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TOPIC TITLE: NISYONOS
Created On 1/30/10 9:15 PM
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channafofanna
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1/30/10 9:15 PM
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my issue is im depressed, anxious, etc what is hard is hard for normal people? whats wrong with a perfect life? normal girls worry about friends , their hair etc. - but so do i. but mines got a name. how is it different. what is there to cry about if you dont feel like no one likes you, if you WANT to live. whats it like to always have the energy to punctuate. what ?
whats everyone normals nisayon? nothing? only in avodas hashem? what if their not frum?
whats theri nisayon? and why cant i have an easy life? not that i deserve it but...
 
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downandout
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1/30/10 10:18 PM
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Channa, I'm not sure I get exactly what you're asking, but I'll try to answer what I think you're asking.

But first of all, (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))). It sounds like you're having a really hard time.

You ask what is everyone's normal nisayon. And I'll answer that very simply: there is no such thing as everyone's normal nisayon. Everyone has different challenges, different things they struggle with, different things they have to face and different hurdles they have to get over. No two people have the same nisayon - but everyone has something. Some may have harder ones, and some easier ones, but everyone has nisyonos. There is no "perfect" life - it doesn't exist. Every life has its challenges.

Why can't you have an easier life? That's obviously something no one can answer for you. For some reason, known to none but G-d, He decided to give you this specific set of challenges... Challenges that are much, much harder than many other people's challenges. So although I can't answer this question for you, I do hope that your nisayon gets easier, as you overcome more and more of it, more and more of the time.

Hope that helped...



-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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channafofanna
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1/30/10 11:06 PM
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yeah- thats what i meant to aks.
"For some reason, known to none but G-d, He decided to give you this specific set of challenges"
yeah, well screw god! some good hes doing! if he wants me to die hes doing a VERY good job of it and showing it really well!
sorry if that offended anyone, didnt mean to
 
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downandout
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1/31/10 11:04 AM
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I don't think you offended anyone.....
You're obviously really really down, upset, and frustrated. It's okay to express yourself here (I mean, that's what I think), because venting always helps.
I'll just send you another set of (((((hugs))))).


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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downandout
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-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.

Edited: 1/31/10 at 11:08 AM by downandout
 
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channafofanna
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2/6/10 10:56 PM
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thanks...
 
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haunted
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3/9/10 1:28 AM
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How u doing channafofanna? I hope things are better for you. You know, I once wrote a poem about 'normal', what it means, who and what is considered normal, etc... Nothing is 'normal', there is no such thing as 'normal', meaning that whatever you are is normal for you. B/c some idiot decided that certain people, things, behaviors, clothing, or even nisyonos, or anything, define normal so doesn't mean it's true. I know this doesn't take away the pain of whatever you or anyone is going through, `I know it too well... but still, feeling so different, so stigmatized etc. id s pain in itsellf... If only, if only all of us with mental or emotional challenges can realize and internalize the fact that its nothing to be ashamed of, that we're as normal as anyone else.... And if only I can really feel as strongly about it as I sound here...
Hashem should give us all strength...
 
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great
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3/9/10 9:10 PM
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if only...
if only people would stop telling us that "Hashem loves you, and that's why he challenges you..." cuz, as far am i'm concerned, it's "forget the love and forget the challenges!"
if only the pain would go away for 5 minutes...
then maybe we can all feel normal again...
canafonana, are you doing any better yet?
cuz Hahsem really does love us all... sometimes He hides really well tough!
(and then i feel like hiding under my covers for a few days!)
 
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haunted
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3/11/10 11:28 AM
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Quote

Originally posted by: sdk
if only...
if only people would stop telling us that "Hashem loves you, and that's why he challenges you..." cuz, as far am i'm concerned, it's "forget the love and forget the challenges!"


Hey, I really didn't mean to come across as trying to tell you that everything is fine and dandy, because Hashem challenges us... I'ts usually pp who don't understand or feel such pain who say such stuff. (See, I agree that not all ppl have such probs...) I know it doesn't really make it better to hear such stuff (esp. if its coming from someone who doesn't understand...) although deep down we know the truth, and when we realize it BY OURSELVES it does help...
Sorry you were hurt. What I was talking about was when ppl consider us, or anyone for that matter, or the things we wear, say, do, etc... not 'normal'. For who is anyone to decide. If only...
How are you channafofanna? I really hope things are better for you...
 
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great
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3/11/10 12:22 PM
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wasn't referring to you, haunted.
was actually thinking about those "misunderdstanders" who think it's their job in life to tell me how much Hashem loves me...
well, guess what i started answering?
"i know that already-and more than you... because i have to remind that to myself every morning, while you forget until you meet me..."
(not you, haunted... sorry it came across that way. i actually think you're amazingly understanding.)
 
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haunted
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3/11/10 1:35 PM
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Got it. I guess it was as mixup... And yes, it is frustrating, painful, and what not, when ppl tell us to accept our challenges. Ur right. Like who are they to talk... (altough we cant really know, but that doesnt make it better...) But I'm just wondering, because you wrote that you look like the one with the perfect life... Why would ppl be telling you to accept your challenges? except if to some ppl you are more open?
 
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great
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3/11/10 2:21 PM
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good question.
there's a good saying:
"everyone carries a bag of hardships. some carry clear plastic bags; others carry paper bags."
i carry one of each-and until people find out about the clear bag (many just don't know); they think that...
others think i'm this "handler". i hear things like "oh, nothing gets to her-she's above it all..." (get sooo annoyed!)
and my paper bag-well, frumsupport's the first place that knows... and one of my friends suspect!
how are things going for you, haunted?
is your mood on its way up?
thoughts doing any better?
thanks for everything! you're a great support!
 
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haunted
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3/12/10 2:25 PM
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Hey, I like your saying. It's good and true.
I'm happy you decided to let frum support know about your paper bag. (whatever of it you show...) It does make it easier, no? even a tiny bit is something...
Would you let your friend see that her suspicion is correct? Would you want to?
I've got a few clear bags, some of which only a few ppl know, and some of which is common knowledge. Whats really hard for me is when ppl see the results, scars of the paper bag, (some of which you read here...) they see what it made me to be, the damage it has done etc... but they have no idea that there is even a paper bag, and definitely not whats in it, and they just blame me for being lazy, and about 100 other labels... Whatever... Hope you understand my unclear talk...
My thoughts? my brain is like an extremely dense forest... sometimes in the middle of the night... Sometimes with a thick heavy fog to top it of... I really don't know what to do...
And thanks to you too. Your a real support too.
 
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channafofanna
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3/12/10 2:47 PM
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thanks for asking -im ok i guess
HANG IN THERE K? im not promising itl get better, but i sure know it cant get worse
 
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great
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3/13/10 10:57 PM
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haunted...
nerdy nerdy nerdy situation where people think you're just being lazy... c'get you sooooo ANGRY!!!!!
oh my. i would never tell my friend, but she confirmed it for herself already. she's this really open type (once she opens up) and shared her experiences with me... and she expects the same from me. it really hurts... both of us. i dunno how to even explain to her that no is the answer... forever!
and your brain-uhuh... forest is a good one. like it. and sometimes it just gets all dark suddenly-and if that's not enough-it starts pouring a second later-and if that's not bad enough-it's freezing and no coat...
so chanafonana-it surely could get worse-pray that it doesn't though.
how are things going for you though?
thanks for not promising it'll get better-you're honest!
 
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haunted
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3/14/10 7:31 PM
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Yea, and lazy is the nicest of the things they say... It doesnt only get me angry, but also really hurts. And it hurts that Im hurting other ppl, cuz some ppl say it out of pain... although its not pain for me, but for themselves, like shame etc... And then I feel sooo guilty....
I know how it is with friends that are open. I have this friend who tells me everything, and I really wish I could talk too... And it hurts. a lot.
You wouldnt wanna tell yuour friend, or you couldnt bring yourself? dont you ever feel that you just wanna get everything off your chest, let someone into your world for a bit etc....?
And what about the lightening and thunder?
And yes channafofanna, thanks for being honest. Not like these ppl who have no idea whats going onn but just say, oh, everything is gonna be great... or, take this vitamin and you'll feel all better.... know what I mean? And you sound like you're in a lot of pain... So I really hope and pray that things not only don't get better, but actually get a lot better. For all of us I guess.
 
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haunted
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Edited: 3/14/10 at 9:52 PM by haunted
 
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great
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3/14/10 9:29 PM
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oh yeah... thunder and winds that blow you away...
and i don't wanna tell anyone cuz it's not gonna lead to any good, and i can't even face the memories myself, so how can i recount it? and there's no pressure to get it out-just a very horrible pressure to "fix" myself up or else...
my friends are in my world-just that my feelings are another world... and i can't really let them into that world...
why can't i just shake the past, for goodness sake??????????
i thought i was stronger than this... (maybe cuz everyone expects me to be... cuz they don't know)
DDDDUUUUUNNNNNOOOO!!!!!!
 
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haunted
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3/15/10 1:05 PM
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And wild animals coming to haunt you...
Your telling anyone isn't gonna lead to good? I can argue that, for example if you tell a therapist...
How can you and your feelings be in two different worlds? arent your feelings part of you? but I know what you mean when you say that... And well, I can see why you feel you cant let them in there... Thing with me is that my life, world... is all intertwined with my thoughts, to an extreme. Feelings also, but in a different way... My physical existence they can know, like I did today this, this and that... But more than that...
Obviously you cant shake off your past, its a major part of your existence... if I take a pail of mud and pour it onto you can you just close your eyes and its gonna be off? no. You'll need a real good cleaning, with some help from others... would you blame yourself? No. So same here, just a few times over... k? Give yourself a break...
And actually, what did you decide about getting the help you deserve...?
And by the way, I happen to think youre a very strong girl. Ok? so keep at it... Strength is NOT being perfect and managing everything... strength is sometimes admitting and remembering that youre human and entitled to be.... so remember that you are strong...
 
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great
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3/15/10 3:50 PM
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don't you think i've been in the rain long enough for the mud to wash off????
anyway, 2 different worlds cuz i decided to stick it all on a different planet... where no one lives-not even me... only, i go visit there all the time... does that make any sense? (it does to me...)
anyway, i don't care about strength anymore-cuz i ain't going to no therapist cuz i can't cuz i don't want to...
and i know that i'm not to blame-that's logical...
but then i go visit my feeling world... and all the ifs and buts and thens become part of the situation...
 
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haunted
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3/16/10 1:16 PM
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Maybe the mud is in a place where the rain cant reach by itself??
Yes, its makes sense. I sort of chap what you're saying... I imagine your talking about the feelings regarding the past, and everything related to it, not the everyday feelings about just anything...?
So is your decision final? What are you gonna do to help yourself? Or your planning to just leave it? And by the way, your still strong...
The way you wrote 'why cant I shake the past' made it look as if you think it's your fault... (not the past, but that you cant shake it...)
Yes, I know all too well the ifs and buts and thens... I'ts torture...
(Btw, the other forum went to the 2nd page)
 
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great
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3/16/10 4:20 PM
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i'd never say my decision is final-but neither am i interested to take the layers of clothes off and get washed...
i KNOW that it's not my fault... but i FEEL like i coulda done something...
 
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lookin'up
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12/11/11 4:54 PM
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we don't know everyone's nisyanos. I had a good friend back in Israel, we were about 20 at the time and he was the life of the party. I mean he had everything. I was so depressed i can't tell you. And i asked my brother, what about him. what's his problems in life. It's now about 12years later and he's still not married. We don't know. we just don't.
 
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channafofanna
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12/17/11 10:28 PM
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be kind for everytone is fighting some sort of battle...
then y am i the only one whos loosing the war????
 
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