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TOPIC TITLE: Hate Physical Touch
Created On 4/24/13 4:55 PM
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schg123
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4/24/13 4:55 PM
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I'm not sure why, but over the years I have come to be embarrassed of my body (physically) and to hate physical touch. This is a real problem, mostly because I am married, and am having obvious issues doing what I should be (I don't want to be explicit on a public forum). I have managed to hide it thus far, but I need help desperately. Is there anything I can do (short of therapy, because I don't want anyone to find out, and anyway I'd be way too embarrassed)?
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/24/13 11:56 PM
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No advice here, but welcome! Are you a man or a woman?
 
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schg123
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thanks. woman
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/25/13 12:18 AM
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Do you have any history of abuse?
 
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schg123
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I was never abused baruch hashem. Which is why this is weird. but when anyone touches, i jump.
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/25/13 10:05 AM
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When did it start? Did anything trigger it? Could this be OCD?
 
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schg123
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I think it was always like this except that it never really affected me. Now it does.
 
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star
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4/25/13 11:54 AM
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i hope its okay if i interject. i just heard about online therapy. maybe you can do something like that so its really private.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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schg123
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4/25/13 3:46 PM
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how does it work?
 
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schg123
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did you ever hear of MoodGYM? Does it work?
 
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star
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4/25/13 6:02 PM
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i dont know. i saw someone who liked it on facebook, from israel. maybe thru skype? you can google it.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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schg123
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any suggestions other than therapy?
 
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HopefulMommy
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I think you'd have to explain it more. How does it feel? Did you enjoy being with your husband before? How long have you been married? Has anything changed at all? Do you have any other mental health symptoms? Do you have kids? Are you on any medication? Are you on birth control?
 
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schg123
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I am ok talking to him but not physically. no other symptoms. one kid. no meds. on birth control.
 
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star
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i dont know if this is helpful but i was looking at a book in the library called 'to touch is to live'. she explained why people dont want to touch in this society and the reasons behind touching, the effects etc. Im sorry if this is not my place here. just wanted to mention the book in the slight chance it might help.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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schg123
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Star, why would it not be your place? Thank you for the recommendation. I'll go get it Monday and check it out.
 
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HopefulMommy
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I meant to ask if you enjoyed intimacy before. Trying to stay tzniusdig. What do you use for birth control? Is it hormonal? How old is your child?
 
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HopefulMommy
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Also, does this come up only with your husband? Are you OK with your child hugging you? What about a friend?
 
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schg123
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Sorry, i didn't understand your question. No, I never enjoyed intimacy. I use Camilla, no it is not hormonal because I am nursing. My child is still a baby. I am ok with him completely but not with my friends or any other adult.
 
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MoMo
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4/28/13 4:05 AM
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So you would never want anyone to hug you?
What would you feel if they did?
 
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schg123
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4/28/13 4:48 AM
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very uncomfortable and disgusting
 
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HopefulMommy
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Camila is actually hormonal. It's also called the mini pill. But it's supposed to be OK while nursing. It is known to trigger depression in those who are prone to it. So has anything changed since you started taking it? How did you feel about your body when you were expecting?

What was your experience with touch when you were growing up? Did your mother/father hug you?

How does your husband feel about your body? Does he find you attractive?

Did you grow up sheltered? Or were you exposed to TV, movies, and such?

Hope I'm not asking too many questions. Just trying to find some clues.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Another question. Do you have trouble taking a shower? Going to the Mikva? Looking at yourself in the mirror?
 
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schg123
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I actually did start feeling some mild symptoms of depression but I figured it was PPD and it doesn't effect my daily living too drastically. I hated my body when pregnant and no i did not receive very many hugs from my parents when I grew up. My husband is ok, though i doubt he'd tell me anything if he wasn't. I was officially sheltered but I did have access to the internet, and i do watch movies. I hate going to the mikva but don't mind showering. I mind others touching me, not myself.
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/28/13 11:39 AM
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So what was it like before you had your baby? Did you feel the same way but less intense? Was the intensity the only change?
 
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schg123
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The discomfort was the same before the baby. I was just mentioning the depression because you mentioned that Camilla is associated with it. That has nothing to do with this.
 
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HopefulMommy
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But you said that before it didn't affect you and now it does. So what changed?
 
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MoMo
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Quote

Originally posted by: schg123
very uncomfortable and disgusting


Disgusted of yourself, disgusted of the OTHER person, or disgusted by the IDEA of 2 people touching each other?
Or maybe something else?
 
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schg123
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it didnt affect day to day living and now it does.
not disgusting with anyone. just nauseous and clammy and like i want to leave my skin.
 
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MoMo
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Does emotional intimacy also bother you?
Like if someone told you how much they loved you etc.
 
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HopefulMommy
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I'm still wondering if it could be OCD. Google it and see if it sounds right. It could also be a sensory issue.

Here's something you can do to narrow it down. It's called clustering. You write a word in the middle of the page, say, "touch." Then you write down all the words that come to mind that are related to the middle word, circle them, and connect them to the middle word. If you think of something related to any of the other words you write that down, circle it, and connect it to the relevant word. When you're done write a paragraph with the words on your page, and see if some common theme jumps out at you.
 
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schg123
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i think its more sensory than ocd. why would clustering help anything?
emotional intimacy doesnt bother me since i'm able to brush it off. if someone were to say i love you, i probably would not believe them.
 
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MoMo
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Since you seem to be uncomfortable with emotional intimacy as well, this leads me to believe that its not a sensory problem.
Intimacy is emotionally uncomfortable for you. Why?
 
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schg123
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i dont feel uncomfortable as much as i simply dont believe the person. Maybe because i'm not used to it?
 
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MoMo
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I would also not want to be touched by someone I believe not to care about me.
 
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schg123
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4/29/13 2:41 AM
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i ordered the book that star suggested previously. maybe itll have some ideas. Because it bothers me that Im like this
 
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HopefulMommy
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I think therapy would actually help you a lot. You'll get to explore all those issues. It sounds like you feel inherently unlovable. That should be addressed first, before you even get to touch.
 
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schg123
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I dont think Id be able to go for therapy. Thats why I asked if there were any alternative suggestions. But thanks for the suggestion.
 
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schg123
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I actually entered the women's section and saw that there were posts on this type of topic. I'm going to check them out!
 
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HopefulMommy
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Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
 
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mouse
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schg123, may I suggest you try occupational therapy...it sounds like it may be sensory related not psychologically based.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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schg123
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Interesting idea. I'll look into it. Thank you.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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6/13/13 2:04 PM
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schg,
Just to clarify, you don't like physical touch, but emotional conversations are ok, or they also make you feel uncomfortable?
As for treatment, I would try "exposure therapy", which you can mostly do yourself. The idea is to gradually increase the amount of touch you can tolerate.
a lynn
 
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schg123
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emotional conversations aren't a reality by me. I brush them off before they begin. If someone would say "I love you" (No one does, but hypothetically), I'd probably say "no you don't".
How can I find out more about "exposure therapy"?
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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You can start by looking into CBT.
a lynn
 
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