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TOPIC TITLE: Therapy crisis
Created On 3/31/06 9:55 AM
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Debbi
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3/31/06 9:55 AM
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Once again its happening.
I can't believe it is, but unfortunately once more I am going through a horrible ordeal in therapy.

I've been in intense therapy for almost 6 years (as some of you may remember).

To cut a long story short, my insurance is playing around with the payments and my therapist has not only not been payed, but is also being forced to return payments from the last 3 years! ($20, 000 worth)

Since this saga began in November I have been paying her in cash for every session.
3X per week, plus one group session ... Its not a pretty picture.
Its been a struggle but an unfortunate necessity.

Last Monday, my therapist reached her tolerance level.
I came into the session all ready to do work, and she became angry, and told me that I had better work on the money "this" week. Not NEXT week, but NOW!!
She was visibly upset, controlled but very very angry.

There was no session that day.
I felt humiliated and attacked.
I felt helpless due to the fact that I couldnt figure out how to get a hold of $46, 000 (that was the number she threw at me) before Pesach, or any time actually.
I felt accused of something beyond my capabilities of restoration, actually I wanted to dig a hole right there in her sunny office, and crawl inside forever.

Well, I made it through the session without walking out. She spent the hour on the phone, talking to the insurance companies, with no resolution.

Since Monday I have been existing in a halo of pain.
I called to cancel my sessions.
I didnt see that I had a choice. It seems as though the money is too difficult for her to have between us, and she can't do the work.
I'd rather give her the money and begin to pay back.

I can't believe I have lost my therapist.
I can't believe I have allowed myself to be in such a powerless situation.
Where do I go from here?
How do I just stop something that I have been relying upon for the last 6 years??

How do i put my life on hold?
How do I take care of 7 children when I am feeling drained and hopeless?
How do i deal with my marriage, when I relied on my therapist for support and understanding?

How do I clean for Pesach?
Cook for Shabbos?
Make sure everyone has clean clothes and ironed shirts for Shabbos? Yom Tov?
Cholent?
kugel?
Soup?

How?

How do i live?
I feel such a loss.
So much pain.

I needed her.
I relied upon her.
She gave me an hour of life, so that i could live the other 23 hours.

How do I deal with flashbacks?
Nightmares?
Desperation?

Is this how therapy ends?
Has anyone ever ended therapy?

Please let me know if anyone has any ideas for me.
I am feeling pretty desperate.

thanks
debbi.
 
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ernie55B
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3/31/06 10:40 AM
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Hi Debbi,

I really sorry you got hurt ONCE AGAIN by someone you trusted.

It must feel really awful.

Please let me refer you to a wonderful woman in the 5 towns who I promise would care about helping you and not about MONEY! (She does not charge much to begin with).

Just go once, if you don't like her I will pay for it.

Can you do that for me?

Try and have a good Shabbos,
Ernie
 
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Debbi
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3/31/06 1:58 PM
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Ernie,
thanks.
I appreciate your concern.
But no, I could not begin the whole ordeal again.
It took me years to gain some trust and understanding.
Its been years of strugge and very hard work.

I would not, could not begin anew.
And anyway therapists do need to be paid. Just like a doctor or anyone else deserves and should be paid for their work.
So even if I begin again, it will still be difficult financially.

This episode is really an insurance glitch which got way out of control, and unfortunately I am the recipient of their neglect, and desire not to honour their agreement.

Thanks for your support Ernie.

have a nice shabbos.

(Sorry I can't be of more support to you, its not that I dont care, its just hard for me to think clearly)

Wishing you all the best.
debbi.
 
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gad
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3/31/06 3:46 PM
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Hopefully you can get your therapist back, and settle the money issues. (Maybe you have a friend in the insurance business who can advise you).

If not, I know someone who had 3 therapists, and although he gained something from each one, the third was the best.

My father had an expression: "Everyone is replaceable."

There is another expression: Harbeh shluchim lamokom (G-d has many messengers (to do His work).

Have a good Shabbos, and hope to hear good new soon.



 
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az
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4/27/06 4:28 AM
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Debbie, at the risk of coming across as naive: would it help you to get an attorney to handle this mess with the insurance company?
It's difficult to hear your therapist would allow the money to come between the two of you. True, therapists need to get paid just as any other doctor, but hey she isn't selling shoes, is she? When I was unable to continue paying for therapy, my generous-hearted therapist said not to worry, that I can pay her when I'll have. She didn't allow a $4,000 bill to get between us. Boruch Hashem I've been able to pay it off over the course of 2-3 years. I do understand your hesitancy about seeing a new therapist. It takes so long to build the trust, etc. Who knows, your next one,if you choose to go to another one, may better for you right now. C'be your first one accomplished her tachlis with you. By the way , have you considered having a heart-to-heart talk with your therapist, talking about your emotional experience of all this. you never know, she may apologize for her show of anger and want to restore the relationship.
 
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unexpected
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4/30/06 1:08 AM
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Did you try calling RELIEF? They might have a way to help you with the insurance glitch, and some advice on how to handle your therapist. Also, if you choose to find a new therapist, that's a great place to start.


-------------------------
If God brought you to it, He'll bring you through it
 
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Debbi
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5/6/06 11:15 PM
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Wanted to let you all know, that the insurance seems to be coming through. There will still be an outstanding bill, but not nearly as much as we first thought.

My therapist went away for a few weeks for Pesach, and returned refreshed and much more capable of dealing with things.

So it looks as though it will turn out okay.

She actually mentioned that even though we both suffered from this ordeal, perhaps it wasnt such a bad thing therapeutically. She said that I need to learn that even when relationships are going through a difficult patch, it doesn't mean that one person needs to walk away. (which is what I did).

She said that she was surprised herself at how she felt during that session when I walked in after she had been on the phone to the insurance company.
She was taken aback at her own feelings, and needed to process them, and therefore did not have the ability to give me a normal session. I told her that I wish she would have just told me that, so that I wouldnt have had to have guessed (even though it was quite plain to see).
She apologised and said that she was trying to process her feelings, and that she did the best she could at the time.

She explained that for the past few months it had been hard for her too, and that it was begining to come into the sessions, but even so she would never think of walking away. Things can be worked out. Even it feels uncomfortable, and uneasy people can still stay together and be there for each other and stick around until things are resolved!

She's great!
I like her alot.
 
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123123
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5/7/06 12:53 AM
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To all therapist reading this.....

And to those who aren't, let those who are share this with you....

I don't know whether it's part of your training but I wish it were: Please be honest with us. Most of the times you are able to keep your own emotions hidden from us, but when it's about a situation between you and I we can sense your anger, disappointment, upset, surprise, etc. In the case that Debbi (above message) describes, and it could've been any other client, if you had been honest about yourself and told her that you were having a host of reactions and that it's getting in the way.... believe me we would understand. Not only would we understand, it would let US off the hook. Instead of absorbing your anger we could let you own it. No, I'm not suggesting you start confiding in us. But when I (or my insurance) does something that evokes a reaction in you, we would appreciate the honesty that comes through in a statement such as "I'm having a hard time with this".

My therapist had a hard time continuing to see me at the price we had originally established (a ridiculously low one, to make it affordable for me). She gave me the run-around, for many weeks. I kept asking for an explanation of why I could not have my second session back. She did not give me a straight answer. Being the fighter for justice that I am I did not give up. Week after week I came in and said I was angry about her taking away my second session from me. Week after week she did not provide a satisfactory reason. Until finally she explained that she didn't want to hurt me therefore she did not tell me the real reason (Oh, and by the way she claimed that it took her all these weeks to clarify for herself the real reason. And by the way, I believe she has enough self-awareness that she knew the real reason a few weeks ago...) The reason she didn't give me back my second session had to do with, guess what? money. What else do our therapists get angry about anyway? (Besides suicide) Don't get me wrong, I believe anger is a justifiable reaction on the part of the therapist, and that's ok. I'm just saying that at least be honest about it and own it.

Of course I told her I would've appreciated hearing the real reason much sooner. It could have prevented weeks of wasted sessions. And by the way, during those many weeks that I was angry about her having snatched away my session and kept asking for a plausible explanation, I was unable to trust her enough to be able to make use of the sessions. It was during that time that I "fell into" a major depression. Yeah, she referred me to a psychiatrist, the meds did nothing for me except let me have the side effects, then to another psychiatrist, same experience. Y'know what I told her after so much money was spent on all the psychiatric visits and still no relief from the depression? I told her that here she was concerned about hurting me by telling me it's about the money, yet on the other hand she was referring me to psychiatrist who charge so much money?!

Who knows, my therapist might even be reading this.....

All the best,
123123


Edited: 5/7/06 at 1:16 AM by 123123
 
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