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TOPIC TITLE: abuse
Created On 7/31/10 11:53 PM
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tootired
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7/31/10 11:53 PM
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could anyone who went through sxual abuse respond having a very difficult time handling myself and memories and want to talk with someone i will give more details if someone responds
 
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Aba
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8/7/10 11:11 PM
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I'm surprised no one has responded to you as there are definitely Frum Support members who went through sexal abuse. It may be they are just away for the summer, things have definitely been quite around here for the past 2 weeks.

In the meantime may find some support here http://allussheffelech.proboards.com/

Welcome aboard and Kol Tuv.
Aba


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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Aba
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8/7/10 11:12 PM
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I just saw your new thread I'm glad to see you are getting support there.
Kol Tuv.


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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tootired
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8/8/10 12:10 PM
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I clicked on the link that you gave and the only way to have access to the forums is to become a member but they are not taking on any new members at this point. I feel so alone and just scared all the time, all day and even at night I have nightmares. I hate sitting here and complaining. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.
 
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Aba
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8/10/10 10:38 PM
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tootired,
I sent you a PM.
Kol Tuv


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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Debbi
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9/15/10 11:47 AM
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Hi, im sorry i jst saw this post- i was away for the summer.

im sorry things are so hard. I totally understand, ive been abused too, and also have nightmares and other things.
I would love to support you.
hoping to hear from u soon.
 
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tootired
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9/18/10 9:52 PM
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i am so relieved that someone finally responded that went throught this type of thing-did you go to treatment? did it work? is there any hope? please respond asap
 
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Debbi
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9/28/10 11:51 PM
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im sorry i havent been online for abit- over yom tov im very busy with kids etc.

my belief is that every survivor has a different experience- i think that depending on age of wen abuse occured, duration and who the perpertrator was makes a difference in the intenstity and duration of treatment.
what do u think?
 
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little sheep
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10/17/10 3:26 PM
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tootired, I just sent you a message. Hoping to hear from you, and to be able to offer as much support as I can.


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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we.can.do.it
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1/27/11 9:31 AM
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HI,
I only saw your message now - I'm new to the site.
Hopefully by now youre doing a lot better... - how did you deal with the issue?
I've also been through sxl abuse... I'm in therapy now... but things are still really hard.
I would love to hear how youre dealing with fears etc.


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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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Debbi
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1/31/11 6:10 PM
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I suffer from PTSD as well as depression. I hav jst been discharged from a two wk hospital stay. Every so often my symptoms get so bad that I need to be hospitalized jst to keep myself alive.
I'm in therapy but still struggling alot. I often wonder if I will ever be symptom free. How about u? Do u also struggle alot?
I find that keeping my recovery so secret makes me feel hopeless and very alone.
Looking forward to taking further.
 
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we.can.do.it
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2/1/11 1:45 AM
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Dear Debbi,

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering so much.... you really sound like you can use a massive hug. Lonliness is the worst thing in the whole world!
Keeping recovery a secret is so hard and leaves you with almost no support when this is the time you need it most! I can really understand that...
I've been used sxly by a care-taker... so that leaves me with almost no trust in anyone anymore. Since i'm also keeping the entire thing a secret the only ppl who know are my docs and it's really really hard....
I feel awful somtimes... actually, more then just sometimes... just stuck in the middle of no where with no one and nothing to turn to...
Pain is something that follows me everywhere I go...
I suffer from depression and anxiety but thank g-d, they're not so bad and i'm on low doses with the meds.
I can't imagine what being hospitalized must be like... or more like the tremendous pain that you must be in that brings you there...

I also wonder if I'll ever be symptom free. I think that it is possible! The trauma will remain a painful memory but the symptoms can go away... There are people that have been through abuse before and have gotton out symptom- free. That's what gives me the hope that I will get out of this situation one day also.

Thinking of you and feeling in you pain...



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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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Debbi
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2/2/11 3:39 PM
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oh my gosh, your struggle sounds so similar to mine.

I have one freind who knows about what happened. She has been a tremendous support throuought the years. But sometimes I feel as though it gets too much for her, and also that I shud be over it already. How many more times can I feel suicidal, and depressed?

The hospital is not so bad.
It actually makes me feel safe, and gives me a break from dealing with my life. The staff in the hospital are very caring and they really try to make the patients feel as comfortable as possible.
When I get to the point where I actually dont mind being on a locked unit, I know I must be in a bad place. Because which normal healthy person doesnt mind being in a place where every moment u r told what to do??
I had someone watching me, 24 hours a day, for a whole week, and i didnt care. I felt like I wasnt myself, almost as though I was watching everything happen like in a movie.
As though there was a screen infront of my eyes. Its a strange feeling. I feel like that often, and I hate it.
Very disconnected.

I'm sorry u are struugling too.
Are u in therapy? What sort of therapy are u doing?
 
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we.can.do.it
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2/2/11 5:16 PM
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Dearest Debbi,

I also have a friend who's helping me through all of this and she's really supportive - thank g-d. My story is a little "fresher" - I havn't been in this situation for years. I can't imagine what it's like to struggle with this for so long.
I'm doing EMDR in order to deal with the trauma - it's not easy but it's really helpful... My therapist is a CBT therapist and that's what we do most of the time... also some imagry and just plain talk therapy.

Really what keeps me going is my deisre to just be a normal person. I know I've been through a lot but I also know that I have the strength to get out of it!
We all do!! WE REALLY DO!
Sometimes I'm ready to give up and commit suicide but then I remind myself of the beautiful life that I COULD live if I don't commit suicide and that commiting suicide won't get me there... it really keeps me going...
I have a wild imagination - it gets me into trubble most of the time but it also helps me imagine what life could be like if I work my way out of the mess that I'm in.
I'm making it sound so simple... It's SOOO not... It's a daily struggle.. but that's what keeps me moving!
The fact that you're feeling the way you're feeling for so long must be so hard, but don't let it discorage you! I've heard of plenty of people who have struggled with this stuff for years and they DID get out of it.

I totally get what you mean when you say feeling disconnected and feeling like you're watching the world (and yourself) from outside. I suffered from depersonalization a lot... You just feel like the whole world is going on and you're not there... well... you're body is there... but you're just watching everything from the outside - you can even be interacting - but it's not "me" who's interacting... cuz I'm "outside" - do I make any sense..?

I've never been in the hospital but it probabaly feels good to just "be"... even if that means feeling awful... sometimes feeling awful feels better then the constant struggle of trying to "feel better"...

What sort of therapy are you doing?

I'm thinking of you...





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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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Debbi
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2/3/11 9:47 AM
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I'm doing mostly DBT- Dialectical behavioral therapy.
I was in psychoanalysis for about 8 years, and my symptoms kept on getting worse and worse, until my therapist finally realised she wasnt helping me. Thats when I was forced to look for a new therapist.
Its funny because things are better in some ways, for example I'm alot more self aware than i used to be, but then the emotional pain is much more intense and more difficult to control.

your courage and commitment are truly amazing- an inspiration for all those who need it. It is not easy to believe in the future when the struggle seems so endless.
Depersonalisation is especially difficult, u described it so well.
I am feeling that way now- its been like this for a good few days, and all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep and sleep.
Sleeping will not help me get beyond this feeling of detachment, but at least it gives me some hours of relief.

Are u taking any medication?
I'm taking seroquel and lexapro. It helps me sleep and takes the edge off the pain.

Right now I'm in a rut.
Depressed alot, finding it difficult to do daily tasks, like getting up in the morning (I always do, gotta take kids to school)- staying out of bed, laundry and preparing food.
Grocery shopping is a nightmare, I find it really hard, I get dizzy and then end up with a panic attack. I was actually getting much better with shopping, but then for some reason things changed, and I regressed.

How are u today?
Are u in school? working? married?
Tell me only what u feel comfortable sharing. Important to take care of ourselves emotionally, and not feel too exposed.

well hope you have a very nice and pleasant day.
 
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toy123
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2/4/11 1:46 AM
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Debbi and we.can.do.it. I really feel your pain. Although I B"h did not go through sxual abuse I did have a really traumatic sxual experience in the brief marriage that I had, so I can totally relate on that aspect. I don't depersonalize but I do become numb sometimes and don't feel anything....... I have a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and my symptoms are really bad. I'm on meds but they're not helping nearly as much as I wish they would. Debbi I'm so jealous of you that you can get yourself out of bed in the morning to take your kids to school, I don't have the motivation and I don't have kids that I need to get up for and now especially that I don't have a schedule it's like what do I get out of bed for????? We. can.do.it I'm jealous of you too. Of your outlook in life. How you say you have the strength to get out of it and from your post it seems like you really believe it. I unfortunately don't believe (sometimes) that I have the strength. To me it feels like I'll be struggling all my life. I also just came out of the hospital. Was there for two weeks, got discharged on a Thursday, went back to the ER on Tuesday, left Wednesday, Came back to the ER on Thursday cuz I cut and was hospitalized for another two and half weeks. My life is so chaotic this past month and half......... Anyway I'm just blabbering so I'll stop now......


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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Debbi
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2/6/11 4:57 PM
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i'm sorry things are so hard for you Toy.
The only thing I can say is that the feelings and chaos u r experiencing currently, will pass. Maybe if u are aware of that u will manage to get through the pain.
I'm not doing much better myself.
Cutting alot, nightmares, feeling so depressed that I stay in bed all day.
I'm feeling pretty hopeless myself about getting beyond all of this.
And my therapist is away this whole wk, so I will be alone with my thoughts.
hope u hav a better day tom
 
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toy123
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2/7/11 4:47 PM
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Thanks debbi for your sympathy. It means a lot to me to know that someone understands. My day today went so so. I didn't really have what to do besides for a dentist appointment so that got me pretty down. Now I'm on the bus going to group therapy which I'm not looking forward to. There is so much anger in the group (its a very small group) and I'm terrified of anger. Anger scares me. As well I feel like I need twice a week session with my therapist like I used to have. I don't feel like I'm gaining much from the group. Then after that I have group at my residence. I'm terrified to see the social worker for fear of what she'll say to me (I haven't seen her since I got out of the hospital).


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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toy123
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2/7/11 4:47 PM
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Thanks debbi for your sympathy. It means a lot to me to know that someone understands. My day today went so so. I didn't really have what to do besides for a dentist appointment so that got me pretty down. Now I'm on the bus going to group therapy which I'm not looking forward to. There is so much anger in the group (its a very small group) and I'm terrified of anger. Anger scares me. As well I feel like I need twice a week session with my therapist like I used to have. I don't feel like I'm gaining much from the group. Then after that I have group at my residence. I'm terrified to see the social worker for fear of what she'll say to me (I haven't seen her since I got out of the hospital).


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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yanky
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2/8/11 9:04 PM
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I cannot fathom what all you women have been through.......Maybe someday we will understand why HKB"H lets this happen to innocent people like yourselves.

May He provide all of you with some minuchas hanefesh..........

Stay strong!
 
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Debbi
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2/9/11 10:09 AM
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thanks yanky for ure support.
having a hard time posting rite now, but hopefully will feel better soon.

toy, hope things work well with Pdoc today.
How did SW session go?
 
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toy123
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2/10/11 12:00 AM
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B"h my sessions with my therapist and psychiatrist went well. My psychiatrist doesn't think I'm suffering from clinical depression right now he thinks the depression is coming from the situation I'm in.......


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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