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TOPIC TITLE: Trusting
Created On 10/29/08 2:51 PM
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Debbi
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Posts: 488
Joined: Oct 2005

10/29/08 2:51 PM
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I have a new therapist in the DBT program I have just begun. She is supposed to be working with me for the duration of the program which is 6mths.

I have seen her 3 times so far, once a week.
And even though she stated at the begining that we are scheduled for a session every Monday at 1:00pm I do not consider that she or I have a responsibilty to be there. In other words, every week I ask her if she will be seeing me this week. And every time I ask, she is surprised.

The first couple of times she just answered that yes we had an appointment and if for some reason she couldnt keep it, she would let me know in advance.
Today when i asked, she asked me if I knew the answer myself.
I was annoyed, and told her that I just needed to hear from her, either yes or no.

This is not a new thing.
I have experienced this with my first therapist for 8 years. The first 4 or 5 years, I wouldnt go into her building and ring on the bell, until I had first checked to see if her car was parked in front, and also that the lights were on in her office.
Eventually, all i needed was to check the lights, in order to be reassured.
But I ALWAYS rang her bell, with the knowledge that there was always an 80% chance that she will not be there. It happened Twice in 8 years that she didnt show b/c she was late......and then i missed my session b/c i didnt wait long enough until she arrived.

Okay, so to the point.....

My current T pointed out that even though I know that she has never failed to keep our appointments, i still believe she might not show.

She wants me to see things in context of her as an individual.
To see her as a person who is reliable, and therefore I will not be anxious whether she will or will not be there.

somehow this has given me a whole new perspective on trust......and its given me alot to contermplate.

i think i'm scared to relate to her as an individual, just in case she may drop me, like my previous therapist.

But then again, as I think of her words, it leaves me feeling less confused and stupid, about never really 'knowing" if i can trust.
 
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downandout
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Posts: 511
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10/29/08 10:03 PM
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I know what you mean. I also have major issues with trust. I don't express them in exactly the same way as you, but I'm always certain that even the ppl who seem to care about me, don't really. I mean, I feel very uncomfortable just telling somebody - anybody - be it a therapist, friend, etc. that I'm feeling down. I feel like they'll think I'm stupid, like they'll say all the right things but won't really care a whit, and then will hang up the phone feeling like I wasted their time. So with my therapist, whenever she looks at her watch, I'm sure that its because she can't wait for our appt to be over. Because of my lack of trust, I've done some pretty drastic things - like if I do something really dangerous, then they will have to care more and give me their time and not think of it as a waste of time - because its saving my life.
I know its stupid - b/c ppl really do care - I mean, I care about other ppl (sometimes). But I guess I just feel so insecure and unsure of myself that I can't bring myself to think that there's anybody I can really trust; that there's anybody who really cares about me.
But my therapist realizes that I have this issue, so I suppose we'll be working on it at some point in the near future. Maybe you can too.


-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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mouse
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10/30/08 2:36 AM
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I read your message yesterday and had to think about it before replying...I totally get where you are coming from. When my therapist runs even 3 min. off I begin to wonder if I came at the right time or if something I did wasn't quite right. I've been seeing her for eight yrs. In the past she has put up a note if running more than about 5 min. late, so you'd think I'd be ok with 3 min. off. I never thought of it as a trust issue but I guess it is. Either way, I guess your therapist is trying to get you to break a pattern. The problem to me is trust is earned not granted at firrst sight of a therapist. I'm surpirsed she doesn't get that. Maybe from a therpaist perspective, it's time to break the stranger trust issues (being insecure if the therapist will be around foryou the next wk.) and deal with the not so strange ones (like discussing stuff that is personal.) You gave me something to think about and obsess on for the next 24 hrs.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

Posts: 914
Joined: Feb 2005

11/16/08 11:42 PM
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Sounds like things are off to a good start!
a lynn
 
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