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TOPIC TITLE: ? on transference
Created On 4/22/06 10:44 PM
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RNRebbitzin
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4/22/06 10:44 PM
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Hi Dr. Lynn,
I am new to this forum and would like your professional opinion. I have a client who has been seeing a therapist on and off for a couple of years. They have a very good rapport and close therapuetic relationship. They are basically contemoraries and live and daven in the same community. Would it be ethical for them to become social friends after the therapy ends.................and a year or two have passed?
Thank you in advance


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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4/24/06 12:53 AM
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This question is very controversial in the field. In general, I would say it would be considered by the majority not to be ethical, b/c of the inherent inequality of their relationship up to that point. I would be interested to also know what are the circumstances of the termination; ie- is their "new relationship" some sort of acting out on the part of the therapist and patient?
A Lynn
 
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RNRebbitzin
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There currently is no termination. The client was seeing someone before who has retired. The current therapist was the original therapist from several years ago. They are both married woman, so we are not talking about any togetherness , one on one relationship , just a friendship. By the way it is the client not the therapist who would like the friendship. The therapist has been very professional during the entire therapeutic prosses. Whould it be safe to say, that this is a fantasy of the client? And if so, should they confront the issue, I do believe that it was spoken about during the beginning of the initial therapy several years ago. The client is very reality based, and does know that it would be very unllikely to happen. But, what is the harm if they would both agree many many years down the line??? After all kulanu yehudim? Or, how whould you recommed getting the client to stop obsessing about it? She has confided in me that the therapist is always on her mind, and how much she admires and emmulates the person. She is not envious of her life, but would like life with less hardships.......................not too many financial difficulties and a loving ,supportive family, moving in the same social circles, etc .


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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4/30/06 1:30 AM
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Does the therapist want to be friends? In general, it seems like a bad idea, but of course, there are probably many factors.
A Lynn
 
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RNRebbitzin
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4/30/06 3:43 PM
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Dr.Lynn,

Actually the therapist did mention what you did earlier about the relationship being somewhat unequal.........and that for this reason it wouldn't be a good idea. She did also mention that perhaps if it would have been in a different time and under different circumstances things might have been different

Do, therapist genuinely care about their clients? What if someone really is a loser and there is no way for the person to improve , should the therapist continue to give false hope and encouragement to that person?
When you leave your office for the day do ever think about or try to feel your patients pain.........and have a sincere desire to help that person? Or do therapists sit around and poke fun of how pathetic some of their patients truly are. Don't' you ever get tired of hearing the same old complaints, and giving out the same "shpeel to everyone? Maybe, being a true friend is all they really need to feel happy and good about themselves. Not have to pay someone in order to have some attention and understanding, and perhaps some positive regard. Are most therapist, content with their job at the end of the day?/ I would hope so, otherwise I do feel much sorrow and empathy for their poor patients.
Hope you can answer these questions honestly...............it is something that I have always been curious about.
Thank you in advance


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RNRebbitzin
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5/24/06 11:36 PM
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Hello Dr.Lynn,
I never received a reply.............I hope it doesn't mean that you are trying to avoid the question?? I'm sure you have been busy and must have overlooked it. I have read a very good book about the subject matter The Other Side of the Couch, by Gail Albert. Why is it difficult for therapists to convey their true feelings to their patients? Is it because it would be unethical, or harmful to the patient? What if in reality it would actually be benifical? Sometimes a person just needs a true caring friend as well as a therapist. The therapuetic relationship is such a stong bond, yet it cannot go beyond the four walls of the office. I beleive this to be quite difficult if the frum world , where we live in the same neighborhoods and go the same schools and shuls. I would be grateful for your honest opinion..............these questions have always been of great interest to me.
Thank you for your time


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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5/25/06 12:16 AM
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RN-
Sorry about the oversight- I was not dodging your questions. I can only answer for myself, and I do not think I am a fair sample, because I am a very unorthodox orthodox shrink. I have genuine feelings for my patients and I tell them, when I feel it is appropriate. I do not subscribe to the "blank screen" model of therapy and I am very self disclosing; I "call it like I see it". I try to provide an environment of acceptance and safety yet I am also confrontational. I am reminded of a rabbi friend of mine who says his job entails: "comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable". I do not "poke fun" at patients unless they are clear I am doing it affectionately. I also poke fun at myself. I do not believe in harboring false hope, but rather learning to accept reality. I feel there is so much depth to the 12-step "serenity prayer", asking G-D for the "courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't and the wisdom to know the difference". I think that many therapists tell themselves that they don't disclose to protect the patient, but in reality, I think they are protecting themselves. Even therapists can be scared of intimacy, honesty and vulnerability. I have more respect for therapists who are in treatment themselves, and am appalled when I hear that so many therapists either were never in treatment or stopped shortly after getting licensed. I am "out" to my patients that I go to a therapist, b/c I truly believe in the product and the process. I want them to know that I put my money where my mouth is (literally), and I know what it's like to be in the "hot seat" on a weekly basis. At the end of the day, I am not only content, I am energized and feel I have the best job in the world (for me).

If you are willing to share, what has been your experience with therapy? If I did not answer your questions, please ask more.
A Lynn
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/25/06 3:32 PM
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Dr. Lynn,
I'd like to thank you for your very honest answer.
I have actually had very good experiences with therapists. I have been fortunate to have frum very caring and real therapist. They too have been quite open about most of their feelilngs towards their patients. They have self-disclosed...............which I believe is more helpful than harmful. What I do find difficult though is being in such an intense relationship which can only stay at the therapuetic level. I have been in therapy with women that are basically my contemporaries, and had I not been in therapy with them would have very much liked to be socially connected with them. This is where the problem lies. I do accept it though, and I completely understand the ramifications, for I too am in the health profession. We are human, and have feelings. I suppose it is equally difficult for the therapist, to just shut out evey emotion when they get home to their families. I can also understand that perhaps it is even more uncomfortable for them, when they contantly run into their clients. As, for myself, I get a nice feeling when my therapist acknowleges my presence when I am out and about. Although she does have a very appropriate rule, that she will only acknowlege her client if they do so first. That way she doesn't have to worry about embarrasing the people who have a stigma about therapy. I myself am very pro-self improvement, unlike many others, which you too mentioned.
I appreciate your reply, and would truly enjoy continuing on with the subject. If it suits you as well of course.
In this busy world of husssle and bustle it is always nice to just relax a bit and have a nice conversation. I tip my hat off to all the good therapists...............it is genuinly a gift........for I only know how mentally exhausting it must be to have deep caring and compassion for one's cleint. I salute you and the many therapist out there---- Thank you for being Human.


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ernie55B
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5/25/06 9:54 PM
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Hi Dr. Lynn,

I just wanted you to know that my therapist takes the exact same approach as you do. I find it very refreshing. She tells me about the humanistic aspects of her life; the problems her children and husband face and how they deal with it. I have so much more respect and admiration for her than the stuffy lady(?) I wasted my time with for 4 years. She would not give me as much as a smile- ever! The only reason I stayed with her, was because I believe she spoke the truth about what was going on with me. So I really shouldn't say wasted time with- rather, suffered with.

I just came from my appointment, as a matter of fact. It was quite intense in that I tried to convey how deeply I was suffering emotionally. I happen to believe that unless you have experienced it first hand, you cannot really understand what it means to be perfectly healthy physically, yet feel that it is so painful to stay alive.

She says she is convinced that someday I will feel better; I tell her I don't believe that is possible. After being in this situation for 35 years, I truly believe the odds of improvement are slim.
That is why I refuse to let go of anorexia. I see it as a passive suicide. At least the family won't have to deal with the stigma of a 'regular' suicide. I know a frum girl who died of anorexia. Noone is saying she killed herself.

You asked me a while back what ever happened with the ECT. The MD who does it did not hold out much hope for success in my case, due to various factors. The best he could say was that it can't hurt.
My feeling is, that as long as I am here I cannot invest the 3 days a week for 2,3,4 weeks or so and the short term memory loss
for something that doesn't have that good a chance of working.
I run a business, and customers would not understand me taking so much time off. If I were dead, on the other hand, that they would understand. In other words, as long as I am here, I feel a sense of obligation to everyone and everything.
If I were not here, I would not have to worry about stuff like that.

Am I a disgusting human being or what?
I have 3 kids and yet I think about this, alot.

I spent 5 hours last Shabbos afternoon lying in bed thinking about how many pills it would take.....
(Can you take meds. on Shabbos to kill yourself? - My Pdoc. chuckled at that)

I guess that is a good update as to how I am doing.

Hope you are well.
As always, thanks for your input.

Ernie



 
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gad
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5/26/06 1:45 AM
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Quote

Originally posted by: ernie55B
Hi Dr. Lynn,

Am I a disgusting human being or what?


Ernie, It says that a person is not blamed when he is suffering (ein odom nitfas bezaro).

I look at you as a heroic human being who is making superhuman efforts to help his children and himself and others.

I wish you much happiness and joy and true peace of mind.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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5/28/06 1:39 AM
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RN and Ernie-
Thank you for your comments. Ernie, hang in there. Are you having your meds adjusted? By what you havw said in the past, your shrink always seemed on the ball to me.
a lynn
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/28/06 11:50 AM
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Dr.Lynn,
How do you turn off your emotions when you leave the office? How too does one go about trying not to think about wanting your therapist to be a freind, when you know and realize that it will never happen?
As I mentioned previously in my reply. When I have discussed this with my therapist, she usually says that had it not been for therapy we would have never met eachother. Do you think this is her way of avoiding the question, which I am sure is quite difficult for her to answer, b/c she doesn't want to hurt my feelings?? What is your take on that?
Thanks again
RNR


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ernie55B
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5/28/06 7:39 PM
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Hello Gad,

Thank you for your kind words as always. But heroic?
I take care of my children because that is what humans are supposed to do. (I do love them, btw)
Should I be any less than an animal that provides for its' young?

That's not heroic or superhuman. It's human period.

Ernie
 
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ernie55B
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Hi Dr. Lynn,

I frequently joke that maybe telling someone who is suicidal to "hang in there" is a poor choice of words.
But thanks nonetheless.
Yes, my meds. are frequently adjusted, and I try new things all the time.
But lately I have become despondent.
I see no way out after so many years.
My T tells me I may need to fight this thing for the rest of my life. I am tired of fighting.
I need to sleep for a few years.

Ernie
 
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ernie55B
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Hello RN,

I hope you don't mind me interjecting here, but I have told my T that I have feelings for her. She says this is perfectly normal
and nothing wrong with having feelings. As a matter of fact she thinks it is a good thing. She knows I am not a stalker and does not have anything to fear of me. She knows I am not making any plans to marry her. So it is good because it is one of the very few things I look forward to all week.
She feels that until I meet the right woman and get remarried, it is ok for me to have feelings towards her. She is very happy I can talk about it with her.
I am mature enough to realize that she is happily married, and therefore nothing could ever come of this relationship.
So there is your answer as to how a client deals with the realization that there cannot be a relationship with the therapist.
Maturity. The same way a person sometimes has to accept the fact that although they might want to be in a relationship, the other person may not want to have anything to do with them.
Am I making sense here?

Ernie
 
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gad
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Ernie,
Humans are supposed to take care of their young. And help other people. And look after themselves. Etc...

But when someone has to work with great difficulty to accomplish this, then his effort is considered exceptional. Lefum Tzaro Agro (The reward is according to the effort, or pain).

Perhaps, if it is comforting to you, I can quote "Ein Hakodosh Boruch Hu bo btrunia im briosov" (G-d does not demand from his creations more than they can handle), and if G-d puts us in a difficult situation, he gives us additonal strength to enable us to cope.

I know that right now you don't feel this way, but sometimes just by reflecting on this, it can give us the encouragement to want to go on.

I know you'll take this in the way it was intended, in the spirit of friendship and caring, even if you disagree on certain points. (I'm optimistic that you won't disagree on the whole thing.)

May we hear only good news.
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/28/06 8:11 PM
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Hi Ernie,
No, I don't mind, after all the topic is on transference. I appreciate your honesty. I feel the same way towards my therapist.............feelings of freindship though, nothing else. I was just curious as to a therapist's point of view. There in lies the question for Dr.Lynn.
Good luck to you, I know the difficulties of being divorced and alone,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,With Hashem's help it will pass, at thinks will be good
Kol tov
RN


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Debbi
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5/28/06 9:28 PM
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Hi Ernie, and RN,
i think that the best way to get beyond these feelings (and I believe that "getting beyond" is the operative word here) is to discuss this issue with your therapist.

It is unethical and it could cost your therapist her license and career if she became involved with you as a friend.
There are rules, aws and ethics in any proffession. You are a nurse, I'm sure you know the guide lines in your job, as far as patients are concerned.
It is wrong for a therapist to befriend a client.
I dont know if there is a statue of limitations.
Perhaps after you stop seeing each other as therapist client for a certain amount of time, then maybe it would be allowed?
I dont know the answer to that. I'm sure Dr Lynn can answer that one.

I understand those feelings all too well. I have suffered those feelings of wishing and fantasizing that my T would be friends outside of the therapy hour.
After 6 years of therapy three or four times a week, I can finally talk openly about my feelings.
If your T is honest and proffessional, she will see this as part of her work with you, and she will be open to understanding and working through these feelings.

I am sure that therapists have clients who they feel closer to, or more "in tune" with, just as I am sure they think about their clients even at the end of the day.
It is indeed a unique relationship, and I believe one that presents great opportunity to both client and therapist, if it used in a moral and proffessional manner.

RN, it sounds as tho you are experiencing a major transference issue, one that is painful and uncomfortable.
Talk to your T about it. She is the one to get you beyond these uncomfortable feelings.

best wishes.
debbi
 
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ernie55B
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Hi Debbi,

I think you might have misunderstood what I was saying. I did discuss the issue with my therapist, as I said, and we are both clear that there never will be any relationship (friend or otherwise) outside the office.
I probably wish she were a mother figure more than anything else. I have no physical feelings towards her.
I wish she could invite me for a Shabbos.
But as I said before, I am mature enough to understand that that could never happen.
So although I can wish for certain things, it is ok being that I know that it is nothing more than fantasy.
I believe that qualifies as getting beyond.

How are things with you?

E
 
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ernie55B
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Gad,

What is the shoresh of btrunia? never heard that word. where are you quoting from?
Lefum Tzara Agra is a concept I try to instill in my kids all the time.

If HKB"H gives a person more strength in difficult times, why do I feel like I have no strength left?

E
 
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ernie55B
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RN,

Thank you for your good wishes. It is awful coming home to an empty apartment when I don't have my kids for Shabbos.
I spent 4 hours lying in bed a few weeks ago on Shabbos afternoon wondering if one can take pills on Shabbos to kill themselves. I'm only HALF joking when I say this.
I take lots of pills for high BP, and they are very tempting.

I have become despondent, and my therapist told me to come in tomorrow morning.
I am afraid, though, that neither she nor my Pdoc. have much else to offer.

Ernie
 
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ernie55B
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5/28/06 10:08 PM
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P.S. to Debbi-

Correct me if I am wrong, but are you implying that I am guilty of something immoral here?
You said "if used in a moral and professional way"

E
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/28/06 10:54 PM
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Debbie,
I have discussed this issue with my therapist, I have no illisions of us becoming friends. As a professional I am totally aware of the implications, and I would never do anything to jeopordize my therapist's license.
I just wanted to know from a therapist's point of view( other than my therapist).



Ernie,

Please don't take those pills!! Life is very difficult for some, but you owe it to yourself and your children to stay strong. I do know how difficult that is when you feel completely dispondant. The feelings will pass in time. But taking those pills and ch"s ending it all is for eternity.
Life is just too short, we all must find the strength to enrich our lives and the lives of those around us.
Stay strong!!


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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5/28/06 11:00 PM
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RN-
I am not so compartmentalized...I hope I don't turn off my feelings anywhere I go. Every relationship has it's boundaries; parent to child, friend to friend, spouse to spouse...yiddishkeit is all about boundaries, and being appropriate and living fully according to Torah guidelines. As others mentioned, i think you should discuss these things more with your shrink, to the degree that they are comfortable.

As Debbi said, there are guidelines for having a relationship after a period of time, and I have heard of stories of therapists marrying previous patients years after terminating, but it is rare.
a lynn
 
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Debbi
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Hi Ernie,
Not at all! I was not saying that it was immoral to talk and discuss these feelings. On the contrary I think thats what therapy is all about. Talking, but not acting on ones feelings.

Sorry if you misunderstood. I addressed my post to RN and u, b/c u both had written at the same time. sorry.
I wrote to you in the "depression" forum. Check it out.

tc
debbi.
 
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Debbi
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Hi RN,
Sorry for coming across so strong.
It seems I mistunderstood what u were conveying.
I hadnt realised that u understand the consequences of an outside relationship, but just wanted feedback from the "other side of the couch".

There are some good books you can read. One that I enjoy is by Doctor Irvin Yalom. He writes really well, and shares his insights as a therapist fron his point of view.
Some of his books are novels, and others are true stories, taken from his own practice.
I'm sure you would enjoy reading them.

tc
debbi
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/28/06 11:16 PM
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Dr.Lynn,
Thanks, I have discussed it with my therapist, she was not at all ucomfortable talking about it, of course I was, but that's natural b/c I was the client. It i refreshing to hear that you don't turn off your feelings. I would imagine though that you have to leave some of the issues behind. How would you function otherwise. It would be very stressful for you otherwise. I know from my own experiences with patients that I do have tremendous compassion and empathy for them. I am a very sensitive person I think that is why I get too envolved emotionally which I;m sure therapists must deal with as well. I takes much disipline. As frum jews we are all one big family!! Yes , boundaries are important , b'h we have them.
Have a good evening,
RN


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Debbi
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5/28/06 11:19 PM
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Dr lynn,

I wonder though, how you (or any therapist) feels when a client discusses his/her feelings about you.
Whether they wish you were their father, or their friend, etc .
Does it make u feel empowered, and kind of all powerful, over this [poor] patient who has such strong feelings about her therapist!

I have always felt so stupid, and vulnerable telling my T, that I wish she would like me, or how hard it is for me when she goes away.
Currently my feelings are not so intense. I wonder if they are less intense, because I have opened up to her and talked about my feelings?

It really is a complicated relationship.
I wonder if therapists get sick of hearing how their clients "need/want" them so much??

debi

(p.s, u probably cant say how u "really" feel, because your actual patients might be reading over here...
perhaps u can talk about your [annonymous] colleagues...
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/28/06 11:25 PM
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Debbie,
Thanks, I have read his books and many others, and have enjoyed them very much. As a matter of fact I just finished reading The Other Side of the Couch by Gail Albert. There is also another book with a similar name by Dr.Sullivan Stack, who is one of the founding fathers of modern psychotherapy.


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div01
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5/29/06 12:19 AM
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I've been following this forum with interest. If therapy goes well positive feelings for one's therapist will emerge. The way I see it, it's a transference thing. It's always about me, not my shrink. It's normal to feel this way when we're being gratified. And don't forget, our therapist doesn't come home with us and leave socks on the floor, walk around with bad body odor, forget to bring home the milk, etc. All the myriad incidents that have potential to frustrate partners..... All our therapist does, let's hope, is sit there and support us. It's normal to feel infatuated at this point. Enter a minor/major frustration with shrink. Enter another one. And one more, if you will. How do we deal with THAT? Are we still infatuated then? Here's the real test! Do we deal with our frustrations with shrink in a healthy way or the same old way? The good thing is, Shrink is (hopefully, otherwise we'd better find another one) emotionally healthy and with healthy boundaries. So we can tantrum, sulk, or whatever method we have in our underdeveloped toolbox and we can (hopefully) expect a healthy response. (Whereas other significant folks in our life may not have those tools). So, assuming we're seeing competent shrinks therapy is the place to feel safe to express our deepest goings-on and be met with a healthy response for a change.

On the topic of books, these may be of interest:
1. ''In Confidence: Four Years of Therapy" by Roberta Israeloff
2. ''What Therapists Learn About Themselves and How They Learn It'' Edited by Edward Messner, James E. Groves, and
Jonathan H. Schwartz
Three other books, I read them a long time ago so I don't remember whether the content is on same topic of therapists talking about their experiences as shrinks:
1. Letters To a Young Therapist by Mary Pipher
2. Talk is Not Enough by Willard Gaylin, M.D.
3. The Art of The Obvious by Bruno Bettelheim and Alvin A. Rosenfeld

Happy Reading!


Edited: 5/29/06 at 3:10 PM by div01
 
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gad
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5/29/06 12:48 AM
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Ernie,
Hope this post finds you feeling better.

"Trunia" is an aramaic word. It is in gemorah avodah zora page 3a. Rashi translates it as "alilah" meaning a plot (as in alilas dam, blood libel).

So G-d doesn't plot things for us which are undoable.

You ask a good question. Why don't you feel the strength? Maybe your ability to hold on till now was because you tapped into your inner G-d-given strength.

I wonder if your present mood has anything to do with the comment of your therapist, that you may need to fight this thing for the rest of your life. I think that a comment like that would depress anyone. I'm actually surprised that a therapist, who is supposed to instill hope, would say this, especially when new discoveries in medicine and genetics are radically changing things. One world-renowned specialist told me years ago that discoveries in genetics are already being used, and the years ahead hold unbelievable promise.

Hope to hear good news from you.


Edited: 5/29/06 at 12:49 AM by gad
 
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RNRebbitzin
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5/29/06 10:53 AM
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div01

Thanks for your insight. It is so true. Fortunately I have an emotionally healthy therapist, who does in fact have very healthy boundaries. It has just been a subject that has fasinated me even before I entered therapy. I read about it extensively, but never thought I would actually experience it , till of course I started therapy.
I will definitely try to read some of those books from your list...........
Thanks again, and lets stay strong , positive and of course always hopeful


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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5/30/06 5:51 AM
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Debbi-
I am writing what I really feel, and I know some of my patients read this message board. That is my point. I am the same here as in my office. When I talk about my experiences in this forum, I don't identify anyone. As for your other question, when patients talk about their feelings towards me, as Div01 pointed out, sometimes it's about me (in the sense that they get different responses from me than other people in their life, for example- what Winnicott called "the corrective emotional experience"), but mostly, it is THEIR feelings/wishesfantasies, etc. about me or what I represent to them. I almost always find these discussions interesting and I often comment/validate that the patient feels comfortable enough to take the emotional risk to share those feelings with me. I also enjoy reading Yalom and Harry Stack Sullivan.
Div01- Thanks for your comments and the book references. Welcome to the board!
a lynn
 
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RNRebbitzin
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6/5/06 10:20 PM
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Dr.Lynn,
It is very comforting to know first hand from a therapist that you do validate and appreciate your clients emotional risk taking............I must say from experience that it is quite a difficult situation and my therapist also acknowledged my feelings. But, I think that due to my insecurities I sometimes have the impression that therapists do it just because it is their job. My Therapist has reasurred me many times that, that is not the case, and it is just my negative thought process at work, do believe her b/c she has always been straightforward and honest with me.
I have enjoyed those books as well, and it has helped me tremendously in this area of therapy.
Thank you for your honesty, and for taking the time out of your very demanding and stressful work to answer our many questions. I would like to offer my Akaras Ha Tov!!


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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6/13/06 7:22 AM
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Thank you. Hatzlacha rabba!
a lynn
 
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Panda613
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8/1/06 5:51 PM
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Hello Dr.Lynn,
I'm new to this site, it's quite interesting.
A question: Is it a normal occurance to have transference feelings for your therapist? I have been in therapy for a few years with the same therapist.....................she is very professional, but beyond the transference, I think I may be obsessing over her, nothing of the s-xual nature, just wanting to be on a level of friendship. We are both woman..............frum of course. I have just gone through an extremely difficult divorce. I need all the support I can get, so I believe this is where the obsessing is coming from. I just want to know everything about her and her family etc.............I have the need to call her answering service just to hear her recorded voice...and if by chance she answers I will hang up
What should I do to curtail these thoughts??? I am a person who is regarded with much integrity,so I feel awful about the whole situation. I want to respect her boundaries, but am finding very difficult.
Please share some insight about the situation, I am too embarrased to speak to my therapist about it, I wouldn't want her to think that I am a nut case, because I am not. Just in need of a supportive friend, thats all
Thank you in advance for your assistance...........
What do I need to do in order to curtail these feelings?? I don't


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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8/1/06 11:56 PM
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Panda-
What you are talking about is totally normal, and you should not be embarrassed to bring it up "on the couch". There are lots of possible reasons to "obsess" about one's therapist, and I think it's worth exploring.
a lynn
 
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Panda613
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8/2/06 4:53 PM
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Dr.Lynn,
Perhaps you are correct in saying that there are many reasons to obsses--- however what would be some of the reasons in your opinion. As for myself, I think it is the fact that she has been extreemly supportive of me, and I don't have any immediate family in the NY area. The therapuetic bond in and of itself is tremendously strong. But, I am sure it is much stronger for the client-- because I only have "one" therapist, she has "many" clients............therefore, I am sure that her bond is strong theraupitically, but that is as far as it goes. Would it be safe to say that I should just concentrate on what I do have as opposed to the life I do not have, and will never have the same stable long loving relationship of love and marriage that my therapist has as well as so many other of my friends??
Thank you in advance for your response


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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8/18/06 8:07 AM
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Panda-
I don't know why you assume that you will not have the life you deserve. As for "obsessing", I think it is normal that the sense that the therapeutic relationship is (ideally) very intimate, yet it has very contrived, particular boundaries and it is not balanced, since the bulk of what is talked about is the patient's life. Therefore, I think it is normal for curiosity, fantasies and a sense of mystery about the therapist's life to be aroused.
a lynn
 
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