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TOPIC TITLE: I'm so mad at my therapist
Created On 7/10/06 3:53 PM
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Belly
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7/10/06 3:53 PM
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My therapist just told me that I'm obsessed with the surgery I have to go through. Well I was told I need surgery with general anesthisia. Is there anyone half normal in this world who would not be scared, concerned, nervous.... about a surgery?!?!? Yes for a few days this is all I talked about, read about and tried to find out any other solution. I still don't know what, where and when and if I'm going to try alternative medicine, but I have calmed down alot. I smile again. I"m back to normal activities (actually I continued doing everything). I see the light at the end of the tunnle. WHY ON ALL EARTH DOES SHE CALL ME OBSESSIVE???? SHouldn't she help me feel good about myself. It's ok to have all these fears and worries. She wants me to go back to the Psychiatrist and get reevaluated. I'm so mad! Why does she want to drug up copletley normal and real feelings? WHy does she deny me the right of having real feelings?
I have to go now, but I'm really interested in what you have to say.
I'm going to post this for Dr. Lynn too. I really want to know what he has to say to this.
Belly
 
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tulip
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7/10/06 11:11 PM
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Hey Belly,

Yeah, I understand how you feel when your T says your obsessive. Hey, being obsessive is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation, isn't it?

Did she sit there and say, You're obsessive, you're obsessive, you're obsessive...? Or did she, just in passing, say you're obsessing over it? Again, obsessing over surgery is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

We, or at least I do, want emotional attunement from our therapists at all times. And when T isn't totally aligned we take it personally, we take it as invalidating our perspective/feeling/thought.
So to gain perspective on this, I've asked myself: Must my T put aside her own beliefs/values/ideas and move over to MY side and align herself with MY beliefs/thoughts/feelings? How much of herself should she bring to the interaction? Should our interaction reflect real-life interactions between grown-ups, where each participant feels free to express her opinion? Or should this therapist-client interaction service the client's need for empathy and support, despite the T's difference of opinion?


Would it help to tell her, "I find your calling me obsessive hurtful, and I'd much rather you empathize with my worries, fears, etc.
What I need from you now is for you to validate the reactions I'm having to the surgery. Would you be able to do that for me?"
I find that such a request made in earnest will at least provide you with the answer of whether you should keep spinning your wheel for naught or whether you're gonna get what you want/need from you therapist in this situation.

Take good care, Belly.
And if you care to share the specifics of your scheduled surgery, please do.

I have


Edited: 7/20/06 at 10:18 PM by tulip
 
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bubbles
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7/11/06 12:09 AM
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hi belly,

tulip has really said it all.
not much to add except that asking for what u need is sometimes the only way. Therapists are not mind readers, (as much as we wish they would be).

Asking for support can be difficult, but in the end you can only gain. If u ask directly as Tulip suggested then u will find out one of two things. Either your Therapist totally missed the mark, and she will explain how she sees the situation, (and hopefully be mature enough to apologise)
Or she will tell you that her approach is on target, and she will then need to help you understand why she feels the way she feels.

I recently had a situation where I felt that my T was pushing me in a direction I was not yet ready to get to. I still felt a strong need for empathy and support over a loss i had just experienced.
I went through days of suffering because I didnt know how to tell T that I still needed her support and understanding, and that I was not ready to move on.
In the end I did tell her, and her response was that she thought she had empathised a thousand times.
My response to that comment was, that perhaps I needed to hear her empathise another thousand times!

She smiled, and said that she hadn't realised that i still needed more support, and that she would do it for as long as necessary.

It felt so good to be able to ask for something, and be understood and not feel stupid.

When is your surgery Belly?
I would be glad to support you here on -line, if it would be of any comfort to you.
And I hope too that you will allow yourself to talk to T and explain how you feel.
take good care.
debbi
 
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killedlastyear
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7/11/06 2:39 AM
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hey, from what i read from the other posters, you're obsessive? i'm not. but i can relate to your fear of anesthisia. i get really scared about stuff like that sometimes that i start panicking and getting anxiety attacks. its all i can think about and i'll be liek a zombie i'm not even really with i'm so worried about it. i reasearch the subject till i know everything possible about it and then i still search for more answers to teh questions i already have read over and over again. is that normal? prob not. maybe. i think the therapists see it as their job to evaluate. thats why i always felt weird talking to mine. everything you say they write down on their little pad an quote you on it months later. i dont like teh way they used my words against me almost. so maybe your therapist is just doing what they think is their job, to evaluuuuate in order to "help". and from what it sounds like you just want reasurance about the procedure you're about to go through with. and you're just talking to your therapist to help calm your fears or w/e. am i right? haha tell me if i'm totaly missing the point of what you're going through and trying to say.
well i think you're normal. and your fears are normal too. at least this one is.
have you found an alternative btw?
 
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Belly
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7/13/06 10:27 AM
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DOn't have much time towrite now, just wanted to tell you that I talked to my T about it. She apologized for calling obsessive. We discussed all the issues and I feel better now.
Thank you so much for supporting me regarding my surgery. In the next few days I'll decide if I'm trying alternative medicine first.
Bally
 
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