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TOPIC TITLE: pesach-help!!!
Created On 1/23/13 3:57 PM
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star
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1/23/13 3:57 PM
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i know its still 2 months away but the anxiety of pesach keeps me in fear the whole year.
its not pesach itself rather the preparation for it that triggers me.
it makes me feel so lazy and incapable when i see e/o turning their houses upside down.
and wherever im staying, i feel guilty if i dont help 100 percent.
anyone else dreading pesach?
how do you deal with it?


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emunahdoj
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1/23/13 6:53 PM
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Oh my gosh it triggers me too...i dread it all year also. The preperation really really triggers me. And for some reason in the magazines here they have been advertising for Pesach getaways for the past 6 months!!!!!!!!! ENOUGH! It's driving me crazy!! It's hard enough but then they go and talk about it 6 months ahead of time all the way up til Pesach so it's as if I'm living it every day!!
 
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star
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1/23/13 7:38 PM
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thanks for replying, emumuah.
so how do you deal with it?
do you stay by your parents?
do you help at all?
last year i was by my sister and i got so depressed and anxious and felt so overburdened. it was literally a nightmare.
i cannot go through that again.
whats the answer? how do ppl like us get thru pesach preps and stay sane/emotionally stable???


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thinkgood
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1/23/13 10:24 PM
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I am also dreading pesach...since I have nowhere to be

Last year I went to a relative and had a nice time...but I went back on Sukkos and it was uncomfortable the second time. It's not my house..or my family..and I felt unneeded/misplaces which caused me to have a lot of anxiety and depression.

I don't know where to go...I wish I could disappear for those 2 weeks of my life
 
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emunahdoj
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1/24/13 1:54 AM
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How do I deal with it? I don't really know. I try not to think about it until a few weeks before it starts. Then I just slowly do things in stages-one day go shopping, one day clean one section.... I go to my parents for the sedarim so that helps.
 
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star
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1/24/13 4:54 PM
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I can relate, think good.
emunah, how do you even clean?
my anxiety is so baf then that I cannot clean out one drawer without obsessively worrying it's not good enough.
and the cleaning never ends! Am I just lazy that I find the cleaning so impossible?

so what's the answer?
do I just accept that I'm less capable then others and hashem doesn't expect the same thing? That it's worthwhile even if I can just do one drawer?
but then how do I deal with the guilt that I am not helping my mom or sister enough?

can we please come with some ideas together how to make this bearable? I'm so desperate. Last year I was just lucky I didn't end up in the hospital, though I don't know which option is worse. Maybe gd just wants me to survive these 2 weeks without harming myself physically or emotionally and forget about the preps?


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emunahdoj
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1/24/13 7:24 PM
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"Maybe gd just wants me to survive these 2 weeks without harming myself physically or emotionally and forget about the preps?" Maybe you are right. What is your situation? Are you at home with your family? Are you obligated to clean?

 
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star
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1/24/13 8:28 PM
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last year i was by my sisters in florida, this year im leaning to staying home with my mom and her husband.
its not like my mom will say you must clean, but ill feel so so so guilty watching her clean and not do much.


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HopefulMommy
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1/24/13 11:22 PM
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I wish I could invite all of you to my house! Making Pesach is hard, but it's so rewarding. I've learned over the years not to get into the obsessive compulsive mode. It's important to be clear on what is necessary according to halacha and what is extra, which, while in the category of "harei ze meshubach" can be skipped. There are different shittos on this, so you might want to have this conversation with your Rav. You can explain to him that you're finding Pesach cleaning very stressful and ask for very specific guidelines.
 
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thinkgood
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1/24/13 11:31 PM
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I wish I could just somehow skip these 8 days of my life...like go to sleep and wake up when it's over
I just feel so homeless
And all my options of where to go are places where I won't be happy and can cause me a lot of anxiety

Last year I made my plans too early...and they messed up and I changed them 2 weeks before Pesach. So this year I'm just telling myself to wait till Adar to make plans..but that is coming up really soon
 
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emunahdoj
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1/25/13 2:39 AM
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Star, I think you are feeling guilty that you are not cleaning and you start to worry about when you are BE"H married how you will handle the cleaning. Maybe, like you said earlier, what Hashem wants for you is to take care of yourself. You can help out a little if you want but you don't need to feel pressured.
 
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star
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1/25/13 10:23 AM
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you hit it on the nail, emunah. the future of dealing when im married is a huge part of the my anxiety.

i guess youre right that what i said is right- i need to take care of myself.

actually i spoke to my mom and she said she doesnt expect me to do anything, not even my room, she trusts me that if i say i cant, then i cant.
but i still dont know how to get over the guilt of watching her slave away and feeling like if i just pushed myself harder, i can help her.
the problem is if i push and push, and stretch myself just to the limit till im almost cracking, thats traumatic enough for me.
like i dont have to have the nervous breakdown to feel horribly overwhelmed and anxious.

so how do i get over the guilt? and how do i know how much to push myself? do i just trust myself?


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star
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1/25/13 10:24 AM
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i so appreciate everyones support here. i feel like you guys are my foster family


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emunahdoj
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1/27/13 8:33 PM
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When you are feeling guilty tell yourself "This is what Hashem wants from me right now-to take care of myself. In the future maybe it will be something else, but right now...this is what I am supposed to be doing."
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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1/28/13 6:43 PM
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What about the preparation is so scary?
a lynn
 
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star
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3/5/13 8:35 PM
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thanks emunah, just saw this.
its terribly scary that i will perhaps lose support.
my mom will be to busy to take care of me emotionally,
i wont have a way of getting to my doc because no ride on vacation
days. everyone will be too stressed out to deal with me. losing support
is TERRIFYING to me. also, last year i had a terrible pesach, i was away for 3 weeks
i dont know why i thought i could be out of therapy for so long. and my sister was
very critical of me being depressed, she told me that the way i was acting was hurting her
which only made me more depressed and ashamed.
this year im staying home so my mom will be here to support me but im scared as
the days get closer, she will retreat more and more


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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3/6/13 12:14 PM
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Can you speak to your mother beforehand, to share your concern with her, so she could be aware and proactive regarding your needs?
a lynn
 
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star
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3/10/13 8:56 PM
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thanks i just saw this. i did discuss it with my mom and she says she will try but its hard to remember amid all the chaos.


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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3/18/13 4:24 PM
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I hear that. Maybe future reminders will help. She seems willing to try to be there for you.
a lynn
 
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