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TOPIC TITLE: Using a therapist or pdoc who is male
Created On 11/9/08 2:23 AM
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mouse
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11/9/08 2:23 AM
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Ok, here goes the question. I have in the past dumped or rejected several psychiatrists and therapists because they are male and I have abuse issues that need to be discussed. Currently my therapist is a female; however, I'm getting a feeling she may quit on me some time or another. My pdoc is male but I won't talk about any issues for the most part except medication changes and symptoms...not the yucky stuff. In fact, if I could find a female pdoc, I would. My basic question is, is it a bad thing to exclude male therapists and psychiatrists just cuz of their gender and discussing abuse issues is icky? How do I deal with a male therapist if I choose to use one? Is this totally not normal? It also impacts a trial study of different therapies that I may be interested in. At least one therapist I have to meet with at least once is male....what do?


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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little sheep
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11/9/08 11:29 PM
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i don't know how to handle this either...trying to sort out my thoughts on the issue, been trying all day, but they're just swimming round and round in my head. will try again tomorrow.


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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downandout
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11/10/08 11:17 PM
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Munkster - I feel kind of dumb trying to answer you, just b/c you have been in this for so much longer than I have so obviously you know more. But I just wanted to share my experiences with male therapists.
I was inpatient twice within the past three months, and both times the psychiatrists that attended to me were male. Granted, they were docs, not therapists, but I did speak to them every day for a while, and I felt very comfortable. While I (thank g-d) don't have the abuse issue to deal with - obviously that is soooo tough - I do have major gynecological issues that touches on very sensitive areas and I had to talk to them about that. (My depression has a lot to do with that.) At first I felt very strange talking to men about it, but then I got used to it - honestly, I think they were quite good - and once I got over the initial icky feeling, it was really quite okay.
Hope this helps!


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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little sheep
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11/11/08 1:07 AM
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d&o, how were you able to get used to it, get over the feeling? i had to drop my male pdoc, and i'm really scared cuz next week i have to go to another male one...until now, i've been seeing a female...


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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downandout
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11/11/08 12:00 PM
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Honestly, I don't really know how to answer you - like I can't think of any active way I got over it - I just did.
But I guess a few things made a difference.
First of all, I had been to many other kinds of doctors before for my issue, most of them male - so I guess I just was kind of used to talking to males about it.
Second of all, for me, I found talking about my feelings harder than anything else. I am an extremely closed person. So, after talking first to an ER doctor how I feel, then to 3 ER doctors plus 2 residents, then to 3 nurses.... I just kind of numbed everything over and said what I thought I felt like and talked about my situations like a robot - cuz I knew I had to, and once I was doing it, I may as well just say everything. Eventually, b/c they knew everything anyway, I felt more comfortable talking openly about it...
I don't know if this helps you. I hope it does, because sometimes I find that the male docs can take a better spin on things than the females...
Good Luck!
d&o


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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unhelpable.
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11/11/08 3:54 PM
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actually the first person who ever got me to talk about my (s*xual) abuse was a man.
funnily enough, i could only speak to him over the fone and never face to face.
still today, he is one of the very few people i still talk to.
i never felt awkward talking to him just because he was man.


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"everyone crys every now and then, my tears just happen to be red."
 
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little sheep
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11/11/08 4:19 PM
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un, one of my biggest fears is talking to a man about my abuse...i have no choice next tuesday though, and i'm TERRIFIED! i don't know how i'm gonna deal with it...


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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downandout
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11/11/08 8:47 PM
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Then it really is scary for you! I don't know what to say... just hugs and good luck and I'll be thinking of you (I have this picture of a cute little lamb in my head) and I hope it goes well and please let us know...
With you all the way!
d&o


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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little sheep
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11/12/08 2:47 PM
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thanks d&o...i'm gonna need all the luck i can get. ugh, sitting alone, in a room, with a man, talking about abuse...well, at least he'll get to see my PTSD in full force, and hopefully accept me for his research study...


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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11/16/08 11:34 PM
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First and foremost, I think it is important to feel comfortable with a therapist. If you are going to force yourself to see a male, and then not tell the deep stuff b/c you are uncomfortable, then you are not maximizing the opportunity. Sometime in your journey, it may be helpful to see a male therapist, b/c they can act as a model for a "healthy relationship" with the opposite gender.
a lynn
 
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