i have done that but then to top it off i went again behind their backs and made myself throw up how can they ever trust me agian theyve given me all ive ever needed and ive been so horible to them and i dnt even no if i deserve to go to camp(yes its sleepaway) after what i did
 
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gad
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7/1/07 3:24 PM
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You mean well, and you have tremendous caring and ahavas Yisroel.

But sometimes sad things happen around us. I too hope that pilegesh is doing well, in good health. But if he doesn't answer, it could be that he is doing so because of his decision to stop posting, and it could be that he is doing ok.

Your parents love and care for you, and you are able to communicate with them. That's a tremendous blessing. I hope that they allow you to go to camp. But the main thing to remember is that G-d runs the world, and is taking care of you, and does everything for your benefit.

I agree with su7kids that your posting have shown improvement.

You are a very talented and caring person, and I'm confident that you will do even better, and continue to give your parents and all the Jewish people much Yiddishe Nachas.
 
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avious101
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7/1/07 4:03 PM
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i shure hope thats the case with pealegesh
ok so i put it in the mailbox and then i went out with a friend and then when i came back my father said i got your letterin the mailbox and well talk about it later so ill see what happens
 
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avious101
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7/4/07 4:55 PM
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they no now
 
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su7kids
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7/4/07 6:34 PM
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So, are you going to camp, or not?


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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avious101
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i dont no they diddnt give me a clear answer
 
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su7kids
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7/4/07 7:05 PM
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oh dear, when does it start?

I'm also curious, since I know how nervous you were about speaking to them, how they took what you told them. You can share here or privately, as you prefer.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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avious101
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7/4/07 8:18 PM
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it starts the end of july
ok so my mother asked me a lot of questions and stuff and she was suprised cause i was afraid of that but she thought i was doing it not cause i posted it here but b/c i went to the bathrom after i ate a few times but i didnt even do it in the bathroom and it made tthem a little sad that i diddnt tell anyone exept for 1 person who she says was wrong b/c even though she promised not to telll should have told both times (cutting,suicide,throwing up)
 
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avious101
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7/11/07 10:12 PM
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IM NOT GONNA END UP GOING TO CAMP ACTUALLY B"H I MADE PROGRESS BUT IM HAVING A LANDSLIDE CAUSE IM PICKING AND ITS TO HARD TO STOP BUT I REALLY WANT TO GO AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CAUSE I REALLY WANT TO GO AND IM SUCH A BIG CRYBABY I CRY OVER EVRYTHING AND I HATE IT AND I JUST MAKE PEOPLE FEEL WORSE WHEN I CRY SO I WISH I COULD STOP BUT ITS HARD ANBDI NEED HELP BUT NO ONE CAN HELP ME
NO ONE B/C NO ONE CARES THEY ONLLY TELL ME O STOPP AND THATS IT NO HELPING JUST - DOU WANT TO DO THIS ? THIS? IF I WANT TO PICK KEEPING MY MIND OFF IT DOESNT HELP I NEED RESTRAINTS OR HANDCUFS OR A LOVING PARENT TO HOLD MY HAND BUT EVEN THOUGH I NO THEY LOVE ME THEY NEED TO GET ON WITH THEIR LIVES THEY HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN HOLD MY HANDS AND HAVE ME TRY TO GET OUT OF THEIR GRIP SO THEIR HANDS END UP HURTIONG AND IM AA RASHAS CAUSE WHEN THEY HOLD MY HANDS I TRY TO GET OUT AND I HURT HIM PHYSICALY AND EMOTIANALY
 
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su7kids
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7/11/07 11:35 PM
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Avious, I'm sorry you're not getting to go to camp. That must be very hard for you.

Are you on meds? Do you think your meds need to be adjusted? Can you speak to your psychiatrist about it?

You are allowed to have someone hold your hand, if that's what you need. Even your parents. It appears they love and care about you.

Also, picking can indicate a lack of certain minerals in your body, which, if you're not eating properly, would make sense. How is your eating going? Is it better?


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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gad
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7/11/07 11:39 PM
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wow.
Sorry to hear the rough time you're going through.
Hope things improve soon.

I thought the therapist suggested putting something on your head to prevent picking. Didn't this work?

I'm sure with all the smart doctors out there, someone should have a cure for this.

I remember someone once asked a Rabbi how to stop picking his beard. The Rabbi answered that in his hometown they used gloves, or they put mustard on the beard. (This way you didn't get the same good feeling of pulling the hair, since you couldn't get a good feel of it.)

I don't know if that is helpful for you, but it's interesting that people have had similar problems, and it's interesting the types of soultions that they tried.

So you're not a wicked person G-d forbid. Just the opposite, you are a good person who wants to help others, and hopefully you will soon be helped yourself.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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avious101
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7/12/07 5:35 PM
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i maybe will be able to go to camp if i stop picking so thers still a little hope
yes im on meds but anti anxiety meds dont help with my picking they just realx me and then i still pick
also i am B"H eatiiing right now and keeping it down and they checked my cortizole levels so its not from that
the only reason the tape on my head worked was b/c i had a big surge of motivation but it just peetered out
i cant wear gloves at camp
and im not sure im that desprate that ill put mustard in my hair
also abt being a rasha today my bunk was making cards foor pple in the nursing home cause were going there tomrow and on one card i wrote
HAVE AN EASY DEATH- C U IN GIHENUM of course i threw that one out but even to think like that ?????????
 
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su7kids
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7/12/07 7:03 PM
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Ok, not so crazy aabout that card you made. Glad you threw it it!

However, I hope you do get to go to camp. Can you wear a baseball cap all the time? Some people do that, even girls.

I hope it works out for you.

Great news about the eating, etc.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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avious101
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7/12/07 7:21 PM
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the reason i cnat wear tape is b/c it will fall out when i swim and i wont be able to put it back on w/o pple seing
 
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su7kids
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7/12/07 7:48 PM
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I meant a baseball cap on your head. Didn't you say that's where you scratch? That way you can't reach it so easily.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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avious101
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7/12/07 7:52 PM
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i tried that but i pick under it
 
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