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TOPIC TITLE: (Adult Content) Desperation
Created On 6/24/08 8:54 PM
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SPL
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6/24/08 8:54 PM
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Dear Dr. Lynn, I am extremely embarrased to be asking this question however I do not know who else to turn to. I have become disgusted with myself lately for not being able to overcome this on my own, however I have failed and now it is destroying my self confidence and my desire to do anything! I am a young teenager and I find myself thinking about inappropriate activities (eg. intercourse ) all the time. I have never acted upon anything, however I think about it all the time and my body has physiological reactions all the time. I am disgusted with myself for not being able to get these thoughts out of my mind and I have tried so many different things however I have failed! What scares me the most is that most people would think that this is a characteristic of a young teenage boy. However, I am a girl! I feel like this is out of the norm for me and I feel like an outcast and helpless!! What am I suppossed to do to get these thoughts out of my mind and through that gain confidence in myself and go back to a healthy lifestyle! Please help!
 
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seb613
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7/9/08 4:45 PM
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Although I'm not female, I also have similar thoughts, which give me nothing but grief and shame. My thearpist wants to discuss it, but it's so difficult. Maybe we can talk. No need for details, just how it makes us feel and what we can do about it. Hatzlacha Rabbah!
 
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mouse
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7/10/08 4:14 AM
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Seb, thank you so much for replying. Honestly, I really feel for the original poster since I can relate to those thoughts and feelings so much (however, I have an abuse history so it is slightly different perhaps.) Although contrary to what some may believe, thoughts and feelings are just that. It is like the person who is technically a homosexual because what he desires. He can desire it but should not act on it. It is one step towards the correct direction. I hope I'm not going totally against halacha saying this but it's what I think inside -- I'm no Rabbi. I'm curious what others think.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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su7kids
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7/10/08 10:59 AM
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I agree the munkster here. I think that we can allow our thoughts, but we have to control the actions. I don't think that it is unusual to have those thoughts as a teenager, when our bodies are changing hormonally so fast. I think many people do think about it, its just the few who are willing to admit that they do.

There is no reason to feel disgusted. If you feel that you are going to run after some guy (or girl, for anyone who is not a girl) and have intercourse with them just because you are obsessing about it, then you have a challenge. But this is one of the reasons why, in the frum world, we get married younger. It is unreasonable to expect a healthy human being to wait so long to have intercourse, so get married and do it within the confines of marriage in a Kedusha-dike way.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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7/14/08 11:37 PM
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Please look at my private message to you.
a lynn
 
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SPL2
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8/12/08 6:12 PM
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please resend the private message to me. thank you
thank you every one who responded to my post. i am very appreciate. thanks for the advice.
 
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I'mTrying
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5/29/11 4:19 PM
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I know this is a really old post that I'm replying to but I am a single girl in upper 20's who is suffering from the same issue re: recurrent s**ual thoughts and physiological reactions and i'm wondering if you'd be able to let me know what your response was?... its also a little more problematic for me... can i send a private post to you?
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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6/2/11 7:31 PM
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of course. anyone on the board can always send me a private message.
a lynn
 
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I'mTrying
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6/3/11 12:50 PM
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I'm sorry, I'm pretty computer illiterate. How do i send a private messsage?
 
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toy123
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6/6/11 12:07 AM
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at the top right of everyone's post there is a light bulb and a lock click on the lock and that'll take you to a private screen.... hope this is helpful.


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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I'mTrying
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6/7/11 1:01 PM
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Thanks, Toy.
 
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troubled
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6/20/11 5:53 PM
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I'm having major issues in relation to this. I feel the need to do 'things' all the time. I feel dirty and ugly and I don't understand why this is happening all of a sudden. It usually happens when I'm about to get my period but this is going on way longer than usual. I don't know how to stop these thoughts or actions. Please please help!


Edited: 6/21/11 at 1:25 AM by FrumSupport Moderator
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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7/14/11 6:25 PM
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Do you have a therapist you are working with? There are two general approaches: behavioral treatment or psychodynamic treatment.
a lynn
 
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troubled
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7/14/11 9:34 PM
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I don't have a therapist. I don't think I could go to one for this anyway. I am way too terrified and emb to speak to anyone about this. Is there anything else I can do about it?
Right now things are much much better. I really think it happens when I'm about to or have my period. Does that make any sense?
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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8/11/11 10:28 AM
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Yes. Can you speak to your gyn about it?
a lynn
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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8/11/11 10:30 AM
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As a rule of thumb, it is always best to rule out physiological causes of symptoms that manifest as psychiatric ones.
a lynn
 
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CAP
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4/29/12 9:28 PM
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there is nothing wrong with a healthy female stimulating herself or thinking about these things in future.. as long as you are not obessed with these things ALL the time. hopefully, you will enter a healthy marriage where you will have the correct outlet for all this!
 
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star
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4/29/12 9:59 PM
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im feeling so guilty because i read romance novels as a distraction from depression/anxiety
and as a result, my mind is full of these thoughts.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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CAP
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4/30/12 11:32 AM
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no need to feel guilty.. but reading romance novels will only fill your head with the wrong ideas about marriage.. and make things harder in the future. try criminal novels or find another outlet as a distraction. do chessed.. keep busy..
 
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mouse
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4/30/12 3:02 PM
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Geeeee, won't those criminal novels just give ideas how to knock off the husband who gets her mad??? Just a thought.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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4/30/12 5:25 PM
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lol munkster,what husband?
(if u were talking about me.).
but criminal novels give me nightmare when they even let me fall asleep, so that's out of the q.
thanks though,cap.
I really don't think it will affect how I view marriage because I have minimal expectations , as I grew up without a father mostly.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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