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TOPIC TITLE: I hate medication!!!
Created On 1/26/11 6:41 PM
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we.can.do.it
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1/26/11 6:41 PM
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I'm really having a hard time dealing with the fact that I have to start on meds... for anxiety...
anyone out there who can make me feel a little better about it?
I feel so wierd with the idea...


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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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hugs
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1/27/11 10:03 AM
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Hi. I was the same way with meds, I dreaded taking it, felt stupid taking them etc. Now I realize how much it changed my life (I know it sounds cheesy). I was suffering soooo much before and now I can actually smile. I can hold a normal conversation with people and overall I just feel so much better.
Good luck and feel good!!
 
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downandout
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1/27/11 10:58 AM
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I also understand how you feel. It can feel odd, knowing that you have to take medication for your mood.
But do you feel weird taking medication when you have a physical condition? It's the same thing. You have a condition for which you need help, and taking the medication doesn't make you a different person. It just helps you get better. It doesn't say anything about who you are. Just think about it as if you were taking medication for another condition - helping yourself heal. You are not better or worse in any way for taking it. You are the same person, just doing what you need to do.
And like hugs said, it can make you feel so much better.


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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we.can.do.it
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1/27/11 1:19 PM
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Thanks...
I would love if I could just see it as a regular medical condition... and as something physical, but it's just not. It's wierd... I feel like something is playing with who I essentially am... I'm really uncomfortable with the fact that I am now considered a "choleh nefesh"- mentally ill. Am I making any sense?
I get nauseous every time I think of my first doc appt this coming week...

A lot of it has to do with just accepting the situation, and I don't find that easy at all. I hate meds. They make me feel stupid about who I am.
I can't believe I'm really doing this...

On the other hand, I've really had enough of living with constant anxiety. It makes life so hard to live... You can't think normally, interact with peolple normally, sleep normally and so much more. My mind is constantly racing and doesn't give me a drop of peace...

If you had anxiety - how did the meds help?
Obviously every person is different - but just in general... do you seriously feel calm and at ease?

All of this stuff is just so weird to me!!! HELP!!!


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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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we.can.do.it
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1/28/11 7:29 AM
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Do ppl come on here often...?
just venting again...
i feel like i'm gonna start crying in a second... all this stuff is just sooooo intense...
It's really good to know that there are ppl out there who know and understand the way i feel...


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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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downandout
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1/28/11 7:52 AM
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I know it really is hard to come to terms with whatever struggle you are struggling with. Whether it be anxiety, depression, bipolar, BPD, etc, they are all really difficult to have to face head on.
But I think the main thing is just not to stigmatize yourself! By taking medication, you are doing everything you can to ensure that you will not be "choleh nefesh", that you will be able to live a full and complete life. You are doing what you can to prevent that.
I have never suffered from anxiety as a condition (although I have had anxiety related to my other symptoms). I have, however, suffered from depression, and I am in the midst of recovery from an eating disorder. At this point, I have become used to the fact that medicine is part of my life, and it is what helps me through and keeps me stable and able to manage my depressive symptoms. Therapy is great - but it is not always enough. For me it wasn't.
As to your last post, I think there are a couple of us who come on here often, but don't always post. We do read, though, and if you don't get answered immediately, don't think your question is going ignored. I know for me, I sometimes have to think about the post for a little bit before I reply.
Thinking of you...
((((((Hugs))))))))



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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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we.can.do.it
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1/30/11 8:28 AM
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Dearest 'downandout',

Thanks again for your encouragment!!! I really appreciate it. You know, I never thought to look at the idea of being on medicaion as what is preventing me from being considered a "choleh nefesh"... You're right, taking the medication is exactly the thing that is going to help me a lead a better quality of life.

B"H, I'm feeling a lot better today. I'm accepting the situation more and more and realizing that it's really not that bad. I'll survive it. Actually, not only will I survive it - I'll be a much happier person cuz of it. Something inside of me is actually starting to like this idea...
I can do it... We can all do it...

Thanks for your support - serioulsy, other people's support is what gets me through this hard time!!!



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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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downandout
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1/30/11 3:55 PM
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I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better about it today. We all have our ups and downs, and it's good to put your "ups" in writing, too - that way, when you're feeling down again, you can look back and see that you did at some point have a better day.
I'm happy that I'm able to be of support, and really, that's what this is all about - supporting each other. We all need it at times... more often than not, I would venture to say.
Good for you, and keep trying!


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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we.can.do.it
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1/31/11 2:13 AM
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HI,

Thanks so much again!!!
Finding "frum support" makes such a diffrence to me...

ok... gotta go study for finals. I'm so not motivated! I'm sure you all know the feeling. Once again I'm procrastinating... and finding all the good excuses in the world not to study.


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I'm going to live life anyway... it's up to me to decide HOW to live it!
 
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channafofanna
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2/6/11 3:47 PM
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Hey, I was on the subway recently and i think you might apreciate this.
"just get over it" about depression or mental illness is the same as telling someone with cancer or diabetes to get over it without medication oTelling someone to snap out of depression is like telling someone to stop having cancer.
.ppl don't go up to cancer patients and say..."come on, snap out of it." or " you just need to think happy thoughts." No. They have an illness and it gets treated. Same with depression
i dont remember exact words, sorry but hope it helps a bit
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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2/21/11 12:04 PM
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Well said!
a lynn
 
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channafofanna
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4/12/11 2:49 PM
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plus, whos to say your the ou thats anxious? maybe the meds help get you back to being yorslef, instead of changing you, at least thats what i try telling myself.
 
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killedlastyear
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4/13/11 8:30 PM
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In 8th grade I was diagnosed with ADD and had similar fears about the medication changing me. my mom said something very similar to what chanafofanna said. i took the meds and realized she was right. i was doing loads better in school and i was still me.

years later, when diagnosed with anxiety/depression i was once again hesitant to take those meds- partly due to the fact that i was so used to being depressed and feeling hopeless/ "wrapping myself up in that black cloud" that i partly didn't want to feel better! fast forward to today (it took a couple of years for me to finally commit to taking my meds on a regular schedule for long enough for them to have any effect)... and oh boy is life better with less stress and anxiety! and my depression is all about goooone.
at least commit to a couple of months minimum. if you feel like the meds are changing you into a person you don't want to be, then talk to your doc about that. that's my suggestion.

btw i hope by now you've got it all sorted out, i do realize this post is kind of old. but this info is useful for others- cuz i'm sure there's tons more people out there who feel this same way!
 
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yanky
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4/14/11 6:34 PM
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Channa-

I'm glad you saw that on the subway. You are right. Too many people don't realize that you cannot just "snap out of it". That is why I think it is outrageous that a famous Rav once wrote that "anyone who is depressed has no hakoras hatov". Obviously, that Rav has no clue that depression is an illness that one cannot control. I happen to have hakoras hatov for many things in my life. I am grateful that I can see, hear, walk, have children etc....But yet, I am upset that I wake up every day.

KLY-

As I wrote before, I think it is fantastic that your meds helped you so much! I have no doubt that you are grateful to HKB"H for that.

Chag Kasher V'sameach to all!
 
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channafofanna
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4/27/11 1:07 PM
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In his deffense, theres clinical depression, and then theres other depression
im not saying i belive that, but most people say what they are talking about isnt for clinical depression.

But really, can we control it?
 
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yanky
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4/27/11 3:58 PM
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No. We cannot control it.

You certainly ARE mature to be melamed z'chus when I am not......I am still enraged by his comments.
 
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channafofanna
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We cant control it? maybe you cant, but if i didnt cut, i wouldnt be spiraling down so fast, if i got myself out of bed or off the internet and actually did something then maybe my depression wouldn't be as bad. If i cooperated with therapy or always took my meds and never lied to my "support system" or actually told someone what i feel like behind my fake smiles and sparkling eyes then maybe id feel better....But i dont, so therefore its MY fault I am who I am.... I could be so much better, but I CHOOSE to be in control of making myself stay miserable

Ha, Ha, Ha- If i heard that guy say it myself, he would have an inbox FULL of hate mail by the end of the week. I'm just an outsider so i see it like that...if it was the other way around, you would say the same. Plus you have every right to be enraged at someone who is insensitive and is to blind to see that depression is right in front of his face, and 1/4 people listening to him are affected by it in their lifetime, wether or not he has a "Rabbi" before his name. Plus he probably made half the depressed audience go home and "think why take my meds if im still gona be depressed because im not thankful to Hashem"or other things which i wont say about them thinking its their fault, when it isnt, becasue that will discredit my whole first paragraph
People are just so oblivious sometimes!!!! ... and the worst part is, so am i ....
 
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channafofanna
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Oh, and its nothing personal, im just cranky today i guess, not that thats an excuse... IY"H next time ill pretend to be sweet me again ....

Also, another anoying thing is "just be yourself and you'll do great", really? i can make friends by sitting crying in the corner or shunning people, just thought id add that..
 
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yanky
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4/28/11 10:17 AM
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Channa, you CHOOSE to do these things because you are miserable. But if there was a magic pill that would guarantee that you would feel that life is great and worth living, I'm 100% sure you would take it.

You make some good points about the Rabbi's comment......

No need to pretend to be your old sweet self. Not here, anyway.

Feel well.....please!!!
 
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channafofanna
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5/1/11 4:57 PM
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Im still thinking about the pill, if i would take it....
thanks!!!
 
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reach4thestars
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5/1/11 7:55 PM
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We can do it is the meds helping yet? I recently started taking zoloft to "off the edge..." And I haven't seen a chance though its been 3 weeks. I deal with anxiety and went to a new social worker today who dignosed me with bpd traits. Everyone on this sight I need support!!! She stressed me out!
 
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hugs
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5/1/11 8:06 PM
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reach4thestars, did you go to a social worker or psychiatrist? Because a social worker is not allowed to diagnose. Only a psychiatrist is allowed.
Anyway, I have bpd and am now doing much better. You just gotta find the right mix of meds and DBT and things will start changing for you. It has for me, b''H!
If you have any q's, feel free to ask!!
 
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reach4thestars
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5/1/11 9:33 PM
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Are you serious? Because the therapist I went to today gave me the bpd diagonses. She isn't allowed to!? She told me that psychatrists don't believe in bpd because medication doesn't cure it, only helps to take off the edge.
 
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hugs
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5/1/11 9:41 PM
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Ummmm, ya I'm 99% sure that they are not allowed to give a diagnosis. I'll find out for sure tom when I speak to my dr.
About psychs diagnosing it, I was in the psych hospital and was diagnosed with it by my psych there then when I got out my regular psych agreed with the diagnosis. Medication doesn't help it completely but together with DBT you can be pretty much free of the symptoms. Also, I ask my dr many times if I could ever get rid of it completely and I think the answer is yes. I think the symptoms can go away if you take your meds properly and get the right therapy. For instance, I am almost finished with therapy and starting to lower my medication. I am pretty much symptom free right now too. This is from a combination of DBT and the right mix of meds.
I'm going to find out for you for sure about the psych and social worker thing. Will let you know!
 
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reach4thestars
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5/1/11 9:54 PM
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Wow I can't believe what she said isn't true... I guess I will ask my psychaitrist if she agress. I mean I only saw her once...
Thanks so much!
I'm so confused now and so upset, I mean I was diagnosed with bpd tendencies today and though it makes sense I can't believe I have it.
Whatever.. Thanks again
 
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hugs
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5/2/11 7:31 AM
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Hold on. I didn't say that she's wrong, I just said that she's not really supposed to be diagnosing))
Ask your doc though. Good luck!!!
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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I don't understand the question about diagnosing. Could you please restate it?
a lynn
 
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reach4thestars
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The question.is if a psychologist can diagnose a patient or only psychatrists have that authority?
 
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hugs
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Dr Lynn, is a social worker or psychologist allowed to be the one to diagnose or is it only that a psychiatrist can diagnose? My Dr told me that only the psychiatrist is allowed to, not the social worker or psychologist...
 
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frumsw
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5/5/11 3:28 PM
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As far as I know, meds can treat the anxiety and depression associated with BPD but it doesn't teach interpersonal or emotional regulation skills that a DBT group can.


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frumsw
 
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emunah60
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5/8/11 9:53 PM
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Forget about what you are diagnosed with, thats not whats important in the long run. You are still you- you just happen to have been give a certain diagnosis. Actually, when the doctor or therapist actually gets the diagnosis right, you are on the right tract. I have been given many different diagnoses over the last 5 years. It always seems to change along with the medication the doctor gives. I think I have been on every med. on the market for depression, bi-polar, and anxiety I went to DBT for over a year. My first hospitalization was 5 years ago, since then I have been in the hospital about 8 times. I recently got out of South Beach State hospital after 10 months.
It is hard to remember the successful woman, good mother, faithful friend that I use to be. I need support!
 
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reach4thestars
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5/9/11 8:21 PM
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Thank you for all your responcies! I am using the attitude that since I know I have the BPD diagnosis I am going to insure that I am not one of those steriotypical borderlines and I will push myself to get the help wheter it be drugs or therapy. Everyone- hang in there you can do it.
 
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downandout
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5/10/11 12:16 PM
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Emunah60, I totally understand you. I know what it's like to constantly have diagnoses change, meds change, shift from hospital to hospital, program to program... I can empathize with wondering where that successful woman, mother, friend went... It's hard. Really, really hard. I've been through a lot as well, as far as depression and anxiety and suicidality and diagnoses and other behavioral issues and as far as various treatment facilities and programs go. I guess on this site we're all here to support each other through all of it, and to help each other trust that it gets better at times, for some more than others. Recovery is something that people do achieve, some in different ways than others. It does work; that is something that I'm coming to believe. Whether you know your diagnosis or not; whether you do the "right" treatment or not; whether you've been in the "right" hospital or not; whether you've seen the "right" therapist or not... It can work. Recovery can happen. I hope, sooner rather than later, for all of us. And while I may not be the same woman I was before, I will be somebody stronger for what I went through.


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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channafofanna
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5/29/11 6:53 PM
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sorry to interpurt, I know this is crazy sounding (well, i am in the mental health forum) but i wouldnt take the pill.
would anyone here do that?
Hang in there everyone!! If you beleive it you can be it
(actualy i dont belive thaqt, but hopefully someone will read this who does....)
 
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reach4thestars
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6/19/11 9:30 PM
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major late responce, but I don't want to take the pill. Do you mean that you CAN'T or you DON'T want to???? I was on a pill and switching and major stressed. Can anyone relate?
 
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channafofanna
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6/30/11 7:43 PM
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I meant that i dont WANT to take it, if it were available. i realized that i really am happy being depressed (if that makes any sence) i like being depressed in a way that when there is something i cud do to feel better, i just feed fuel into the fire and make myself feel worse, maybe even on purposse sometimes..
" was on a pill and switching and major stressed. Can anyone relate? "
what do you mean? are you like talking about meds? i was kinda talking about a pill that would just sudenly make me happy (hate to break anyones bubble, but really, no ssris mao inhibitors or any antidepressant does that)

 
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