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TOPIC TITLE: Social Phobia
Created On 7/21/06 4:36 AM
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Me!
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7/21/06 4:36 AM
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Does anyone here have social phobia?
I am terrified of anything social! help!
 
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killedlastyear
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me. i have it. (the me was in reference to me but still addressed to "me!" hehe).
 
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Me!
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can you pls give me more info about yourself?
Like, how does it affect you and how do you deal with it?
 
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killedlastyear
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it affects me because i'm totaly freaked out in social situations. if i'm just with a few of my close friends i'm fine but if anyone else that i'm not close with joins our group i'll freak out and cant really talk for the rest of the time. so i just tell people that i enjoy listening more than talking which i think really bothers people but thats just how i excuse my extreme shyness.

i also have the hardest time talking infront of people. it is so bad that i failed a class this past semester in college because i freaked and could not give my presentation infront of the class so i just walked out before it was my turn and went into the bathroom to just "chill" and basicly never went back to the class.

i'll worry about what people will think about me, about what i'm wearing. i wont go to certain social events just because i'm afraid that i wont really know anyone and wont have anyone to talk to and i'll look stupid or i wont go because i'm not sure what other people will be wearing and i dont want to stand out or i'm feeling too fat and dont want people looking at me and thinking how fat i am.

what happens is i'll get one lil fear (like the clothing thing-what if i'm wearing something totaly not appropriate for the ocasion) and then my fear will just build on that until i cant convince myself that its not such a big deal and its stupid i just DONT want to go and i get so worked up i get sick feeling and all i want to do is go to sleep and hide away.

thats basicly how it affects me.

how do i deal with it? i try convincing myself that things arent such a big deal BEFORE they start to turn into a huge deal in my mind. i'm still VERY bad in social groups, though as far as things like feeling stupid infront of people for what i'm wearing or doing i've gotten better at convincing myself it's ok. i havent gone to any therapy for this though. have you?
 
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Me!
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Well, I do go to therapy but I never spoke about tht.
Hey, thanx! Do you have msn I'd like to have contact what do ye say?
 
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killedlastyear
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i dont.

feel free to message me on here though.
 
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killedlastyear
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'eh forget this.


Edited: 11/28/06 at 2:30 AM by killedlastyear
 
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killedlastyear
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omg i hate myself.
im not going to class (the second time the class has met this semester so far) because... i wasnt able to get all the supplies we needed in time. and i'm to shy to be the only one there without the righ suplies and to have to ask my teacher if its ok and to feel like an idiot. and i'll look like a friggin idiot. so i'm not going and i'm freaking out. and i cant tell my mom i'm not going so now i have to find something to do to keep myself busy for the next THREE hours while i pretend to be in class. ugh. i hate myself sometimes.
no thats a lie.
i hate myself always.
 
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killedlastyear
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i'm so freaking out. i have to give a 5 min talk in my next class about something i did last week and like even though everyone in the class is gonna be doin it i'm still totaly freaked out. public speaking scares me. alot. alot. oh god.
 
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su7kids
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Choose one person to focus on, and forget about the "looking at the crowd" part. Breathe deeply before you start, and just DO IT. Its 5 minutes and you'll feel awesome afterwards.

There are books about social phobias, and helping yourself calm down before getting into social settings and how to get through them. My dd thought she had a social phobia and she worked really hard on it. I'm very proud of her.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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killedlastyear
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in the end i was really proud of myself. i kept a running dialog with myself in my head that it was ok. what really helped was the girl who sits in front of me in class turned around to ask me a question about the course, during our talking she brought up that she was really nervous about giving her talk as well and that she hates getting up infront of people and talking. i was able to tell her i was really nervous too and it kind of helped that someone else admited it.

i noticed one girl did the only looking at one person while talking thing and i thought it looked a little odd so i TRIED to look around the room while i talked. in the end i was nervous, i'm sure i was obviously shaking, but i wasn't the only one and it was over within a few minutes. so yay.
 
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su7kids
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Awesome. Glad you did it.

isn't it amazing how many of our FEARS and PHOBIAS are completely NORMAL!!!

Part of the scary part is thinking we're all alone, and we're really not!!!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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oops
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edited ... sorry, i'm a social phobic


Edited: 5/25/09 at 12:10 PM by oops
 
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killedlastyear
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um, did you really not want your questions answered?
did you want to tell us anything about yourself...?
just confused abt your post.
 
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oops
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...


Edited: 5/25/09 at 12:11 PM by oops
 
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HopefulMommy
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Not sure where to start. I'd love to help you find some answers, but I am not sure what you're asking.

Social phobia is a kind of panic disorder where you get a panic attack whenever you have to be in a social situation, and then you begin avoiding these situations, and then you get more panic attacks, and the cycle goes on. Is that what you have? Can you be more specific about what you're experiencing, so we can be more helpful?

There is nothing wrong with your genes. The circumstances in your life are custom tailored for you by Hashem so you can grow and reach your full potential. In case you wanted to know this.

There is nothing wrong with editing your posts. I do it all the time.
 
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killedlastyear
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haha sorry i hope i didn't come off as rude, i was trying to figure out how to phrase it without sounding horrible. i just wasn't sure if/how you wanted peopel to respond to what you'd written.
i TOTALY understand the insecurities you're talking about.
and seriously, no pressure to say anything about yourself. if you ever want to talk we're here though.
i dunno anything about anxiety rates or any of that, but in general i never believe statistics.
i think alot/some people get panic attacks from social situations, though it's possible that someone would feel anxiety and stress and not really consider it a panic attack, therefor not thinking of social phobia as a panic disorder i guess? haha there i go doing your question mark at the end of a sentence thing :-p
i deff consider it a panic disorder though. i feel very anxious and panic-y in many different social situations.

my guess is that you don't need to have an actual "panic attack" in order to be classified as having social phobia.

anyway, like i said no need to talk about anything unless you want to, but we're here if you decide to. or if you have questions. and feel free to PM me anytime!

p.s. i'm a paranoid person as well, take as long as you need. but this site can be helpful if you want suggestions, questions answered, or just moral support (you can find people who can relate to what you're feeling and going through which sometimes helps some people).
 
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oops
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...


Edited: 5/25/09 at 12:11 PM by oops
 
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oops
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Edited: 10/30/09 at 12:44 AM by oops
 
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oops
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like i said


Edited: 5/25/09 at 12:12 PM by oops
 
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killedlastyear
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have you ever read up about the enneagram types?
you very much sound liek a type four by what you've been saying.
though of course i don't know you at all so I could be totaly wrong about that.
check it out though if you want, i think its quite interesting:
http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/TypeFour.asp (that's just one website you can do a google search to find alot more).


i've read that type fours don't like the "fake" pointless conversations like you were talking about. but they're romantics. they want close deep meaningful relationships.

i think there are different types of friends. and diff people have diff expecations of what a friendship should be. most friends are there to have fun with, like you're talking about. but then there are the true friends that you can really talk to about stuff. it doesnt sound like you're feeling that with anyone right now. thats ok. its something you can work on if you want, or maybe you just havent found the right person/people yet.

i agree with you though. i dont see the point in those kind of forced phone calls. which is why i havent kept up with anyone from sem. i think its so awkward when they call up or email and ask what's going on and do i want to come to a reunion or whatever. its like, you don't really know me, we never talk, i don't add anything to your life, so what's the point? i say hi i'm fine tell you 2 mins of what's going on in my life, you do the same and then we have nothing to talk about except for the weather and other such pointless things.

which is why i have a very few close friends.
but there are cons to this. i don't get invited to alot of weddings, i do feel somewhat left out at times, it is awkward when people ask who i'm friends with and i can only name a small number of people, i don't go out too much because the few friends i have are often busy.

i'm sure my sister would have something completely different to say though. she has tons of friends and loves it. she's ALWAYS on the phone with people from seminary and high school.

ugh there's alot more i have to say about the whole "normal life" thing and all that but i think i've already blabbed on enough as it is so i'll leave it at that.

btw i think the smiles are kinda cute.
 
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killedlastyear
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btw: webster's deff of a friend:
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance
2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group
3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
4: a favored companion
5capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes

friend is obviously a very broad term and can be meant for all diff levels of knowing someone.
 
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Aba
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KLY,
Very impressive and insightful post.

Oops,
Welcome.

Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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oops
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...


Edited: 5/25/09 at 12:12 PM by oops
 
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oops
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...


Edited: 5/25/09 at 12:13 PM by oops
 
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oops
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...


Edited: 5/25/09 at 12:13 PM by oops
 
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oops
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Edited: 10/30/09 at 12:44 AM by oops
 
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HopefulMommy
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Oops, I like your smilies!

It could be that you just haven't found any people you like enough to become close friends. I'm also kind of like that. I don't like meaningless conversations. I do have very few close friends, and that's enough for me. There were times in my life when I didn't have any friends. That's because I didn't know anybody who I liked enough. It's just something that has to click.
 
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killedlastyear
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hehe i dont think that everyone is a specific type. some people are easily catagorized, but i think everyone has some parts of each (most) type(s) in them. so you're just some of everything

if i'm understanding you correctly then i'm the same way. about the "quiet" thing. i blab tons online. and in real life i do the same thing, talking when necessary but thinking before i speak and alot of times deciding what i was gonna say isnt really worth saying.
for me i know it's all about the social anxiety.
when i'm online i'll say whatever i want. but in person i say so much less. people have commented on it actualy. i think some of them are dissapointed when they hang out with me in person because i'm supposively so much more entertaining on the computer. which is kind of sad.
but for me i know it's because i'm anxious and when i'm face to face with the person my brain is too caught up in the anxiety to think of clever things to say.

it sounds like that part is different from what you're saying.
 
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lost&lonely
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hi. i've got some sort of social phobia. i can talk to people & say hi. say a couple of sentences, smile & run off. i do this all the time in real life. i'm trying to push myself & practice talking to people. i'm desperate for friends. correction, even one friend would be great. i've got no one to talk to day after day, year after year. i think this sounds worse than it actually is. i do have a husband, 3 kids, & run my own business together with my hubby. but no friends. i hunger for friendship. even in forum life i cannot keep the conversation going. i read something that touched me on this forum, different post section. i commented. some people replied. but i got stuck & could not answer back the posts. so even in forum life, i seem to be incapable of building a relationship. i am very serious & do not enjoy all the silly stupidity that most people fill their day with. i've been through some very tough years & after having gone through all that i have, most people seem shallow. but my social issues did not start now. it started when i was a teenager. which was before all the craziness i've gone through. my husband would disagree with that last sentence. he would remind me that the overcritisism & overcontrolling of my parents is nothing to be pooh-poohed. i tend to gloss over those years. all tied into pretending that i'm loved & live a normal life like everyone else.

i've realized another social issue is i can darshan, but i can't do the give & take. am i too focused on myself? i'm afraid to help someone else out. i'm trying to explain this so please bear with me if i don't make sense. if someone has a problem, i can offer a solution, but i think people resent solutions. there is something else they are looking for when they complain. not sure if it's sympathy, tried offering that too, or something else. i think there is a way people talk. it's full of bs. but i think it works if you want to have & keep friends. problem is i find it hard to bs. i'm so straight. i've practiced but it doesnt work if i'm taken by surprise. only if i've prepared myself for an exact situation.

here's another worry. this post was started by 'me" (not me, but poster me). am i changing the focus of this post by talking about my issues? i don't think that's right. if i want to talk, shouldn't i start my own post?

by the way, i'm a bit embarrassed to ask, but what is SA?
 
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4702125952
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SA stand for social anxiety. I used to be that way--not liking or joining the chit-chat/small talk. My life has been very challenging since forever and it made me see things seriously. But you know what? The more I began trusting people and reaching out to them--the more I realized many people, in fact most, suffer in some way. I'm a four: I resonate with others. For many years I suffered because I resonated with abusive, emotionally dysfunctional people. Once I realized that, I slowly learned to feel my own pain. I call those the 'wallowing' years. I'm not completely over it: I still grieve many losses; but I did learn to turn my sensitivity outward: Instead of feeling my own awful pain all the time--that made me seriously depressed-- I sought to discover others' needs and how I might be able to be of comfort, support, cheer. I also developed my sense of joy through humor and music.

People with social anxiety, I think, are highly sensitive. That can feel like a curse sometimes but it is a beautiful gift. Reach out to others--but discerningly; reach out to others who will not misuse you. There are many lonely, hurting people. With time and experience you will learn how to fine-tune your sensitivity and appreciate it for the precious gift that it is.
 
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MoMo
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Oy!!! Boy do I know what social phobia is..... I"ve been in therapy for about three years now.... I have made tremendous progress on many fronts but very little on social phobia, It just wont break.............. I"m approaching shiduchim but just cant see myself dating so I"ll have to wait for things to straighten out a bit...... Maybe medication will help.
 
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MoMo
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I agree. people with social phobia tend to be overly focused on others (their opinions, their feelings, etc.) thus they are more prone to feel other peoples pain... At least by myself that's the case
 
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gad
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That's a very interesting observation.

I once heard that when someone is lacking in one way, G-d compensates by giving more capability in another way.

So although someone with social phobia suffers in one way, but he has extra sensitivity, and can thus be more instrumental in understanding and helping people.

I hope you soon manage to be successful socially and with shiduchim.

 
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oops
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Edited: 10/30/09 at 12:43 AM by oops
 
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MoMo
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In response to Gad: I hear what you are saying but I would much rather not have these "compensations", and just be healthy. I suffer too much....
 
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MoMo
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In response to Oops: I know it can be frustrating to the senior fellows that these "new" people are joining. I am sorry....
 
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gad
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Quote

Originally posted by: MoMo
In response to Gad: I hear what you are saying but I would much rather not have these "compensations", and just be healthy. I suffer too much....

I agree.
Hope things improve for you very soon.

 
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killedlastyear
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frustrating? welcome! the more who come here for some support the better!
i know talking to people here has helped me feel better and i sure am glad to be able to help "pay it back" whenever possible. please!

as far as the social anxiety stuff goes, just how bad is yours? i'm totally asking out of curiosity because i feel like although i have it mine is not really that sever at all. but i don't really know what severe social anxiety IS. so i'm just curious how badly if effects other peoples lives on a day to day basis.

are you doing cognitive behavioral therapy?
 
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littleengine
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Anyone still interested? I have a few things to say on this topic but I guess I would like to know if anyone is listening before I start writing.
 
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oops
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I'd forgotten this forum. But sure =)


Edited: 10/30/09 at 12:46 AM by oops
 
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MoMo
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My Ears (actually eyes) are wide open SHOOT IT
 
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killedlastyear
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please, say them!
 
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littleengine
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Hi everyone,
Sorry I didn't reply sooner.
I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea...I don't have any revelations to say on this topic. I just wanted to know if there was anyone who wanted to have a discussion about it.
Personally, I've had social anxiety for so long, and done so much research on it, that I feel almost ready to write a book about it. But as much as I think I know, there is still so much more to know. I wanted to hear about other people's experiences with social anxiety.
 
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MoMo
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It's horrible!! I've seen lots of success with therapy in many areas, yet social anxiety was the nut that wouldn't crack. Very recently I've had some slight improvements I think It's medication that is doing it.
I am wondering what your environment was like when you were growing up?
 
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killedlastyear
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recently my social anxiety/social phobia (whatever you wanna call it) has had alot of improvement (after a loooong time with no improvement). It actually started improving at a time when I wasn't seeing therapists about it and I wasn't on any medications so I guess it was all me

Not that the therapists were able to help me. All they did was talk about it and I'd already read books and written a research paper on it for a college class so I knew everything they had to say. Basically it was like I already KNEW what to do and I knew it wasn't rational and everything else they were telling me so they didn't seem to know what else to do to help me.

And like I said it's been getting better recently. And I really have NO idea why. I mean yeah I had to just force myself to be uncomfortable and it got a bit easier...but I don't know what changed to make me at least feel OK enough to force myself to actually deal with those situations.

I'm still totally NOT "cured". Just not as bad as I have been!
 
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littleengine
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Thank you to all of you for writing. I want to respond but I must get ready for shabbos (and go to sleep) so hope to write more another time.
 
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