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TOPIC TITLE: help!
Created On 2/13/12 5:55 PM
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Teachright
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Posts: 22
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2/13/12 5:55 PM
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i recently lost my mother and since than haven't been the same! i feel that no one understands what i'm going through. my parents are divorced and i have nothing to do with my father i was living with my mother until she passed away this passed summer i was with her in the hospital when she died and i was holding her hand. during Shiva and than again recently i read that one i snot supposed to hold someones hand when they are near death as it hastens the death i am overcome with guilt that i made my mother die faster and maybe if i want so selfish she would of lived longer. please help
 
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star
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2/13/12 7:44 PM
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teachright, i am so sorry for your double losses ( your father being out of your life and your mothers passing.)
it sounds like your pain is so fresh and raw. you must be hurting so much inside.

i am no halachic expert, but all i can say is that i think
it is the most beautiful act to hold someone's hand in their last moments.

guilty feelings can be really destructive (i know from experience), can you perhaps
find a therapist that can help you deal with these feelings?


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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Leah Anderson
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2/14/12 6:31 PM
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You are so fortunate that you were there in your mother's last moments. My father died in the middle of the night....alone....none of us kids were there and I feel awful about it! Hamakome yenachaim osach besoch shaar avelelie zion veyerushalayim. It takes a while to get over the death of a parent.
 
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Teachright
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2/15/12 5:16 PM
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your right leah i really feel privileged for having being there with my mother in her last moments. i was with her everyday basically the whole day for the last three months of her life (she was in the hospital). and it was more of a clouser but very scary to see someone die before your own eyes
 
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mouse
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2/23/12 3:25 PM
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teach, I don't know if this helps any, but just because something is mentioned halachically, it doesn't mean it is scientifically. Either way, you did what was right with the knowledge that you had. Don't let it consume you. You can't change the past -- only the present and future. Most people are not that knowledgable in halacha and death until well after the fact (like when sitting shiva.) Hashem knows your intent. You mom knew your intent. She wouldn't want you to suffer. Neither would Hashem....not over this. Hamokom yinachem oshach bsoch shaar avlei tzion viyerushalayim. May you hear of many simchas soon.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Teachright
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2/23/12 4:55 PM
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amen, you guys are right as always im trying to convince myself that its fine and either way i cant change the past. its slow buts its a work in progress thanx for the support
 
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