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TOPIC TITLE: Looking for submissions
Created On 12/4/12 1:27 AM
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HopefulMommy
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12/4/12 1:27 AM
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I am looking for poems, stories, or any writing on the subject of seeking Hashem from within clinical anxiety and depression. Please email submissions to fromthedepths5773@gmail.com. Thank you and looking forward to reading!
 
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emunahdoj
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12/7/12 2:05 AM
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Something in general (like an article we found) or our personal experience?
 
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HopefulMommy
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Anything -- whatever you think would be helpful to people struggling with depression and anxiety, or their family members, or the frum community at large.

I realized that I gave an email address, but some people don't have an anonymous email account and don't want to send email with their real name. So if you'd rather post it here, or pm it to me, that's also fine.

If you've already posted something here and would like to include it in the book, pm or email me the link to the thread.

This is our chance for our voices to be heard by the frum community, and by other frum Jews who may be suffering in silence! I'm sure all of you have something to say.
 
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emunahdoj
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12/28/12 3:57 AM
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Not sure if this is the type of thing you are looking for, but I have a story....

For the past two months my cell phone was not turned on, I could not feed myself, and could barely walk. My mind could not even have negative thoughts anymore. I was past that. I was at a point of surrender. I just wanted to die. Everything felt helpless. My family was sitting on the couch near me one day as I was eating some pizza, and I used all my energy to get out the words to my mom "Do you want some pizza?" A few months later, when i was BH on the road to recovery, my mom told me, "When you were at your lowest point, what did you do? You offered me food. That was you. That is you." It made me realize- when I layed on the couch day after day from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep, trapped in fear and helplessness, not doing anything...who was I? What did I have? My generous, caring, thoughtful self. I offered food to my mom despite the agony I was in. That was me. That is my neshama. Often times people in life wonder "who am i?" It is a lifelong struggle and something I still struggle with. I remember learning from different Rabbaim that a person can figure out who he is when he imagines himself without anything physical- without his career, without his car, without whatever label he attaches himself to. So sometimes when I am trying to figure out who I am, I think back to the day that I had "nothing." Everything physical was taken away, and that is when my real self shone through.


Edited: 12/28/12 at 4:02 AM by emunahdoj
 
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HopefulMommy
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12/28/12 1:11 PM
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Beautiful!! Yes, this fits in very much. I'd love to use it.

And I'm glad you're feeling better!
 
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star
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1/5/13 10:12 PM
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would you use some journal entries? i am anyways typing up my journals since i was diagnosed.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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1/7/13 12:39 AM
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Sure, I would use journal entries. I might edit them a bit, though.
 
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toy123
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What kind of journal entries do u mean? I have some poems that might be good. So if u tell me the topic I can email some to u. Only if u want.


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Sure, that would be great! My main topic is personal and spiritual growth. If you've grown through the experience, then describe how. If you're still struggling, what are you struggling with?

In terms of journal entries, it should be a complete thought, or idea, or experience. Basically, if someone else was reading it, would they find it interesting?
 
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star
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1/7/13 10:53 PM
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this is not about growth per say, but i think i would be important to show what a depressed person feels like every day.
but its your book, so you can decide. if you dont want it, let me know so ill take it off.



Journal- summer of 2011.

I can’t. I can’t handle myself anymore. I cant handle living anymore. I cant handle a day without a session with my therapist. Every day is like a year with potential doom. I cant!!!
I cant bear the anxiety, the not fitting in, not being normal.
Why cant I just go to the ave and but a stupid pill for Chani? Why am I so crazy? Why does no one freaking understand me? Chaya said it would be nice to do it but its ok. Its not a big deal.
But its a big deal for me!Im so nervous and anxious about Chanis reaction. I feel so guilty, so ungrateful.
Im such an idiot. Here I am staying by her house for free and I cant handle even doing a small stupid favor for her?She thinks im nuts. And selfish. And I am!I cant handle myself!And I don’t fit in.
Its not “very nice” that I went out to eat with Shaina.I didn’t want to go and I don’t feel any better that I went , ok?
Chaya, Why cant you understand me?im all alone in a big scary world of intimidating people who think im a loser and mental!
I want help! I need help!I need intense therapy which I cant afford and maybe its not even good for me. Cuz maybe ill be too dependent on her. Which I probably am already.I cant ! Hashem, just take me!Please!Its hell down here!
I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t fit in, I don’t want to fit in, Im always anxious and feeling guilty and have low self esteem and hating myself and who knows what else…Does anyone understand me?
Does anyone in this world love me,care about me, like me, want to spend time with me, respect me, understand me, at all?
I think the answer is no.
Maybe Mommy subconsciously loves me but I cant even feel it or appreciate it cuz Im so crazy.
I need a shoulder to cry on. I need your unconditional love. Someone! Please, someone reach out and show me Im still a little bit valuable, theres still something a little good inseide me! Is there? Im not sure.
How the hell am I going to survive 2 weeks until my t gets back????
How, Hashem? I cant !I want to take me life!Why did You make me to suffer like this?


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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1/8/13 1:27 AM
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I agree with you. I think the book should paint an honest picture of depression. It's not all about spirituality and growth.

I'm concerned, though, that such journal entries might trigger people who are just coming out of depression. What do you think? It's so raw and so powerful. I wonder if I should edit it or bit. Or would you like to edit it?
 
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star
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1/23/13 3:52 PM
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here is a song i wrote even before i was diagnosed with depression i can send you the recorded song if you like)

Searching for you, crying for You,
Pain suffocating your child.
Crushing all joy, challenging my soul,
Can i ever climb out?

Tatte help me, Tatte, take me by the hand,
Show me how to grow with love/ joy.

Remember, dear child,
Although your tears reflect mine
After the darkness comes light.

My love concealed to your eyes
But now raise them to the sky
The sun emerging after night.


Tatte help me, Tatte, take me by the hand,
Show me how to grow with love/ joy.



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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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1/24/13 11:31 PM
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That's beautiful, star!
 
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star
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1/24/13 11:52 PM
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thanks


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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1/28/13 6:32 PM
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Star-
Very nice.
a lynn
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/17/13 12:01 AM
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Would anyone else like to submit something?
 
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HopefulMommy
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So I'm B"H finishing up the book. If anybody would like to submit anything else, or just share your story, either in writing or in a phone interview, please let me know ASAP. Also, if you've submitted something, would you like to use a pen name? I've been thinking that it's better if people use pen names rather than just "anonymous" because then the readers can tell that these pieces were written by different people, and that there are a lot of people out there going through this.
 
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I'mTrying
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7/9/13 5:46 PM
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How much time do i have?
I have a friend who has been writing about her challenges for a long time and is an excellent writer. I know this project is something that she would be very interested in...
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/9/13 11:19 PM
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Ooh! Till the end of the month for sure, possibly more. Could you tell her to email me? Thanks!
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/18/13 1:07 PM
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Update: I got a contract with Menucha Publishers! B"H it's all coming together!

Thank you everyone for your help, support, encouragement, submissions, sharing your thoughts and stories, and just being here!

I was looking over what I have and thinking that it would be nice to get 5-6 more stories, either in writing or in a phone interview. I think they really enhance the book. Anyone willing to share?
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/18/13 1:34 PM
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Contratulations! that's really exciting! Do you know when it'll be in the stores?
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/18/13 1:35 PM
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I still have to think about sharing my story.
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/18/13 1:44 PM
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No idea. The contract says within 12 months. Which sounds like a long time!
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/18/13 1:49 PM
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Sounds VERY long. Oh well, worst case we'll get to read it in the post-moshiach era and we'll even be able to laugh over our past galus struggles...
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/18/13 1:50 PM
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will my identifying details be changed if I decide to be interviewed?
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/18/13 2:09 PM
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Sure. You can read it before it goes anywhere.
 
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star
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7/18/13 8:55 PM
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i might do an interview if u want, not cuz i really want to but more if it could help someone identify and get the help they need.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/19/13 12:44 AM
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Thanks Star! How about I let you know next week if I still need it? I got two today. If you'd rather not do it I can see if I can get a few more next week.
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/19/13 12:44 AM
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wishicouldbenormal, have you had a chance to ask your friend?
 
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I'mTrying
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I did, and she was not as enthusiastic as I thought. She was concerned about trust. (even though I told her it can be anonymous) I think we all get that vulnerablility so I understand her (although am disappointed)
But I think some of it has to do with me- and our relationship
I will give her your email address and maybe she'll change her mind...
 
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HopefulMommy
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That's disappointing. If she's worried about someone identifying her you can tell her that she can set up an anonymous email account and email me her story without even telling me her name, or anything else about her. Of course, she should change all the identifying details in her story too, like age, location, whatever else.
 
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MoMo
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7/19/13 12:28 PM
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you know my story if that would interest you I Will do the interview gladly...
 
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MoMo
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My married friend -who wouldn't been great for your book doesn't really want to do it :-(
 
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HopefulMommy
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That's too bad. Thanks, I'm emailing you, Momo.
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/24/13 3:27 PM
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Update: I got several more stories. Here's what I don't have, and would like some input on:
-- addiction and depression, how that plays out, recovery process
-- role of therapy in healing depression, from a client's point of view (I have an article from a therapist's point of view)
-- depression as a result of s-xual abuse (the site wouldn't let me spell it out)
-- ADD/ADHD and depression

Thoughts or leads would be appreciated.


Edited: 7/24/13 at 3:31 PM by HopefulMommy
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/25/13 8:10 PM
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hopeful, are you still looking for stories, or do you have enough already?
 
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HopefulMommy
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I think I need to get out of my obsessive mode and tell myself that I have enough stories . But for now, I'm still looking.
 
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wishtobehappy
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Obsessive sounds familiar

I decided that I am okay with sharing my story if you still need any. Do you need it in writing, or is an interview good enough?
 
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HopefulMommy
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Interview is good enough.
 
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wishtobehappy
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sounds good. I'll PM you my contact info.
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/31/13 3:11 PM
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All right, so this is my last week interviewing people who've experienced depression and anxiety (I might still do a couple of interviews with professionals next week).

So if you're still thinking of sharing your story, or of submitting something for the book, this is your chance!
 
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