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TOPIC TITLE: No family love
Created On 8/20/14 4:00 PM
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ArtYgirl
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8/20/14 4:00 PM
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Before I was 14/15 I was pretty close to my siblings, mostly my sister. Now I'm not close to any of my siblings. I don't hate them or anything but I definitely don't feel any love for them. They weren't there for me when I was going through very hard bad times at age 14 and up and now there just starting to be there for me a little more...but I just can't...feel that love. I don't think I can force myself to love someone. But it feels really bad that aside from my mom I don't love my siblings or my dad. What should I do? I feel like that makes me a bad person maybe? Help?
 
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gad
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8/20/14 11:10 PM
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There is a general love, the mitzvah to love every Jew, and that is possible to have.

There are deeper loves, like the love one has for a close friend, or the love in marriage, etc. and that kind of love depends on the relationship.
 
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ArtYgirl
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8/21/14 12:32 AM
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Right it's a mitzvah to love every Jew...and I don't...i don't love my siblings or my dad. I can't make myself love them. I try to make myself love them and it just makes me feel so mad. I did love my dad until recently but my siblings I didn't love for a long time now. As a kid I loved EVERYONE I met! I'm just scared because I want love so bad but I don't know how to get it I don't have much friends and I don't like my family except my mom and she does to much for me so I don't want to ask her to spend more time with me because really I should be with people my age like siblings anyway.
 
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gad
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8/21/14 8:40 AM
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You're not alone. Practically every family deals with the same dynamics, sometimes more intense, sometimes less.

That's why the recent animated movie "Frozen" was such an extraordinary commercial success.Because (beside the expert entertainment value) everyone identified with it. Everyone felt that it spoke to them. How circumstances brought tension and conflict between two sisters, but ultimately their inner love shined through, and brought them together.

Sometimes we need to maintain a certain distance from others, in order to protect our own sanity. But even then, we can feel a strong love when we focus not on their actions, but on their inner essence which is a part of us.

You are very fortunate to have such a loving relationship with your mother, and you are clearly treasuring it. And hopefully, with time, your relationship with the rest of the family will be close like it used to be.
 
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keep climbing
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8/21/14 6:52 PM
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It's an illusion that siblings love each other always.
Anyway, I think that first we have to learn to love ourselves, before we can love other people.
 
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I'mTrying
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8/21/14 8:13 PM
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I agree with keep climbing. It may hurt, but no one said that siblings have to be close to each other.
 
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ArtYgirl
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8/23/14 8:52 PM
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I don't think so. I can't force myself to love someone...and I definitely don't feel any love to them. I really want to feel close to someone again. It's not just siblings I also don't have much friends and I don't feel close to them either. It's hard for me to get close to anyone again. And what sucks is I try to talk to my mom or therapist about it...and they act like it's my fault. Like my mom will say oh well your the one who started hurting yourself and stopped talking to people...so no wonder people stopped talking to you or caring ECt. But sometimes I need other people to care about me first. I always have to be the one who starts things. Who cares about the other person. But after I got sick I needed someone to do it for me and no one did....I just can't......
 
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keep climbing
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8/24/14 6:31 AM
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You are correct ArtYgirl. Right now you need other people to support you and love you. When you'll feel stronger, it will be different.
Sorry if I hurt you with that comment.
 
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ArtYgirl
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8/24/14 6:52 PM
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I want to die.
 
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I'mTrying
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8/24/14 7:05 PM
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I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. Is there anything you'd like to hear that will help you? We care and are here to support you.
 
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gad
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8/24/14 7:18 PM
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as "keep climbing" writes, things will hopefully get better with time.

and as "I'm trying" writes, we're here for you.

hope to hear good news
 
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ArtYgirl
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8/24/14 7:43 PM
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I want friends. Friends that I can go over to there house and get away from this!
 
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gad
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8/24/14 9:33 PM
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Sometimes when people volunteer (to visit people in hospital, or other chesed mitzvos) they meet other volunteers, which can create friendships.
 
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ArtYgirl
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8/24/14 9:36 PM
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It's just getting worse and worse here.
 
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gad
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8/24/14 9:51 PM
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It isn't easy
 
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gad
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8/26/14 9:25 PM
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how is it going?
 
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ArtYgirl
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8/28/14 2:59 PM
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I just try to stay busy and not think of it but as soon as I get home it's like all I want to do is sleep so not to good
 
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gad
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8/28/14 8:29 PM
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A lot of people feel that way.
 
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