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TOPIC TITLE: EEK tomorrow's a fast day!
Created On 1/5/09 9:05 PM
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killedlastyear
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1/5/09 9:05 PM
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It's anooother fast day tomorrow and i'm really really freaking out this time.

I'm trying to eat only meals, no snacks in between. No. I'm not trying this time. I AM EATING ONLY MEALS NO SNACKS. because snacking leads to me way overeating and way over binging. and i'm really freaking out because a fast day totally messes that up.
breakfast will be way early
lunch will not exist
and dinner will be really early also.
and that really scares me. like i am REALLY scared. i haven't fasted in years. and every fast i binge my gut out.
what am i supposed to do??????????
i'm thinking about just having early breakfast and thinking about the break-fast as a late lunch and then having my real dinner at like 9 or so.
but still that means i wont be eating for 12 hours in the middle of the day and i KNOW im dehydrated and i know i'm going to go crazy from not be in my typical schedual and i know that i'm going to want to binge so bad.
and i'm way too shy to call up my rabbi to talk about all this with him.

heeelp.
 
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surrender
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1/5/09 9:44 PM
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I am not a rabbi, but i'm pretty sure it would be assur for you to fast. It's not like yom kippur and even then you would need to get permission to fast. I have not been allowed to fast for any fasts for the past four years, it could feel awful and awkward but this is my avodah if i like it or not. I tell myself maybe one day when I'll be in a better place i'll be able to fast again. Seek the right help of a doctor and rabbi both are crucial for a correct answer. Good luck and may moshiach come by all of us doing what is right for us.


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rochelle
 
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torah momma
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1/5/09 10:26 PM
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Please you should know that if you have an eating disorder, you are not allowed to fast at all, especially on the minor fast days. This is according to halachah. Ask any competent Rav and he will tell you this. I know for a fact. We asked our Rav who is a very frum Lakewood type and he said absolutely not. Infact this even applied to tisha b'av and yes even Yom Kippor as well. You should absolutely not fast and you have no requirements about how much food you are allowed to take in at a time. You can eat like it is a normal day. When it comes to Yom Kippor there are limitations as to how much you can eat within a specific amount of time, but not on tomorrows fast.
 
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killedlastyear
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1/5/09 11:37 PM
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firstly, i want to thank you guys for answering my question. i really was freaking out.

torah momma:
but do i still ask a rabbi? and what do i say? i never even talk to my family's rabbi. i've never asked him anything before and i'd have no idea how to go about phrasing my question anyway.
 
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mouse
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1/6/09 2:16 AM
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I agree speak to a rabbi. However, I'm thinking depending on how old you are it may be time to get a rabbi of your own if possible. These sorts of sensitive questions can be posed to anyone and chances are you will get the same halachic response but you may also want the human response -- that is to be treated like a human and not a nutcase. I was in a bad spot last year and for the first time I asked a rabbi a question pertaining to mental health and halacha and found out the answer. But, he also treated me with a lot of respect and made me feel more secure with the situation I was in. He reassured me that he would not allow me to lose my house during the time I was seeking treatment and that he would be there if I needed him. He also called me every erev Shabbos for quite some time to make sure I was ok. (After about 2 months he stopped, I think because he sensed I felt a bit weird about the whole situation in the first place.) I didn't expect such a supportive response from a rabbi, but now I know the difference between a rabbi and a "good" rabbi. The "good" rabbi is supportive even after the question is asked. Also the "good" rabbi may be one you may not have to deal with regularly with family, depending on the issues. A "good" rabbi you will feel comfortable talking to, even if the topic isn't easy. I find it comforting that even though the rabbi I spoke to is the rabbi of my shul, he doesn't see me regularly so it's not such a big deal to me. Of course others may disagree with me, so you may want to get input from others on this topic.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Aba
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1/6/09 11:08 AM
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KLY,
It may be to late to respond but based on my discussions with my Rov you should not fast.
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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1/6/09 1:38 PM
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thank you guys for responding. seriously, thank you so much.
munsker, you are really right about getting my own rav. i just have no clue how to go about that.
 
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mouse
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1/6/09 5:11 PM
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My suggestion is to look around at area shuls and see who the rav is and what their qualifications are. I guess I was lucky my first time through that I found a rav who previously had a psychotherapy practice and was well known in the community regarding specific issues that I definitely had. (That was my first rav and the one I keep in touch with through anonymous emails and ask the really, really, really touchy questions to.) The second time through, for when I moved due to marriage, I moved to a relatively small town with only about 4 or 5 orthodox rabbis. I had to forget one rabbi because he knew my family too well to sit ok with me and one was the rabbi of one of the shuls we are members of. He was the best choice because we were already members of his shul, didn't know my family, and I knew was comfortable answering halachic questions. I called him out of sheer desperation because I was a nervous wreck about the consequences of going on disability. I also needed some halachic questions answered related to a bunch of stuff going on at the time. I'll admit he surprised me. I wasn't expecting much because he comes across as being one of those really, really, really frum rabbis with no clue what is going on in a world as icky as mine. But he understood. This was clear after the way he treated me by calling me every erev shabbos for a long time to make sure I was ok. Would I want to ask him a question in person? No, I'd avoid that at almost all costs because for some reason it's just too hard emotionally. (I think it's a ME problem not HIM.) Would I call him to ask questions that are somewhat icky regarding halachah? Yes, I would and I would feel about as comfortable as I ever would doing so (which I admit isn't very comfortable, but better than nothing.) BUT, for the really, really, really icky questions (those are generally related to self harm and such) I go to my email rabbi as I know I wouldn't and couldn't easily ask the same questions as openly as I can than as when I'm anonymous. I'm not sure how much of this made sense or how much it helped or how applicable this could be to you. Maybe others have experience finding a good, understanding, knowledgable rabbi that can help you out. You may want to just start another thread asking for rabbis in your area. Dunno. I think I'm babbling, so I'm gonna end this post.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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killedlastyear
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1/6/09 10:22 PM
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munkster, that makes SO much sense. thanks again.
 
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