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TOPIC TITLE: shiduchim and meds
Created On 12/26/04 12:42 AM
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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5/17/05 1:24 AM
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Ernie,
Please don't let me get on my "soapbox". I am often disappointed by how backwards people in the frum community are in regards to mental illness. Especially people who are very influential who make very ignorant comments or who think that just b/c they are rabonnim, that they are also qualified mental health counselors. Don't get me started...
a lynn
 
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ernie55B
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5/17/05 9:10 AM
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You got it boss...!
 
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Admin
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5/17/05 11:40 AM
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LookingForHelp,

I did not mean you in the posting I posted about intentional personal attacks. There was another posting which was offnesive which I deleted and I was refering to that.

Admin
 
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lookinforhelp
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6/12/05 10:55 AM
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Thanks for the clarification Admin!!
 
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MacaroonFan
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6/12/05 4:53 PM
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No comment...

-Tova
 
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abbainmemphis
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9/9/05 6:39 PM
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I know my situation is not the same, but I have epilepsy and am on medication and had brain surgery. Whenever I start talking to someone, I always tell them first about the epilepsy and medication that I am on. If they can not accept the fact that I have epilepsy or am on medication, then that is their loss. I do not want to date someone for awhile, get attached to them, then let them know about it so they can dump me.

So, take whatever meds you need to lead a normal life and if the people who want to date you can not accept that, then it is their loss.

Jeff
 
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goforit
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10/7/05 2:36 PM
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wow this is the first time that ive ever met anyone else talking about this its amazing i feel sssoooo much better now im frum single and on meds and im really scared for shidduchim im just starting out now and yeah im scared i keep telling myself i may never get married im really scared
 
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DayByDay
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10/7/05 3:01 PM
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I just got engaged and will be getting married B"H in several months. Dating while being on meds is really difficult. I can't soften it other than to say that for me there was a happy ending. I found someone who is supportive and loving and was willing to give me a chance. I dated for a long time with many heartbreaks as a result of being forthcoming about being on meds. If you are someone with emotional/psychological challenges, finding someone who accepts you and will be supportive of you will be one and the same goal. It will probably take longer as especially understanding people are hard to come by. I had a point where I thought it was hopeless but the long list of wedding preparations on my desk testifies otherwise.

With best wishes and support to everyone,

J
 
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bubbles
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10/7/05 3:42 PM
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Mazal Tov!!

That is really wonderful news.

Wishing you much Hatzlocho, and happiness in your future life.

bubbles
 
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Torsalicious613
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1/1/06 10:16 PM
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i wish i could read this whole thing. but i'm too tired. motcha, i'm like you, i just want people to accept me the way i am. no one else is worth it. it's just too much energy. energy which i don't have. good night. i'm tired.

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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Torsalicious613
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1/1/06 10:18 PM
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oh, and ths stands also for true hollywood story, maccaroon fan, a show on tv that tells of stars' trials and tribulations to get to where they are now. i think all of us have "ths" worthy lives. we'd fill up some good hours with juicy interesting stories. we ALL have something to teach and this includes you my dear, T.H.S. we all love you! don't leave!

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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Admin
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1/9/06 1:14 PM
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I would like to inform everyone here about a new project from Chai Lifeline called Sos Tassis: Shiduchim for the Medically & Physically Challenged.
For more information contact them at 212-894-8220 or sostassis@chailifeline.org

Admin
 
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downsyndrome
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1/9/06 8:23 PM
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Administrator:
I think you should try posting the Sos Tassis newsbreak in a different forum. They are not involved in shidduchim for the mentally/emotionally challenged, but rather for the physically/medically challenged, i.e. people who are cancer survivors, etc.
Kol tov,
Sarah S.
 
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Torsalicious613
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1/27/06 1:59 PM
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i have a downs' first cousin. she's soo cute, her name's yaffa. i must admit i was a little sad when i heard my cousin was going to have down's (she was born about a year ago) but really, what makes someone worthy/valuable? no one can say whether someone else is or is not. i heard down's kids are on a very high level spiritually. they deserve an extra amount of caring loving and support. they are special. they truly are. i was like, aww, man, i'm not the most messed up person in my family anymore! what will happen to me? will everyone forget totally about me and just focus on her now? i'm realizing that everyone is special and everyone has something to give, and it doesn't take away from anyone else it just adds, downs, bipolar, or not. i will look forward to being able to shower this baby with love understanding and affection because she deserves no less, just like i deserve no less because i am bipolar. sick people can teach us things. to be more tolerant and accepting. if they can live with themselves, why can't we?

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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DayByDay
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1/27/06 3:27 PM
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I think that's a great sentiment. At the same time it would be great if your bipolar disorder was met with the same care and understanding as the Down Syndrome child.

You know what they say. Wish in one hand...

 
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Torsalicious613
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2/1/06 7:34 PM
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hmm?

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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superrepentant
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11/29/06 12:08 AM
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do you ( or anyone ) know of a group or organisation that helps mentally/emotionally challenged people in finding shiduchim?
 
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wanttobefree
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1/15/07 12:06 AM
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I've been taking meds for a few years for anxiety and depression. But I am trying to go off b/c of shidduchim. A few months ago I was dating s/o and he wanted to get engaged. I was not ready to get engaged myself but at that point I told him I was on the medication. I also told him that the shadchan does not know this( and I asumed he would not tell her) The next day the shadchan called back and said she did not know I was taking "psychiatric drugs".
In the end, they said it was not "shayech".
Unfortantly, to many in the frum world, this sort of medication is unacceptable. ppl are very ignorant.
 
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gad
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1/25/07 4:51 AM
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When you said that you were taking medication, did you slip it into the conversation, or did you make an announcement: "I have something important to tell you." ?
 
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wanttobefree
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2/5/07 12:03 AM
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I didn't say "I have s/t important to tell you". I told him about what lead up to me taking meds and then I told him that I do. It was very diffucult for me.I don't think you can say it in a"by the way" kind of way, but you try to present it in context and not as a huge problem.
I think he saw that I was uncomfortable, b/c he told me that when he was a kid he had trouble in school... basicaly, things aren't 'perfect' for anyone. I have a feeling that when he told his parents, they would not hear of him marrying someone with this 'blemish'and that was it.
 
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gad
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2/10/07 7:36 PM
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Here's a "by the way" example:

Yeshiva learning was great.
Yes, but sometimes people overdo it.
Really?
Yes. they can take the learning too seriously. I did that, and I ended up getting very depressed. But a doctor gave me pills, and things are much better now?
What happened?
I don't remember. The pills and therapy were to help me forget.
 
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wanttobefree
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2/10/07 9:09 PM
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I hear you, you are trying to downplay it and make it seem like a non-issue
 
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Holding on
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2/11/07 3:51 PM
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IS it a major issue??
I mean, once it's regulated and you find what works for you, is it still a Major issue?

I'm supposed to be going back to my pdoc, but when push comes to shove, i'm terrified of being on pills, so I still haven't made an appointment...
 
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gad
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2/11/07 7:24 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: wanttobefree
I hear you, you are trying to downplay it and make it seem like a non-issue


You are mentioning it, so it's not a non-issue.

But you are mentioning it calmly in passing, so it can also be received that way, as information which should be disclosed, but which need not be alarming.
 
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gad
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2/11/07 7:25 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: Holding on
IS it a major issue??
I mean, once it's regulated and you find what works for you, is it still a Major issue?

I'm supposed to be going back to my pdoc, but when push comes to shove, i'm terrified of being on pills, so I still haven't made an appointment...



Why are you terrified of pills?
 
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wanttobefree
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2/13/07 12:32 AM
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as much as i like to think of it as an issue like any other problem, I get the feeling that to others it's in a different category. I mean, when I told the boy that I was taking meds, I said it in the normal conversation, not in a very alarming way, although i was probably visibly nervous about sharing this information.
The next day the shadchan called and when I started talking to her, she did not answer me, she just asked to speak to my mother. she said she did not know i was on "psychiatric drugs". she commented, "that's why she was so nervous about getting engaged" as if "normal" ppl would not be nervous about getting engaged!
(I had been talking with the shadchan earlier and told her that I was not ready )
 
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wanttobefree
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2/13/07 12:45 AM
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holding on- in my opinion,being on pills is not a major issue, but ppl who are not knowledgable and who are judjemental may think otherwise. what exsctly are you afraid of?
 
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gad
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2/13/07 8:01 PM
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I think you're right, it depends on the person.

Sometimes it may pay to be interested in a shidduch where the other person also has an issue (a different one). Then both sides are willing to do a tradeoff.
 
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aquabelle
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2/13/07 11:58 PM
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every single person in this world has issues of some sort or another. the important thing is to find a person who accepts his/her own issues and deals with his/her own issues. then the person will understand that u also have ur issue and as long as u are willing and do deal with ur own issue and not expect ur spouse to fix it and ur spouse doesn't expect u to fix his/her problem, then u'll be fine.
 
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