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TOPIC TITLE: ANGER >:(
Created On 10/3/11 10:40 PM
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LuYitzlach
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10/3/11 10:40 PM
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Does anyone have any tips on how to control anger?
I don't mean how to not act out. I've learnt how to keep it in and not let it out on others.
But my anger is just eating me up on the inside now...

Any advice?

I know that being angry is like serving idols... but I can't help feeling the deeepest anger when i see the guy whose hurting a kid i really love and he's just walking the streets as if he's a good guy and everyone is accepting him and letting him get away with it even when they know.
What should i do? I hate having this anger cook in me, and I know anger is wrong, but it kills me to see this injustice! >
 
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Aba
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10/3/11 10:53 PM
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Rabbi Pliskin has an amazing book http://www.artscroll.com/Books/agrh.html on the subject.


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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gad
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10/4/11 1:36 AM
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Maybe you can view this person as being mentally ill. In other words, there is a good chance that he has something mentally wrong with him, because normally people don't try to hurt others.
 
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Aba
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10/4/11 9:01 AM
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>whose hurting a kid
I may be wrong but I think you are allowed to angry at a rusha.
So depending what he is doing your feeling may be justified.

Can you discreetly bring the situation to someone who can or will do something about it?

Kol Tuv


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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mouse
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10/4/11 1:48 PM
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Lu, I'm in a similar situation. It's tough not to be angry at times (if not always) that someone can do such a thing. Before I read your entire question all I could think of was a piece of wisdom I saw on Facebook recently. (I know it's not the best source for wisdom, but it will do for now .) Here goes...
"Bearing a grudge is like letting someone live in your heart rent free and wreck it."

Now though, you are in a different situation. You see someone hurting a kid regularly (from what I understand) and yet you do not act to protect the child. I'm not sure the reasoning. Perhaps it isn't enough to justify as abuse. Either way, you may want to consult a Rav about how to act upon such a behavior displayed by someone. It's a very, very tough bind. I'm in it.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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LuYitzlach
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10/4/11 3:16 PM
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I don’t wanna give details, cuz it would be useless gossip, won’t help (only for venting…) and you might be able to guess certain details… let’s just say I tried really hard in many ways and with help and it didn’t make the abuse stop.

So do you think I am allowed to be mad? Is anger ever OK?

Aba- I don’t have access to that book you mentioned yet. If you read it, do you know if anger is ever OK?
 
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LuYitzlach
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10/4/11 3:17 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: munkster

"Bearing a grudge is like letting someone live in your heart rent free and wreck it."





very sweet )
 
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Ineedspace
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10/4/11 5:36 PM
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anger is a real feeling and when not dealt with properly may cause you to injure yourself or others. according to what you share, this is not the case with you. about this person that you're angry at, how about write a letter to him expressing all the feelings you have towards him. Dont be afraid to use words of anger and hatred. Write freely without picking up your pen. Never give the letter over to him nor should you reread it, (your choice really) it's simply to release the energy. Sounds rediculous but actually works. The results are amazing. If it doesn't work the first time, write again, and again, until you feel free from holding the grudge. Until you get to that ahh feeling> gluck
 
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gad
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10/4/11 7:30 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: LuYitzlach
So do you think I am allowed to be mad? Is anger ever OK?


It seems from Maimonides (Hilchos deiois) that it's normal to sometimes get angry, but that it's better to avoid it altogether. (He writes that sometimes it's useful to pretend to be angry, but only as an act, and you are in complete control of yourself.)

So 'I Need Space's' suggestion, and similar approaches, can be helpful, and important, when someone does get angry.

But perhaps the ideal approach, is to try to find strategies and attitudes that help avoid anger.
 
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Aba
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10/6/11 10:58 AM
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Lu,
I apologize I haven't had time to look up what you asked, but Gad seems to have brought a pretty good "Ryah" that I'm wrong. I have a feeling I'm confusing dislike/hate with anger.

I just read the other day in “The Gates of Repentance” p331 (Shaarri Teshuvah, Third Gate, Paragraph 218) The subject ant hand is speaking Lashon Harah:
Quote

‘But if you know about a man, and his conduct has confirmed to you, that the fear of G-d is not before his eyes, and he always stands on a path which is not good, it is a Mitzvah so speak degradingly of him, and to expose his sins, to lower transgressors in the eyes of men, and to cause the hearers to despise the wicked deeds. It is said, “An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous” (Proverbs 29:27) and “The fear of the Lord is to have evil” (ibid 8:13).’


Kol Tuv.


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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channafofanna
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10/6/11 11:27 PM
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did you call dyfs? or child services? or is it not that type of hurting....
 
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LuYitzlach
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10/10/11 8:57 AM
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ya, they come in with blindfolds and say they "don't see anything"- they've gotta be totally blind!!!
the whole system is so corrupt... once you get to know it...
 
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channafofanna
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10/10/11 11:22 PM
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yeah... like a parenting class would help an abusive parent TONZ anyway, right???
 
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