Login
Questions or Comments!
admin@frumsupport.com

Get FrumSupport News! Join our mailing list.
Email:


Search

Navigation:

 Tehilim List  < Refresh >
TOPIC TITLE: The End
Created On 3/12/08 1:22 PM
Topic View:

View thread in raw text format


Belly
Supporter

Posts: 152
Joined: Mar 2006

3/12/08 1:22 PM
User is offline

I'm so hurt, upset, mad,....
I'm going through a very hard time. A relative I was very close to died. Other relatives of mine have marriage problems. About an other relative I heard bad news. There are fights going on withing the family.
All of this is very painful for me.
With all of this I went to my T. It was the worst session I ever had with her. She wasn't understanding and just wanted to be Mr. Fix it. Afterwards, when I called her because I wanted to send her a fax, she apologized. But to make things worse she said some very hurtful things. Since then I did not fax her what I wrote. I did not talk to her. I'm so hurt I can't even tell her how hurt I'm.
My PDr doesn't return my call.
I feel like crying. I don't know what to do with myself. Even the little things in life are costing me a lot of strength. I have to study and can't get myself to do it.
My kids want me to work on their Purim outfit and I can't be bothered.
I feel like my world is falling apart. Things I believe in turn out to be wrong.
What can I hold on to? How can I get back to normal?
I want to smile again. I want to enjoy life again without getting smacked from some new disaster that happens just when you recuperate from the last bad news.
I don't want to take more medication. There must be an other way to get over these things.
Help, I want to feel better.
B
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



su7kids
Senior Supporter

Posts: 485
Joined: Nov 2006

3/12/08 1:27 PM
User is offline View users profile

Hugs to you, Belly. If our just listening and hearing you is helpful, go ahead and talk.

You can always PM me if you like.

I'm sorry about the relative passing away, that's always tough, but other people's problems, as long as they don't affect you DIRECTLY, should possibly be left as "other people's problems" and you don't have to take them on.

I bet yu're a very sensitive and feeling and caring person, which is why this hurts you so much. Its very tough to "snap out of it" (if there ever was such a thing) but my feeling here is that you should look at those things and say "do they affect me directly, i.e. do I have to do soething for them (not fix them up) or do they need me for anything?" If the answer to those questions is "no", then you need to let them deal with their own problems, and also don't allow people to burden you with their problems.

Sometimes a good cry helps and then its DONE.

With regard to the things you need to do, firstly, do them withought kavana (without wanting to) and at least they'll be done.

Secondly, don't look at a WHOLE project, just bite off one piece at a time, chew it (do it) and then look at the next piece.

Hugs to you.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Belly
Supporter

Posts: 152
Joined: Mar 2006

3/12/08 3:33 PM
User is offline

Thank you for listening.
Writing things down definitely helped. I at least did some of my homework and I'm very proud of myself for this.
People we life with or life next to affect us. So do their problems, some directly some indirectly.
How would you feel if your sister tells you that she stole, lied, ... or something else really bad? Could you really say that's her problem, leave me alone and go on with your life pretending that everything is fine?
Wouldn't you talk to her and try to make her see that she should get back on the right path?

Sometimes other people's problems also make you think more about life and question your life even though things are fine.
Hearing other people's marriage problems makes me feel insecure. B"H things are going fine for us, but didn't these couples also feel this way at one point? It's very scary. Things happen around us and often we wake up to see our own problems when it's pretty late.
Nothing in life is forever. No one can promise you 100% security. This is very scary and difficult for me. Most of the time I don't think about these things, but when I'm down it's very hard and scary and it's not easy to tell myself not to think about those things at these times.
thanks again for listening
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



su7kids
Senior Supporter

Posts: 485
Joined: Nov 2006

3/12/08 5:07 PM
User is offline View users profile

I hear you, the challenges are big. Hearing your sister lied and stole is not good, however, you can direct her to do the right thing. It doesn't make YOU wrong. I'm sure you realize that.

Other people's marriage challenges are THEIR challenges, it doesn't mean they are yours.

Yes, you are a sensitive and caring person, no question about it. its not a bad thing.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just switch it off? "Stop thinking about it". Its like DON'T try to imagine a polar bear on an ice cap. Obviously that's the picture in your head now!!

Hugs, again.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



gad
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1458
Joined: Jan 2006

3/12/08 11:50 PM
User is offline

Su7kids gave a lot of support, and I would like to add my comments, even if some of the points were already mentioned.

I'm so hurt, upset, mad,...... These emotions are normal when you consider what is happening around you.

I'm going through a very hard time. A relative I was very close to died. Other relatives of mine have marriage problems. About an other relative I heard bad news. There are fights going on withing the family........Tons of hard news all at once. A tremendous 'pekel' to deal with.

All of this is very painful for me...... This shows that you are very normal, and sensitive to other people's pain.

With all of this I went to my T. It was the worst session I ever had with her. She wasn't understanding and just wanted to be Mr. Fix it. Afterwards, when I called her because I wanted to send her a fax, she apologized. But to make things worse she said some very hurtful things. Since then I did not fax her what I wrote. I did not talk to her. I'm so hurt I can't even tell her how hurt I'm..... Nobody's perfect.

My PDr doesn't return my call..... Annoying.

I feel like crying. I don't know what to do with myself. Even the little things in life are costing me a lot of strength. I have to study and can't get myself to do it.... Maybe it will help if you can put everything (or as much as possible) on the shelf for a few days.

My kids want me to work on their Purim outfit and I can't be bothered..... Explain to them that you love them, but you feel bad right now because your relative died, and others have problems, and you just need some time to rest, and then hopefully you'll be able to help them. And by helping you to rest now, they will be doing a big Mitzvah. (If they understand, good. If not, then just take a break if you need to, while giving them a hug and reassuring them that you love them.)

I feel like my world is falling apart. Things I believe in turn out to be wrong....This is naturally very devestating. With time it should heal.

What can I hold on to? How can I get back to normal? ..... By taking it easy for now, and allowing yourself the opportunity to heal.

I want to smile again. I want to enjoy life again without getting smacked from some new disaster that happens just when you recuperate from the last bad news...... Omein.

I don't want to take more medication. There must be an other way to get over these things.....If your doctor prescribes medicine in order to help you get by this difficult time, then it makes sense to do so. Perhaps strengthening your bitochon in Hashem, that He watches over us, and takes care of us with Divine Providence, will help.

Help, I want to feel better..... We too wish you a speedy recovery, and only good news from now on.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Belly
Supporter

Posts: 152
Joined: Mar 2006

3/13/08 3:25 PM
User is offline

Thank you for writing me.
Even though I didn't get into all details and write everything, it helped.
Having you listening to me helped too. Thanks!
I just worked out. I had to push myself, but I did it. It really helps, I just wish it would be easier to start each time :-)
I started working on the Purim outfit.
I don't know what helped me to feel better this afternoon, but I enjoyed the few hours of strength I had. What a difference between morning and evening. Well a friend of mine once told me that if you go to sleep with a smile you wake up in the morning with a smile. I hope so much that it will work for me.
I hope so much that this will continue. I really hate being so down.
Thanks again so much for being there and listening
B
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



su7kids
Senior Supporter

Posts: 485
Joined: Nov 2006

3/13/08 9:12 PM
User is offline View users profile

Great job, Belly. You did it, at least for today. Take tomorrow one step at a time, and you know what they say, "fake it until you make it" so do that with your smile. Pretend to be happy, put on some Jewish music and sing with it. You can't be sad and listen to music and sing with it at the same time.

One step at a time. Do it!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

3/17/08 9:51 PM
User is offline

I know what you mean, Belly. I also have times when everything seems scary and unknown. It's anxiety. Maybe if you tell yourself that it's just an illusion in your mind and that you'll likely see the world very different in a few days, you'll feel better.

Allow yourself to mourn about the bad news. It's a normal process. Mourning doesn't have to turn into depression. In a way, it makes you feel better.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     

View thread in raw text format
FORUMS > Therapy < Refresh >

Navigation:

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.