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TOPIC TITLE: Aliyah Phobia
Created On 10/7/07 2:20 AM
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panic613
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10/7/07 2:20 AM
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I came across this forum and figured that I share my phobia in the hope of finding some solution.

It all started about 8 years ago, It was Shabbos afternoon and after finishing learning with my chavrusa I had a very dry throat. I came to Shul for Shabbos Mincha and was called up for an aliyah. My throat was very dry and I had trouble making the brocha, I very embarassingly coughed my way through the brocha knowing that in a few minutes I would have to undergo the embarrasement again for the brocha that one says after the bal koreh finishes reading.
This incident was the first thing that kickstarted my phobia.....It was incidents like these that created the biggest fear for a frum male person..the fear of making brochas out loud...I know it sounds crazy but the thought of me making a brocha out loud and the thought of my throat drying up and me not being able to make the brocha makes me break out in a sweat and I panic..I cant get zimun, I cant say sheva brochos and worst of all i cant get an aliya ......I learned to live my life avoiding aliyas etc......but i know that i must do something about this...can anyone help me?


Edited: 10/25/07 at 6:17 PM by panic613
 
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gad
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10/7/07 8:57 PM
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You should probably consult with a therapist. But I can give some suggestions, in case they work.

1. To have complete trust that Hashem will help, and that there is nothing to fear from man, since everything that happens is by Divine Providence. This approach can help one avoid anxious coughing etc. which is caused by our fear of others; because when we are not afraid of others, only of Hashem, and we have complete bitochon that Hashem will help us constantly, then this brings peace of mind and a relaxed attitude.

2. In his book "Man's search for meaning," Dr. Frankel describes similar cases and how he cured it. He explains that the fear itself (that the unwanted effect, like coughing, will happen) causes more fear and anxiety. And his approach is to defelect the fear. So in a case where someone's hands sweat when meeting people, the doctor told the person that the next time he meets someone, he should try to sweat as much as possible. So the person concentrated on sweating more sweat than ever; and because he wasn't anxiously worried about not sweating, but just the opposite, he focussed on sweating even more, his anxiety was deflected, and the problem stopped. Dr. Frankel describes other cases where a similar approach worked.

So in your case, you might try thinking that when you get an aliya, you are going to cough a world's record. Or when you feel you can't talk to someone, that you will cough or not talk to the person for a lot of time. So by having this opposite intention, it can actually deflect the anxiety and allow you to do things in a relaxed way.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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HopefulMommy
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10/8/07 12:52 AM
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I have panic disorder. It's a little different. For one thing, I'm not a man. I panic about different things. But it works the same way -- you get a panic attack in a certain situation, and then you are terrified of being in that situation again, so you start avoiding it. It doesn't help, because eventually you avoid more and more situations.

I did cognitive behavioral therapy, which helped a lot. I really recommend it. It's hard work, but you can win. Many people have gone through it and are now living normal lives and not avoiding. You can search online for a cognitive behavioral therapist in your area. Also, do a search on panic disorder. You'll find lots of useful information.

Let me know if I can help with anything. I've been dealing with panic disorder for many years, so I have plenty of experience.
 
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usherp
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10/17/07 12:35 AM
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Hi there my story is like this. I was missing many early of my younger years in yeshiva due to i can from a broken home and nobody every cared or learned with me anything. At the age of 13 i started learning a little bit. Even though i come from a reg. family Frum from birth from both sides I was just learning to read Hebrew at 13 but i became like every other normal yeshiva boy after a few years. The First time i daven for the Amid was in a big yeshiva over 150 people were present i felt a little nervous but i knew that there is a lot of people in the room and the marriv that i daven was beautiful. As few years later my mother died so you go to daven for the Umid 3 times daily I felt I loved my mother and this will give her neshuma a alila. I did it for about 6 months until one Motzi Shabbas daving for the umid in a say basement like shul I started getting nervous and choking up on kaddish before shemi esrai. I got though that one but i still needed to say 3 more kaddish's after that. during the quit shemi esrai i was so nervous i will never forget my hands were shaking and I totally lost myself and remember i have davened for 6 months straight before that and this was a simple davening just Marriv. the last 3 kaddish were all shakiey and from that night on I said i will only say kaddish daving from the umid is to hard for me. SO i figured that will solve my problem BIG BIG mistake a month or so later Kaddish was coming harder to say i would only look for big shuls or places were other people are saying kaddish with me and i finished my year we had a Yarkit seudah i just said kaddish i must have drank 10 cups of vodka before hand and and like a fool i said to myself ok i am done and back to being normal. Wrong again i then stated to be scared of Zimin to lead or even getting a simple ALila to the torah and every shabbas morning I would drink so much vodka i would basically be almost drunk before i got to shul just incase i would get a alaih that would happened once in 4 months maybe and every time there are getting up to Mafftier I would go to the bathroom and wait until they finish just incase they might call me that would be like death on the spot. So to some things up from being totally normal at mid teenage years until now almost 30 i been going through this and it has almost reunion my Marriage because for a man to open up about this is very hard even to his wife and she would almost no understand.

About 6 -8 months ago I went to a therapist (frum and smart and cost a lot of money per session but those are the ones to go to for this because they know exactly what it is and have heard it a thousand times)

what it is Fear of Fear you are nervous as if you life is in danger as if a gun it to your head even though nobody is even looking or think about you and you feel the panic attack coming on because I once got it that focus is always on my mind the racing heart sweaty palms and simply making a fool of yourself. It is called Social Phobia and you’re a nervosa from getting a Panic attack please review both of these things are on webmd.com and may other web sites you will be amazed that is exactly what you are feeling.

Next I feel there is no answer for this because i understand that it is not real and nobody is looking but my uncinsincs mind is telling me I will get a Panic attack i am scared run from here why suffer this embarrassment again. and even though it is embarrassing to keep leaving shul and walk out and people start picking up on this it is still better than being called up for mafftier ETC...

First thing is that drinking for this is very normal and very bad because not only are you getting additional to drinking (which is the worst thing out there and very bad for shalom basis) because it is a weekly thing and by even event that it is possible to said a 5 second brocha out loud. So I was first told to take a medication that is called Beta Blockers. Which basically stop the body from having the sweaty palms and heart racing? I took that for about a month and realized that the fear it still to much to overcome even i know my heart will not race. So then the best thing i found is Klonpin it works amazing you need to take about 1.0 MG 1 hours before anytime that you know you might feel like that daving is 8:00 take it at 7:00 it lasts for about 2.5 hours and not only you whole body is totally calm but your message from the brain about this fear is very little. But now i have been taking this for about 4 months and i am still very scared but I am able to seat in shul and realize that everybody has this level in fear in them but just mine it much more and I know that I will not have a panic attack because this Klonpin is a anti panic attack med. So now i must push myself every little step of they way with a great therapy to get though it a Aliah today for me is nothing Kiddush Friday night not a problem even in front of 50 people (as long as i take my pill 1 hour before) and i bought my self mafftier for the first time since and I said the broches like a Chazzan that daven Yom kipper and I davened one marriv since and still trying to push myself to do more things Again the Medicine will only work for me in the long run if i work with therapy and push myself a little without work it is worth less you will be taking 20 pills day forever I just wanted to share my story with you and hear if you can relate to me your feeling and if it sounds familiar to you.
 
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gad
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10/17/07 3:46 AM
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Thank you for sharing your story. It was very informative, and I'm sure it will be helpful.

I'm glad you found some way of helping, and I wish you much success in handling this. Hope to hear good news.
 
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panic613
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10/21/07 6:42 PM
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I would like to thank everyone for their advice and support, I found it very encouraging to find that someone else out there has the same phobia as I do - If anyone else has this phobia, please step forward and tell us your story...and hopefully together we can share ideas and tips and hopefully learn to overcome this phobia. Once again thanks to everyone for their support.
 
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usherp
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10/21/07 8:00 PM
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hi there was there any thing in my story that you found very simiar with your Phobia?

thanks
 
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panic613
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10/22/07 6:57 PM
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Does this have a feature where we could email each other privately?
 
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su7kids
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10/22/07 7:16 PM
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Yes, if you look to the far right of the screen there is a lock. If you click on that, it gives a private message option. You have to be signed in at the time, though.

Then when you log in, you look at the top left side of the screen and it will tell you how many, if any, private messages you have, and you click there to read tdhem.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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usherp
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10/24/07 11:37 PM
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hi there Panic613 i sen you a private message please let me know once you get it
 
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gershy
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4/29/08 2:11 PM
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I am amazed at this site. I have had the same problem for years, on and off. I am a frum man who is petrified of social situations. This is worst when I am in shul. I dread aliyos, davening for the omud and sometimes even a pesicha. At the moment i am doing well, thanks to a great Doctor, medication and HKB'H. But it is comforting to see that I am not alone. If any of you, or new people want to get in touch, I'd be happy to share experiences in more detail

 
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