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TOPIC TITLE: article- may be triggering
Created On 6/27/11 6:21 PM
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hugs
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6/27/11 6:21 PM
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I just read this article about a women (25) who was depressed because she lost her boyfriend and job in one week. She felt like she had nothing to lose for and decided she would jump off the roof of her building. Police got there in time and caught her while she was jumping.
I don't know why but this article had my name written on it almost. I feel like it was talking to me. I want to do that so badly right now, it's crazy. But I'll do it right. I won't let anyone catch me in time. I wish I could do it!!! Why are some other people brave enough to do it and I'm not?!?!
 
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downandout
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6/27/11 8:34 PM
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Hugs, I could almost feel your feelings right now. I've felt that way many times before as well. It's that feeling of stomach twisting instead, heavy gut, heavy heart, and just desperate jealousy... I know what it's like. I've done stuff in the past just because I had to prove to myself that I was "brave" and "strong" enough to do it.
But I guess it's kind of taking "bravery" out of context. Because I think we both know, in our heart of hearts, that it's not what bravery is really all about. Bravery is really about staying here and facing the challenges even when a boyfriend and job are both lost within a week... or when a zillion different things are going on in our lives. And I guess that's what we both - you and I and everyone else - need to say to ourselves. That true bravery is facing the odds. Not escaping it by jumping, or doing anything of the sort.


-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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hugs
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6/27/11 8:54 PM
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d&o- you're right. It just seems like such an appealing idea right now.
This might also sound messed up but I think I'm craving that love that I would get if I would do something like that. People would care if I attempted to do that
They would show love and caringness (I know that's not a word) to me. When I was in the hospital the last time I attempted suicide but it wasn't such a great attempt, wasn't planned well etc. I was just locked out of my room, I wasn't shown any love. I think if I did a more thought out plan and had a more drastic attempt then the nurses and drs would show that they care a little bit more. This is a fantasy that I have I think.
But I do truly crave love and caringness from people.
You're right though, I do know deep down that this is a bad idea and doesn't show strenght but rather shows weakness.
 
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channafofanna
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6/30/11 7:48 PM
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i totaly know the feeling...
(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hang in there, k?
 
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