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TOPIC TITLE: Stressful family life
Created On 1/19/09 1:28 PM
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Teva18
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1/19/09 1:28 PM
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Hi-
My homelife is frequently a pressure cooker. I am sure others can relate to my situation, but I am really at a loss as how to fix it. The economy & our dwindling funds are really eating at us. It's bringing out the worst in us. I think more so my husband than me - he grew up with more money issues than I did. It's more of a stress trigger for him. We cannot afford to do anything more than the basics - food, pay bills, etc. No money for anything fun. I used to work full time before I had a baby but now I work part time from home (when I have the time - I have no babysitters). My husband is frequently angry that he doesn't make enough money and that I am not bringing in more income either. I want to and I have stepped up some efforts but it's not enough. Plus I personally struggle with organization, moodiness, perfectionism & ADD, and it's immensely difficult for me to be a good entrepreneur. Neither of us are great at dealing with our frustrations. We are scared little angry children and want to be soothed/saved and don't know how to fight right. We do the silent treatment thing and are just very frustrated. I get angry after he has his tantrum and then I stay mad at him for being so moody...and then he gets angry that I'm so stressed out...it's a stupid cycle. We really have no idea how to deal with all the resentment and anger. My toddler is also starting to really get affected by our behavior. She's 'yelling' and saying 'no no no' the same manner we tell her. I never thought we'd end up like this. We aren't being good parents all the time. We have our good days and bad days. The bad days are horrible because it colors everything. Every one thinks we are such a cute family and we are so stressed. I do have a therapist that I used to go to, but I cannot cannot afford it right now. My husband also thinks therapy is absolutely stupid (he's always had this attitude). I'm just tired. I go to bed praying to G-d that everything will be ok but really, I have trouble believing that. All this stress has really got us thinking that money is the answer to our problems, but I think it's deeper than that.

If anyone has any help that you can suggest, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for listening.
 
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gad
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1/19/09 8:10 PM
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Lack of money can really make a difference.
And although it goes deeper, nevertheless the cause is still a cause.

Perhaps there is a tzedokoh fund, or a gemach (free loan) which would help. Or maybe a relative can lend you some money.

I once heard that it's helpful to put a few pennies in the pushka some mornings.

Also it's good to trust in Hashem, Who takes care of each person with Hashgocho Protis (Divine Providence), that He will take care of you and provide you with parnoso and good health. Hopefully this will bring you peace of mind, and also bring success to your endeavors.
 
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Teva18
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1/19/09 8:20 PM
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Gad,
Thank you very much for your kind reply. Thank G-d Hashem did listen to me - I do have faith that he is there and there are some days I don't. When I wrote it this morning of course I was feeling very alone and angry and scared. I'm not as much right now. When my husband came home today, he listened to all of my concerns and then I listened to him. Usually when he suggests things I don't listen and tell him why they won't work. Honestly, I think Hashem made me too tired to protest. He wants to help me get more organized with things. I think we are both tired of being angry and frustrated. I don't think we are out of the woods as far as dealing with the horrible stress, but when we work together it's easier to bear. I appreciate your suggestions about putting a few coins in the pushka. I pray that any future disagreements are few and far between.
 
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Aba
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1/21/09 5:46 PM
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Teva18,
One skill that I found to be helpful with communication with my wife is to mirror back what the other one said in your own words and then wait for an affirmation that they feel understood.
I think it's called mirroring.

Good luck on all your endeavors,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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gad
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1/21/09 6:19 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: Teva18
when we work together it's easier

Thank you for posting the good news. May it go from good to better, with much parnoso and everything good both physically and spiritually together.
 
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gad
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1/21/09 6:20 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: abaof4
mirroring

Yes, it's a very effective tool.
 
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