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TOPIC TITLE: Posting this to anyone who would like to answer
Created On 5/23/14 2:23 PM
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Cutiestarr
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5/23/14 2:23 PM
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I've been deeply hurt by something my psychologist told me 2-3 weeks ago. It's probably silly to ruminate about what the person said...but anyways, if what a psychologist says leaves you with your self esteem almost crushed, is this healthy? (Not am I healthy, but asking whether this therapeutic relationship is healthy. Sometimes I think no, any thoughts?)
 
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Dr. Price MD
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5/23/14 4:33 PM
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Best to discuss the hurt with the therapist. If you feel you can and the therapist will be receptive then that is a sign of healthy therapeutic relationship. Let me know how you make out.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
Www.RabbiMD.com
 
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Cutiestarr
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5/25/14 1:28 AM
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His take on it is that at times "the truth hurts."
 
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gad
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5/25/14 3:45 AM
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i don't know the details, but here are some possible general thoughts:

1. When something hurts, that doesn't prove that it's the truth.
when you blast someone, even untruths hurt.

2. And even if it is the truth, there are gentler ways to tell it to someone, without knocking them down.

3. dr. price mentioned that if the therapist is receptive, then it's a sign of a healthy therapeutic relationship.
your therapist doesn't seem to be receptive.
maybe it's the "truth" that is hurting him.

4. maybe you can mention point 2 to the therapist, asking him if he can be gentler, kinder to your self esteem. maybe he'll be receptive to that.



Edited: 5/25/14 at 5:21 AM by gad
 
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Cutiestarr
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5/25/14 1:50 PM
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It's hard to give any answers to this, since "being receptive" is sort of vague. We are speaking in generalities here (I am guilty of this as well) and therefore I don't know how much can be accomplished. One thing for sure though, in the many many therapeutic contexts I have been in myself, is that more or less the psychologist/therapist is correct, either because of their expertise or because their patients may or may not have a warped sense of reality (not necessarily true, but at least in the therapist's mind). I don't know how to clarify this point specifically but I have found it to be a common theme, to a very small degree in many cases.
 
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gad
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5/25/14 3:05 PM
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Then perhaps you have a win win situation.
You are willing to accept the therapist's authority. That's a win.
And you (followed dr. Price's advice and) let the therapist know what bothered you. That way you let him know, and he is aware that it bothers you. So there is clear communication. That's a win.
 
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keep climbing
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5/25/14 3:23 PM
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Why shouln't the therapist apologize like anyone else?
 
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gad
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5/25/14 5:37 PM
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On the one hand, yes, why shouldn't he apologize?

On the other hand, there may be benefits in not apologizing.

I think that the important consideration is, that the thing should work. So as long as the therapist is healing, and there is communication, then why fix something that works.
 
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Cutiestarr
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5/27/14 1:29 AM
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Didn't understand that gad- maybe you could clarify?
 
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gad
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5/27/14 2:08 AM
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The question is, do you feel that you need an apology, or was it good enough that you conveyed what bothered you.

 
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Cutiestarr
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5/27/14 2:39 PM
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That's a good question. I'm not a big believer in venting for venting's sake. I think if someone receives feedback that was they are doing is counterproductive, they should attempt to try to tailor their tactics. If the dr is not receptive to my feedback about what works and what doesn't, what use is it? I actually find myself so frustrated in his office that I avoid going back. In a perfect scenario I actually think I would benefit quite a lot, but when I come out of his office so irritated I just don't see a point.

Am I making any sense at all?
 
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Cutiestarr
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5/27/14 2:42 PM
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By the way, you mentioned "therapist's authority". I tend to think of it in the opposite, actually (unlike most people) - just like I pay the salesperson at Macy's to help me find shoes, I pay the therapist to fix my mind, and he should do his job well, since he works for me. I don't need to take his advice, but then again if I dont, what use is there in paying him? Just my 2 cents


Edited: 5/27/14 at 2:42 PM by Cutiestarr
 
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gad
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5/27/14 4:09 PM
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i assume (since you keep going) that you see some benefit in going to him.
maybe the analogy of, "the medicine is bitter, but i know it's helping" is applicable.
 
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Cutiestarr
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5/27/14 4:15 PM
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Haha...actually I think I'm still making up my mind about it
 
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gad
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5/27/14 4:17 PM
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re authority: your logic makes sense.
in addition to that, the torah tells us to listen to a doctor.
 
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Cutiestarr
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5/27/14 9:16 PM
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I agree, but what about a psychologist? It is one thing to tell me to recommend eye surgery to prevent more staph infections (as the eye doctor did last week). It is another to tell me to live on the other side of town because of too much gashmius (psychologist's advise). Gad I am a bit jaded by psychologists, unfortunately....does the same hold true with psychologists as well? It seems their advice is so subjective. Not to argue with your point which I completely agree with, but six years ago a psychiatrist have me a pamphlet on options for residential treatment, since she believed this was my last option. Today I am married with kids and support my husband's learning.
 
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gad
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5/27/14 10:50 PM
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Doctors are not perfect. This includes eye doctors as well as psychiatrists. Still, the Torah tells us to listen to them.

There may be exceptions, such as when the doctor's instructions are contrary to Torah. In which case the Torah tells us to (ask a rav and) if warranted, not listen to the doctor.

Or sometimes we don't rely on one doctor's opinion, and we ask a second or third opinion. Or sometimes we may lose trust in a doctor, and feel that it's necessary to switch to another doctor. But in these cases, we are still fulfilling the doctor's instructions (albeit a different doctor). (We are finding the right doctor.)

Psychiatry does have subjectivity. It deals more with ideas and emotions, and is therefore more abstract than other medicine. But, just like with other medicine, the Torah tells us to fulfill the doctor's instructions, even though doctors aren't perfect, so too with psychiatry. (And, as mentioned before, in cases where we have serious doubts etc, we can ask for another doctor's opinion.)

I'm happy that Hashem made your efforts successful. You deserve a lot of credit, and may you continue to have good news to share.


Edited: 5/27/14 at 11:01 PM by gad
 
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gad
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5/27/14 11:26 PM
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One more point. I think that there are two kinds of advice.
One kind may be less urgent, and it's understood that the patient has leeway.
The other kind is of the more important type, serious instructions. That's the kind that I was talking about above.

 
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