Login
Questions or Comments!
admin@frumsupport.com

Get FrumSupport News! Join our mailing list.
Email:


Search

Navigation:

 Tehilim List  < Refresh >
TOPIC TITLE: Dealing With Depression, Isolation
Created On 11/20/04 12:19 PM
Topic View:

View thread in raw text format


sensitive
Junior Supporter

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2004

11/20/04 12:19 PM
User is offline

It's no fun. Why does Hashem give us these ailments? Is it Hashem or the yetzer? What can I do? No money, no connections - all I have is toxic thoughts and bad programming. Awareness to the hilt. And a lot of anger towards the community that spawned me.

I have anger towards the millionaire Yids who are living it up and I am sitting here in a cold caravan. I am angry at the yentas who are more concerned with their fingernails than the poor, single-parent families. I am angry at the cliches in the community, the gossip, backstabbing, men who are lechers and who where streimels. I am angry at the money that is supposed to go to actually help people but go to buying fancy office equipment instead.

It's a farce.

I dare you to keep this thread going.

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



downsyndrome
Supporter

Posts: 71
Joined: Nov 2004

11/20/04 10:46 PM
User is offline View users profile

Hi Sensitive,
Against your wishes (sorry!) I am keeping this thread alive because I want to help you. I see your bitterness coming through clearly in your words. Please know that it is a very complex world out there and nobody can afford to dwell on their tzoros without reaching out for help - help from appropriate channels. There are numerous organizations (Ohel, L'maan Bnos Yisroel, etc.) who help women in your situation. Don't look to the 'Hollywood' type in our society for assistance; they are living very different lives and don't have to be condemned for that. It is all part of the Master Plan, and one day we will understand it all. Just reach in a direction where you can grab a lifeline and surely help won't be too far away. Hatzlacha, Sarah S.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



helpless mom
Junior Supporter

Posts: 16
Joined: Dec 2004

12/16/04 3:14 PM
User is offline

In reading your posting I see my image and that of many others. You sound like one who has been hurt by people, life situations and as a result feel generally "let down by life" I understand your plight, and whilst I agree with you in the fact that there are many people in our world who go about life seemingly oblivious to all the trouble and strife that is so glaringly obvious around them, no-one really knows what is in store for them in the future. I lost a child 6 years ago and often feel that it is unfair for people around me to simply continue on with life as if nothing has happened. But, as someone told me when I was sitting shiva, if every-one were to put their "peckel" in the center, we would each choose our own back. (however beautifully wrapped other "peckels" may seem) No-one is able to go through this world without a "peckel" and none of us knows what life has in store for us in the future
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

12/26/04 12:41 AM
User is offline

Hi,
Are you getting professional help? Thgerapy and medicine are really helping me and I wanted to let everyone in this thread know that.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

12/28/04 10:06 AM
User is offline

I realize that therapy could probably benefit me a lot at this point, but I don't know where to find it.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

12/28/04 4:42 PM
User is offline

First question. Do you have health insurance?
Second question. Where are you.
I saw many no good therapists untill I picked mine out of the blue from my health cares website. It was siyata dishmaya. I like my therapist and I can give you her number if you want. She isn't frum but she's better than any frum one I ever saw.
finding a good therapist is complex. Different people click with different types of therapists. Just because I like mine doesn't mean you will. Maybe you will like someone else.
There is also an orginisation called Relief that referrs therapists to frum people. Email the moderator for their number.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

12/28/04 5:52 PM
User is offline

I live in Israel and I need an open-minded American therapist, since I really don't think that I would feel comfortable talking to an Israeli. The trauma I endured while Iwas in the US is something uncommon here and I just don't think an Israeli psychologist would understand.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

12/28/04 9:44 PM
User is offline

For starters, there is a frum psychological orginisation called Nefesh which has an Israeli division. Here is there webpage:
http://www.nefesh.org/israel.htm
I think they'd have American therapists. This week is thier American conference.
Also, I'll ask someone I know if they can recomend anyone. Where are you? Yerushalaim?
Also, do you have friends and familly?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

12/28/04 10:58 PM
User is offline

Thanks for the site, I will IY"H check it out in the morning.
Yes, I am in Yerushalayim.
And yes, B"H I have friends and family... However, they do not understand that I am depressed and I cannot explain it to them. My parents are great, but I really am to embarrassed to tell them, and my friends just wouldn't understand. They are all happily married with kids and we are at such different stages at life. I feel like we can't relate to each other anymore.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



GamZuLetovah
Supporter

Posts: 47
Joined: Nov 2004

12/29/04 10:42 AM
User is offline

I think Relief also opened an Israeli division lately. Call their american office at 718-431-9501 to find out how to reach the Israeli office.


-------------------------
The sun is always shining! There are just times we don't see it.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/2/05 4:12 PM
User is offline

Ok, I finally got the number of a psychologist, but now I am too scared to call. I wish I could have my parents call for me, but I really don't want to tell them about it, as they would say, "Just deal with it yourself!" which is not what I want to hear right now. I need chizuk and help, not to be degraded. Can someone please just tell me that the psychologist won't be scary and I should just call... I'm sorry, but I need to be pushed! :-)
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

1/2/05 5:25 PM
User is offline

Be proud of yourself. You are taking great steps and are very strong. In fact, when you call, tell the therapist your alittle nervous but youd like to make an apointment. Then let us know how the call went.
When you meet the therapist for the first time tell him/her that it is important for you to feel that you can say whatever you want in therapy and therefor you need to know that you can trust the therapist to never make fun of anything you say. Knowing you can say that may make you less nervous.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



helpless mom
Junior Supporter

Posts: 16
Joined: Dec 2004

1/3/05 1:06 AM
User is offline

Unfortunately for "us" our jewish community (and probably most of our families) look at therapy as not only a waste of time and money but a stigma. I speak from personal experience, my parents have yet to acknowledge that I am in therapy and I have been there for 3 yrs. Just remember when you call, he/she is there to help you. I know it is scary to make that initial call but you will not be sorry! Good luck
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Certain
Junior Supporter

Posts: 10
Joined: Jan 2005

1/3/05 1:33 AM
User is offline

Remember that you alone must decide what is best for you and actually do what is best for you.

No one can tell you what to do. If your parents dont support you, find support elsewhere. This site is a good way to start.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Certain
Junior Supporter

Posts: 10
Joined: Jan 2005

1/3/05 1:35 AM
User is offline

Also, from the way you wrote your post I see lots of bitterness, not depression. There is a huge difference clinically between bitterness and depression. Check yourself out before you label yourself. You might be surprised.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/3/05 6:28 PM
User is offline

Why do you say that?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

1/4/05 3:56 PM
User is offline

Name calling her bitter is not nice. If she feels depressed I think she knows what she is talking about. I've been both bitter and depressed at the same time. They are not so unrelated. How would you like it if someone talked to you that way?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

1/5/05 7:51 PM
User is offline

Hows it going? Did you call the therapist?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/6/05 5:59 AM
User is offline

I wish. Every time I pick up the phone, I hang up before I can finish dialing. And I even asked my friend to call for me, but she says she's too busy and I should just do it myself. But she doesn't know how hard it is!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

1/6/05 4:26 PM
User is offline

some friend
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/6/05 5:21 PM
User is offline

lol
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



downsyndrome
Supporter

Posts: 71
Joined: Nov 2004

1/6/05 7:15 PM
User is offline View users profile

Sometimes a true friend pushes you to do something that is difficult for you, but in the long run you benefit from it. By telling you she doesn't have time to make the call for you, she is most likely just finding an excuse. If you want to get on the road to recovery, you must be responsible for getting yourself onto that road....Good luck. S.S.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



helpless mom
Junior Supporter

Posts: 16
Joined: Dec 2004

1/6/05 7:18 PM
User is offline

just do it! Don't give yourself time to think or worry about it, simply take a deep breath and make the phonecall. I promise you won't be sorry, and we are all here to support you......
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Gotmuzic
Junior Supporter

Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2005

1/10/05 7:51 AM
User is offline

i know exactly how you feel. have you found a therpapist yet? thjank got my mother is very supportive. emotionaly and financialy. the rest of my family is ignorant of wat im going through . i also have a few friends that i talk too about it but other then that its kind of like putting on a show.


-------------------------
Gotmuzic
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Gotmuzic
Junior Supporter

Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2005

1/10/05 7:53 AM
User is offline

ill call for you!


-------------------------
Gotmuzic
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/10/05 4:18 PM
User is offline

I give up. I can't do it. Every nite before I go to sleep I tell myself, "In the morning, you are either calling the doctor or the psychologist." But I don't. This has been going on for nearly the past month! I know I'm the only one who can help myself, but I just can't seem to motivate myself enough to care to do anything!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

1/10/05 4:21 PM
User is offline

Hey. Don't give up. We're all here for you. I'll call for you if you want. Just right now I have larangitus. Send me the info in a private message and I'll call when I'm better. You are experiencing depression. We all get better. I've been where you are.


Edited: 1/10/05 at 4:22 PM by motcha
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/11/05 2:37 PM
User is offline

Thank you. I truly appreciate your concern and willingness to help me. I actually picked up the phone this morning to call the doctor, but b/c I've been out of the country for over a year they have to re-process my whole in insurance! It'll take a couple of weeks...
It seems as though every time I even ATTEMPT to help myself something goes wrong. Why? Why? It's so annoying, but I guess there is nothing I can do now so I might as well just try chilling out for a week or two.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

1/17/05 9:25 PM
User is offline

I have a problem. I am lonely. Almost all my friends are married so they have no time for me. They are very nice and invite more for Shabbos meals but during the week I'm so alone. Also, my friends are very yeshivish so all they do is learn. Don't get me wrong. Thats great. I learn too. But I want to just hang out or go bowling on motzy Shabbos or Sunday and I have no one to do it with. My friends are either learning, working, or with their famillies which they should be. Even when I go to yeshiva at night most of my friends learn at home. Or they come to learn late when I'm leaving. all I do is go to work and come home to be alone. Its pathetic. So I post a lot here or I play checkers on line. I learn 2 nights aweek with a younger bochur but hes like 18 years younger than me. Today I have seen no one out of work. My therapist has no advice for me. Help!
One idea I had is to start a singles group for men since we don't socialise with women outside of dating. There are tons of singles groups for people like me but they are modern and coed-not for me. I wish I could make a once a week bowling group for frum men singles or a biking group like the modern have but not coed. How could I do such a thing? moderator- what do you think? Is this bitul Torah? Some people need to relax. Also, too much learning makes my head feel overloaded. of course I learn too. I said that already. But long motzy Shabosim and Sundays are so lonely. Hope people get what I am saying. If your a frum guy out there in my situation, lets start a group.


Edited: 1/18/05 at 1:19 AM by motcha
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



KEEP ON SMILING
Junior Supporter

Posts: 15
Joined: Jan 2005

1/17/05 11:50 PM
User is offline



-------------------------
Smiles Are Free!

Edited: 1/18/05 at 12:50 AM by KEEP ON SMILING
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/18/05 8:01 AM
User is offline

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. Maybe you can try going to some shiurim in your neighborhood, I know it seems like more learning, but in addition to that it is also a social outlet and an excuse to get out of the house. Or, you can even hang out with some younger guys and do fun stuff with them. There's gotta be some guys who live nearby and just want to chill out and have a fun time.
Last year I also had a lot of free time on my hands, so my teacher advised that I do some chesed... I thought it would be useless and boring, but it turned out great! I got to do some translating for Israelis in hospitals and I helped out a family with 2 sick children, nebach. Call Chai Lifeline or something, I'm sure they would have stuff for you to do on Sundays to get you out of the house and make you feel good at the same time. And really, it's fun!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

1/20/05 7:21 PM
User is offline

Does depression ever go away by itself? Not that it is with me, but like if I never go see a doctor (I just CAN'T do it!!! It's a lost cause!!) will I have to deal with this for the rest of my life, or will it, someday just go away without being treated?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emmapeel
Junior Supporter

Posts: 3
Joined: Feb 2005

2/12/05 6:59 PM
User is offline

does depression go away by itself. hmm... that is a thinker. i certainly tho't it would for a very dear friend of mine. so did he. so he stops his meds about a year ago and got a divorce that was many years in the making. suffer, he did. suffer you will, be it true clinical depression orjust a solid case of the bad, bad blues. i suggest that whatever the case, you find a therapist soon to whom you can tell your specific problems to. i'd say it'd be a great idea to have a fried, as well, with whom you could unload -- BUT -- and this is a BIG BUT -- the normal person or even spouse is just not emotionally equipped to deal with the baggage of it all.

it's taken me tons of reading and lifestyle / reactional changes of my own in order to just begin to understand my friend, who is now thankfully opening up to both me and a psychiatrist. he's on hopefully the right meds and is making daily progress. i'm fortunate enough to have the blessing of two very good friends who are helping me thru the ordeal of caring for a person with major manic depression. one of them is a mental health professional, and one has been treated for years by mental health professionals for her own difficulties.

get the help you need for yourself as well as for those who love you.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

2/12/05 8:14 PM
User is offline

Easier said then done!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

2/13/05 12:06 AM
User is offline

Well I am happy that you don't have issues yet nevertheless "get it." Many could learn from you.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

2/15/05 9:46 AM
User is offline

Is talking to teachers enough, or does it have to be davka a therapist?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

2/15/05 9:48 AM
User is offline

And what if my teacher has a degree in counselling, then can it really be enough to just talk to him? I just can't seem to get myself into therapy no matter how hard I try- something always comes up!!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



motcha
Supporter

Posts: 182
Joined: Dec 2004

2/15/05 7:12 PM
User is offline

Whatever works works. But I beleive in therapy because I think they have special training in unique techniques. Still it is important to remember that you need a good therapist because some of them are really awefull. How many people hear have met condescending obnoxious therapists like I have?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



rainbow
Supporter

Posts: 79
Joined: Jan 2005

2/17/05 11:26 PM
User is offline View users profile

One thing to watch out for when going to a therapist. Do not become totaly dependant on him-her.
There can be very much separation anxiety when you stop seeing the therapist.

After going to a therapist for about a year, I began to feel like she was running my life. I now see a different therapist (that is not interested in making me a customer for life)
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Draalynn
Junior Supporter

Posts: 12
Joined: Feb 2005

2/18/05 12:19 AM
User is offline

This is my first post, so I botched up the last one. Sorry. Anyway, I agree with what was said earlier about the importance of seeing a therapist as opposed to a teacher or friend. Of course, teachers and friends are extremely important in life, but they are often not properly trained, and even if they are, you may feel inhibited to share certain things with them, based on the nature of your relationship with them.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

2/18/05 5:58 AM
User is offline

Rite, there are some things I am embarrassed to tell my neighbor, however, money for therapy simply doesn't exist and so this is my only option... and it's better than nothing, rite??
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Draalynn
Junior Supporter

Posts: 12
Joined: Feb 2005

2/23/05 12:22 AM
User is offline

Agency clinics (Jewish Board, Tikva, Counterforce, etc) often provide "sliding scale" fees, as well as university clinics and analytic institutes that have student therapists in supervision with licensed clinicians. I think these options are better than a neighbor.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



lookinforhelp
Senior Supporter

Posts: 202
Joined: Dec 2004

2/23/05 7:22 PM
User is offline

Trust me, I looked into all the options available here in Yerushalayim and couldn't come up with ZILTCH!!!!
I wish! Even though I've been feeling better lately B"H, I worry constantly about relapse b/c I didn't got for proper therapy and medication when I needed it...
What do you think?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Draalynn
Junior Supporter

Posts: 12
Joined: Feb 2005

2/23/05 11:48 PM
User is offline

It is hard for me to believe that there are NO hospitals, clinics, universities or agencies in Yerushalayim that provide affordable mental health services.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



StrongerEveryDay
Junior Supporter

Posts: 17
Joined: Feb 2005

3/6/05 12:30 PM
User is offline

i feel like this thread got sidetracked and lost it's direction.
so going back to what Sensitive said; i understand where you're coming from. i don't know your personal situation, so i can't give a direct response to your specific needs but i can tell you that yea, so many things in life suck. life just isn't fair. man plans, God laughs. we have no idea what the ultimate plan for us is, and when it seems like things just can't get any worse, they do. but i always think that he who endures terrible pain and suffering, has the ability to experience just as strong a situation on the opposite side of the spectrum. if and when you do get through this, you will have strength and insight you never thought possible. you need to push through. God loves you, this is in his plan, and maybe one day you'll understand why, maybe you won't, but i promise you, it's not for no good reason. close your eyes and run through the forest; you'll get bruised and scratched on the way because of the thorns and fallen branches, but when you get out you'll see that the wounds will heal, you may still have some scars but you'll have learned soooo much from your experiences and you'll be able to help those who need you. good luck and really, have faith, cuz there is another side, i promise.


-------------------------
Everything that happens is for the best, even if it may never seem that way.

StrongerEveryDay
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Torsalicious613
Senior Supporter

Posts: 461
Joined: Mar 2005

1/3/06 10:11 PM
User is offline

hi, y'all! it's me again! bruised and battered as usual, but still kickin! anyway, there are a lot of people on this chatroom i want to address.

to sensitive: i hear you

to downsyndrome: do you really have downs? i don't mean to be embracing a stereotype, but you seem so... for a lack of a better word.. eloquent! i always thought people with downs were too devellopmenttally delayed to sound so eloquent. i really don't mean to sound crass, but if you do have downs, you downright amaze me! maybe i should get out more or make more downs friends or something.

to helpless mom: i felt just like you after i got sick with bpd. i mean i still feel that way. like all my friends have moved on and people in my community act like nothing ever even happened. it's very disheartening.

to lookinforhelp: ditto my message to helpless mom.

to gotmusic: ditto to the two previous messages , but also, i feel EXACTLY LIKE YOU.

to keep on smiling: you're SOO happy! STAYY that way!

to motcha: are there really groups like that for girls? if so, let me KNOW! i'd like to be in on this bit of info

to emmapeel: i wish you were my friend and that you could help me the same way you helped that bipolar friend of yours. you probably understand where i am coming from a lot more than other people because of what you've been through

to motcha and lucky: i've been to my share of bad therapists

well there's that, i gotta finish taking my icky meds soluablized in chocolate soymilk for my tasting pleasure (have made up my mind for my own private VALID reasons that i can no longer, or do not want to any longer, swallow pills. more about that later. i'd rather swallow vile lithium liquid in chocolate soy milk even if it takes an hour to drink, and yes, i probably do drag it out, than swallow pills any day.)

well that's that y'all.

bye
gotta go
wish me luck with my icky yet unfortunately beneficial cocktail which i must enjoy every night for my "sanity"

atara


-------------------------
what the hecka is a signiature?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     

View thread in raw text format
FORUMS > General (Mental Health) < Refresh >

Navigation:

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.