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TOPIC TITLE: mental health issues I'm shiduchim
Created On 3/1/14 9:45 PM
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mentch
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3/1/14 9:45 PM
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I was recently thinking about this question about an obligation to disclose a mental health issue for a shiduch
The first thing is I wanted to quote a Gemara that says that a sage once was riding on a donkey and saw a poor starving person and of course he wanted to help him as you'd expect but the sage had a loaded donkey and he had to unload the donkey and open the sack first . Unfortunately by that time the poor man had died. The sage wad very distraught that he wasn't ready for the poor man and he proceeded to cut off his own hands and legs. Now if we would consider a blemish an inherent evil how could the sage have done it to himself ? The answer is that a blemish is not evil and is not in any way take away from personal qualities relevant to a shiduch. In many cases it adds because a person with some kind of blemish makes extra effort to develop his other talents The same is true of a mental illnesses or deficiences They actually can make a person stronger and more prescriptive to others. We find that the founder of American nation George Washington was suffering with depression yet it didn't stop people from trusting him. On the contrary they thought his depression as a sign of sensitivity towards others
Please let me know what you think
Thanks
Ben


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Mentch
 
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gad
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3/1/14 10:54 PM
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Although you are asking Dr. Lynn, I assume that you won't mind hearing other people's ideas.

I agree that mental issues indicate important strengths in other areas. But it would nevertheless be incumbent to let the other party know (after the first, or more dates) about serious mental issues. Otherwise it would be geneivas daas, fooling the other person.

Have a gut voch

Besurois toivois
 
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mentch
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3/2/14 7:04 AM
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Perhaps there is also a reason that we don't tell right away
Also I was thinking perhaps the reason that we do tell is because of kpeida Since people are makpid you have to tell even if there is nothing wrong like she doesn't like the color of your shirt (an example )
Let me know what you think
Thanks
Ben


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Mentch
 
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gad
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3/2/14 9:44 PM
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I think the reason to not tell right away, is because you don't know if there is compatibility. So why tell someone who isn't compatible and doesn't need to know.
Also, it gives the other person a chance to get to know you and like you.

Your second point is interesting. I need to think about it.
 
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mouse
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3/24/14 9:13 PM
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When I asked the my rabbi, I was told to only divulge necessary info. when things get serious. For me that worked well. Only the "right" guy was still in the running when I told him about my "diagnoses." Also I explained to the "right" guy how it effected my mood. He was less intimidated after I told him everything.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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