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TOPIC TITLE: "finishing therapy"
Created On 9/16/07 12:08 AM
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Holding on
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9/16/07 12:08 AM
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If there is already a topic for this, I'm sorry for repeating.

I'm now at a point where, B"H I am doing a lot better.
I have learned healthier coping skills and have worked out certain things...
I feel pretty in control when it comes to SI.

My insurance has stopped my coverage, so I am now paying cash, and am feeling pressured to "finish up" and stop seeing her.

How does one go about "finishing therapy"? Sounds like a stupid question, but it's something I've come to rely on.
Any suggestions and/or tips are appreciated.

Thank you!
 
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gad
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9/16/07 4:28 AM
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I'm happy that things are going well for you, and I hope that it keeps getting better and better.

As for "finishing", why does it need to be "finishing?"
Why can't it be "stopping for now", with the understanding that you may want to consult again in the future. (You can let the therapist know that because of the good results, as well as the financial pressures, you have decided to stop for now, but that you may want to consult again in the future.)

Have a gemar chasima toiva for a good and sweet year.


Edited: 9/16/07 at 4:35 AM by gad
 
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shtarkebachur
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9/17/07 3:14 PM
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that is cool that you got better. how to finish? dunno.


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Enjoying life while fighting anxiety!
 
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Holding on
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10/3/07 12:10 AM
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hhmm... I thought I was pretty much done when this certain topic came up. I'm trying to sort it out and work on myself as I have done in the past, but this time around I can't seem to do it.
I can't get my mind to stay on this topic. Every time it comes up, I just 'disociate'/distract myself. I'm annoyed that I can't seem to do it, but I will try to give myself a bit more time.

I'm asking myself if it's really necassary.
Do I need to work out past anger, or should I just let 'sleeping dogs lay' as they say?
if anyone has any experience, I'd appreciate your thoughts on this matter.

Thanks,
Holding on
 
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gad
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10/6/07 11:42 PM
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Sometimes forgetting the past is good, since we don't think about it and therefore we don't get aggravated with it.

But sometimes there are issues which we try to not think about, but which lie seething underneath, and cause us aggravation and bad feelings toward others. And then it's important to get it off our chest, with the help of someone competent who understands and cares.

You can probably suggest to your therapist that you want to try the first method for a while, and just talk about handling current issues. If the therapist refuses, then you may want to go along with that, or you may want to seek another opinion or two.
 
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Holding on
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2/3/08 11:55 PM
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I'm back in the same position I was when I first started this thread.

I am B"H feeling better.
I've learned healthier coping skills, and ways to actually deal w/ things rather than just scraping by w/o cutting...
Although it's only been 1 month 6 days since my last cut, I really feel that I have made my last cut. I know I can't be sure, but this time it was about me, and nobody else. Noone pressured me to sign a "no harm contract" or anything else. It's about me feeling better about myself and very much wanting to move on. I've sort of made peace with some things...

My parents have been paying for T all this time, and now my father has brought up the money issue - asked if I can go every other week...
I've been thinking about stopping T altogether even b4 this was brought up, but just wanted to 'finish up' a few 'loose ends'.
My father spoke to my T and asked about a reduced fee, but she said she couldn't do it. I know I shouldn't judge others, but she was getting a lot less when I was covered by insurance, so...
She also mentioned that she didn't think it was a good idea for me to only go every other week, bec. I'm now B"H making a lot of progress - which is true, but I'm a bit upset. Ok, probably more than 'a bit upset'.
My feelings towards her... have changed. I don't think I'll be able to continue the way it was before, even though my father would give me more time w/ her...
I'm working hard to not let all this change anything I have learn't w/ her help.

*Sigh*
So now I'm a bit lost. I so badly want to 'finish up' the few things that need "closure", but I'm not sure how much I'll actually be able to 'take in' from her, yet am a bit afraid to leave things the way they are, bec. although I am pretty ok for now, this is something I can see coming up again.

I don't feel comfortable discussing money issues w/ her. I don't know that I'd want to anyway at this point. Arg! Why does this have to come up now at the end to make me change my thoughts/opinions/feelings towards/about her??

Tuesday I see her again. Sort of dreading it. I'm not even sure if I should try to patch things up (my feelings about her) and finish up what we are in the middle of discussing, or just use the session the best I could and tell her that I no longer feel like I can continue seeing her...

As anyone reading this can probably tell, I'm confused. I'm not sure what to do. If anyone has any experience, advice or encouragement, I'd greatly appreciate your input.

Sorry for the long post/rant.
Thank you,
Holding on
 
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gad
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2/4/08 3:07 AM
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I'm glad you're doing so much better.

Maybe a solution is to tell your father that you want to finish anyways, that you just want to tie up loose ends, and would he mind paying every week for a short time.

Then you can tell the therapist as above, that you were anyways thinking of finishing, and you wanted to tie up loose ends, and you asked your father to pay every week for a short time.

If you want, you can discuss your feelings of resentment to her vis a vis the money issue.
Or you can just tell yourself that you are dealing with a human being who is a therapist. So as a human being, she is trying to survive and trying to make money. As a therapist, she has certain skills which can help you. So for now you can choose to understand, or ignore, the human part; and just focus that you are dealing with a skilled professional.

It's may be difficult to do the second option, to ignore or understand one part of her personality. If so, you can do the first option.

Hope to hear good news.


Edited: 2/4/08 at 3:11 AM by gad
 
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fighter88
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2/4/08 3:17 PM
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i hear what ur saying and now it's probably harder to sit in therapy with her when ur angry or annoyed with her.
the thing is, it sounds like she thinks u need therapy while ur thinking about stopping?
why dont u bring it up with her?
it's INCREDIBLE that u havent cut in over a month and its great that ur feel good but if its for money reasons, maybe find a different therapist if u still need it?
u need to take care of urself.


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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Holding on
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2/5/08 12:14 AM
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Thank you for the replies.

Gad - I don't feel comfortable at all discussing the money issue w/ her, and I'm still struggling w/ my feelings towards her.

Fighter - yes, it's going to be hard sitting there w/ her when I am so upset. That is why I'm not sure there would even be a point in trying to finish up, bec. as of right now, I can't see myself being open to much of what she has to say - not sure I'll be able to gain anything.
To be honest, I'm not sure how much more therapy I would 'need' or not need, and what bothers me is that I don't know anymore whether she really thinks i need therapy, or if she's just using me to support her wardrobe . It sounds a bit harsh, I know, but that's how I'm feeling right now.
And bec. of the way I'm feeling ^^, I understandably don't feel comfortable discussing it w/ her.

I would probably stay at least a bit longer if not for the money issue, but I don't see changing therapists as an option really, bec. I don't open up/trust that easily, and also it would just take soo long to get someone else 'up to date' and help her see 'where I'm coming from'.

I'm trying my best not to let all this get in the way of what I have gained from her.

Just a bunch of mixed feelings and emotions and I STILL don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. My appointment is later in the afternoon, so if anyone can help me, please, I'd really be greatful.

Thanks again,
Holding on
 
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gad
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2/5/08 12:36 AM
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Here is how I understand your dilemma:
To talk about money is not an option for you, because you would be uncomfortable doing so.
To not talk about money would also present a problem, because you would resent the issue and feel uncomfortable.

How about just telling her that you would like to try things on your own for now, that you appreciate her help till now, and that you feel that the coping skills which she taught you should enable you to carry on.
 
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gad
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2/5/08 12:55 AM
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If you do decide that you need to lean on her, then most probably you will still be able to benefit by continuing therapy.

But again, you may decide that you want to avoid the issues and just try to manage on your own.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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Holding on
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2/5/08 10:39 PM
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well, I went.
I was quite honest with her. It was strange.
I'm still a bit upset w/ her.
For right now it looks like I'm going to go for a bit longer, (even though she doesn't think I'm ready to stop just yet). I'm hoping I'll just be able 'wrap things up', and move on.
Her not thinking I'm ready to stop has me doubting myself, which I'm not very happy about. It doesn't exactly make my decision any easier.
ARG!! I'm just really frustrated about this whole thing.
 
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gad
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2/5/08 11:46 PM
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You can always ask for a second opinion.
 
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frumsw
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2/6/08 2:07 PM
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Good for you for bringing it up even though it was uncomfortable. That's the beauty of therapy, the stuff that goes on between the client and therapist is the stuff that goes on between the client and the rest of the world (and the therapist and her world) so if you can talk it out and resolve it, you have another tool to use for dealing with other people. The worst thing is when client just quit cold turkey without attempting to resolve the issue. Money is such a delicate subject, I give you a lot of credit.


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frumsw
 
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Holding on
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2/7/08 11:56 AM
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thank you frumsw.
It was incredibaly uncomfortable/difficult, especially trying to make a decision while she just seems to be pushing more therapy.
I'm just as confused as ever about this whole thing. Am I ready to stop therapy???
I thought so, but she has managed to place doubts. Now I really don't know anymore. I still think i could manage, but I really don't want to relapse into anything bec. I stopped short. Help, I'm so confused.
Also, I was hoping that if I'm stopping therapy I would be able go every other week for a bit, just so it wouldn't be stopping cold turkey, but she said she's not sure she can do that , so it seems like I will have to go cold turkey and manage on my own. That's also a bit of what frightens me - I've been seeing her for about 2 1/2 years.
help
 
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bubbs96
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2/7/08 12:39 PM
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Is it possible that you are eager to end therapy because you are angry at the therapist and just want to "run away" rather than deal with it? (I say that totally without judgement, i've done it MANY times). Or, maybe because the issues and realizations you've been making lately are too painful and you'd rather not "go there"? Again, I suggest these because they are all things I have done....run away from therapy/therapists, not necessarily even realizing why.......but ultimately i've learned that i'm not able to run away from the issues. if something is coming up (anger, new realizations, etc), its coming up for a reason (lol tho i HATE to admit that), and its not going to go away just because i decide to stop working on it....if anything, i've learned, that just makes it worse!!

just something to think about.....sticking out therapy when all u want to do is run away (or scream at ur therapist) is HARD, but its part of the work, and can be helpful in the long run....

that being said, it could also be time for a new therapist....

good luck!!


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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fighter88
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2/7/08 12:39 PM
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the fact that she's not supporting your decisions is really hard.i dont know what to tell u because u say u are doing well but ur therapist doesnt think ur ready to stop. i know its really really hard to see a new therapist, start trusting them, tell them ur whole story etc....but maybe thats whats best. someone who can give u a cheaper rate? bec u really do need to take care of your health.
why do u think ur ready and why do u think u may not be ready to stop?


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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Holding on
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2/8/08 2:10 PM
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First, thanks for replying.

I am still upset at my T, but I don't really see that as the reason I'm eager to end therapy. We've disagreed on things before... and I've managed.
The issues are hard to talk about and accept, no question about that, but I know I need to work them out in order to move on, which is what I'm trying so hard to do. I wonder if there is a part of me that is self-sabotaging this process. Kind of scary to think about.
Boy, now that's scaring me.
Am I doing this bec. all I've known until now was living from 'crisis to crisis' and now that I'm feeling better I don't know how I'm supposed to feel/cope?
Please don't let that answer be a yes... I can't be doing that to myself. I work hard to get here and then mess myself up when I'm finally doing better?? I would hate myself if that's the truth.
But then maybe 'all' I have to do is learn to be 'normal'? lol

Her not supporting my decision just complicates things that much more. I'm beginning to think maybe she does know and actually cares, and isn't just looking at the $ bills, but I'm not sure. I hate judging her like that, and it isn't fair of me to assume.

I can't think about a new therapist. Not now anyway. Not yet. The idea of starting over is just too hard. (I know not all the way, and it wont be the same, but...) I don't know that I would have the strength to go for it again.
Did any of you see a different therapist after seeing one for over 2 yrs? If yes, How did you do it??

Like my T said, we're not out of the woods yet. Things may come up and there is the chance of me falling to old habits to cope. I know that, but how long do I wait? Will I ever feel that I have everything enough under control so I can leave, or am I just growing more dependent the longer I stay?
I'm feeling more confident about stopping therapy bec. I know that I have worked out a lot of things which have held me back in the past. My self-esteem has improved, and I've noticed that in general, I'm beginning to actually take care of myself again.
I really don't know anymore. I just don't want to be in therapy forever... (I mentioned this to my T and she promised me that we wont be here till we are both old and gray - very comforting!)

Good Shabbos!
 
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bubbs96
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2/8/08 4:33 PM
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i have been through soo many therapist changes.....some short term, but some were changed after very long-term relationships (2 years, 3 years, 4 years, etc)....i don't have time to ellaborate now, since its almost shabbos, but i'll try to write more tomorrow nite....its not easy, but its doable.


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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Holding on
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2/13/08 1:40 PM
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I see her later today.
I think I'll be telling her that this is our last session.

I'm still upset w/ her, doubting myself, and hating the way this all ended.
I'm confused and feel like I've given myself a stomache ulcer from being so nervous. nervous about the last session, bec. I don't think she'll take it nicely. nervous about being able to cope.

I feel stupid for reacting like this. I feel stupid for feeling sorry for myself.

I'm sorry, I'm just feeling very down right now.
 
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frumsw
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2/13/08 4:14 PM
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It's perfectly normal to be nervous about the whole thing. In fact, I'm cringing in sympathy a I read your post. Good luck with whatever you decide and you can always decide to go back so it's wise not to burn your bridges. Sometimes, it is an adjustment to live "normally" and sometimes there are issues we are not ready to face so whatever the "issue" is, it's normal!


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frumsw
 
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fighter88
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2/13/08 10:54 PM
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what did u end up doing???


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Holding on
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2/14/08 5:16 PM
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*sigh of relief*
I went. I told her that I don't think we would be able to continue. At first she was still trying to convince me... she doesn't think it's a very good idea, but when she saw that I had pretty much made up my mind, it went much better than I had deared hope. B"H.
She left the door open saying that if I ever felt that I'd like a bit more help... if she had an availability I'd be more than welcome.

It was a strange feeling sitting there knowing I wouldn't be coming back (probably, anyway). It was weird, bec. as she said, we've had a relationship for about 2 1/2 yrs now.
(I felt funny when she called it a relationship, but I suppose you can call it that. More like a one-way relationship, but ok.)

I'm relieved it went well, yet nervous at the same time hoping I didn't just make one of the biggest mistakes of my life. We'll just have to wait and see, but I'm feeling hopeful.
Now I feel like I can start over, and have an even chance, (if that makes sense (?) )

Thanks again to all those supporting me,
Holding on
 
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gad
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2/15/08 1:01 AM
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You are relieved. You stood firm, and you didn't burn bridges behind you.

You're feeling hopeful, and happy that you have this chance to make a go of it.

To me it sounds like you managed the situation quite well. And I'm optimistic that, with G-d's help, you will succeed in doing good.

Hope to hear good news. Have a good Shabbos.
 
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Holding on
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2/16/08 11:47 PM
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Gad, thank you so much

Gut Voch!
 
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