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TOPIC TITLE: Losing Therapist
Created On 5/6/06 11:00 PM
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Debbi
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It is the first time since I began therapy six years ago that I feel okay with the amount of times I have therapy per week.

I started off with once a week, and then very soon after that, started twice a week. A few months later I became very depressed and suicidal, and I couldnt make it through the week without having at least 5 or 6 sessions per week!
And even then I would have a hard time trying to get through Shabbosim.

The last six years have been really difficult. I have struggled through many many crisis and painful times. My family has suffered too. But now almost 6 years later I finally feel that seeing my therapist 3x a week plus a DBT session is enough.

For the first time in six years I can get through the week without creating some sort of crisis so that I can allow myself to call my therapist in between sessions.

It is the first time I actually look forward to the weekends without needing to contact her. I have begun to feel strong on my own. Strong enough to make my own decisions, my own choices, and stand on my own two feet, without having to have an extra session, or talk to her on the phone.

I feel proud of myself for having accomplished so much. I worked hard to make this happen. My therapist did too. She never gave up, never lost patience, always going beyond her duty as a therapist. As a result she gained my trust, which allowed me to need her less and less. I have to say she not only saved my life, but also helped me gain one

So wheres the problem?
Okay, this is where I am having trouble.
I am still seeing her 3 times a week, plus DBT group, which is 4X. I feel guilty that I still need so much therapy. Financially as well as taking up so much of her time.
I think I am scared of losing her.
Now that I am no longer in danger of suicide, and dont have some sort of ongoing crisis, I keep on thinking that perhaps she'll get sick of me, or bored, or that there must be others more needy than I.
I am so scared that she will decide that I dont need her anymore, and she will give my time to someone else.

I have spoken to her about my fears, and she responded that if I want I can see her until we are both hobbling into the office with walking sticks! She said that there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist just for support and feeling a connection.

On some level I know that my fears are stupid, irrational and baseless. After all the years of her being so supportive, I should know that she would never leave me now, without at least first discussing it, or helping me find someone else.
Yet I can't seem to stop feeling that in order to keep her in my life, I cannot become fully well. I will always have to suffer from something, just so that i wont lose her!

I wonder if anyone understands these fears?
Has anyone experienced therapy in this manner?

looking forward to hearing your responses.

debbi






 
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gad
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5/6/06 11:53 PM
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I'm happy that it's working for you now.

As for your fear of losing her and how will you cope; perhaps it would help to keep in mind that "Harbe shluchim lamokoim" (G-d has many messengers).

Have a Gut Voch
 
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123123
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Debbi,

About this fear of losing your therapist, I think you can actually utilize this experience of feeling you'll lose her. This is good grist for the mill. You are probably aware of transference in therapy and it may be productive and eye-opening to explore your fear of losing her and your idea of not getting "well" just so that you can hang onto her.

Transference aside, I think it's ok to pay $ to someone to listen to us and support us if that is how the person chooses to spend some (some?) money.



Who knows, my therapist may even be reading this.....

All the best,
123123


Edited: 5/21/06 at 12:42 AM by 123123
 
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bubbles
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hi 123123,

Oh boy, do I understand those feelings of pain when it comes to these transference issues.
They are so hard to deal with, and cause so much suffering and intense pain.

I understand too your therapists unwillingness to be up- front about the money issue. But I agree she shouldnt have waited so long to tell you. She should have been able to overcome her own discomfort and tell you straight away. I guess though she is human and has feelings too.

Do you think she felt that because you managed for 6wks with only one session, that you could still manage or you could find the money to pay for what she deems as "extra"?

I can really identify with that feeling of her "snatching" something from you.
I had an incident recently where she asked me to switch my time because someone else needed that time.
It happened to be that just that week I was going through a crisis and this was the last straw.
I actually felt that she was asking me to give away something that belonged to me, and hand it to someone else!
Crazy when you think about it, but so very real for me.

I really hope she doesnt take away my time until I am ready.

are you back to twice a week then?

tc
debbi.

(ps, do you want her to be reading this........?)
 
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free2be
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i really understand your feelings about not wanting to get well because you still want help. this in an indication that you NEED that help. i felt this way when a therapist told me i was fine and i was ready to leave therapy i actually hurt myself to stay in therapy but now know that was because i needed it. i am now much better and realize that the fear is because you still need the help but it will come a time when you yourself will fell like your not so dependent on therapy and than make the choice if you want to leave therapy or not.good luck
 
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123123
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5/21/06 12:44 AM
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Debbi,

No, I'm not back to seeing her twice a week, because I'm unable to afford a second session at $80.

And no, I don't want her to be reading this, which is why I've edited my post.....just in case.....
 
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Holding on
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Hi everyone!

I now find myself in a postion where I'm not really losing my T for good, but wont be able to see her for quite some time.
I'm afraid of slipping up in regards to my cutting, bec. if I wont be seeing her, I wont have to answer to her - thus making it easier to give in. (I can hide my SI from my parents, and sometimes, just thinking that I'll have to explain why I cut again... in addition to not wanting to dissappoint my T, has been reason enough not to give in to my urges).
It's been a little over a month now since I have last cut and I'm still itching to do it again. The tease is still there, as strong as ever.

I have discussed this w/ my T, and she has offered me the number of another T that I can call in case I feel like I'm going to cut... but I know that I will not call this other T if I feel the urge to cut. It has taken me quite a long time to open up and trust my T, and even now it's very hard for me to talk about my cutting, so I don't think I would be able to call this other T.
My T has also asked me if I would call my pdoc, but I don't feel comfortable talking to her at all, so that's sort of out of the question too.

I told my T that I would reach out to all of you, and to my really close friend, and let everyone know that I'll be needing to lean on you for some extra support during this time... So here it is.
Thank you in advance, everyone!

I'm at the point that I know if I don't take care and stop my cutting now, it is going to control me, so I'm really afraid of relapsing...

Thanks for listening and understanding,
Holding on
 
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ernie55B
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OK, HO, so here it is:

You don't have your therapist to lean on when you have the urge to cut, and you are looking for support here.

This may sound tough, but this is my suggestion.

Make up in your mind that if you do give in to the temptation of cutting (which is an addiction like any other), you will have to
write about it here.

You will need to describe in detail exactly how you did it, what was going through your mind when you did it, and what you
feel you accomplished by doing it.

Maybe by having to answer to all the people here who care about you will make you think twice before you
go through with it.

Do we have a deal?

Ernie
 
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Holding on
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Ernie,

It's not the same as having to answer to my T, but I believe it would accomplish the same thing.
I'll probably be needing all the support I can get anyway, but it's a deal.
 
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Holding on
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(yikes - can't believe I just agreed to that)
And btw, yes it does sound harsh. Intimidating as well - explain to everyone?!

Y'know, I just might get by w/o cutting!
That would be nice.
My T, (and I) would be really proud!

Thanks!
 
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su7kids
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Quote

Originally posted by: Holding on

Y'know, I just might get by w/o cutting!
That would be nice.
My T, (and I) would be really proud!

Thanks!



And so would WE be proud of YOU!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Holding on
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thank you!
 
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Belly
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I's also here to support you and listen to you
Belly
 
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ernie55B
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Hi HO,

Glad you signed on to the deal!

Ok, so here it is day 1 and no cutting, right?

Please post here every so often (or on the SI thread) how many days have gone by w/o cutting.

Way to go, girl!

Ernie
 
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Holding on
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Hi!

Thank you to all of you who are there for me. I really appreciate it!

Day one - no cutting, B"H!

I'll check in to post my progress, BL"N.

Thanks a mill!



 
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su7kids
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One Day is AWESOME!!! Yashar Koach to you!!!

Thanks for being accountable!!!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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ernie55B
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OK HO! Way to go!

Keep it up!
 
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Belly
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Holding on how are you doing?
I'm waiting to hear from you again!
Belly
 
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Holding on
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Hi!

I'm B"H doing rather well - thanks for checking back w/ me!

I'm more confident now, than ever b4, that I can and WILL beat this addiction. With the support I get over here, from all of you, I'm all set up to succeed w/ it. And I am ever grateful for that.
Holding on

Ps. Also, finally, a lot of what my T has been telling me for months, is registering. Slowly, I'm beggining to feel better about myself...
 
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ernie55B
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Hey HO, that's great!

You made my Shabbos.

Letting us all know how much better you are feeling, gives hope to all those who believe there is no hope.

Keep it up and have a great Shabbos!

E
 
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Belly
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Yeah!
Keep it up.
I'm looking forward to cheering you after Shabes!
Gut Shabes Belly
 
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Holding on
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Gut Voch!

Ernie and Belly and everyone else who is supporting me:
Thanks again!!

WE CAN do this!

Growing stronger,
Holding on

ps - Ernie, you made my night by telling me that I was giving hope to others.
For a change I'm doing something other than complaining... Yay!







Edited: 3/17/07 at 10:31 PM by Holding on
 
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Belly
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Holding on you sound great!!!
Keep it up!
Belly
 
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ernie55B
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HO, how many days of no cutting so far?

E
 
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Holding on
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Hi Everyone!

Tomorrow will be a month and a half of no cutting! I'm B"H still going strong - and the few times that I was having a rough day, I reminded myself that I have caring ppl. to answer to, so I was able to win over the urge.

It's annoying and ever so frustrating that I'm working soo hard and the tease and the itching to do it is still there.

Holding on
 
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su7kids
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Holding on, that is awesome. Sounds like you're really holding tight this time! Good for you!! Keep up the great work!!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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stillfighting
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i'm really happy for you and hope that you keep up the good work. like anything this can be very hard.
 
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kivunulo
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HO
dont be dissapointed if it does not go away fast....
from experience it should go away after time when you will forget about it.
a tip; when you think about cutting try and think about something else, prepare for this beforehand, (meaning, you should prepare something to think about if the thought of cutting comes into your mind).
keep up the work
&
best wishes
your an inspiration for all of us thank you


Edited: 3/22/07 at 9:39 PM by kivunulo
 
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Belly
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Holding on
How is it going?
Belly
 
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Holding on
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Gut Voch everyone!

B"H Shabbos was very nice. I hope everyone had a nice Shabbos as well.

I'm continuing to hold on, but taking it one day at a time.
When I think about my not cutting, I'm happy that I've gone for so long w/o doing it, (and hope to continue), but on the other hand, I sometimes become overwhelmed. I'm not sure why. Did anyone ever experience this feeling of becoming overwhelmed when stopping their pattern of SI? If yes, how did you deal w/ it?
Thanks in advance, and thank you for all the continued support.

It's still a long journey for me...
Holding on
 
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su7kids
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Awesome!!! Keep doing it one day/moment at a time, as long as you're doing it, eventually it will get easier, but just do what you're doing, its working!!!!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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ernie55B
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Hi HO,

You're doing great; keep it up!

As Sue said, it gets easier with time. I guarantee that.

Ernie
 
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Belly
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GUt Moed Holding on.
I know that not everyone writes on the computer on Chol Hamoed, but I see that we did not get an update in a while and I wanted to make sure that you know that I'm waiting to hear from you!

Belly
 
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Holding on
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Gut Moed everyone!!

Belly - Sorry for not keeping you updated - it Was b4 Pesach...

Just to check in w/ regards to my SI - tomorrow will be exactly TWO MONTHS of no cutting (or any other form of SI)
YAY!!!

My T actually called me on Mon. (just to check up on me) and was soo proud of me... (we wont be setting up sessions for about another three weeks, but I do feel more confident that I can do it)
Thanks all of you!!

Your checking up on me is very supportive - thank you!!

Enjoy the rest of Yom Tov,
Holding on
 
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su7kids
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Awesome job, Holding On!!! You really ARE holding on now. Is it getting any easier to go yet another day?

I hope so.

Kol Hakavod to you.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Holding on
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Sometimes I feel like I've gotten this under control, and other times... well, I just think of all the reasons I shouldn't SI, and hope I'll pull through...
I mean, compare my post from 3/24 and now...
I swing back pretty fast, but I'm learning to enjoy the times I feel ok, and am trying to learn better coping skills for the times I'm tempted...

Thank you for all the support!

 
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ernie55B
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Hi HO!

This is really great! Keep on going; it will get easier every day.

Enjoy the rest of Yom Tov!

Ernie
 
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Holding on
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Hi!

Well, I made it through Yom Tov. It was work, although still a bit easier than I had inticapated.
Tomorrow will be yet another week that I've held on.
It's going to be about two more weeks b4 I can set up sessions w/ my T.
I can do it!

be well
 
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hashemhelpme
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keep going the begining is kind of over for you wich means YOU CAN DO IT ! YAY WE ARE ALL SOO PROUD OF YOU! about 4 years ago I had the same problem it took me 3 years to be able to swich to regular T I mean one not designed for suicidal and I know the feeling but there's definitely hope
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK WE ARE ALL SO PROUD OF YOU
there is definitely hope
 
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Holding on
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Hi everyone!

Tomorrow will be exactly 2 1/2 months of not cutting.
I'm happy that I've come so far, and yet I know that I have so much more work to do before I can say that I'm an "ex-cutter" and really mean it.

Hashemhelpme - thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It's greatly appreciated.

tc,
Holding on
 
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su7kids
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Holding On, you're a "recovering cutter". Like they say about alcholics, you're never really done with it, you're always "battling". but as long as you're winning the battle, that is the most important thing.

2 1/2 months is AWESOME. I bet you're very proud of yourself.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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kivunulo
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holding on thank you very much and keep it up as long as you keep it up it shows all of us adicts out there that THERE IS A WAY!!
chazal say "al taamin be'atmecha ad yom moschah" - "dont beleive in yourself till yor dying day", meaning you should never beleive you've already won the battle because then you will let your guard down and you might succumb to an urge.
 
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Holding on
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hi all,

My meds finally showed up today, and I feel like crying. I don't know why...
These last few days have been really hard...

Sorry. I'll try to post when I'm in better spirits.
 
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su7kids
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Holding on, are you still "holding on"?

Hope so!!!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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avious101
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yeah holding on whats up ????????????
 
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Holding on
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Yes, I'm still 'holding on',
B"H I have not cut and now I have all the more reason to continue 'holding on' bec. I'll FINALLY be seeing my T IY"H next week.
I can't wait. It's been a long time...

I'm still not okay with the meds, but I'm going to give them a try.

Thanks everyone!
 
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su7kids
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Good stuff!!! Hope the therapist has a party with balloons and noise makers for you. You have a lot to be proud of!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Holding on
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su7kids - you make me smile!

Couldn't have done it without everyones support.
Thank you.
 
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Belly
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Holding on you are so amazing! I want to tell you that your being strong and staying strong has really inspired me!
Keep on holding on an eventhough your T is coming back, please keep us updated!
Belly
 
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Holding on
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Belly, thank you for your kind words - it helps me keep going strong.

I will IY"H be seeing my T tomorrow. She's going to be really happy in regards to how I managed.
But she wont like when I tell her that I want to stop taking the meds. They haven't really kicked in yet, but I already felt the side effects from day one

Ok. I will continue to come here to post.

be well,
Holding on
 
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