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TOPIC TITLE: Helpful or hurtful?
Created On 2/25/15 5:40 PM
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TBear
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2/25/15 5:40 PM
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My diagnosis is DID - but it is so much better under control - and I am co-conscious. Part of me is a real nerd and am always looking up info on trauma processing to try to help myself and my children. Tomorrow near my home a very good author/ speaker doing a seminar for professionals on the subject of trauma processing. I so want to go!!!! I called and they are taking registrations at the door.... I could take a personal day at work.

Do you think it is a good idea? Also could be strange - I know most of the therapists in this town (small community) likelihood is that someone I know will be there - what if my therapist is going?!?!?! Could be awkward at best. Our last session we were discussing how to approach some of the ongoing stuff in a way that would not re-traumatize.... but we weren't sure how to go forward.

This author is very good and several of his books have helped me - I think the info he is sharing could be helpful as well - but I do not want to run into my old therapist (this is one of his favorite authors as well - he dropped me suddenly after more than 4 years of therapy, was enmeshed, had lax boundaries, and suffered from vicarious traumatization and sent me into crisis after crisis from some of the processing we did).... What if he were there.....I don't want to run into my present therapist - he might think I don't think he is doing a good job (he is quite good at keeping me safe and integrating the parts).... or even if my kids' therapists or past therapists are there..... ugh

Yeah, I know, it is for professionals - I have learned so much over the past 9 years - knowledge is not the issue, I have even given pointers to some of my children's therapists. Sometimes I feel like my therapist is a consultant helping me to help my children who have also been traumatized..... The organizers would not know the difference if I came - any therapists who know me or my family would.....

Internal fight is really strong on this one, I really think it could help me - what do you think? Good idea or not?
 
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Dr. Price MD
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2/26/15 6:45 AM
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Only you can decide but if you choose not to go, you can probably get of recording of the presentation so you get the best of both scenarios.

Let me know how you make out.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
Www.RabbiMD.com
 
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TBear
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2/26/15 9:46 AM
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I went to the location, saw my old therapist's car, had a panic attack and left.

Feel like a failure.... He really traumatized me with his mistakes and it is still hurting me. Perhaps I am a hopeless case and deserved him dumping me suddenly.... Oy now the dissociated voices are arguing within,...running into him always has this effect...and we go to the same synagogue... children in the same schools.... a no-win scenario

I might look into the recording, but for now I feel like giving up trying for forward growth and am back to using tools just to keep myself safe.

What does Hashem want from me - what I went through at such young ages wasn't my fault - but the damage it left me with cannot be undone it seems and must be handled as any handicap I suppose.

Do you think that healing is truly possible - part of me wants to say that Hashem can heal anything..... Keeps coming to mind, the verse in Tehillim 147... Harofeh l'shurei lev umichabesh l'atzvosam...... or something like that - He who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.....

Sorry for the venting....just tired of the battle - it has gone on so long. Thanks for your response.
 
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Dr. Price MD
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2/26/15 10:38 AM
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Healing is possible but acceptance of the healing process over the lifetime and beyond is important.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
www.RabbiMD.com
 
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keep climbing
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2/26/15 10:53 AM
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Dr. Price, can you explain what you mean by "accepting the healing process....."
I'm also feeling that the craziness never ends.
 
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Dr. Price MD
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Posts: 1946
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2/26/15 11:09 AM
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We are all on a journey of growth. We may finish a little, a lot, or most of that growth in this gilgul or not. The goal has to be just moving forward a little bit at a time, learning from hardships, 2 steps forward and 1 back etc. It can be very hard at times. This is the healing process.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
www.RabbiMD.com
 
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wishtobehappy
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2/27/15 2:12 PM
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That is so true, but so hard to accept.
 
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