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TOPIC TITLE: Getting Teenager to get help w/o parents knowledge
Created On 8/12/07 7:00 PM
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Certain
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Posts: 10
Joined: Jan 2005

8/12/07 7:00 PM
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I am familiar with a teenager in urgent need of professional support and help. For various reasons the parents did not seek help for this kid and I will not let this kid continue without help.

I need to speak with the child but in the past when I did anything to the effect of sharing or caring I was rebebuffed. I hope I will get through by trying and as they say, a heart to a heart.

For the sake of making them feel better, I can put the blame on the parents in the meantime. I think that is the only way to get them to get help. It'll be up to the therapist to sort out their feelings once in therapy.

My major problem is how to guide the teenager without the parents knowing. I can pay for things, etc. that is not the problem. But after all, this is a teenager and still living in their parents home. I am concerned that despite working it out (payment, transportation, scheduling, etc.) it will put tremendous pressure on the child.

My question and concern: what, how, where, when? I need all the tips I can get.

Please dont tell me that it is detrimental to put the blame on the parents. I know that but for the sake of getting them help it is okay in this case, according to other persons familiar with this situation. And when I say "familiar" I am sort of close to this child and if someone other than the parents will take responsibility, it is me.
 
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avious101
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Posts: 254
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8/22/07 10:14 PM
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wait so the parents think theres nothing wrong w/ their kid????????????????????????????????
and who rebebuffud you?????????? the teen or the parents (sorry but i dont really no what rebuffed mean)
ok i dont no how ur gonna get them to therapy w/o their parents noing b/c if they come to school or somthing and ur right it will gibve them a lot of presure

first of all what is wrong ?????????????
if its depression or just to much going on than tell the parents that left untreated their precious child could end ther life C"V or start cutting and get aids adn when when a person gets depression its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo easy to go off the derech
if its eating disorder u u can say to the parents how if it waits to long untreated they might C"Vdie also and be locked up for a long time and heir heart could need to be held open by a popsicle stixk or anemia or or loose their teeth and the list goes on
if u say whats wrong and the risks of it maybe itll shock the parents cause i hope they love their child
also maybe try even comunicating with them through emails or letters or phione or coming to the teens schjool aand speaking with them during lunch and b4 and after school
i wish u hatslacha raba
just hang in their if shes not ment to get help then thats whats ment to be
 
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bubbs96
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10/16/07 3:36 PM
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I know I'm a little late in responding, but I'm hoping maybe I can be of some help--at least to bounce ideas off of. This sounds similar to the situation I was in as a teenager....I was very very troubled, and for various reasons, had to get help without my parents' knowledge, with the assistance of teachers and community members. I don't know where the situation stands today, since you posted this a few months ago....but feel free to PM me, or explain further.....
People in my life who, like you, saw my need and weren't afraid to do whatever they had to to get me help are the reason I'm alive today. Honestly. I hope that gives you the chizuk you need to keep fighting for this teen. Though you may be meeting with resistance from him/her now, someday he/she will see that they owe their life to you. I will never be able to repay that debt. What you're doing is the most amazing chessed.....THANK YOU!!

Anything I can do to help....really....


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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mouse
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10/18/07 2:52 PM
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I know this won't give you much hope, but I was a teen in that situation. The school even sat down and leveled with my parents and said I was depressed and stuff. In the end, my parents rejected getting help cuz of the stigma and felt they could treat it on their own. My first OD was when I was in eleventh grade during finals. My parents never found out, as I was too embarrassed to go to the school nurse or tell someone. Luckily, or maybe not, I survived it with lots of ringing in my ears. When I finished college, I finally told my parents I really needed help cuz I was hurt by someone. They were pretty upset and cried and stuff. But I was an adult and took care of it myself. (My parents gave me the necessary insurance information and that was it.) Since then I've been in therapy. Because it took so long to get help, I will prolly be in therapy for very long time (the issues are extreme and many). Getting involved without the parents knowing is unwise. If they find out, there may be severe consequences. Consult a lawyer before doing so to see if there are any laws about it in the state you live in. My school tried to help me for a while (one tchr. in particular) but I was a lost cause in many ways. See if you can deal with the parents. Otherwise you may need to contact lawyer or Child Protective Services. Depending how life threatening the issue is, maybe it can wait like I did (though maybe mine was a tad life threatening).

Good luck


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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bubbs96
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10/18/07 3:45 PM
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munkster, ur post makes me so sad.....i don't think it is ever a bad idea for someone to try to help a child in trouble....as i mentioned, such efforts, even though they could not ultimately change my situation, LITERALLY saved my life.

i wonder if the original poster is even still reading this??

Being that I am in the mental health profession myself (a social worker) as well as having the experience I did as a teen, I don't think there are really any legal issues here....if the original poster was talking about taking in the teen, THAT would be a problem---that was an issue when I was a teen, some of the people helping me wanted to have me live with them, but couldn't b/c technically it would be kidnapping. The only other thing that came up was a group I participated in in my school which was mandated by the state that they had to have a parent's permission to participate in the support group part of it....so, I couldn't do that part bc I couldn't have anyone talk to my parents.....but (especially a teenager, who has more autonomy than a kid under 13) shouldn't have legal issues getting help privately if he/she is a willing participant.

Sometimes, for various reasons, parents should not be confronted. That's just a really sad truth. You might know from other things I've posted on this site that I suffer from an eating disorder....well, this developed when I was 14....my parents either didn't notice or ignored it. My teachers and NCSY advisors were VERY aware, on the other hand, and desperate to help me. They tried anything and everything--talking to my school counselors, my therapist, even literally spoon-feeding me at school and shabbatons. But when things got bad enough that they thought I needed hospitalization, their hands were tied, because EVERYONE involved knew that bringing the issue to my parents not only would have been met with denial, but would have made the abuse I was suffering at home much worse. It's just a sad reality.....one that I'm paying for now....maybe if I could have gotten appropriate treatment when my ED first started I wouldnt be having such a hard time getting better now....but everyone involved did the best they could for me given the circumstances, and I am grateful for their efforts to this day.

and to the original poster----if ur reading this.....maybe give us a better idea of what kind of situation it is so we can better give advice? still happy to help....


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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