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TOPIC TITLE: Feeling alone
Created On 1/12/09 3:32 PM
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Fragile
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1/12/09 3:32 PM
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I feel so unbelievingly alone. I feel like I'm the only one in my community suffering from this disease and that no one understands me. I have to cover up all my life and pretend everything's great because that's what everyone around me does.
It's so hard to live here.
I'm beginning to hate the frum community...and that is not a good thing.

I'm not sure what the point is in this post... I guess I need support.


Edited: 1/12/09 at 5:44 PM by Fragile
 
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su7kids
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1/12/09 3:37 PM
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I think if you read on this site long enough, you'll know you are not alone.

Unfortunately, its a silent condition and people do not speak about it. I know you are not alone, but I wish you could find some support in your own community.

Have you looked for a frum OA meeting?


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Fragile
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1/12/09 3:49 PM
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I've been diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia so oa wouldn't work for me. They have this rule that you can't have any flour and sugar and that is NOT what i need right now. Last thing I need is to cut foods out of my diet and go back into a disordered mind-set.
I was looking into eda groups but I'm scared It'll trigger me...
 
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su7kids
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1/12/09 3:55 PM
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Is that so? I never heard of them restricting foods. The meetings that I went to had people with all sorts of eating issues.

Maybe someone else can verify.

Are you getting any other therapy?


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Leah Anderson
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1/12/09 4:07 PM
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OA might not be good for people with eating disorders. Someone with anorexia and bulemia needs to go to a nutritionist and a good therapist. I went to OA a couple of years ago. The only starch I was allowed was oatmeal in the morning and then veggies and protien the rest of the day. I know OA helps many people but it is not run by medical professionals, just by people like you and me. Can't be good for someone who has a possibly life threatening medical situation!
 
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killedlastyear
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1/14/09 10:15 PM
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i was actually just at an OA meeting tonight. and there were a few anorexics and bulimics there. but it deff isn't for everyone (as nothing ever is). and it really sounds like you know yourself well enough to know that it would not be a healthy route for you. which is really good! (btw OA doesn't have any rules about anything, but many of the people there do seem to take on the no sugar or flour thing).
outside of the OA meetings i've only ever had one friend who openly shared info with people about her ED. i have other friends who i know have had various eating disorders but they've never said a word about it to me (even close friends). people don't really like to openly talk about stuff like that.
like i'd be ok with discussing stuff about myself with people. i'd be fine with people seeing the scars on my arms and knowing i'm not totally "normal". but i know that other people would feel uncomfortable about it. so that's why i keep it all hush hush. and i'm sure that others are the same way. and i'm sure some people just don't want to talk about it at all.
it's unfortunate because at least some of us could use the support from each other i'm sure.
 
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4702125952
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2/2/09 7:44 PM
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To comment on the original post, about hating the frum community. Is it really much better out there? I know there is more 'letting it all hang out' in the secular world. In my experience, when I've reached out to others-- I try to find friends who appreciate honesty--I've generally found a very warm, compassionate response.

B'hatzlocho. Reach out.
 
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no-one-but-me
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9/2/09 8:19 PM
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Is it to late to respond to this post?

OA is bad news for anorexics!! I def found them weighing and measuring food and it made me relapse (that was a few years ago....I got out of the anorexia for years and I'm back in it now).

How are you doing these days? I realize this post is from a while back...

Were you able to overcome your struggle? I am hoping that you are healing and doing well!!


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bubbs96
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9/3/09 9:05 PM
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OA is very tricky.....definitely proceed with caution. I, personally, would never go. I do know some people with Ed's that have found it helpful. It probably depends on the group, and on your personal issues.

I SOOO relate to what you wrote. I find myself resenting the community a lot--and I KNOW i'm not the only one, having for various reasons been connected with other frum women with these disorders. (if you're in NY, there is actually a frum support group in progress and a frum therapy group that will iyh be starting after yom yov). But, as a single "girl" who hopes someday to put this struggle on the back burner (ie, be in a much healthier place) and be ready to date and get married, and who knows I have to hide all this from everyone because it's a "black mark" against me--which is STUPID, because it isn't my fault and I didn't ask for this and i'm doing everything i can to get better and move forward.....it makes me feel like i have to hide myself, be ashamed of who i am and what i've been thru, and what i'm doing....I don't know if you can relate or if this is what you meant, but basically I have completely isolated myself from the community bc I feel like I'm "not good enough" or I have to hide my problems, and that makes me angry and resentful....it's not really about frumkite, it's just the way the community has become, with judgemental-ness and shidduchim and such....

i don't know if i make any sense or if i'm just blabbering.....


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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downandout
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9/3/09 9:14 PM
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You make a lot of sense.

Any mental illness in our community is very often looked at very judgementally. My family and my husband's family are trying their hardest to hide my illnesses from the world because of all the shidduchim they still need for our siblings... It's a secrecy game. AS IF an illness makes any difference. And I'm already scared for having to do shidduchim for my little girls one day.

So yeah, that kind of does make for resentment to the community.


-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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