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TOPIC TITLE: After the trauma
Created On 6/28/06 6:17 PM
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Debbi
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6/28/06 6:17 PM
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I think that one of the most difficult parts of overcoming a trauma (such as sxual abuse) is the aftermath of working through the trauma in therapy.

I have found in myself, and also through speaking to others, that although re-experiencing the actual trauma together with a therapist, and working through the issues which are directly related to the trauma itself, is extremely draining as well as time consuming, the ability to accept and then to "move on" afterwards is equally difficult if not harder.

What I am saying is how does one get back into real life?
Jobs?
School?
Motherhood?
etc etc.

How does one begin to look beyond the pain?
How does one ignore those voices telling you that you are stupid, ugly, or incapable??

Has anyone experienced this?
Any thoughts from anyone who might be going through this stage?

Thanks for any input.
debbi
 
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Belly
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6/29/06 2:14 AM
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Hi Debbi
THis is how I handle times when I feel down, bad about myself, worthless.... I hope it can help you
Sometimes I take a piece of paper and write down all the good things I did the same day. Including all the stuff that we take for granted. Reading these things out alond helps seeing that I'm worth a lot, I acomplished a lot, I'm a good person, I'm a great mother....
Sometimes I can't do this for myself then I have a friend I call who supports me.
Sometimes I call my therapist.
SOme sensetivities I'll always have to live with. With therapy I have learned to accept them and not get upset at myself for having these sensetivities, but pamper myself. When I feel bad I have to do something good for myself. This can be from taking a nap to drawing a picture, going to the gym, cleaning up my closet, ..
Debbi things will get easier and better! Believe in yourself. Look back to where you where a few years ago and what you have learned and accomplished by now. You will see that you really achieved a lot eventhought it sometimes doesn't seem to you this way.
I just want you to know that I admire you! I learned so much from you and without knowing you have helped me a lot!
Belly
 
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goforit
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6/29/06 5:36 PM
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i know the feeling............ i feel like i cant move on with my life i cant get a job finish my degree im always reverting back to my old ways of putting myself down depression and sucidal thoughts somehow telling myself that ive come a long way doesnt really seem to help. lately ive been thinking about death alot .........as usuall my life is falling apart again.........need to find new job...new place to live ...starting again for the fourth time and im only in my early twenties..........go figure i cant get my life together cant get over my past ................... noone will realize my pain untill after im gone .................thats the way it goes...................
 
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bubbles
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6/30/06 7:38 AM
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Hi goforit,
(btw your name says alot!)

I often go through times when I feel the way you do now.
I think that at this point you need to talk to yourself. You need to acknowledge logically all the things you know to be true.

* I am capable, stong, clever, kind......etc etc.*

I want to share an incredible dream I experienced just a couple of nights ago.
In the dream there were two people.
Both persons were myself. Only one of them was "me" now, and the other was myself as a teenager.
we were having a conversation.
The "me" of now, was explaining to the "me" of old, that she should believe her when she says that she is pretty and not stupid.
I was actually trying to convince the other person (really me) that I can see better than she can see in a mirror, and that I am telling her that she is NOT ugly!

It was a rather disturbing dream, but after analysing it in my therapy session, I realised how far I have come.

You have done so much work goforit, allow yourself to reap the benefits.

I want to ask you something.
Why now?
Why after all the years of working through your past are you thinking about suicide?
Your whole life is ahead of you.
You've worked so hard to get to where u r today.

The question I ask again is,
Why now?

debbi

 
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bubbles
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6/30/06 7:44 AM
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Hi Belly,
Thanks for your support,
I like your suggestions, and if I have a minute (kids havent started day camp yet!) I will sit down and write.

Its hard though.
Really hard.
(much easier for me to give advice than to do it myself)

thanks for your reply, here and on the therapy forum.
debbi
 
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goforit
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6/30/06 10:33 AM
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exhaustion, intermal exhuastion i am sssoo tired i feel like im 100 years old i think that till now i thought things would get better that there is someting worth living for ..........................now i know there is not
 
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Penina2006
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7/13/06 11:56 AM
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I cannot believe there's someone out there who's actually going through the exact thoughts I have experienced such a short while ago! It pains me so deeply, it cuts through my heart with a sword(or even worse) to hear yur cry!!!
There's absolutely NOTHING I could tell you that would bring you comfort besides for these number of words that is:
*I PROMISE YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY*
I will assume you won't take this from me; where I will now tell u--I could now understand you even better, because no matter how many times I was told the exact same words, I disbelieved the entire concept of "Getting Better"--there was no such word in my dictionary(or so I thought) You are probably now thinking "I love the way your'e talking about yourself; you probably had a curable illness...I don't!" well...if that's now going through your mind & you are wondering "How does she know what I'm thinking"? Then I'll answer that for you: I HAD THE SAME THOUGHTS!!!!!!!!!!
I did suffer a whole lot, a big lot & a dark lot...but, There's this song that goes "It's the darkest part of night before a new day begins"... & this was what pulled me through my nightmarish moments...I would think of this line, replaying it in my mind while tears would flow down my cheeks... & only this gave me the ability to pull through the long, dark tunnel called depression. Only when it's the darkest it could possibly be, only then does the sun rise on the horizon,
be strong my dear... your life is going to be the best you can possibly imagine, though it may now seem otherwise...
Take my word for it--I take responsibility of my promise to you!

All the best,
with lots of warm hugs,
your friend,
Penny
 
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