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TOPIC TITLE: how can i do this??
Created On 6/20/08 9:46 AM
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bubbs96
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6/20/08 9:46 AM
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Things have been really bad lately....my doctors and team are insisting on inpatient (after emergency hospitalizations for critical hypokalemia, really really bad labs, signs of kidney damage, liver/heart muscle damage, severe malnutrition, lowest weight ever, etc...).....i wont go into all the details but its been a horrible few months
I'm sooo mad at myself for being in this place again. I promised myself I wouldn't have to go IP again....I'm so ashamed....I have nobody left in my life, and I dont know how to tell ppl....work....my roommate....I might lose my job....this is such a mess, and I'm sooo overwhelmed.....

anyway, I have to somehow figure out how to make this work financially. I pay for my own insurance, etc, so I have significant bills....and I dont want to/can't give up my apt, so I need to figure out how to keep paying rent while I'm away......and my phone.....and copays....its hard to plan exactly bc I dont know how long I'll be gone, whether they'll want to extend my stay (which means out of pocket costs), do partial-treatment on-site (also out of pocket costs), etc.....or how long I'll be out of work (if they dont fire me for taking a leave).....don't know if I'm able to get disability from work, or go back on SS disability, etc....

last year when I had to go IP, I had a friend (who pretty much hasn't spoken to me since then) who mediated between me and my parents (we dont speak) and got them to agree to pay my expenses, as I wasn't working at all at the time....of course, in exchange I had to agree to "family therapy" with my mom which was a total disaster and really set me back at times in my recovery process bc it was so traumatic. Now, though, I dont have that friend to do this (she doesnt know I'm sick again, and tho I do have to figure out how to tell her, I think she's going to be mad, not eager to help)....I suppose I could go to my parents myself, but I'd REALLY like to avoid that if at all possible b/c #1 they're not likely to say yes to me to begin with (we all agree that they probably only said yes bc they wanted to look good to my friend), and #2 they are so toxic to me and my recovery that I'd rather not get them involved. But, I don't know where to get financial help....even loans....I maxed out a bunch of credit cards paying for living and treatment for over a year (before my friend went to my parents), so my credit is totally shot, and altho I do have a job now, my medical expenses (between insurance premiums, 12 prescriptions, copays, and non-covered services like therapy and nutrition) pretty much max out my income....that with rent, phone, and the 2 credit cards I'm currently trying to pay off (4 down, 4 to go....), I'm maxed out.....no savings or "backup money" to rely on to be out of work....

I guess I'm askiing if anyone has any ideas of resources? Or thoughts about how I should handle this? I'm soooo overwhelmed and really freaking out.....:-( and furious with myself for doing this again....


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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mouse
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6/20/08 10:40 AM
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Stop beating yourself up for having to go IP again. It happens. Recovery isn't necessarily a straight line.

I'm not sure, but I don't think you can be fired because of a disability, so your job will be put on hold (providing I'm right.) As for the rest of the financial stuff, I don't know what to say to comfort you or help you as I'm a financial disaster leaching off my father-in-law who is a saint. The best I could say is first look into social services and see if you would qualify for food stamps and other financial assistance when you leave IP. Also, consult a rav. Very often they have discretionary funds that can help (if they choose.) I think you need to be very blunt with whomever you speak with and explain the entire situation (don't leave out details) so they can see the bind you are in.

I hope you are feeling better soon. Perhaps you should put your name on the tehillim list. Best of luck and make the most of the IP experience so that perhaps you won't have to repeat it again. Worry first about getting better then the financial aspects because truth of the matter is, if you die from your ED, you won't have to worry about the bills. ED's are deadly so I think when you are IP you should concentrate on recovery not finances. Perhaps you can get all your ducks in a row before you go in. Best of luck. Please write when you can about how you are doing. I care.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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killedlastyear
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6/22/08 8:09 PM
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hi, unfortunately i don't have any suggestions for you because i know nothing about insurances or any of that in the least bit.
but i just wanted to say *hugs*
don't beat yourself up too much.
you're awesome for just trying to get it worked out. so yay go you.
i hope things turn for the better and you get the insurance all straightened out! gluck!
 
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mouse
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7/3/08 4:24 AM
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Bubbs. how are you doing? Have you been able to figure things out financially? How are things in general? I hope you get this.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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bubbs96
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7/7/08 9:26 AM
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thanks for thinking of me.....no news as of yet....waiting for my team to get my admission paperwork together, redoing labs and stuff, (meanwhile finding more and more medical probs, just to make life more complicated!@!)....waiting to hear if they can take me with all my medical issues (if not, then it'll be an even longer process of figuring out WHERE to send me....i'm a renfrew pt outpt now, so sending me to renfrew inpt is the easiest, which is what we're working on now.....)

As for the money....I made a list of my expenses, and possible sources of income. I FINALLY got benefits at my job (assuming, of course, the don't/can't fire me for taking a medical leave....it's a grey area, and i'm not sure who/how to ask without raising suspisions.....I've been here for a year, but 7 months was as a "temp" thru an agency....technically I have a 6 month probation which would end aug 11ish, but i could be IP by then....but union benefits kick in after 90 days (in theory---another long story, but i just got them friday, dont even have my card yet).....so this means that i *should* be entitled to disability thru the union, plus my SS disability i think would kick back in if/when I stop working to go IP....money still very tight, but it's not like i need someone to support me completely like last year (I hadn't worked for 2 years, lost my apt, had NO bank acct, had maxed out credit cards for a year paying rent while in treatment, etc.....really made a mess of my life....)--of course, this all assumes that I can't get fired for taking medical leave before probation, which I don't know. I still might need financial help, and since i pretty much have no one in my life, i'm *gulp* prob gonna have to approach my parents on my own for some kind of loan (again, assuming i dont lose my job)....uch, as if being sick isnt overwhelming enuf.....it all makes me sooo depressed, downright suicidal at times....like, why waste everyone's time....i'm just struggling a lot....


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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mouse
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7/8/08 2:47 AM
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I'm sorry you still having a hard time. You sound a little less panicky and more like you have a plan for finances. It may not seem like it now, but it all works out in the end. I mean, worst case scenario you go homeless. That will not happen. There is support out there to make sure it doesn't happen. Just take care of your health and all else will fall into place because as long as you are alive there is hope things will get better...emotionally, financially, etc.... I hope this is a comfort of some sort. Take care and keep us posted. Big hugs, munkster


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Debbi
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7/13/08 10:43 AM
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Hi Bubbs,

sorry couldnt write before this....dealing with some problems myself.
How r things working out now?
I would like to say that going IP is for sure the best thing for u right now, (as others tell me) but then i know how awful IP is. The restrictions, the feeling of being locked in. Dont know about ED clinics, but where i was, they have 15 min checks 24 hrs a day! So if u r in the bathroom for 16 min, they will walk in on u. No locks of course. Ugh, jst the thought makes me cringe. But then on the other hand, they were helpful, and it got me through a bad patch. And i am alive to tell the tale.

May i ask how come you are unable to approach your family? I'm sure that makes everything that much more difficult. Do u have any siblings? Relatives?
Sorry have no really brilliant ideas to offer. I just wanted u to know that there are those of us out there cheering u on, and believing that u will get through this ... yet again.

*hugs* lots of them
please let us know how u r.
worried about u.
debbi
 
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asiwalkinthestreets
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7/16/08 9:37 PM
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I have a friend that is in a bad situation similar to that of Bubs.
She can not reach out to her family as well.

They are selfish. Bubs and my friend E.
E-l no rgo no loh


-------------------------
mbd's song, as I walk in the street I see so many lonely pl.
 
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bubbs96
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7/17/08 8:15 AM
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I'm not exactly sure how to respond to the above post.....except to say that if you're accusing me of something, you don't know me, or my situation....

Debbi, the place where you were hospitalized sounds pretty unpleasant!! I have been in ER's that are like that, tho---I once threw a fit when they took everything away from me (books, writing, ipod, etc)....ie, if u take away my coping skills, I'm going to get worse!! ED programs vary a lot....the one I've gone to and am hoping to get into (Renfrew) is not quite that extreme, thank G-d, but some are horrible with bathroom rules (for obvious reasons--purging)....there are places that don't let you in the bathroom by yourself, don't let you shower unsupervised, etc....with my trauma history, my team and I pretty much agree that those places would do me more harm than good. At Renfrew, they work on levels---> if you purge, your bathroom is locked, and you need a counselor to go with you, but they just keep the door open a crack (some are nicer about it than others) and have u talk or sing to them while u go....For self-harm safety, they also have levels: hourly checks, shift-checks (ie, 3-times a day, u check in with the nurses and sign a safety contract)....and they lock up your sharps (hehe, try not shaving or cutting ur nails for 6 weeks--made me NUTS)....but, it is not quite the level of facility as an inpatient psych unit....if they really feel you can't keep yourself safe or accountable, they will put you on a 24-hour watch (one girl had to sleep on a bench in front of the nurse's station) or transfer to a hospital....

As for my family situation.....I come from a very abusive family...they did not support me financially (or otherwise) since age 12 (even while I WAS living there)....I left at 18, and pretty much had no contact since....as I mentioned, a friend approached them when I first had to go IP almost 2 years ago and guilted them into helping with the money, but #1 that friend is not in the picture right now, and #2 the money came with a lot of harassment from my mother (even tho they promised my friend they wouldnt) that set me back a lot of times, and I honestly am in such a bad place I just don't want to add that to the list of things against me. I suppose if I'm in absolute dire straits I will have to try them as an option, but it honestly could do more harm than good and they could very easily say no. As for siblings or relatives....I have a younger brother (20 yrs old) and none of my relatives speak to me, nor do I know how to reach them even if I wanted to.....nobody knows why I left home (I'm too nice to my parents, I never told) and who knows what things have been said about me....my grandmother and I used to speak years ago, but she got so mad at me for not being in touch with my family that she only sends me hate mail (literally). So they're not an option.

Anyway....I'm still waiting for an admission, but it will probably be soon. My nutritionist said to me this week that if I don't get a bed in an ED unit by the end of the month, I'm going to have to be medically hospitalized again (uch). I'm barely 75% of my IBW, and my docs can no longer test or treat my medical probs bc of severe malnutrition. It's hard not to feel hopeless....or terrified....sometimes I honestly feel like it would be easier to give up than to get better:-(

anyway, thanks for letting me vent.


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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mouse
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7/17/08 6:00 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Just keep thinking there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Hoping to hear better news in a bit.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Debbi
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7/17/08 11:54 PM
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*bubbs* dear (((((((bubbs))))))) sending lots of cyber hugs your way.

Please dont give up.
You have come so very far....as my T always says to me..."Why now?" After all you've gone thru "Why now?"

You must get thru this one more time.
i really hope they get u a bed quickly. You sound so alone, no family or friends...i wish i could help u in some way.

I am thinking about you, knowing that you will and MUST find the strength to regain your health and begin living life once more.

let me know when u will be going to renfrew.
debbi
 
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bubbs96
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7/22/08 12:20 PM
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I have a tentative admit date for Monday.....freaking out trying to figure out all the logistics, and my back-up money....I'll keep you posted when I know for sure.....


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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Fragile
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7/23/08 5:23 PM
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OMG! I just came on here and i'm seriously in tears.
It really hurts me to see you going through such a rediculously hard time:'-(
I hope everything works out. You can pm or email to me whenever you want. I'm always around.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
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bubbs96
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7/23/08 5:51 PM
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thanks for the support......to make everything worse, i got fired yesterday.....asked for the medical leave at 9am and was told "ok".....at 2:45 pm was told that i was sick too much and was escorted to my office to empty my desk, then out of the building.....

now i REALLY don't know what i'm going to do.....but i'm being admitted on monday, regardless....my team has informed me that if i don't go they will stop seeing me, that i'm too sick.....

i may not be able to get on this forum again before i go, so emails are welcome chanie911@yahoo.com



-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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Fragile
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8/27/08 7:29 PM
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Has anyone heard from bubbs96? I'm nervous about her... Hope she's ok.

You're in my thoughts, sweetie.
 
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bubbs96
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9/5/08 8:16 AM
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I just got back this week....doing better, but still have a long way to go and struggling with a lot of urges....thanks for thinking of me....will update more when I have more time; I'm doing day treatment (partial hospital) now 5 days a week, probably for 6 weeks or so, then we'll see...


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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It's all good...
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9/5/08 1:29 PM
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So glad to hear you're doing better!
Hatzlacha rabba with it all! :-)


-------------------------
Hodu laShem ki tov...
 
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Debbi
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9/7/08 12:55 AM
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Bubbs!!

I'm so Relieved to hear you are back!
Welcome!
Be in touch when u can, i know these Partials can be time consuming, not to mention overwhelming.
 
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Fragile
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9/7/08 2:18 AM
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Yay! You're back!!

I was so concerned about you, for real. I kept checking every day if you posted lol!

I'm so happy you're doing better. Hope those urges become fewer and less powerful.
You can fight this!
 
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Aba
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9/7/08 11:24 PM
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Welcome back

Brach V'Hatzlaca V'Kol Tuv,
Aba of 4


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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fighter88
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9/8/08 10:18 PM
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hey hon, i havent been on in months and i'm sorry i wasnt around to support u....anyway, i've also been in and out(renfrew, princeton, cornell, lij to name a few) so i understand how hard it is in the beginning. how u doing now? u sound similar to someone i used to be friends w on fb, i wonder if ur the same girl lol...anyway........im here if u wanna talk. u can do this!


-------------------------
"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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