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TOPIC TITLE: borderline personality disorder
Created On 7/4/05 1:54 AM
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bpd
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7/4/05 1:54 AM
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I could use some advice as to how to relate (i.e., live) with my spouse, who has been diagnosed by 2 separate therapists to be suffering from BPD. Thank you.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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Could you please be more specific about the behaviors/attitudes you want help managing?
a lynn
 
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frumtherapist
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11/16/05 12:59 PM
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Just a thought: read the book: Stop Walking On Eggshells. It will serve as an excellent introduction to the world of people living with BPD.
 
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silent
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11/20/05 1:26 AM
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Does your spouse acknowledge the illness? Is your spouse interested in treatment?

There are frum doctors who specialize in this. I would like to recommend Dr. Shagalow who practices in MN his phone number is 952-835-2002. Even if your spouse is not interested in getting help, I would suggest that you call him yourself to see if he has any recommendations for you. He is very kind and professional.

Whatever you do, don't close out any options for yourself.

Good Luck, and try to remember that you are not necessarily the one who's thinking is off center.


Edited: 11/21/05 at 10:28 PM by silent
 
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bubbles
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12/4/05 12:19 PM
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Just saw this thread,
was wondering bpd if u were still looking for more advice.

please let us know how things are doing.
 
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Raisy
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I would like to hear from anyone who suffers from BPD or lives with someone who does. I've been reading up a lot about it lately and see symptoms in myself and my mother. Actually, since anxiety is at the root of BPD (not to be confused with bi-polar disorder) some of the symptoms make sense--when I see them in others I can empathize knowing where its coming from.

I am interested in joining a dbt class where dialectical behavior therapy is used. Please advise.

Thanks.


-------------------------
raisy
 
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bubbles
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2/7/06 11:02 PM
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Dear raisy,
I know of a DBT group in Boro park which might have some openings.
Please let me know what location you are looking for.
I have done DBT myself, and found it extremely helpful.
 
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4702125952
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Can't believe it! A DBT group in BP? I live on 12th Ave. Thanks.

Raisy
 
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4702125952
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I'm still awaiting your reply re: DBT group in BP. Please answer ASAP.

Dr. Lynn, do you know where I can join a DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) program--even in Manhattan? I'm most interested in starting soon.

thanks,

Raisy
 
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Debbi
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2/14/06 8:15 PM
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hi Raisy,
sorry for taking so long to reply,
There is a very good program in LIJ (long Island Jewish Hospital), where they take insurance.
The program is a once a week group session, and once a week individual therapy with DBT therapist.

There is also a program in Mount Sinai in Manhattan, but they do not accept insurance. You can speak to the program director, by the name of Dale Terrili. I will get her number for you as soon as I can.
In the Mount Sinai program there are a few frum women who are part of the group.

The one in Boro Park is run by a private therapist, therefore I have to get permission to post her number on the forums.
Again, I will try to get that as soon as possible.

Just a thought: Are you looking for life skills, or skills which are more directed to self destructive behaviors?
If its the latter, then the group in Mount Sinai would be more helpful to you. If money is not an issue, then the Mount Sanai program is definately better.

good luck,
and again my apologies for the delayed response.
Debbi. (aka bubbles)
 
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4702125952
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Debbi,

Thanks for the info. I am looking for both life skills and ending self-destructive behavior. I'm not sure which one I need more at this point. Perhaps one will foster help with the other? I wish money was not an issue. It is at this point. I'm looking forward to hearing from you about the private group in BP. I will also look into the one at Mt. Sinai.

Thanks again,

Raisy
 
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Debbi
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2/19/06 8:50 PM
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hi Raisy,
was wondering if u got the Private message I sent you with the number.
Let me know how it works out.
 
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4702125952
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Hi,

Just wanted to let all of you interested in info about Borderline PD to know about a helpful book I just read. It's called "Sometimes I Act Crazy" and it's by Dr. J. Kreisman. The best part are at the end of each chapter he writes specific methods that are helpful in relating to the Borderline's mood changes, impulsive behavior, rage, suicidal/self-injury behaviors, abandonment anxiety. I would skip the personal accounts since all are about behaviors way off the charts (I hope!) for frum people.

Raisy
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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Sorry it took me so long to respond. I am not so familiar with DBT, but have heard good things about the LIJ program.
A Lynn
 
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happy123
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3/8/06 3:54 PM
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What is DBT, for heaven's sake? Thanks.
 
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4702125952
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Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a therapy developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan. It has been shown to be effective in helping people with Borderline Development Disorder. It has a cognitive/behavioral component and its goals are to help the borderline learn emotional regulation, more effective social interactions, avoiding suicidal/self-harming behavior. It's ultimate goal is to help the sufferer envision a "life worth living". You can read more about it on bpd.com and bpdcentral.com.

Raisy
 
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4702125952
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Does anyone know about the DBT program at Cornell? I got a call from them that they are accepting new members to the group. Please write if you have any info. Thanks.
 
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Debbi
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Hi raisy,
sorry I don't know anything about the program.
Do they take insurance?
I would be interested in finding out more about it for myself.
thanks
debbi
 
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stacey
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3/21/06 7:03 PM
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Hello. I just came across the bulletin, and am happy to do so. I have been struggling Im sure with something like this for a really long time. Ive heard and read traits like being extremely other focused, having a false sense of self, identifying purely with others and sort of molding into them, extreme behaviors, emptiness.. all of it. But also, my family has gone through its own share of drama, so I don't know how this fits in. Thank you for bringing up this disorder within a frum context. Ive gone online looking for a therapist who specializes it, but I really can't afford anything. Would go to Tikvah or Ohel, (im in Bklyn) but really would prefer someone who would understand. Im looking for a therapist, support group. Im 30, and really this has been all my life. Thank you if you would get back to me, sorry this is so long. Good luck to everyone out there.
 
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4702125952
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Stacey and Debbi,

The clinic is called Payne-Whitney. I believe it's at Cornell Medical Center. The DBT program is run by Marcy Copehagen and Carol Friedman both clinical social workers. They do take medicaid, but not the kind I have--Americhoice. They offer a sliding-scale for payment and therapy is three times a week-tues. and thurs. group therapy for an hour and once a week individual therapy. Minimum 6-month commitment, I think. Relief said it should be a good program but I have not spoken to anyone who had been in the program.

I left several messages for Dale Terelli at Mt. Sinai's DBT program but got no response. LIJ seems to far for me to travel. I'm trying to find out if there is any way to pay for the program because I believe it will be helpful.

Raisy
 
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stacey
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Thank you.
 
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fell.and.fallen
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I pretty much self-diagnosed myself as BPD last week (in process of locating a good psychiatrist etc.)

Yes, there are hundred of us on the board. We each want to get our stories out. To siphon off from our over-filled cups. I'll try to spare you and get to the point.
BPD. The name alone is misleading.
Probably why I never thought to look anywhere for help. I simply did not know it was an option for what I was suffering from. I'm a frum twenty-something. Normal family/friends/community yadayada. My parents thought I had ADD when I was younger (violence),nevevr knew about my depressive spells or cutting (I hid them well), and I never voiced my feelings of unworthiness. I knew I'd get weird looks after a while. So I simply shut up. I don't spew my feelings like many of my friends. and that's that. Except when you're stuck in a gully of depression. Knowing you cannot talk to your parents; not out of their unacceptance/denial; rather that would mean admitting your weakness, the chink in the tough armor. So you suffer through years of ups and downs. Doing your best to stuff them securely behind a facade. At times you burst. The pieces of you all over after a violent episode. 1/2 hr later you were back to your sweet self. But inside you were already tearing yourself apart. The good-for-nothing. Not worth it. All she does is start fights and can't control her rage. Later that night you'd cry yourself to sleep and wonder what the hell was happening inside your head. What in the world posessed you to act the way you did. And as you grew older you found the coping mechanisms that seemed to work. The cutting felt good at first. It was new- forbidden fruit. and it released the festering pent-up emotions that threatened to take your sanity. Gradually you moved on. 'grew up'. Got a life. Finished college. Held a job. No time to cut or bash yourself. Yet the feelings of such intense despair still remain on the horizonof your being. The suicidal thoughts creeping in faster as the months progress. You have no idea what monster is propelling you, and you wake up one night at 3am; gripped by a panic, almost choking for lack of air. Your heart is pounding, pulse is zinging. You're scared witless as this is new. and you're freaked out. Wondering if you'll be in one piece to board the train and head to work in the AM.


Shaking uncontrollably you make your way to the computer. Tears pouring down from the fear of unknown. You know you've reached your limits. Knew it would end somewhere one day. Can't go on from here. and figure you'd better do something NOW, before the next [freeaky] episode occurs and you totally leave this world.

That night last week, a friend had just mentioned BPD online. I looked it up; devoured the ensuing research wholeheartedly and finally- still bawling, find that I have at last come to meet my inner demon. (then I found my way here).


Where do I go from here? I'm 99.9% positive I require lithium. Can anyone recommend a really, REALLY good psychiatrist in the NY area?

--Thanks. It is greatly appreciated.


-------------------------
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/2/06 12:39 PM
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Hi bpd,
Your story is heartwrenching. There is help for you out there, and recognizing the fact that you do need it is a Major step in the right direction. Although self-diagnosing is dangerous..............why not post on ask the psychiatrist, I am sure he can refer you to a good Dr., or he himself can help you.
Good luck, wishing all the best that life can offer. Stay strong!! Acknowleging your need for intervention.......is a a GREAT STRENGTH!!..........


-------------------------
RNRebbitzin
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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RN-
Good advice.
A Lynn
 
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4702125952
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Dr. Lynn,

Please help. I've not been able to get into a DBT group. Mt. Sinai is not even adding names to a waiting list.

Does anyone know of a DBT group I could join? Or a therapist trained in DBT?

Raisy
 
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RNRebbitzin
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6/12/06 11:25 PM
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There is a DBT group at Westchester Medical Center, in Vallhala, NY


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RNRebbitzin
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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I will look for DBT group in NY area via NYSPA.

FAllen,
Call Relief for a referral to a psychiatrist- 718-431-9501.
a lynn
 
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4702125952
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Just an update. I had an appointment with Helen Doyle who leads the DBT workshop at St. Lukes, Roosevelt's outpatient clinic. She is forming a group, if there is anyone interested.

In my initial consultation she seemed knowledgable and informative. I am looking forward to joining the group. She says it is mostly educational, and recommends seeing a private therapist simultaneously.

P.S. Is Borderline becoming the disease 'du jour'? I just saw "Stop Walking on Eggshells" in Eichler's bookstore!

Raisy

P.S. I accidentally posted this on the general Dr. Lynn forum.
 
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bpd
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7/13/06 4:46 PM
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Dr. Lynn, how can one help (or live) with a spouse who is in denial about her condition and just ascribes her emotional swings to normal female behavior and hormones? BTW, do you treat BPD?
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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It is not my specialty, but I do see people with this problem. When people "externalize" their problems, it is very difficult to work with, let alone live with them. In general, my approach is to provide boundaries (ie- not allow myself to be dis-respected) and let the other person know how I am feeling in response to their behavior.
a lynn
 
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ytal
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12/26/06 12:10 AM
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Im looking for a DBT group for men only in NY
Yidish is a big plus
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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You may want to call Relief for a referral- 718-431-9501.
a lynn
 
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Aba
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I know this post my be late but my wife suffers from BPD. that being said ...
Stop Walking On Eggshells is a great book it really helped me.
http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Walking-Eggshells-Borderline-Personality/dp/157224108X/ref=pd_bbs_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214922417&sr=1-2

"I hate you don't leave me" is considered the classic but I wasn't that impressed with it.
http://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Understanding/dp/0380713055/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1214922417&sr=1-1

For a different angle "Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror (Paperback)" by Judith Herman was very good.
http://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Recovery-Aftermath-Violence-Political/dp/0465087302/ref=pd_sim_b_2/104-9245626-5975105

My wife liked "Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder (Paperback)" by Rachel Reiland http://www.amazon.com/Get-Out-Here-Borderline-Personality/dp/1592850995/ref=pd_sim_b_4

Biker Cholim (CAPS) 845-425-5252 in Monsey also has a DBT I don't have any info how good it is.



-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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