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TOPIC TITLE: TOP MATCHMAKER ON THE MARKET!!
Created On 2/5/09 8:49 PM
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Bugs Bunny
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Posts: 10
Joined: Feb 2009

2/5/09 8:49 PM
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Dear singles how are in shidduchim,

There a an excelllent devoted woman who does shidduchim for people with issues, mental,emotional,phsical;fertility genetics,etc.

MRS. BRUCHIE LANGSAM 718-851-5393 lives in Borough Park.

She does all types modern/litvish/chassidish

 
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mouse
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Posts: 1931
Joined: Oct 2007

2/6/09 1:21 AM
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Just because someone has a mental illness or other issue, doesn't/shouldn't mean they are treated as defects in regards to shidduchim. We are NOT damaged goods (even if we feel like it.) We do not deserve to be treated as such. If you are so positive you are damaged goods, you can expect only to receive damaged goods. I do not think this is wise in regards to marriage. We all deserve someone who is "perfect" -- regardless of our health status -- mental or physical. If Hashem doesn't see us as broken (and I hope He doesn't) then who are WE to see ourselves as broken. I find the concept of shadchan for someone with mental/physical issues quite offensive -- especially when dealing with mental illness. What we need is a man/lady who has a caring personality and loves us. We don't need someone who also has issues and feels inferior and therefore goes to a matchmaker who specializes in defects. When looking for someone to marry, one should look for the positive -- not the negative -- and by going to a "special needs" shaddchan, that is what one is doing. I strongly reject and feel repulsed by those who think they are doing a chesed by matching defects with defects. I'm glad they can decide who a defect is, especially since Hashem doesn't (I hope.) I find this kind of matchmaking repulsive. People should be matched according to their positive attributes, not negative qualities that they have little or no control over.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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gad
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Posts: 1458
Joined: Jan 2006

2/6/09 4:28 AM
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I think it is important to point out that there is a difference between (adjusting or) making trade offs, and looking at someone as less valuable.

The G-dly soul makes us all valuable. As it says (I think in Songs of Songs): "You are completely beautiful... and you have no blemish." So intrinsically, we are part of G-d, and therefore perfect.

But when we deal with daily life, we need to deal with life according to our capabilities and physical limitations. For example, people are generally limited in what they can do for a living. Some people are more talented to do office work, and not lifting. Others are more handy and better able to do physical labor.
And the same with all areas of life. We need to know our limitations and capabilities, and to work accordingly.

I think that, in marriage too, we need to consider our abilities and limitations. And not only do we need to like the other person, but it's also necessary that the other person likes us. And if we have a certain issue that the average person will not like, then it becomes necessary to try to find people who will like it, or who are willing to trade off.

It's not a reflection on the preciousness of the person. It's a reflection on the need to try to do our best with the limitations that G-d gave us.

And later we may realize that in life's journey, the limitations ended up being a tremendous goodness.


Edited: 2/6/09 at 4:35 AM by gad
 
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