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TOPIC TITLE: org that pays for therapy
Created On 1/30/08 11:15 PM
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helpplz
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1/30/08 11:15 PM
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hi. anyone know of any organizations that helps pay for therapy. someone mentioned marpeh lanefesh, i went on their home page, it looked like it helps mentally ill pple with hostels etc. and is situated in Israel,.... a/o has any clue...s/o suggested Relief, i called in non-buisness hours.will try again...any other ideas would be much appreciated. i am a daughter and sibling of mental illness.
thanks
 
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fighter88
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2/1/08 2:00 PM
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i second relief bec they will be able to refer u to what u need. i know jewish board of family and childrens services are cheaper than most places but u do need to pay. also ohel might have also.


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helpplz
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2/6/08 2:07 AM
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thanks. playing fone tag w R Babad will c wot ahppens. honently i dont have hopes up 2 high.abt other org u mentioned i have therapist just cant pay $1080 a month (135 for hr. 2X week) a fortune. i am 21 and support myself, college loans and all. i think its crazy that when it comes to therapy there is no org that sponsors therapy yet for everything else there is. My T said tha Bikur Cholim in BP gives aprx $200 a one time thing after you get through the aplication processs which she said is grueling. not worth it esp 4 that money. she said she could vision that in 5 yrs such an org will exist,i shuk my head and laughed to myself sice i told myself the same thing and i want to be part of that dream. i dream of the day that i can open a n org which gives relief to the many people like me who look like ordinary pple who have everything going for them...to the outside world..normal, typical... yet come home to a silent holocasut, parents yet no parents siblings yet no siblings a dark lonely world. there's definetly so much the world needs out there in terms of mental illness and the start with mental awareness!!!!!!!!!!!! and help to the children and siblings of emotionally and mentally handicapped. such an org which offers resources for these children and young adults doesn't exist. bec. pple dont know abt them. i a m proof to that . i went thru the typical B.Y. system and no one knew or suspected a thing. why should they. i wasnt walking around saying help me i have an emotionally messed up mother and a father who committed bankruptcy 2X adn a schiz brother.... this has to stop!! there has to be help! a place for these children to call home!!giving them vacations, extra curricular (piano, drum lessons, art, gym), sponsored therapy, shabbatons, an "adopted family" they can pop in on or go for shabbos. they have to feel that htis world was created for pple like them. this is my dream and vision that 1 day i can start such an org that provides for the phyiscal nourishment and support of these innocent children,adults like myself. so they can feel not so alone and that they 2 are worthy of being taken care of and not jsut the bear minimum yet have it all give them the dream that every child wished for surroun=d them in this coccoon so it will be easier for them to accept their most difficult challengign situation. May Hashem help me that 1 day i can actualize this dream and provide for all those silent suffereres!
 
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gad
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2/6/08 3:14 AM
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Maybe the Yittieleibel helpline would be good.


Edited: 2/6/08 at 3:17 AM by gad
 
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bubbs96
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2/6/08 9:15 AM
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while there may be no organization that subsidizes therapy, there is NO REASON to be paying the amount u r paying!! I see myself in a lot of what u wrote....i was self-supporting from the age of 17 (actually younger, but that's a complicated story), and having to pay for therapy and school and work multiple jobs....the whole thing, with no help. Yes, every once in a while some school fund or friend would give me "charity" to buy clothes for yom tov or something like that, but, that didn't pay lawyers fees or therapy bills or medical bills....

anyway. My first question is if you have insurance. It's not a perfect system, but it will pay for SOME of your therapy, and any bit helps. If you've used that up, or if you don't have insurance (which is a risky thing, but that's also another conversation...), there are PLENTY of therapists and agencies who will work on a sliding scale....especially for someone in your situation!! I have ALWAYS had a sliding scale....at one point i think i was paying only $15 per session! Therapists may not volunteer this, but just ask. If an individual therapist in private practice is unable or unwilling to give you a sliding scale fee (which might happen for their own financial reasons, if they are just starting out, or already have too many ppl on sliding scale fees), then consider seeing a therapist at an agency such as JBFSC or Ohel....and again, ASK about a sliding scale fee. no therapy is cheap, but there ARE cheaper options.

Good luck, and feel free to ask for more ideas, or feedback on how to talk to a therapist about this....its not always easy to bring it up:-P


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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frumsw
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2/6/08 2:01 PM
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I was one of those "good kids" so nobody knew how emotionally impoverished my home was. I dream of winning the lottery and starting an organization like you describes. $135 is a lot of money and 2x a week?! Are they really that good that it's worth it? Are you seeing results? You seem very functional so do you really need it that often? Maybe you can just taper it down. Be aware that sliding scale places have interns and therapists just starting out. For some people it works fine, for some not.


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frumsw
 
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bubbs96
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2/6/08 3:46 PM
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all due respect, i don't think it's our place to judge how often a person needs therapy. i myself go 3 times per week, yet appear to be "functioning".....which is an APPEARANCe.....i could say a lot of things that look like i'm functioning, and an equal number of things to "prove" just how much i'm really not.....

also, many experienced therapists in private practice are willing to do sliding scale fees. it's not only interns or beginners. obviously, anyone starting with a new therapist should investigate and make sure that they are competant and a good match, but i wouldn't assume that "just because" they are willing to drop their fees that means they aren't as good as someone who charges twice as much. also, depending on the issue, and the organization, many training centers are post-grad....ie, the therapists "training" there have their degrees, have been in practice for some time already, but are gaining more specific expertise in a specific type of therapy or type of problem.


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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bubbs96
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2/6/08 3:49 PM
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ps....there is a website for psychology today that has a therapist search.....one of the "questions" listed is if the therapist will take insurance and/or will do a sliding scale. i have it boookmarked at home, i can post it later. if u want to look sooner, search for psychology today. you can search for a therapist by gender and specialty and location, among other things....


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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helpplz
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2/6/08 10:56 PM
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Thanks everyone for your responses, i still mrvel at this extraordinary insightful website. i have empire- blue cross blue shield, i don't know why but i assumed it doesn't pay anything (think was my mother, i guess i could check that out) this T says that she can't give me a discount and if she could she would. whats crazy is that she is $100 for 45 min and $35 every 15 min. one week i paid $305 for the week. i have so much to talk about so if i'm in the middle of talking and i want her response i'll stay another 15 min to get it and not laeave and feel hanging wondering wot she would say.
anyway, about needing her i'm not so sure what the goals are. you see my mother psyched me up for years that i can't get married, and my husband will divorce me in a day bec im emotionally abusive. the truth is that she was projecting her own feelings on me, yet i didn't know that then. this past year i saw a woman with a Phd with years of experience my ex-Reb. recomended her. i didn't like her but thought the issue was me and stayed bec. i thought this was what therapy was, they break your ego. if i would tell her about any neg. that i did she would was...you are acting like a baby, you can't do that!!, those are words of someone who doesn't know how to express themselves...even worse instead of letting me express my anger she would tell me that i'm a big girl and its time to accept my situation. than i would get angry at myself for not accepting it knowing that if i would i would just be able to move on. anyway to make a long stroy short, she started contradicitng herself and saying things w/o fully knowing, when i wrote her a letter 5 pages typed, she said i have full right to feel..but she is right... after a few sessions of asking for an explanation and not getting it. after a whole year i still didn't trust her in the least bit, i didn't feel that i made progress with my relationship with my family etc so i wanted advice aot to do i needed to know if the issue was me or her bec if it sme it soesnt help if i leave her bec i'l have the same issue w other T.i called my psych profesor for her opinion, after speaking to her for 2 hrs she agreed that the issue was not me..oh forgot the phd lady would say that im not expressive so i asked her how could you say im not expressive if i expresed myself so clearly in 5 pages, she would tell me i have to learn the skill of expressing i told her if i didnt have the skill i would nt be able to write wot i wrote it ahs nothing to sdo w if i know id do its tha i cdont feel comfortable talking to you and t/f write to you. but she wouldn't budge that she is right etc etc. anyway back to this prof she agreeed that if i could tell her all that was bothering me but couldn't tell her there's something abt her that i couldn't feel safe. yet since she knew that i wanted to come to her she told me to go for a second opinion so that it shouldn't look like in any way that she told me leave Phd for her. in short, went to dif. SW $175 and she agreed with W (psych prof). fine. now how did i get to this oh, the Phd lady (if you don't get it i'm making fun of her and her Phd bec. she would brag about it to me amongst "I love my work"....) Phd lady charged me only $100 officially 45 min was generous would give me till hr. her normal price $175/45 min. i didn't go to her 2X bec. i didn't like her she always put me in a worse off mood.anyway so i started this new one W 2 months ago, i wanted to go 2X week bec. she knew nothing and it takes so long to catch pple up. anyway a month ago she had her baby and was 4 week break since than our whole relationship changed. so many things about her annoy me and a bigger realization happened. i finally felt like i can get married and want too. it became clearer and clearer that my mother puts all her garbage on me. in every insullt she gives me, i see her guilt and anger. my mother will never feel i'm ready to get marreid unless i mommy her and treat her like a queen...i'm not allowed to have any needs form her and just have to build her ego. since i don't plan on doing that she'll always say that im not ready, which keeps me tied to her, which she likes.additionally, i am successful in many areas have close friends (for 8 yrs), excellent job, aced college, to the world i got it all, high achiever, loved by friends and colleagues, cute, with it, open minded personality.have my own car ( family never owned one, im the youngest but only one who would buy one when single all siblings married besides my schiz bro), friends, job you name it...but inside i always felt inferior bec of my mothers poison. when a couple of weeks ago i came into session telling her that i realized tht's it all my mother.... and i can get married bec. i am very emotionally aware and will own up to my actions.. yeh im not perfect (even though i would love to be) and i will hurt my spouse (bec pple hurt each other best friends included) (even though they tell me dont wory youre not gona b angry all time im just so used to getting provoked 24/7 from my family that cant imagine otherwise)yet my biggest strength is that i own up!!apologize and explain how and wot happened i will not bury it under the carpet.i think this is the greatest thing to have in a marriage.when i told her that i wasnt listening to shiduchim she was shocked, why? i told her was scared, dont want to take my baggage with me.marriage is not ahospital (Dr. Twersky line) i couldnt believe wot she said next"you already did therapy!" wot? yeh you're so emotionally intuned!she goes... i can't w8 4 u to find your spouse....you'll do so good with a person you can have an intimate close relationship with youll feel so much better inside. bec half of it is that ur in the house, you'll ( i am a pple erson who loves pple i.e. having deep emotioanl realtionships very close to my friends can talk and share about everything. which makes it even harder that i cant have an emotional relationship with my parents or siblings, truly being alone). anyway with this realsization and her haskama that was it, i am getting married i told myself wot am i doing here!!! it's like holding a handful of mud in your hand and putting it under the faucet so the water could clean ur hand but as long as youre still clutching the mud tight in your hand it won't get clean, me being in my housse is clutching the mud yet going to therapy to get clean. thats it i told myself i'm getting married and if i need i'l cont therapy... anyway this is very nice to decide, yet G-d has to shake hands on the deal too. anyway since i came to this realization i dont really see why im in therapy.on the outside i function beautifully being with my family makes me feel angry,sad and alone yet a/o would feel that way being in such a crasy situation..gettting out of the house is the best option however i dont know if thats what i really want to do.. move out to an apt, first of all whose paying for rent. second, do i want to invest all my energy into roommates who knows what they are coming with. the best is for me to have a second home that i could go for shabbosim. shabbos is the hardest day of the week, feel trapped no distraction. it looks so simple why cant you just go away for shabbos its not. in short, no one would even think of inviting me bec why would i want to be invited out, get it, to world nothing wrong. my close friends who know cant help bec their families are not the type. dont ask me to explain. wotever it is, i feel that therpay cant do much for me at this point. yes we can go down memory lane and psychonalayze my past which i dont mind cuz i never spoke abt it to any therapist but not when money is so tight..i'l save that for her...,wot i need is to get out of house and have more resources friends that COULD go away shabbos, vacation. i love my freinds dearly yet their parents dont a llow such things etc. anyways i hope im not boring you guys and dont know if i answered anyones questions. sorry if its not all coherent.
p.s. told her for now only want to come once a week, as u know the reason is cuz i dont know why im there all together after this realization ( to just vent about my day i have my friends they do the same job)(u get it i was going to therapy to get me to the place that i am ready to get married once im there (now) wot am i doing there... meaning im emotionally detached from my mother to the extent that her words meaning nithing to me and i just c thru it her anger etc.jeoulsy fo my success...) i did tell her this yet she didint have time to respond cuz the session was up.....and recently were speaking abt the things she said which bother me etc, even more pathetic, i think its comical that i should pay 135 to discusss wot she did wrong.. im teaching her, giving her supervision... and im paying her!!!!!she admitted to all of it, that i was right and felt stupid she looked kind of embarased that i could could see through her so well... she said things that were off base, said sarcastic remark and was unproffessional etc....she admitted ot all yet every time i just c more and more she said im testing her and thta im scared to ahve na intimate relatiossip said im not scared and thats what i want. honestly wish i can go to pychoanaylsisi by s/one really good 3-4X week but dont hav ethe money for it. ,maybe one day once married and out of it and hav neothing better to do with my time (j.j. for real would want to go i love to understand mysef adn understand all teh at i went thriugh since all tha i did go through as a child was suppressed and never dicussed. yet i dont feel at this point i need ot od it i need to get away from the poison and bec i can get married i think i should and invest my energies in building a a marraige and not combating daily poison)

thanks for all the support!
 
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helpplz
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2/10/08 4:04 PM
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Hey support fan, where r u?
Did I say something that offended a/o or was it too long or boring? eager 4 ur responses.
thanks
 
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gad
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2/10/08 7:27 PM
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Maybe you can ask the therapist if she thinks it's a good idea for you to move out into your own apartment.

In the meantime, if she said that in her opinion you are ready for marriage, are you going ahead with shidduchim?
 
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helpplz
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2/11/08 8:07 PM
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yeh everyone thinks its a gud idea that i move out. not so simple.3 girls from out of town are looking for a 4th to share apt. thought wowo g-d throwing tit onto my lap lets go look at it. saw the apt in my opinion small and castorphic not woth $475 plus utilities per month (each girl).was old and uninviting, i know its not all about the house and more the pple but for thta money i want something that i wnt to go into.once my choice where moving im gonna do it right.
now to second question..............all into shidducim, looking into guys,or more like others are, with Hashems help i hope to fing my bashert real fast cuz that the best thing move out into a healthy nurturing realtionship with a spouse...thats ideal yet i told myself if im not engaged by May/June start looking for following year cuz graduating masters this May so not tied to Broooklyn, thinking of moving to Florida didn't look into it just idea, beauty is impt to me love anture thought nice place to live, theres a frum community im sure rent is cheaper and pple wil know i exist not like brooklyn and would invite me out for shabbos meals again just an idea to hold onto thta if i dont get marreid reals oon i wont be staying here too much longer.so lets hope and pray thta my bashert says YEs!!real dfast so we can start dating.
 
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gad
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2/11/08 10:24 PM
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I hope that you find a good shidduch soon.
 
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bubbs96
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2/11/08 11:11 PM
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unfortunately, what you describe is pretty typical for an apartment. if it is important for you to move out, do it, and make the space look more home-y when you move in. would you get along with the roommates? can you afford the rent? paying rent for such places was hard for me adjust to, as well....but i had no choice. i still hate it, to be honest.....but, again, you make the space yours. i, too, idealized out-of-town places as being prettier, better, and cheaper---until i really started looking into them. there's no "miracle".....yes, you can get a prettier place out of town, but it won't be for 475. and you'll need a car, which raises monthtly expenses. just some of the realities i had to go through....

i wish you a lot of luck. this situation is not easy. having been there myself (well, i still am, i guess), i wouldn't wish it on anyone, but i wish you much strentgh, courage, and seyatah deshmayah (however you'd spell that!!)

all the best!


-------------------------
"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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helpplz
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2/12/08 1:05 AM
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To Gad- Amen!
To Bubbs..-sorry not quoting your name correctly, about other girls they sounded real nice i didint meet any yet in person, the main one was suposed to call me once she's in Brooklyn. i am apeople person and like to pride myself into thinking that i could get along with anyone. i have a diverse group of friends...yet living with pple is different they all seemed very chilled and relaxed out of town. additioanlly, ofcourse i dont know but on the outside dont look like running away from issues. im the only one living in brooklyn givng them wquestion marks like they have a good excuse and i dont im 21 not old either int hat sense to b moving out but its fine i just brush it ooff that obviously things are not that easy if it does happpen and i feel comfortable and safe then theyll know a little more. anyway for now she didnt contact me so im putting it on hold.about out of town, is it really thta expensive, i mena i would share ideally two not four girls...also i do have a car (i grew up w/o one parents couldnt afford it alwasy resented it so as soon as i was able to afford it bought one 19)dont know. the focus now is shidduchim im really hoping that thats what Hasehm has in store for me and thats wot were working on...ill keep you guys posted for now waiting for a yes so i can go on my first date.i know it sounds bit ridiculous that a girl at my age never went on one date but from reading above you c why adn i dont date for fun so even though boy didi say yes ready to date last year and boys were mentioned and suggested since in my head i wasnt ready said No to all the above but B"H all that changed, no im not perfect but im definetly ready to listen, date and hopefeully get married real soon!
Have a good night toa ll adn May we all hear Besuros Tovos!
Zei Gebentched!
 
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helpplz
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2/12/08 9:43 PM
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WoW! Did I just get it. i must really be getting married.mother so mad, get out of the house. she has no moneyand is willling to pay for me to get out.wowo did she loose it.she feels so guilty and angry that she is putting it all on me...sick, the lsay is sick emotionally like a 2 yr. old.w ow does G-d test me.it started out all incident i come home and talk about my day shes not interested adn wants to hear next but i still want toatalk. so i say why not listening to me , you dont want to listen battle with your criticizing me no kibbud av v eim....crazy crazier than crazy than she stil mad a t herself so yells at otheres anf then vomed back to me its alll my fault im negative critical and she can thandle me and i have ot leave cuz she cant handle another sec of me......oh well sure hope bashert turns up fast real fast
 
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gad
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2/12/08 10:08 PM
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When someone becomes overly emotional, sometimes the only thing you can do is to walk away until they calm down.
I hope things calm down soon.
 
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helpplz
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2/12/08 11:26 PM
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actually i was in bed and she came to me to give it to me butyeh ansering back doesn't help so u just keep quiet even though u have the perfect line back.
anyways, hope so 2!
 
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gad
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2/15/08 12:49 AM
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And the perfect line is often not the perfect line, since people often find a way to argue back. Staying quiet, as you did, seems to be an excellent strategy here.

Hope to hear good news. Have a good Shabbos.
 
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