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TOPIC TITLE: Quick question
Created On 5/27/15 3:37 AM
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Teddybear
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5/27/15 3:37 AM
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I've asked this question here a couple times before but it is still bothering me (I hope you don't take this personally, it doesn't mean you're a bad doctor I just wanted to hear another answer)

I grew up in a severely abusive home. I went to multiple therapists who all told me that if I just got together with my parents more they would be nicer to me. When that didn't work I was told I didn't try hard enough or something. My current psychiatrist still thinks the abuse was all in my head. She doesn't tell me that directly but she doesn't sympathize or acknowledge my feelings when I share it with her.

I am just not sure what to think. I expected going into years of psychotherapy to have my feelings validated: "Wow that sounds so hurtful, I can imagine it was painful to grow up like that." I heard none of that and quite the opposite, about how I should get together with them more, talk to them more, etc.
Why was it beneficial to tell me all this in psychotherapy when it just caused me more pain? Is it typical for psychotherapists to tell their patients to get together with their abusers more? I just don't understand.

Thank you
 
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Dr. Price MD
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5/27/15 3:48 AM
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Usually therapy is the opposite of what you described- more validation of the client's personal experience and what works best for the individual client's overall functioning even if that means moving on from the family in some way if necessary.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
www.RabbiMD.com
 
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Teddybear
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5/27/15 4:56 AM
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Thanks so much for your quick response. It seems my experience with 2 therapists was not typical. Is there any reason why they may have told me this?
 
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Dr. Price MD
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5/27/15 6:42 AM
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Perhaps they want to heal the family as a whole which may or may not be in the best interests of the individual.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
Www.RabbiMD.com
 
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mouse
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5/27/15 5:51 PM
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I had similar experiences in the past. One thing I'd suggest -- make sure YOU are the one paying for the session and the insurance is under YOU. I know this wasn't suggested, but it was a factor for me (not necessarily the entire reason.)


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Teddybear
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5/28/15 2:28 AM
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Absolutely excellent point, Mouse . Right on target. Thoughts Dr. Price?
 
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Teddybear
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5/28/15 6:11 AM
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By the way, I do find it sad that therapists feel influenced by alternative motives. Are there no ethics in the practice of psychology? Isn't the goal to heal people? This kind of stuff makes me feel jaded.
 
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Dr. Price MD
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5/28/15 8:00 AM
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When I wrote "trying to heal the family as a whole," I did have in mind in part the consideration that if the family is supporting the treatment, then a therapist could have a bias toward the family in order to keep the treatment going and not pull the plug or have outside information that conflicts which the client's reports. Either way, you have a right to know who the therapist has spoken to about you and who is funding what and who knows what. Clients can also terminate the treatment if they feel the therapist is not looking out for their best interests.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
www.RabbiMD.com
 
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Teddybear
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5/28/15 11:21 AM
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I appreciate it, thank you. That's exactly what I did - terminate them. But it made me lose a lot of trust in therapists just because it was 2 of them. Thoughts?
 
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Dr. Price MD
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5/28/15 11:32 AM
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I share your sense of lost trust whether it be in education, religion, medicine, government etc. There are still some good people left in the world.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
www.RabbiMD.com
 
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Teddybear
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5/28/15 12:02 PM
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Edited: 5/28/15 at 10:57 PM by Teddybear
 
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Teddybear
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5/28/15 10:55 PM
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I agree with you that there are many bad and good people in the world, many of which I will have to deal with at some point in my life. However, this hits home in a much more personal way.

Perhaps my expectations were unrealistic, but at the very least I expected someone who has extensive training in healing people and teaching them to effectively manage their emotions to cater to my needs. I don't put that much trust in government officials, educators, etc. because I don't have a personal stake in the matter, and what they do does not personally affect me on a daily basis. But when someone who you assume to be the "expert" and who ends up making you feel worse than you did before, it does make me feel like I lose trust in all therapists. It is such a personal relationship that when ones trust is broken, it is not similar to when my trust is broken by, say, a teacher or government official. So while I agree with you that there are perhaps many untrustworthy people in the various professions, it does not affect me as much as these personal experiences did.


Edited: 5/28/15 at 10:58 PM by Teddybear
 
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wishtobehappy
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5/29/15 11:28 AM
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Sorry about your experience Teddybear. Lost trust strongly resonates for me too.

I had more than a few instances where people I thought were on my side, ended up speaking about me behind my back. One person in particular, who I was sure was respectable and trustworthy, and with whom I shared private family matters recently, in the hopes of getting some relevant info, I just found out that she casually gossiped about it to others yesterday, and even worse - twisted some of what I told her. And she had promised me with a straight face that it will remain confidential...

I don't know why it's taking me so long to learn that people can be two-facers. I guess it feels better to believe that people are well meaning.

So Dr. Price, you're right, remembering that there are indeed many good people in the world, does help.



Edited: 5/29/15 at 11:31 AM by wishtobehappy
 
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Teddybear
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5/29/15 12:10 PM
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"So Dr Price, you're right , remembering that there are indeed many good people in the world, does help."

I appreciate you sharing your experiences. One of the things I love about this site is that I feel I can learn from everyone. On the other hand, I don't know if there is necessarily a "right" or "wrong". It's just learning how to learn from each other and each person's perspectives.

Thank you again for writing about your experiences. I look forward to hearing more.
 
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wishtobehappy
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5/29/15 12:19 PM
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