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TOPIC TITLE: bored. nothing to do. need ideas please.
Created On 12/15/09 11:28 AM
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killedlastyear
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12/15/09 11:28 AM
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No school today- the semester's over. When there's NOTHING to do I start food obsessing and it is SO unpleasant. I just sit around waiting for the next meal (it's agonizing). I also push off my meals so there's not as much time in between them.

I have nothing at all to do today. I've already cleaned the kitchen and organized the pantry. I have no money to go anywhere that involves having to pay for something. I've already been to the book store yesterday. I'm not in the mood to read so no interest in a library.

I really need to think of something to do to keep myself busy! Please help.

(btw I plan on going job hunting this weekend so hopefully I'll be able to find something which will help with this issue).
 
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killedlastyear
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12/15/09 11:31 AM
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Yeah I just wanted to add that this is especially an issue right now since I'm planing on challenging myself and having something really "scary" for snack and I keep pushing that off until I can think of something to keep busy after I eat it so my brain is kept occupied.
 
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downandout
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12/15/09 6:51 PM
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I totally understand you, since I know when I'm just hanging around is when I'm worst with my ED. Do you have any friends you can hang out with? Definitely finding a job will make things easier. You can go for walks. Do you play any kind of musical instrument? Draw? Those are all things that I have found really take my mind off my eating obsessions. Even journalling - which if I'm not mistaken, I think you already do.
Just some ideas...
Good luck.


-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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gad
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12/15/09 6:54 PM
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Maybe to volunteer to help or visit people.

Maybe to take a ferry (like the Staten Island Ferry) if the water isn't frozen. It's nice to be able to see the water etc.

Maybe to surf the net. (There are many Jewish sites that are interesting.)

Maybe to listen to music. (MBD's music is very nice.)

Maybe to write poetry. (You can write a poem about searching for something to do. It may help you discover something to do.)

If you have little siblings or nieces or nephews, maybe to offer to play games with them. I'm sure their parents will appreciate it, and you will probably enjoy it too.

Hope you find something good to do.
 
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killedlastyear
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12/15/09 9:50 PM
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Thanks for the ideas.

haha gad I don't live in NY so the ferry doesn't really work. ALL I do all day is go online :-p I'm not so into poetry and no little sibs or nephews :-p but I want to thank you anyway for giving me suggestions! haha and I had a feeling someone would suggest volunteering...

D&O: I don't really have any friends. sad. I like walking though I do journal and I prob should do that next time. I like going to coffee shops and journaling.

(lalala the following might be *triggering*...)

I ended up pushing off my snack until around 1 and then going... grocery store "prowling" where you go to the grocery and stare at lots of food and stare at lots of nutrition lables and make up lists of stuff you'll buy when you have money (even though I have tons and tons of food at home) and you know everyone around you is watching you studying food lables and spending a half hour picking out the PERFECT produce- and you just KNOW what they're thinking, but I don't know who they are so I don't care. and then you buy a few items and go on to the next grocery store to see what they have on sale and what they have there. and it completely tires me out and takes up tons of time and I keep telling myself no more grocery stores but arggggg it's so perfect because it uses up all my time!

But the good news is that I was able to have my "challenge" snack and even really enjoyed it and felt OK with it and I'm really happy about that. But I hate how I spend so much time stressing about food and stuff.

Seriously no more grocery stores except to pick up specific items and no just browsing... next time (hehe tomorrow) I'm taking my journal and heading over to starbucks.
 
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killedlastyear
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12/15/09 9:54 PM
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Can I just add that this is so dumb how much of my life IS food yet I seriously couldn't imagine doing stuff any other way. I really am stuck on how to get past everything not being about food all the time. Which is so lame. How "comforting" it all is. Yet it's so not comfotable.
 
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downandout
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12/15/09 10:44 PM
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I'm your friend - virtual, that is. Seriously, though - you're obviously a really amazing person - I can tell that from all the support you give on here - and I really wish you had real life friends...
About your grocery store prowling - I'm glad you're not going to do that tomorrow - it's a sure way of making sure that food takes up your entire day. I totally get it though - I don't do that in grocery stores, but I do do it at parties and simchas and those type of things - staring at the food forever, concentrating on what's in it, deciding what I really want - and then binging on all of it.
Hurray for you that you ate your challenge snack - and enjoyed it! That's the most amazing part of it - that you were able to enjoy it, without feeling guilty. How I wish I can get there soon... But I'm really impressed by you.
Good luck with the journalling tomorrow - and people watching, by any chance?


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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killedlastyear
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12/16/09 8:41 AM
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hehe thanks for the compliment :-p I wish so too. I used to have friends. I know my eating disorder and depression is alot of the reason why I don't right now so I haven't given up hope that I'll find some in the future.

of cooooooooourse people watching! haha.
 
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killedlastyear
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12/22/09 9:39 PM
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I messed up again and it's so so so so bad.
Today started off OK. Then I got bored and couldn't think of anything I wanted to do but needed something to do to keep busy so I just went driving around and ended up going to a bunch of places that weren't helpful (grocery store viewing and a book store to read through the eating disorder section) and now my mind is RACING and making me feel so horrible and I'm so mad about how much I've eaten and I'm so worried about everything. And I feel so horrible in general and my thoughts are all over the place and I DONT WANT recovery. I just want to go back to my mind-numbingness of eating the same few things every meal.

But at the same time I want to not have all this anxiety over everything. I want it all to go away! But I don't want recovery because that means gaining weight. So that's conflicting right? Because I know that getting rid of the bad thoughts means recovery....

I'm in a very bad place in my head right now and I can't find anything distracting enough to take me away from it and I don't see my therapist again for over a week and I'm feeling so alone right now
 
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downandout
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12/22/09 11:44 PM
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((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad now. I'm sorry I didn't see this early enough to repond while you were still on... but I'll try now.

I so get the feelings you're having. I felt exactly like that last night. Like, if I didn't have this ED then I'd be able to concentrate on what I want to do - but at the same time, knowing that recovery means eating a lot (for me at least) and gaining weight and that's what is making me think so much about the ED that I can't concentrate. Kind of like one vicious cycle - thoughts going round and round in your head, non-stop, and nothing makes sense because at some point they all conflict with eachother. I want to recover, but that makes me gain weight and that makes me think about it all day, so I don't want to recover. But if I recover, I won't think about it all the time - but then I'll gain weight. And on and on and on.
So I definitely understand you. Not that I have much concrete advice - or I would have helped myself long ago - but at least some good old empathy.
But you know already yourself that keeping busy is key to not being sucked in to this whole thing. So keep trying to keep busy... I know it's hard for such a long break, but...
Do you have any term-papers or assignments or anything like that, that will have to be done next semester, but you could maybe get a head-start on now? Just an idea....
Keep it up though - and remember, I'm here going through it with you.... unfortunately.


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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gad
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12/23/09 1:29 AM
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Quote

Originally posted by: killedlastyear
I really need to think of something to do to keep myself busy! Please help.


Maybe you can join a group who get together to study, talk and sing.

It says that happiness breaks barriers.
 
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killedlastyear
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12/27/09 8:56 PM
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Thanks both of you. I don't have any school work at all and I'm not even sure if I"ll be taking any classes next semester.

I've been making myself get out almost every day though. I stiiilllll have been going grocery store-ing but at least I'm going other places as well (have found some places downtown and elsewhere to explore).
 
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