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TOPIC TITLE: abandonement issues
Created On 4/6/06 9:19 AM
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Debbi
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4/6/06 9:19 AM
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I am in therapy for childhood trauma.
I have been seeing my therapist for almost 6 years. She has always been very commited and caring.
However during the course of therapy, I often get into "fights" with her.
She says something which I interperet as "she doesn't care, she's not interested in me anymore", and as a result I withdraw, ignore her, become sarcastic, cancel sessions, go into a deep depression, and then only after days or sometimes weeks of mental anguish do I manage to come to some understanding, that "No, I am not being abandoned etc etc"

It is so draining, and uncomfortable.
I hate this part of the process (if it is a part), yet I know that these "episodes" are bound to re- ocur.

Does anyone else experience this, or something similar in the course of their therapy?

Would like to hear either comments or suggestions.
thanking you in anticipation.
debbi
 
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ernie55B
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4/6/06 2:12 PM
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Debbi-

I know how hard it is to start all over again in therapy-been there done that- but I really believe you should be completely comfortable with your therapist at all times.
If you get upset and fight with her, there is something wrong with the realtionship, and you should really think about someone else.
I left someone after 4 years- best thing I ever did.

Feel Good!
Ernie

P.S. I am DREADING Pesach, as I am alone the first days-kids will be with me second- and even though I am invited all over the place, I can't bring myself to go somewhere that will reinforce in my mind that I am here and my kids are elsewhere.
 
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az
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4/27/06 4:33 AM
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Debbie, you may be describing an issue of transference. Or, is it possible that the cigar is indeed a cigar and that there's an unrepairable problem with this relationship? I can so relate to your emotional states......Would it make sense to get a second opinion?
 
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Debbi
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5/1/06 9:09 AM
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Hi az,
Yes I imagine it is transference
Its just so uncomfortable, and I know its difficult for my therapist too.
Over the years the "episodes" have definately become less. She is very patient and hasn't given up yet! I admire her tenacity.

Do you experience this alot az?
And if you do, how do you get through it?

hope you are doing okay today.
tc.
debbi


Edited: 5/1/06 at 9:10 AM by Debbi
 
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free2be
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5/9/06 4:09 PM
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could it be that you want your therapist to love you, that you want a relationship with her,yet you wonder if she feels the same way so you have to keep asking for it, like do you really care about me? i think you also know that your therapist will never be a real relationship in your life .i think you want her approval badly. this might be an unhealthy relationship and it isnt your fault.this is the therapists problem and she shoud be working with you not against you . good luck. this is a problem i had with my therapist and she made me leave her because she was at a loss what to do. it was very painful
 
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az
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5/21/06 12:55 AM
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Hi, Debbi,
Sorry for the delay in responding...I've just noticed your message is addressed to me.....y'see, I forget my "name" is az, as it's only a screenname and not my real name....

You ask if I experience it a lot, this transference thing, and how I get through it. I certainly experience it; I've read transference occurs when there's trust in your relationship. The way I deal with transference issues is quite simply: communicate it. I am aware that for the most part anything that comes up in therapy is about me and not the shrink. For the most part. It's important to recognize when the issue is about the therapist.

I'm gonna pm you.

Hatzlacha to you!



Edited: 5/23/06 at 11:03 AM by az
 
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