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TOPIC TITLE: Everything that can go wrong, did!
Created On 10/10/11 2:41 AM
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depressed
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10/10/11 2:41 AM
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I feel like my entire life is messed up. Everything that can possibly be wrong, is! I'm born into a messed up family with lots of divorce and stuff, my parents have horrible shalom bayis, money's a huge issue, summary is that house is disfunctional, I was bullied for like 10 years, I was molested (like a few times), there's chronic illness, cancer, mental illness (lots of it) what could be worse? I feel like a hopeless case. Will the rest of my life be better?! I feel like I have every issue in the world, anxiety, depression, ocd, anorexia, and I dunno!!!! HELP! I just want to kill myself because of my anxiety. I know I make no sense but I'm so miserable.
 
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gad
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10/10/11 3:04 AM
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In the Rosh Hashono prayer, we ask G-d to help us out of the tremendous mess we're in.

I think that disfunctional, tragic, oppressed, and many other words could be used to describe our situation.

Nevetheless, we are optimistic that the future will be bright and happy. And we ask G-d to bring that soon.

So although some of the details may be different, but you're not alone. And hopefully soon it will be good.
 
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LuYitzlach
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10/10/11 8:55 AM
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: _ o (
 
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depressed
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10/10/11 2:07 PM
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but when things were "okay" for a few short months I knew it couldn't last cuz for some reason the good can never last!!
 
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Aba
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10/10/11 2:25 PM
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Any way of getting out of the house?
How long till seminary?

Kol Tuv.


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden

Edited: 10/10/11 at 2:26 PM by Aba
 
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depressed
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10/10/11 3:27 PM
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I'm in 11th grade so I have to wait and I want to go to BJJ and I admit-just for the name cuz otherwise I'm not gonna find a shidduch I'm obsessed with shidduchim. I live my life for it.
 
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gad
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10/10/11 3:39 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: depressed
but when things were "okay" for a few short months I knew it couldn't last cuz for some reason the good can never last!!


But maybe just knowing that it was good for a few months, gives a bit or reassurance that it's possible for things to be good. Then, we can use the down time as a springboard to try to achieve and to look forward to the good time again.

And perhaps, after a while, the 'good' times become better and last for longer stretches.
 
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channafofanna
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10/10/11 11:24 PM
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~~~~~SYMPATHY AND EMPATYH~~~~~~
 
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ayelet_hashachar
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4/29/12 10:29 PM
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Your pain pains me; I am pained by your pain. I know exactly how you feel because I've felt the same way. Your reaching out on this website, seeking support, is very healthy after all you've been through. Your pain has shaped you into a more kind, sensitive, understanding, open-minded, empathic, and frankly a better person- and I hope one day you will be able to look back and be comforted. For now, give yourself a big hug and keep reaching out to us!


-------------------------
Let's just say G-d knew I had a sense of humor.
 
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frumsw
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5/4/12 8:47 AM
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On a practical note, BJJ is very hard to get into and it's a very rigorous academic program. What about a program where you'll have some fun-after all, your life is hard enough. In terms of shidduchim, I felt that nobody would ever want to marry me and I ended getting married a week after my 20th birthday. He wasn't perfect bec. he was coming from a very dysfunctional family (I didn't know it at the time) but it makes sense bec. my family had it's own issues too!
It would've been alot better if I would've taken care of my own stuff before I was in shidduchim and landed up with someone healthier as well. Both my daughters went to local, very not special seminaries and both were married to very good guys at age 20. No, I don't have this thing about "20" but that's how Hashem worked it out.
I wasn't even looking for a shidduch yet for my second daughter and it came to us. Can you imagine in this day and age?
What I'm trying to say is: 1. a seminary will not make or break shidduch chances.
2. everything is Bashert.
3. get yourself as healthy as possible before shidduchim.
4. As Dr. Twerski says, marriage is not a hospital. If your home life is so bad you need get out as early as possible, get a madricha job in Israel and stay there or get a teaching/kiruv job out of town (girls are doing when there aren't jobs in their place like Lakewood). Don't rush into marraige to get out.

Good Luck.


-------------------------
frumsw
 
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mouse
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5/4/12 9:01 AM
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frumsw...what you said is sooo right. Also, getting married when slightly older and more mature may sound upsetting, but it may be for the best of the marriage. You can then devote your energies towards the marriage, not the dysfunctional family you came from. Furthermore, FYI, there are a lot of BJJ girls who aren't married and are "old." Seminary doesn't define you; you define you. I went to a not so special seminary and got married to a wonderful guy....he's not perfect, and neither am I, but our marriage is rather nice . (Nobody is perfect, ya know.) If I were to do seminary all over again, I'd insist on going to the "fun" seminary or the one that suits my personality, not the :"cover" to my real self. (I went to a high-stress seminary even if it was a no nanamer.)


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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5/7/12 11:30 AM
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frumsw,
great advice!
in general, I can really hear the dilemma btwn being "yourself" and wanting to "fit in" this wacky frum world we live in!
a lynn
 
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