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TOPIC TITLE: i think i give up
Created On 7/7/10 11:02 PM
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killedlastyear
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7/7/10 11:02 PM
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I've lost a few pounds and they're talking about how serious it is that I get back up to where i was. My parents are saying they can't afford to ever send me back to where i was, so that isn't an option. I can't gain the few pounds back because now i'm too comfortable where i am. I have a feeling I'm going to keep slipping.
I wanted to move out of my house, but my parents said they wont help me with that if i didn't maintain and now my mom's saying i'm back to point zero as far as that goes. so everything else i've been doing right has been for nothing.
I don't see the point in continuing to see a dietitian and therapist anymore really. I've been doing so for over a year now and I think it's really time for me to just admit it's all been a waste of money and just let go to either sink or float or whatever else may happen to me.
 
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channafofanna
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7/8/10 6:29 PM
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AWWWW (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))
hang in there, k?
 
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downandout
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7/8/10 7:46 PM
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First, a big set of (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Second, a question for you to consider: Has the past year of you seeing a dietitian and therapist really been a complete waste for you? Only you can answer that, but don't make your judgement based on right now, make it based on a broader view - past, present, future.


-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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killedlastyear
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7/8/10 10:32 PM
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family therapy was horrible. basically it was concluded that there's no way for my parents to be supportive of me, that they're going to continue to be annoying until i gain the weight back, but i just don't think i can do that and their annoyance will just make me more depressed and more likely to restrict so it's really not a threat at all, just motivation to keep going downward.
there's no threat of putting me back in a treatment place since they can't afford to.
the only threat is their not letting me move out, but i haven't been able to find a job so that isn't happening anyway, and i haven't done any of the other things that they said i had to do to move out either.
so all i got is my lil weight loss game and satisfaction. i'm back to the same old rut where i was before. i knew if i came back home to the same environment nothing would change. i just knew it. and here it is.
i'll prob be dead by the end of the year is my guess. oh well.
 
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toy123
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7/9/10 9:27 AM
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Sorry to hear that your struggling so much here are a big set of ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))).

Like D&O said think back and see maybe the whole year going to your nutritionist and therapist hasn't been a complete waste. Hope things get better real soon. Try to hang in there.


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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killedlastyear
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7/10/10 10:18 PM
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I guess it hasn't been a complete waste. I'm not as anxious about food at all. I'm just craving so bad being thin again. I just basically sat at my dietitian appointment and was so apathetic, hardly saying anything except that I didn't really care about anything anymore.
She's like trying to get me to gain the couple of pounds i lost back so i can move out of my parents house, but it's like as soon as i do that i'm just gonna lose it again. what's the point?
 
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channafofanna
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7/11/10 8:24 PM
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so that you can be halfway normal for a while until you do relapse. also- your either getting better or worse. even if youll eventualy get worse- youll be that much better!! get it (sorry- my baring is scrambled now) also- if youve got more weight everyone is happier - incluuding your body- its the summer. give ur body a vacation!!!
wow i sound preachy- feel free to ignore me- im just being hypocritical...
 
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Aba
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7/13/10 12:05 PM
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> I'm not as anxious about food at all
I hope you can celebrate each of your successes, every step no matter how big or small is a successes.
>but it's like as soon as i do that i'm just gonna lose it again. what's the point?
Is it possible you will find being on your own more empowering then restricting you may find it's worth maintaining your weight to be out of your parents house.

Kol Tuv


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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7/16/10 9:03 AM
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I'm having HORRIBLE body image today. I don't know what to do with all these feelings of self-hatred and disgust. I'm ashamed at how much I've been eating and what my body looks like. I know I've got to have gained weight this past week and that grosses me out. I can't deal with my body like this. I'm crawling out of my skin (I wish that were possible).
My parents totally don't understand. I just can't live like this. I can't function like this. It's all I think about. I couldn't go to sleep last night because of the thoughts and feelings- all related to how my body FEELS.
I'd honestly rather have a miserable life stuck at home with my parents, but at least feel comfortable in my skin, then to feel like this and get to "move out and move on" with my life. They just don't get it.
 
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downandout
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7/17/10 11:23 PM
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(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Not much to say....

Except that I totally can understand and empathize with you. Bad body image days are the pits. And they come all too often. I know the feeling of hating the feeling of just being you, being in your own body, feeling yourself as you move....
Just try to hang in there, kay?


-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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killedlastyear
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7/18/10 8:14 PM
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I'm trying. I just don't think I'll be able to do it. I just know I wont.
 
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killedlastyear
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7/18/10 8:17 PM
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Edited: 7/19/10 at 5:48 PM by killedlastyear
 
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Aba
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7/22/10 2:05 PM
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>I just don't think I'll be able to do it. I just know I wont.
You have done it in past and I'm sure you will pull it off again.
Good luck.

Kol Tuv


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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7/27/10 10:59 PM
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I've lost another 2 pounds (though I swear the scale at my dietitian's office wasn't working because it's not even possible to lose two pounds over a weekend. That'd make for 6 pounds lost since I've come home. I don't really care anymore. I had a not such a great night. I'm becoming apathetic and sabotaging myself from any possible happy independent future I might have. I hate myself right now and don't deserve to eat. I want to wither away to nothingness. Sorry if this is triggering to anyone.
I have a therapy appointment tomorrow and am going to discuss how I don't see the point of going anymore. She just says the same thing over each week and I'm not getting anywhere. I know it's my fault for refusing to make changes, but seriously I've heard it all before and I know it all already, what's the point in going each week just to hear her say it over again? It's a waste of my parent's money is what it is. It isn't helping. Everyone should just give up on me already.
 
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toy123
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7/27/10 11:15 PM
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Sorry your feeling so bad here are some (((((((((HUGS))))))))

I don't really have much to say except I hope u feel better real soon. Sorry I'm not being to supportive.

Here are another set of ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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killedlastyear
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7/30/10 6:39 PM
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So the scale was lying and I hadn't lost the weight. It was just a random fluctuation.
It's so weird how "recovery" goes. How one day I've given up, but the next day, like today, I'm fighting so hard. Or at least trying hard.
Like right now I'm just so frustrated with myself that I can't have a normal relationship with food.
But I'm going out to eat tonight. And most of the people there don't know a thing. And I'm gonna play normal. And see if I can pass.
 
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