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TOPIC TITLE: yomim tovim and ed's
Created On 3/20/08 9:00 PM
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fighter88
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3/20/08 9:00 PM
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i've been doing really well with recovery and i am really proud of myself for all the hard work i've done, but the yomim tovim still cause a lot of anxiety.
purim tomorrow, 2 big meals, all the mishloach manos... i'm scared of slipping up and purging...
anyone else struggling with that?


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."

Edited: 3/20/08 at 9:01 PM by fighter88
 
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killedlastyear
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3/21/08 12:03 AM
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no. i have the opposite struggle though. so i know how anxious it is.
 
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bubbs96
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3/21/08 7:20 AM
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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

altho i'm not doing fantastically at all right now, i've been better w/ purging (struggling a lot w/ restricting).....i'm kind of avoiding purim as much as possible by working today, but am kind of feeling guilty that i'm not fulfilling the mitzvos, either....i can't even bring myself to buy food to give to other people, and am DREADing finding anything at home waiting for me....i don't know what i'll do....hamantaschen happen to be a BIG trigger food for me....


and while we're on it.....can we start talking about pesach? b/c i'm freaking out.....EVERY YEAR i make myself soooo sick on pesach....last year i was relatively ok going into pesach, and went straight from the airport after yom tov to the ER, and 3 weeks later to IP for 6-7 weeks.....i don't want that to happen again!! I'm determined to do things differently this year, but already struggling sooo much, and it's SUCH a triggerring time and environment and foods....*sigh*

lets just give each other a lot of support and encouragement---we all need it!!!


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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su7kids
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3/21/08 9:59 AM
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Bubbs, if you're determined to do things differently, do you have a PLAN? Can you work on writing down a PLAN of what you SHOULD do so that you know what to do if something triggers?

I think having something written is still better than white-knuckling it and hoping for the best.

Good luck.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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bubbs96
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3/21/08 10:48 AM
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well, yes, i'm trying to work on a plan.....i know two things that I will definitely be doing differently. One is to not bring any of the stuff I used to make myself so sick last year (I'm not giving specifics b/c i don't want to trigger or give "tips"). The other is to realize that I won't be able, in my current state, to sustain myself on the food there, and to make arrangements to either bring or ship ahead supplements....and I'm trying to work with my docs and nutritionist over the next few weeks to figure out what vitamin/fluid supplements (besides the ensure-like ones) i need, and check in with a rabbi about what i can do, etc.....it's harder than i thought b/c i'm working with a new nutritionist who 1) doesn't have experience working with frum ppl and 2) doesn't have experience working with ME on pesach (unlike my old one who has been thru this with me quite a few times and would have been able to help me anticipate what i need to prepare for....i was soooo sick last year i don't even remember most of it)......


but, i know that preparing a mealplan is in some ways the least of it. i work in a hotel over pesach, and if anyone has been to a hotel program, u know that the food is overwhelming for anyone--Ed or not. the food and calorie and weight talk at the table is insane!! i'm currently significantly below my IBW, and i'm worried about how ppl are going to respond---both those who know about my ED and havent seen me in a while, and those who don't. i'm worried about ppl making comments about my eating habits--> i have a lot of food rituals, and fear foods, and strange eating habits......uch, its just a MESS of anxiety......not to mention lots of fear foods on pesach (matza!?!)
anyone relate??


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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fighter88
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3/21/08 2:31 PM
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yes, i was gonna discuss pesach next lol. i am FREAKING out about it. i also ended up in the er they day after pesach one year and was in the hospital until july after that!!! so every pesach is terrifying to me.
i just finished the seudah and my stomach is killing me, really stressed because i ate more than i "should've." and then my mom's food issues were sooo triggering. everyone commenting on the weight she lost and she told everyone to view "bad" food like pork.what the $%^&*$%&*??? it made me so frustrated to hear her talk like that.
i have a huge batch of hamantashen and cookies etc etc etc and of course all the mishloach manos just sitting in my house.i dont know how i'm gonna get thru the weekend...

kly, it doesnt matter which ed u struggle with, i think yomim tovim are murderous for anyone with any kind of ed...


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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fighter88
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3/21/08 2:32 PM
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oh my gosh, hotels for pesach are TORTURE. good luck five million times with that.


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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fighter88
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3/22/08 7:43 PM
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i purged friday night and i havent done that in months so im disappointed with myself but im not going to let it continue to bring me down.
purim was very hard but pesach is 10 times worse...
its a month away. im dreading it.


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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killedlastyear
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4/7/08 9:21 PM
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figher88 did u wanna talk?
 
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