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TOPIC TITLE: Happening again
Created On 8/11/08 12:11 PM
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rainbow
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8/11/08 12:11 PM
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I am so upset. I have passed the stage where I was dangerously underweight, and I started to look a little better. My face was not gaunt, I looked 'normal'. But I have become very deppressed again, and even if it is not showing on the scale (at home), I am starting to look terrible again. I am eating very little. I have no strength. No one knows about this, only me. I have a different therapist, so she doesn't know what I usually look like, I haven't seen my P-Dr. for a while. My husband is the only one who knows, but he has given up on helping me. He just tries to be supportive, but I still feel so alone in this.

Maybe my next sentence may seem weird, but this is it. I think that I am doing this on purpose to get someone to realize that I am alive. Of course when I am actually not eating I don't think this. I just don't eat because I feel sick from thinking about food. Also, I am so deppressed that I feel like I am choking. But I am afraid that subconciously I am just doing it to myself. Does this make any sense?

I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. I am afraid to tell my p-Dr. I am a 'normal' person to the outside world. How can things be so different in reality? Part of the problem is always putting on a front, a mask. Sometimes I wonder who I really am....
 
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killedlastyear
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8/11/08 1:40 PM
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of course. that makes tons of sense, if i'm understanding you correctly. are you trying to get someone in particular to realize you're alive or just people in general?
are you interested in getting help? or just having people to talk to?
 
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rainbow
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8/12/08 10:31 AM
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KLY, I am not looking for anyones 'attention'. (gave up on that already) But I am upset that my close family does not realize that something is going on.


It is so obvious that I have lost a lot of weight, yet none of them say anything. Even when I ended up in the hospital (a few months ago ) none of them said a thing. It is a vicious cycle. I become depressed, lose weight, become more depressed that no one cares, and so it goes on and on.

 
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Holding on
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8/17/08 11:03 PM
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Rainbow, I understand.
 
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fighter88
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9/8/08 10:21 PM
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rainbow, how are u doing?
i understand what u mean about wanting to notice u, but u do realize ur the only 1 that ends up suffering? but i know theres a million components to why someone has an ed in the first place...


-------------------------
"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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