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TOPIC TITLE: dinner panic
Created On 4/21/09 7:36 PM
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killedlastyear
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4/21/09 7:36 PM
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Is there anyone available to talk right now? I just need assurance/advice.
If anyone's online who doesn't mind please let me know...
I don't want to write details here that might trigger someone so that's why I'm not being specific. But please... I'm feeling so alone and need someone to talk to.
 
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Fragile
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4/21/09 8:36 PM
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I'm probably too late...

But I'm here now. Feel free to pm me.
 
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killedlastyear
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4/26/09 8:12 PM
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Just ate dinner and freaking out more
I really need to see a nutritionist. I need assurance about calorie consumption.
I'm just worried that I'm not going to believe whatever they say anyway.

I'm so anxious and stressed about so much related to my stupid eating habits. I need advice and assurance and just other peoples opinions. But there really isn't anyone. It's so sad being all alone. When the only person you have to give you advice is yourself and you know you can't trust whatever your mind is saying.
Guess I'm just venting for the sake of venting. Or more like complaining for the sake of complaining.
 
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gad
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4/27/09 7:38 AM
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I think that your idea to see a nutritionist is a good idea.

And as for your worry that you won't believe what the nutritionist says, perhaps it will reassure you to know that the Torah gives permission to a doctor to heal.

So although there are no guarantees, nevertheless the Torah wants us to follow the advice of doctors. And I would think that a nutritionist fits into this category.

Your concern that you can't trust whatever your mind is saying is, I think, a valid point. And this adds weight to the above, that it is important follow the doctors' instructions.

I hope that you are able to find a good nutritionist, and that it is successful.
 
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killedlastyear
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4/30/09 11:14 AM
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I called one (dietitian) just waiting for her to return my call...

btw although your doctor thing was nice it's not true since there are so many screwed up doctors out there, who either are un-knowledged or are just unscrupulous.
when I said believing it's more of the issue of knowledge.

whatever, i hope it goes well. and i hope my phone call gets returned.
 
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Aba
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4/30/09 3:04 PM
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KLY,
Good Luck we are rooting for you.
Kol Tuv,
Aba and Ema


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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4/30/09 6:54 PM
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thanks
 
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Fragile
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Yes. I totally understand. I've had my share of uneducated nutritionists, therapists, doctors.
BE CAREFUL.
I had one nutritionist who really screwed me up.

Make sure she specializes in eating disorders before you begin working with her.

Good luck!
 
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killedlastyear
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5/1/09 4:39 PM
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it had eating disorders listed among the many other things she works with, though it seemed more like she was just trying to say she works with everyone.
she doesn't specialize in them. I don't really want to go to someone who does. i live with my parents and that'd raise too many questions from them.

i'll be careful though. i already told my mom that i'm going to "try her out". if i don't like her i'll find someone new. that is if she ever calls me back.
 
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killedlastyear
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5/5/09 4:35 PM
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she never called me back.
i'm so confused.
i'm so disgusted.
i know i should eat more.
i seriously don't look in the mirror anymore i'm so grossed out at what i see and it's impossible now to cover up the fact that i keep losing weight.
but it's just so hard to actually EAT more. i'm scared if i eat more i'm going to end up binging. like i won't be able to control it or something.
i was just downstairs trying to figure out what i'm going to eat for dinner. i have to do it before people get home. i can't let them see me being all neurotic. the problem is that i don't really want anything, yet i want everything at the same time. it's like i want it ALL, but individually a serving size of something doesn't interest me that much.
I have no idea what I'm going to do for dinner yet again and i'm really getting anxious. panic. that i'm not going to figure out something in time.
help. please. i don't know what i'm expecting anyone to be able to do. but if you have any advice or suggestions or a slap in the face for me please i'm desperate.
 
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4702125952
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You sound as if you are in so much pain. I didn't finish reading the EFT manual but I calmed myself last night from anxious thoughts by somehting I read: "I accept myself as I am". Whether you find what you are looking for right now or not--accept yourself. You are a beloved child of G-d.
 
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Aba
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KLY,
I'm sorry you are struggling so much I wish there is something I could do.
4702125952 idea of EFT is worth a try, though I or Ema haven't used it in a while we found it was very good for anxiety and refocusing. The "basics" are not hard to learn and the manual is also for free.
http://www.emofree.com/downloadeftmanual.asp

Kol Tuv,
Aba


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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5/6/09 7:44 PM
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I've never even heard of that before, what is it?
 
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Aba
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KYL,
If I remember they claim EFT is a way of getting ones "energy" back flowing properly through your body. What ever it does it helped me deal with stress and Ema with anxiety. It has no strange incantations so it isn't one of these Avoda Zurah things people are warning about.

Give it a try it isn't hard to learn.
Kol Tuv,
Aba


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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5/12/09 12:43 AM
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she never called me back. I left a message for her to, then I called back a couple days later. even spoke to her. she took down my name and number and said she'd give me a call. that was Thursday. she never called me back. which I'm taking as a sign to mean she definitely isn't the right person to be helping me.
so I tried calling someone new today. hopefully they'll return my call...
sigh.
 
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gad
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5/12/09 2:42 AM
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Quote: "btw although your doctor thing was nice it's not true since there are so many screwed up doctors out there, who either are un-knowledged or are just unscrupulous."

It may be a good idea to ask others beforehand, to determine if the doctor or nutritionist has a good reputation.

If one is unsure if a doctor's instructions are beneficial, one can ask a doctor who is a close friend. Or one can ask a second doctor, and if that doctor disagrees, one can then ask a third doctor and follow the majority.

 
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killedlastyear
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5/13/09 8:56 PM
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yay i have an appointment to meet with someone this Tuesday a doctor from a very reputable hospital asked around and got her name for me. so as for now I'm assuming i can trust what she has to say. I'm kind of nervous but a little excited at the same time. I'm really worried about getting weighed though. I haven't weighed myself in a really long time and I don't really want to know what the number is.... my psychiatrist weighed me but he agreed not to say how much it was, it's going to be more awkward telling her that i don't want to know though.
 
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gad
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You can tell her that your doctor agreed to not say how much it was, so you would appreciate if she could do the same.

If she asks why, you could say that not knowing the number is conducive to less stress.

Hope it's successful.
 
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killedlastyear
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5/14/09 12:29 AM
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Oh I hope so.
Thanks.
 
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Aba
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Good Luck,
Aba


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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5/17/09 11:23 PM
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i write things i shouldn't sometimes


Edited: 5/18/09 at 12:41 AM by killedlastyear
 
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gad
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5/18/09 1:07 AM
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Sometimes we write things that are for no one else, something that only we and G-d know.

But if someone else happens to see it, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. Because often things can change around; so that what we thought was terrible actually ends up being a blessing, with very good results.

(This is also the idea of teshuva, when someone wants to change and come closer to G-d. Teshuva is able to reverse things, and convert unpleasantness into wonderful blessings.)

I hope that this (unpleasantness becoming bountiful blessings) happens soon for you, and that you are able to see much goodness for yourself and your whole family.


Edited: 5/18/09 at 1:15 AM by gad
 
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killedlastyear
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5/18/09 9:47 PM
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blah. i'm sorry for keeping writing on here like some annoying badgering thing i just don't know what to do. My mom has become increasingly bothersome lately about how thin i've gotten/how much (little) i'm eating. She knows I'm going to see a nutritionist tomorrow. I've repeatedly asked her to refrain from saying stuff since I'm going to be seeing someone who will be giving me advice. I keep warning her that she's just pushing me away and that nothing she says is going to make a difference.
She keeps at it. She told me people have been saying that they're concerned about me.
Now I'm in my room. I don't want to be around her. I don't want her looking at me. I don't want her commenting.
I don't want to go out anymore. I don't want other people seeing me and saying stuff to my MOTHER about me (I'm over 20, I'm not a child anymore, you don't tell my parents things about me. It isn't helpful).
It's so dumb but now I don't even want to eat around her. She's having the opposite effect she wants to have. I actually really want to go have a yogurt right now but since she's down there I don't want to have her knowing I'm going to eat!
I don't know what to do, I just really don't. All I know is I hate her right now. And now i'm beginning to get uneasy about going to talk to someone tomorrow, where as before I was kind of excited about it...I think my mom's expecting me to boom all of a sudden start eating 1000 calories a day more then I do right now.
 
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Aba
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I don't have any advice about your Mom in fact I'm probably guilty of it also.
I'm not surprised it is backfiring on her as is many cases EDs are about control.

I do want to wish you luck on tomorrow it is an important first step I hope it will be a positive experience.
Kol Tuv,
Aba


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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Aba
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5/18/09 10:03 PM
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One more thing ...
Gad once suggested to Holding on to have someone else speak to her parents and it seemed to work. Maybe the person you are meeting can speak to your Mom what she should or shouldn't do.
Kol Tuv,
Aba


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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Holding on
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5/18/09 11:04 PM
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KLY, first, you're not annoying and you don't badger anyone.
I don't have much to add in the advice department, but i definately feel ya. It's frustrating like anything, i know.
Hang in there!
 
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gad
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5/18/09 11:11 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: killedlastyear
She keeps at it....I don't know what to do


Why not ask the nutritionist what to do. I'm sure she has dealt with many similar circumstances, so she would probably have good advice for you.
 
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gad
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I just noticed that Aba gave a similar suggestion.
 
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killedlastyear
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5/20/09 11:29 PM
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thanks.
she actually wasn't helpful at all. she said she wasn't trained to deal with my situation and referred me to someone else. which was kind of a huge waste of alot of money but i guess that's my fault for not having checked into it more. though i didn't really know who else to go to so maybe i shouldnt be so hard on myself.

i dunno what to do about shevuous though. my mom told me the other day that people have been saying things to her about how they're concerned about me. i think that's pretty screwed up considering how old i am. you say those things to me not my mom. it's not like she can do anything about it anyway. it's just upsetting her in the end.

but i decided i don't want to go anywhere anymore where people are going to see me and go say stuff to her. like shul. and her friends houses. so i don't want to go to anyone's house to eat on shevuous. like i really don't. it'll be so uncomfortable especially since i won't be eating their food to begin with. but i don't know how to tell this to my mom. does anyone have any suggestions? it's so awkward to talk about.
 
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gad
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5/21/09 1:18 AM
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Sorry that my advice didn't work and cost you money.


How about the following.

Let her know (one time) that you don't plan to talk about that topic. (You don't need to give a reason.)

Then, whenever she mentions it, don't reply. If you find it necessary, you can leave the room.

It could be that after a while she may get the message, and stop mentioning it.

You may want to try this for a week or two, and see if things improve.




Alternatively you can try what Aba mentioned, to ask someone (who you mother respects) to speak to your mother.



As for people talking about it, people are always talking. But I think that usually people are more focussed on themselves, and not really thinking that much about others.

Hope to hear good news soon.


Edited: 5/21/09 at 1:25 AM by gad
 
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killedlastyear
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5/21/09 6:33 PM
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I'm going to call and make an appointment with the other lady. I just wish you could have like a lil mini 15 minute session with these people to first see if you really even like them instead of having to pay over a hundred bucks for a pointless visit.

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't really feel comfortable asking someone to talk to my mom, but I did tell her that I will try just not answering when she starts saying stuff like that. I actually did it the other night before you even mentioned it. She was doing it while I was studying and I just got up, packed up my stuff and went upstairs. The next day I explained how what she said affected me so much that I wasn't able to study the rest of the night. I think she understood and she apologized. Now I'm just praying I passed the test I was studying for.... :-p
 
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bubbs96
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I don't really post or come on here anymore for a lot of reasons, but I happened to come and see this, and for whateverr it's worth....

I can relate to the discomfort of hearing that people are talking about you. In my case, I was 23, and they were talking to a friend of mine, talking about how sick and awful I looked (I was hospitalized shortly thereafter). It was mortifying and humiliating and did make me feel like I never wanted to be seen in public again---especially since, to me, I not only didn't look sick--I still looked too fat!! But, on the other hand, it was one of many "wake-up-calls" to tell me that I was in serious trouble, and to show me that I'd gotten to a really low place...a place I didn't want to be....a place where I was "the talk of the town" and a burden to those around me...I just didn't want to be that person, and that helped motivate me to get help.

It seems to me that you have a serious problem. You need to get help from someone trained in eating disorders. You WON'T trust what they tell you--that's the nature of the disease. I've been in treatment for years, and probably know more about nutrition and health than half the doctors and nutritionists in the world, and I STILL don't always trust or believe it. Getting better means taking a blind leap and putting yourself in the hands of COMPEtANT trained professionals. It is hard and painful, but necessary. This isn't something to take lightly. I've almost died twice from my eating disorder, and in the past 3 months have lost 2 friends to theirs. This is a deadly disease. Please take it seriously and get help. It's painful, but you can recover.

Best of luck.


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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Aba
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killedlastyear,
I'm glad you were able to express yourself to your mother I hope it works out. How did thetest go?
--------------
bubbs96,
How have you been? I have to admit Ema and I thought the worst has happened. We are so glad to "hear" your voice again.
I hope things are going well for you.

Kol Tuv,
Aba and Ema


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden

Edited: 5/21/09 at 10:59 PM by Aba
 
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gad
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Quote

Originally posted by: bubbs96
Please take it seriously


I think that your post is very thoughtful; there is much solid advice there which is based on your first-hand experience. And it shows that you care very much.

But I think that things need to be taken into perspective. So while it's important to try to get expert help (and this is being done), nevertheless sometimes certain critques can be unhelpful and even destructive to certain people. (I don't mean your critique, which I feel is very helpful. I'm talking here about the mother's criticisms.)

Let me give an example: A teacher harshly critcizes three young students. One student is not bothered easily by these things, and he just brushes it off. A second student decides to improve things. And the third student, a sensitive soul, is demoralized and utterly crushed. It takes him quite a while to recover his self-esteem.

I know that we are talking about a much more serious issue than the above school incident. (Although you never know what can have a major impact on some people.) But I think that while it's important to make people aware of potential danger, and you did this quite well; nevetheless when people are pretty much aware, and are trying to help themselves, then a mother's constant nagging (and telling the child that others are commenting) can (and did) have a demoralizing effect, and it makes it that much harder for the person to carry on productively.

So is your post well intentioned? Definitely. And does it contain good advice? For sure.
But is the mother's criticism here detrimental? It does seem so.

I would be interested to hear what you think about the above.

May we all merit to hear good news from one another, and to have a happy and inspiring Shevuos.


Edited: 5/22/09 at 3:01 AM by gad
 
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killedlastyear
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5/22/09 9:01 AM
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Thanks for your replies everyone. I explained to my dad last night (after her confronted me)- my mom did it again last night. I explained how I just need to stay away from my mom for now. I think I'm going to try to get a job or find a summer class so I'm not home too much this summer (being home with nothing to do triggers depression anyway).
Parents really are clueless though. He asked if she left me alone would I get better basically. I explained no, her leaving me alone wouldn't make things all better, but her doing that just ads anxiety and stress which is really detrimental.
 
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killedlastyear
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Oh, and about people commenting. It's not the fact that people are talking about me. people always talk about other people. I can live with that. It's the fact that they're telling my mother they're "concerned" about me instead of telling ME. Telling my mom is pointless because it just worries her out.
 
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bubbs96
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5/25/09 9:59 PM
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check out this article....seemed relevent to this discussion, and really hit home with me....

http://jonathankirschner.com/


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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killedlastyear
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7/13/09 6:30 PM
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i can't deal with food.
i just can't.
i ate so much today so far. and i'm so scared of it right now.
i did something so stupid i was looking up breakfast recipes for this week. and now i'm craving it all. and i made oatmeal for later. and it smells SOO good. and all the food is scaring me so much.
and now it's almost dinner time. and i'm supposed to eat but i'm too scared to.
i hate that food exists so much its hurting me so bad.
 
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Achdus
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7/13/09 8:22 PM
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Check this out if you want to with a professional, but I would say , take advantage of your appetite!
People without eating disorders like me (bli ayin hara), often feel real hungry. It's normal.
Hashem allows us and wants us to partake of delicious food, as he loves us and wants us to feel happy!

If you were seriously overweight (which I know , you are the opposite), I would say to eat in moderation. But please do give in to some of your desire to eat. It shows you are recovering!
 
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killedlastyear
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7/16/09 12:25 PM
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I binged on and off for around 11 years of my life. I stopped around 6 months ago and haven't since. Appetites scare me, as do cravings.
 
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bubbs96
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I totally relate to being afraid of hunger and cravings....I actually get really ANGRY sometimes when I am hungry......I think you've mentioned that you have a nutrionist and a meal plan......just try hard to really meet all of your needs.....restricting leads to bingeing, because your body goes crazy after a while. I never believed that (just thought it was a line my nutritionists were giving me to get me to eat) until I developed a medical prob that made me have to stop eating certain types of foods (raw fruits and veggies). Now, I crave them sooooo badly that I feel like I could binge on a raw fruit or veg---even ones I NEVER LIKED--like a maniac.....because my body has been so deprived for so long (I've had the condition for almost 2 years).......so there really is some truth to the depravation=binging rule......just try hard to keep to your meal plan.....and as for hating hunger......i dont know an answer to that: I hate mine, too, but I try to listen to it, also.....
good luck


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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killedlastyear
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oooh i so know there's truth to the deprivation binging thing! that's why i never skip meals.
i SOOO know what you mean about the binging on fruits and veggies! thanks for understanding
 
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