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TOPIC TITLE: anxiety - not sure how to handle it?
Created On 7/2/09 9:43 AM
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Teva18
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7/2/09 9:43 AM
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Hi there,
I'm not sure what kind of help I need. I've always been a worrier, an anxious high-imagination person (even as a child). I do a lot of "what if's" in my head and lately, when I come in contact with adversity I get angry at myself that I don't know how to handle things better. I guess I really don't like myself - I'm angry that it's hard for me to finish things, that I am SUCH a perfectionist (that it's hard for me to go forward on LOTS of things if the situation isn't perfect or just right....of course that moment of perfection never comes). I am also someone who is great at doing research (about anything, ie. buying the best products for my family) but making decisions and implementing what I've researched is like pulling teeth. I freeze. My nature is to want to be alone most of the time and regress and not be bothered. I can also be somewhat social, but I prefer one on one more than a large group (I feel that being social at parties is 'fake' to me and I dislike small talk). Lately, in the past year or so (or more), about once a month I get a day or so where I am a bit manic and I am very tense/angry and I have racing thoughts (maybe I'm depressed?). It could be tied to diet (on days I don't eat well or have too much sugar).

I am married and I also have a young child and I fear that my lack of 'getting it together' affects her (since she's more outgoing than me, I fear I'm stiffling her).

I sometimes get myself so worked up with anxiety that it affects my immune system and I am susceptible to colds, etc.

I do not want to take drugs for anxiety. I have real issue with most drugs but I can't keep going on this way. I've gone to therapy in the past (when I was a teenager, and as an adult) but a lot of the time it was a lot of 'talk' and not therapy. I don't know what kind of therapy would help. My husband also thinks that therapy is a lot of bunk ("you are paying to talk to a 'friend'") and I can't afford more than a few sessions right now.

I was diagnosed with ADD over 10 years ago but never got real help for it. I just don't know what to do. Everytime I try to get help it never amounts to anything.

I am not sure if I'm depressed but I have tendenies towards this - I am feeling numb & 'frozen' right now - just getting out of the house with a toddler is REALLY difficult and I don't feel very social right now. I just feel like nobody understands me (but I'm sure this is logically not true - I'm just having a bad mood).

Any advice that you could give would be most appreciated!!


Edited: 7/2/09 at 12:04 PM by Teva18
 
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frumsw
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7/2/09 9:46 PM
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Have you checked out the Anxiety and Phobia Handbook by Edmund Bourne? and there is a similar book by someone David Burns (I think).


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frumsw
 
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Teva18
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7/2/09 11:25 PM
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I haven't read those books but I do have Anxiety, Phobias and Panic: Taking Charge and Conquering Fear by Reneau Z. Peruifoy, MA, MFCC.

I guess one of my problems is that I want SO much to be an expert at everything I try before I try it. I don't want to look like a fool. I am a really good stick in the mud - maybe it's time to change that.

Thanks for the suggestion!
 
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gad
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7/4/09 11:40 PM
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I think that when you feel a need to relax and have your space and not go out, then you have two choices.

One choice is to force yourself to go out.

Another choice is to relax.


I think that the choice is up to you, because you know yourself, and you know what you need.

As for your child, your child will love you no matter what you decide. And if you sometimes need to relax, you can tell yourself that this is for your child's benefit, because a relaxed mother is a better mother.

I know that you wrote about a number of issues, but I just wanted to post about this issue for now, and perhaps to give my input on other issues another time.

Hope to hear good news from you.
 
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Teva18
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7/6/09 4:38 PM
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Gad,
The other day I was more aware of the fact that I need to relax. I actually took out the relaxation CD that I hadn't listened to in years - it's a step. There are people and situations that are big triggers for me and I don't know how to handle it. I do wish that I could go to some therapist who could help "fix" me. I have a relative (who I see/speak to several times a week) who usually makes me really anxious and I end up being in a tense & snippy mood after being with her. I wish I knew how to handle it better. I know I'm giving her "power" and I am the only one responsible for my self-esteem. But when I'm with her I don't know how to function. I don't yet have the tools to be more mature about it. But I'll keep reading the book and see where it takes me.

Honestly, I sometimes wish I were an alcoholic or drug user - I could be sent away to one of those rehab places and I could learn how to heal myself from lots of therapists and have lots of support. Of course this sort of "fix" is not free by any means and I'm not that dysfunctional....how do others who are moderately in need get help? What do others do?

Thanks for listening.....
 
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gad
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7/6/09 8:07 PM
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Can you avoid going to that relative for now?

As for getting help, maybe Relief or Ohel or other places can help.

Here are some numbers.

nefesh 201-384-0084 http://www.nefesh.org/index.cfm

relief 718-431-9501 http://www.reliefhelp.org/profile.htm

yitti leibel helpline an anonymous hotline staffed by frum therapists.
718-435-7669
chicago 1-800-help-023
lakewood 908-363-1010
cleveland 888-209-8079
also branches in baltimore, detroit, s.diego, toronto

ohel 718-851-6300 http://www.ohelfamily.org/

echo 845-425-9750

Hope to hear good news.
 
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Teva18
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7/6/09 10:27 PM
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Gad,
I am so appreciative of your posting of all of those resources. What a sweetheart you are. I hope to post good news as well!

Have a great evening.
 
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gad
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7/6/09 11:54 PM
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You're welcome.

I should point out that this list was composed a number of years ago, and I'm not sure which resources are still operating. I hope that it helps.


As for what you write about worrying a lot, it helps to have bitchon (trust, optimism) that G-d, Who is good, and who has taken care of us all our lives with hashgocho protis (Divine Providence), will surely take care of us now, and with goodness that we can appreciate.


Hope to hear good news.
 
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