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TOPIC TITLE: Can I get married??
Created On 7/8/12 1:35 AM
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thinkgood
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7/8/12 1:35 AM
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Hey everyone,

I'm a single girl in my low twenties and have been struggling with depression and anxiety for a few years.

B"H the situation is under control and with homeopathic medications and vitamins, I am feeling good overall. I still have some setbacks once in a while when my doc tells me to reduce the stuff I'm taking...and other bumps in the road, which my doc said will straighten up over time.

So I've been pushing off marriage till now, but now that I'm b"h feeling better....am I seriously scared! I know that I will have to reveal my medical situation to the guy b4 I marry him... and do pple wanna marry me with all this baggage? Will I just be rejected, g-d forbid, by one person after another?

I am just a bit traumatized cuz I was just at a friend's house (who has no idea that I have any issue of this sort) and they were discussing that pple who have mental illnesses need a "special" shidduch.

But I am a normal, very capable, energetic person...do I have hope of marrying someone "normal"; will anyone want me with this "baggage?" I am so nervous!

What do you think?

Thanks!
 
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gad
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7/8/12 12:52 PM
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Edited: 7/8/12 at 12:56 PM by gad
 
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thinkgood
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7/8/12 2:04 PM
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Thanks- I was looking for threads under this topic and couldn't find any. That was helpful.
Any of the people who wrote in the above forums a few years ago want to share how shidduchim/marriage is going/went for them?

Thanks!
 
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star
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7/8/12 3:15 PM
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Hi thinkgood,

welcome to the forum, unless you've been here a while back. and i didn't realize.

Mazel tov on your recovery. It gives me hope to hear that people have gone through this gehinom and emerged on the brighter side.

I am in a similar situation to yours. I also have no clue how I'll reveal what i've gone through on a date.
However, im not looking for someone who doesn't have any "baggage" of his own. I appreciate people who've gone
through a lot and are a deeper, stronger person for it.


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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ayelet_hashachar
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7/11/12 11:21 PM
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Hi thinkgood,
OMG I am in the same situation! But if it makes you feel better, I have wayyy more baggage than you...and I'm on prescription meds in addition to natural supplements. Firstly, I agree with star. The dating process may be very painful- trust me, I know, I've cried about this- But think of it this way: You don't really know a person until you live with them. What better test to determine if this is someone you want to live with for the rest of your life than someone who loves you and accepts you as you are, even with all your "baggage" (like this pasuk in Shir Hashirim "dilugo alay ahava"- means Ha-shem LOVES us even with our imperfections)?

And about this...
"I am just a bit traumatized cuz I was just at a friend's house (who has no idea that I have any issue of this sort) and they were discussing that pple who have mental illnesses need a "special" shidduch."

OMG I can totally relate! I've been at friends' houses (and yeah, I also hide my issues from everyone) and people talk about how ppl don't tell when they're on "medication" (and you and I know they mean our type of medication, not run-of-the-mill allergy pills) and they stigmatize mental illness without realizing it. It takes ever ounce of energy I have not to burst out crying...

Your pain pains me because it's my pain. The way I've grown to view my situation is: Ha-shem gave me this as a nisayon. Ha-shem could have easily created me with enough serotonin. But He didn't- so there must be a reason. I've come to believe people in our situation are doing tremendous tikkun-because suffering from mental illness is one of the most underestimated gehenoms there is. And B'H, thanks to modern medicine, we don't have to- BUT we have to deal with the stigma that comes as a consequence. I really think that one day, we can teach people a lesson.


-------------------------
Let's just say G-d knew I had a sense of humor.
 
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thinkgood
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7/11/12 11:43 PM
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Thanks star and ayelet- I am relieved to know that I am not the only one in this situation, and I feel supported and encouraged knowing that you struggle with this as well. (Not that I want anyone to struggle...it just helps me to know that I'm not alone in this)

Ayelet- I like what you said about the guy accepting you- then you know he has quality to him. That's a good way to look at it.

I am trying to not worry about dating...meanwhile I'm not even sure if I'm really ready to date since I feel like my own life is hard enough to deal with at this point- but it's constantly an up and down ride so I keep changing me mind. I'm trying to trust in Hashem

 
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ayelet_hashachar
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7/12/12 10:38 PM
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Way to go! Something that helps me with that is this thought exercise where you think about someone you trust and think of how Ha-shem put this person in your life as a shaliach to help you...pm me if you want more details


-------------------------
Let's just say G-d knew I had a sense of humor.
 
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thinkgood
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7/12/12 11:13 PM
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so true I am so thankful to all those messangers bh
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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7/19/12 9:34 AM
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Great support everybody! This is a touchy subject, no doubt, but you seem very insightful and together!
a lynn
 
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star
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7/22/12 10:03 PM
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just wanted to share that the Binah had a beautiful story about a girl
who got through depression and was finally ready for marriage. the article
is called ut of the darkness(from july 2nd.)
one thing she says is that she felt she was still shlepping suitcases but they were no longer overflowing.
did anyone else read it?


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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channafofanna
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7/22/12 10:44 PM
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yeah. I always wondered what "normal" people feel like that all the magizines talk about mental health all the time....
 
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star
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7/22/12 11:07 PM
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ha- if only we could be considered "normal" and people without issues, not.
did you like the story, felt it portrayed depression well?
i loved the line " i have climbed mountains...passed worlds."


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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frumsw
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7/25/12 3:44 PM
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Every "normal" knows someone or has a family member with a mental illness or has one themselves but doesn't recognize it.


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frumsw
 
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ayelet_hashachar
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7/25/12 10:06 PM
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How do you know?


-------------------------
Let's just say G-d knew I had a sense of humor.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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8/23/12 11:19 AM
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I have always felt uncomfortable with labels such as "normal" and "mental illness", because I don't think they are truly descriptive and are divisive. Even diagnoses are usually minimally helpful, except they do sometimes inform treatment approaches. Everyone has challenges and opportunities, strengths and weaknesses, annoying and lovable qualities. When I work with people, these are the categories I try to explore b/c it seeks to access their experience.
a lynn
 
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Malka
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10/2/12 10:41 PM
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please check your private mesages
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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10/25/12 6:09 PM
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Malka,
I never received a private message from you. Please resend.
a lynn
 
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