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TOPIC TITLE: Is there an end? (poss. trigger)
Created On 2/14/07 6:11 PM
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Holding on
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12/9/07 12:00 PM
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First, thank you all for the support. It really means a lot to me.

I actually tried giving myself a S&I burn, because I just couldn't do it anymore, but it didn't work. Does that count as SI?

Su - I hope you're right 'cuz I'm about to try your whining theory... joking !!! heheh

Gad - as always, thank you for your well wishes.

Bubbs - I totally hear what you're saying.
I'm not sure if it's the same thing, and I'm still trying to figure it out, but it seems like the reason I feel so vulnerable is because we are getting to the main issues that I've not allowed myself to talk or even think about for, like, forever, and I don't know what to do with such strong emotions. I feel overwhelmed by them.
It's terrifying to be afraid of your emotions, bec. I don't know that I will be able to deal with them. No, I'm not afraid that I'll act on them by hurting anyone else, but rather turn it against myself... The emotions are too strong, so I feel like I need to do something to relieve the pressure.
I feel vulnerable bec. I am already in a state of mind where I am hurting and dealing with very strong emotions, and I just feel when I am in this place, I am open to be hurt that much easier, (by anything someone else might say, for example).
Does any of this make sense???
I know that the work that I am doing in therapy is important and needs done. I know that in the end, I will be a better person for it, bec I will be able to move on...
But in the meantime, it hurts really bad.
I feel like she rips me open, we do some work, and then I have to glue myself together until next week.

thank you for understanding,
Holding on
 
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gad
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12/15/07 8:35 PM
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Holding on,

The symbol you chose seems to be a leopard, and the first law in Shulchan Aruch is to be bold like a leopard.

You have certainly shown tremendous boldness and tenacity with your efforts till now.

I hope that your therapy gets easier, and that you are soon successful in accomplishing what you and your therapist both want, in good health.

Have a gut voch.
 
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Holding on
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12/25/07 11:37 PM
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I came back from therapy today and I Cannot cope w/ my emotions.
There are just too many feelings going around in circles.
today she said something which I have heard from others in the past, but have refused to accept or acknoweledge.
She said it how it is.
My father is verbally and emotionally abusive.
When she said that, I felt like she had stabbed me in the heart.
My heart was racing
I couldn't breathe.
My body was shaking.

Had I had a blade then, I would have probably done it on the spot.
I still 'need' to do it.
but I really don't want to have to do this to myself.
I don't want to hurt the ppl. who care about me. I don't want to dissapoint.

I didn't trust myself to come home right away.
I stayed in her lobby for almost 45 minutes taking it in. trying to make sense of it all.

I'm afraid of myself.
I don't want to lose all connection w/ my father.
I can't do it anymore. It hurts soo bad.
HELP!
 
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su7kids
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12/26/07 12:55 AM
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Holding on, have you thought about why you felt like she stabbed you in the heart? Is this something you thought about before?

Is she wrong? Has she said something that you didn't think of before?

What are the implications to you, if she is correct?

Hugs, hang in there.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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gad
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12/26/07 1:12 AM
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You don't have to lose connections with your father. You just need to shift gears, and approach him with a new awareness.

You will need time to absorb it, and process it. It's like you are in mourning, you have lost the father you knew, or thought you knew. Now that reality has set in, I'm sure that your therapist will help you in finding the right approach in dealing with him. Respect, yet a certain self-protective aloofness.

And it may not be his fault. It may be something in his dna, or environmental influence (while growing up etc.). So in a way we can perhaps feel a deep pity for him. But nonetheless, your dream has been shattered, and your now-fragile self needs healing and the strength to carry on.

It is absolutely devastating. But sometimes when we come out of a dreamworld, we are better equipped to deal with life, not only in spite of our experience, but often because of our experience. We often find a new peace of mind, a genuine peace of mind. Because we see things as they really are. And we learn what to do.

I offer you my sincerest sympathy. And I wish that you are able to carry on, and use the experience to better deal with the world, and help your children have the true love and guidance that they need.

May you have only happy news from now on.


Edited: 12/26/07 at 1:43 AM by gad
 
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aquabelle
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12/26/07 1:22 AM
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HO - the first time i acknowledged in t that my father was a physical and emotional abuser and let myself feel i couldn't breathe and i was shaking and i thought i was going to pass out. it's ok to feel that way and its ok to freak out abt feeling that way. its ok to think abt what will happen to ur relationship w/ him if u acknowledge it. every girl wants a father to take care of them and love them and not intentionally hurt them. its ok to feel like u do. its a step in the healing process. unlocking the pain and the depth of it and acknowledging where it comes from gives u the strength and ability to stop SI. at least that's what helped me stop and that's what helps me be SI free for 17 mths. let me know what i can do for u.
 
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Holding on
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12/26/07 12:31 PM
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First, I want to thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. That in itself helps me feel a little less alone.

I have heard this statement (about my father), in the past. I simply refused to accept it, like, it can't be... He's just upset...
I guess hearing her say that just made it more real.

If she is correct... I'm afraid of the changes, I guess.
Afraid of losing the 'relationship' I have with him.
Afraid of the feelings of anger that are sitting just below the surface...

I feel stupid for having such a strong reaction to this bec. it's not something I haven't heard in the past. I should realise it on my own - after all, this has been my life story.
Why can't I just accept the facts and deal with them?
Before therapy, pretty much no matter what came up, I was able to just look at the situation, see what needed to be done and deal with it.
Now, idk - the emotions are just so overwhelming...
- I'm judging myself again

Do I make any sense? Do you understand?

Gad - thank you for your kind words of wisdom.
The only thing about what you wrote - about that I'm mourning... I can't accept that right now.
It's probably true, but I just can't think about that now.

as a matter of fact, I can't think about anything now.
I've numbed myself out in order to try and survive this, but the feelings/emotions are threatening to come back and consume me.
Just thinking/writing about it - I can't breathe

Aquabelle - thank you.
Thanks for reminding me that IT"S OK.
I'm ALLOWED to feel this way.
(aarrggg - who am I kidding? I'm saying that my reaction and emotions are ok, yet am judging myself in the same breath)
your post gives me strength. I'll try to keep it in mind

Just as a btw, I survived the night W/O cutting! Just barely, (my body was shaking from all the feelings) and I'm afraid my friend didn't get too much sleep ,but I did it nonetheless.

I'm sorry if this post makes no sense. I just needed to get things out, yet can't cope with 'feeling' now...
Thank you for understanding.

Holding on


 
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su7kids
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12/26/07 12:40 PM
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Holding On, I'm so proud of you for getting through the night. So glad your friend was there for you. What an awesome friend.

There is a lot of depth to the parent/child relationship. As kids we always want our parents' approval and love and acceptance. I am 50 now, and still want my mother's approval and she hasn't been alive for nearly 11 years!! Is that a silly thing? I don't know. I'm kinda waiting to hear her say "You did good, kid".

My relationship with my father is still that I want him to look at me and especially at my kids and say, "wow, I'm so proud of you". I also love and crave to hear him say "I love you" because your parents don't have any OBLIGATION to love you, and if they choose to, its very important.

There is a loss of dreams, loss of what you were always hoping for, and if these words were not articulated, then they didn't need to be true.

You have to go through the levels of grief, and accept that this is who your father is, it is NO REFLECTION ON WHO YOU ARE. Boy, I could write long and hard about that one!!!

You have to be the best person YOU can be. You have to take care of YOURSELF because its YOU, not because it will win your father's approval and love, and not because anyone else cares. Its nice to get the accolades, but you're doing it for you.

You are who you are, regardless of your father, maybe because of how he raised you, but you have grown tremendous strength from that.

Its the loss of who you want your father to be that Gad means you are mourning. Its not the loss of your father, G-d forbid. The loss of a dream.

Keep holding on, and remember we're here to help you, and love you. Its gotta be unconditional because we don't know enough about you to judge! LOL

Keep strong.
You can do it.

Its a growth process, and you're at a stage wher eyou can deal with it, in whatever manner that takes.

Good luck.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Holding on
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12/29/07 11:33 PM
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i'm sorry.
I couldn't 'hold on' anymore.
 
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su7kids
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ok, now you know you;ve done it before, you can do it again.

Pick yourself up and start again! You can do it! you KNOW you can!!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Holding on
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12/29/07 11:52 PM
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I'm sorry for sounding so negative, but I don't know anything anymore.
I can't believe myself - I did it while I was on the phone with my friend and she was there supporting me!!
I'm so dissapointed in myself. I'm proving my father right every time I mess up like this!
My friend is going to be worried and she's going to be hurt.
I don't know... I can't do this anymore
AAARRRRGGGG!
HELP!
 
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gad
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12/30/07 2:28 AM
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Everyone messes up. You're normal, and you are going through a very difficult time. We don't blame you, so why blame yourself?

Your father is not correct when he is emotionally abusive and insensitive. We can't judge or blame him for this, but we can look at the situation and say that he is not correct in his assessment (blaming you etc.)

It's nothing personal against your friend. No doubt she still understands and cares. She did a big Mitzva in working so hard to help you, and the fact that it was not entirely successful is not her fault. It was bashert.

I trust that when you see your therapist again, that you will voice your concerns, and that she will give you coping methods which will enable you to relate to your father in a heathier way, and with more peace of mind than ever.

Hope to hear good news. have a gut voch.
 
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mouse
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Holding On, all i can say is that I can relate to your struggles with SI. I'm having a hard time too stopping it. For me, I find that when I stop and restart, it's like making up for lost time -- it's twice as bad if not more. For Shabbos I stopped SI and then Sunday and Monday (during the day) too. Last night I just totally lost it and overdosed and cut after calling for help and contracting for safety. I feel like a mess.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Holding on
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1/1/08 11:39 PM
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Gad - thanks for your support. It's not quite that simple to stop judging/blaming myself, but I am working at it.

Munkster - First, I hope you're doing "okay". I'm sorry you are struggling so. I totally get you when you say you feel like you need to 'make up for lost time'. Idk if this makes sense, but for me, sometimes its 'making up for lost time,' and other times, it's like, if I'm messing up x amount of time of being SI-free, it better be "good" - if you know what I mean. (sorry, I don't mean to trigger).
Please take care of yourself.

I saw my T today, and B"H I am feeling Much better.
I was honest with her and told her how poorly I was, ahem, 'coping.'
I was pleasantly surprised with myself that I was actually able to get a lot of work done after the pathetic week I had just had.
I'm beggining to believe that there could be a balance with my father and I...
It's a good feeling, and yet, how strange is this, that I am nervous about the change, about how I feel about myself even though it's for the better - a more positive self-image...??? Almost like, now that I don't hate myself... how do 'normal' ppl. live?
Ok, I'm sorry if this makes no sense whatsoever, (probably doesn't) bec. it has a lot to do with what we discussed today in T.

Anywho... thanks again for the continued support!
And just to make up for my many frowns this past week:
- lol


 
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gad
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1/1/08 11:39 PM
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Munkster, I hope you're feeling better now.
 
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gad
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Holding on, what you wrote makes a lot of sense.

I'm glad that you are finding yourself, and that you are feeling better about things.
 
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Holding on
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7/14/08 10:04 PM
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aarrrggggggggg!
I can't do this anymore. It's just too hard. I'm falling apart.
I'm just over 6 1/2 months cut-free and I can't go on. It's all I can think of - have to cut, have to cut...
I'm all alone w/ everything and it's too much.
I don't see a point in anything anymore
I'm sorry
 
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mouse
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I know the feeling. It's like withdrawal symptoms from something. Have you tried distractions, journaling, drawing, etc? I'm not one to speak as I still self-destruct regularly, but I admire how long you have stopped. If you slip up there is always tomorrow where you can start anew. Try to think of what you did to stop the first time, and continue doing it.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Holding on
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I've been distracting myself for most of the 6 1/2 months (how pathetic ) There's only so long it can work for. Journaling doesn't seem to help much either.
Back when I last SI-ed, I seriously thought I could make it my last, I thought I was ready to give quitting a try, but now things have changed. I feel so alone w/ everything and I can't beat this alone. I've held on for this long hoping it would eventually get easier... but it hasn't! I can't do it anymore
 
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su7kids
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How can we love and support you?


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Holding on
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7/17/08 5:54 PM
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Thanks for understanding and the support.

It's just... back then, I had my T. I had two friends I felt I could talk to about my SI. Now... I don't really have anyone. I can't see my T anymore and I really don't feel like my friends understand at all .
I find myself going back to my old ways of thinking... and I'm triggered sooo easily lately .
What do I do?
I want a hug sooo bad, but I don't want anyone coming near me. I have no clue what is with me. sorry
 
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gad
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Originally posted by: Holding on
Now... I don't really have anyone.


You have Hashem. He is right there with you.

And you have the support from your friends on this forum.

You deserve tremendous credit for holding on till now.

Hope to hear good news from you.

 
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mouse
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Ok, I've got the answer. There is no end unless it's THE END. Life has its downs (no ups) and then ya die. (In my case I'm hoping for sooner more than later.)


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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rainbow
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Munkster,
I have never posted on this topic, but I have to tell you that you do NOT have the answer!
Everyone has ups and downs. Some people (like you and me) have more downs.

I sometimes wonder if life is worth living.
I have to be here for my kids, even though I do not do the things a mother should do?
I have to be here for my husband, even if I am making his life hell?
I have to be here for my family, even if they give me zero support?
I have to be here for my online friends, even though I have no clue who they are?
I have to be here for my parents, even if they are already in the olem hoemes?

The answer to all of this is yes!

My kids still need a mother who can daven for them when bentching lecht, and even though I can't have the feelings a mother should have, Kids need a mother!
My husband has given almost 20 years of his life to be supportive and kind, I have to be here for him.
My family, even if they are really not supportive, would be devastated if anything happened to me.
My online friends are a great bunch. I cannot dissapoint them.
My parents z"l, are surely looking out for me now, although as a child things were very different.


I know my post makes no sense, because I have had a lousy week and am extremely deppressed, but I just wrote a jumble of thoughts that came to mind when I read your post.

BE STRONG!! You are not alone.

Hoping to hear good news from you

There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.



 
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Aba
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Rainbow,
Thank you for a beautiful post.
Aba of 4


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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mouse
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I don't owe it to anyone to live except my children who I brought into this world without asking. The only thing I can say is that I think it may be better for me to die than let my kids grow up with a mom who is constantly on edge, sad, and somewhat nutty.

As for my husband, he's a good guy, a really really good guy. But he doesn't deserve the problems I'm bringing him.

I can't tell what's right and wrong anymore. But I know the SI and other stuff won't end until I end it -- and that's the problem.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Holding on
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i know i posted in the 'happy postings' forum, but I wasn't going to.

Seriously, does it get better????
The 'needing' to do it hasn't gone away, and i don't know how I'm supposed to learn to deal w/ my emotions w/o help/support. (i know you guys are here - and ty, but once I log off, I'm alone)
they are just overwhelming of late
 
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Aba
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Quote

Originally posted by: munksterThe only thing I can say is that I think it may be better for me to die than let my kids grow up with a mom who is constantly on edge, sad, and somewhat nutty.


Munkster, ladies I truly feel that my children are better off with their mother then a step-mother or grand-mother. The love you can give your own children is unmatched and will always be unmatched.
Thought sometimes you may scream at them unjustly I think they realize, depending on age, that their mother has problems and isn't "them". I do suggest after the emotions have cooled to go in and apologize.
I also feel the fact they see there mother is "trying" will give them a real role model to live up to.
Quote


As for my husband, he's a good guy, a really really good guy. But he doesn't deserve the problems I'm bringing him.


After my wife made a similar statement I went to discuss it with my Rav, basically what came out of it is you have nothing to do with our "Tzaros" that is between us and G-D.
You may ask, (:thumb;) but don't we say "Chyavin al y'day chyavin"? That is only in a a case of malicious intent here however since it is an outcome of a sickness it is a really a case of "Zuchin al y'day zaky".

After re-reading the second part of my post I am quite sure it will do nothing for the pain I know you are feeling, nobody likes to see the person they love in pain, so let me tell you we do realize you love us, we cherish the good times and an extra kiss now and then go a long way.

If anybody's husband would like to talk I know I would love too. Just IM me and I will pass on some contact info.

Kol Tuv,
Aba of 4


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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Aba
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Holding on,
I'm sorry you are alone, when I doven Mariv tonight I will have you with me in my Tefilos.

Aba of 4


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden

Edited: 9/2/08 at 5:37 PM by Aba
 
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unhelpable.
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hi everyone!! i'm pretty new around here. i think its great that there actually exists a place where people just accept if they can't understand, and don't try to judge.
i'm an olde tyme cutter... aside from that i was very suicidal, i attempted it on three seperate occasions, (i know. tell me about it. i'm a REAL failure. i mean i can't even kill myself properly?!;p ). no therapist lasted more than one session with me, (it's their fault. they couldn't relate to me...), so i never had any real support.
about 6 weeks ago, i cut for the last time. i have totally broken my world record. i never used to be able to last more than 2 days at the most. but it is so impossible. i can't think of anything else, seriously.
burning seems to dull the need a little, but it still doesn't work nearly as well.
what i'm really worried about, is that when i can't hold out anymore, i'll have to make it "extra good" to make up for all the "lost time", and there was plenty of lost time. and since i've got no therapist or anything i've got nothing to stop me... or support me. i'm one big mess.
anyway, i better stop rambling cuz i'm not making much sense. i mean i just read over what i wrote, and i don't even know what i was trying to say.


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"everyone crys every now and then, my tears just happen to be red."
 
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Aba
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unhelpable,
Welcome aboard we hope to get to know you better.
Congratulations on going 6 weeks without cutting it is quite an accomplishment. At this stage of the game if you do end up cutting it isn't a failure but just the end of this set of accomplishments. In due time you will be ready to start again.

As we say in my family "progress not perfection".

Kol Tuv,
Aba of 4


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden

Edited: 9/9/08 at 12:34 PM by Aba
 
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It's all good...
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9/4/08 11:06 PM
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Hi everyone,

To all of you who are struggling with SI, I just wanted to assure you that stopping to SI *is* doable, and it's 100% possible to get to the day where the thoughts won't plague you anymore. I've struggled with various forms of SI and there was a point where I didn't know if it was possible for me to ever reach the day that I wouldn't want to hurt myself, let alone forget about it. But b"H, b"H I'm doing much better, and though I do think about hurting myself (why I need to, how it would "help" me--which it doesn't!!) I haven't put something sharp or hot to my skin in a very long time, and the urges do not plague me anymore. Now it's more like a subtle reminder--sort of like a half-forgotten favorite toy, or an old security blanket that you miss, but know is not for you.

I wish all of you much hatzlacha, and if you need any support or advice, I can try to give what I can. I feel like I'd like to give back what I've gotten from friends and supporters...

Be well, everyone! :-D


-------------------------
Hodu laShem ki tov...
 
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unhelpable.
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9/5/08 10:24 AM
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messed up really really bad.
ended up in the hospital.
got home this morning in time for shabbos.
-abaof4, thanks for the welcome. if i'm gonna start using this as my venting board, you'll get to know all about me pretty soon... i couldn't care much at the moment about perfection. right now i'd just like to make progress. i feel like i'm taking one teeny half step forward, and then three giant steps backward. i'm so mad, mad, MAD.
-It's all good..., how about some advice??


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"everyone crys every now and then, my tears just happen to be red."
 
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rainbow
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Aba of 4-
Your post from the husbands point of view is encouraging. I always feel guilty that my husbnd is stuck in a life that I wish for no one. I am always apologizing for my mental health condition. My wonderful husband is still my only supporter and helper. He also says that I should not think that I am making him suffer, it is all in Hashems plan and this is what was bashert for him.
We try to focus on the good times. (whenever I am able to think positively)

I also struggle with the feelings of my kids being better off without me, but you are right...no one can take my place. My kids know that I am not always well, but have learned how to deal with it.

To the outside world we are a beautiful happy family. Isn't it interesting how well we can hide things?
 
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It's all good...
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Unhelpable,
I'm so sad to hear that you ended up in the hospital :'(...

About advice, I can try to give what I can. I'm not sure how similar out situations were/are, so I'm not sure what helped for me will work for you or anyone else. Do you want to be specific about what you want to target?

And about therapists, I also had a really tough time with them. I've been to three therapists, two psychiatrists, and a Rabbi, and besides for the Rabbi, I disliked all the rest of them in varying degrees of intensity. I'm now talking to a woman who is a kallah teacher (tho I'm not a kallah), and I love talking to her. The only problem is that while she understands me and my issues, she's not a professional and does not really know where to go from here...she keeps suggesting that I go see a professional therapist that deals with...trauma...and abuse...issues....*gulp*...I'm terrified, but I just have to push myself now to make the leap.
I don't know how you found your previous therapists, but depending on where you live, there are numbers you can call up for referrals. There's a wonderful organization called Relief. Have you heard of them?

Let me know what I can help you with...


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Hodu laShem ki tov...
 
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Holding on
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i haven't been able to write in a few days so...

Aba - thanks for having me in mind when you daven - it means a lot to me.

unhelpable and it's all good - welcome!

Will try to write more later...

tc
 
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Aba
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unHelpable,
Your welcome. Sorry to hear about your hospitalization but I will give you kudos, I think that's a proverbial L'Chaim , on your "one teeny half step forward" it may seem like nothing but every colorful flower starts off as a decaying seed. In time you shall bloom too.

I heard in the name of Rabbi Berel Wein that a person is "going out" they should always go on at least two dates before saying it isn't a match b/c you can't really know a persons personality with one meeting. This is under good circumstances, next time you get set up this a therapist try to see the person a few times before stopping it may lead to a breakthrough.

Rainbow,
Your welcome.
>My wonderful husband is still my only supporter and helper.
Please tell him should he ever need to talk he has a personal invitation from me to contact me either through an open thread or an IM.

>good times
May Hashem give to two of more then you can imagine

>To the outside world we are a beautiful happy family.
I would be willing to bet from the inside you are a beautiful happy family, all families have ups and downs ours just are accepted yet

>Isn't it interesting how well we can hide things?
In my area there are two frum clinics besides the private therapists I think we are in good company as far as hiding goes.

It's all good...,
I feel funny welcoming someone who has 25 post already but better late then never so welcome aboard you have really given this place nice boost

Holding on,
Your welcome. Bli Neder I will try to keep it up.

It's worth just pointing out that Hashem hears the Tefilos of the person sick before anyone else (I think Rashi by Yshmael says that) and it can be done in any language.

Good Night,
Aba of 4


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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It's all good...
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Abaof4 (Lol, now I have a virtual Mom *and* a Dad :-P)

Thanks for the welcome :-)



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Holding on
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I think I'm losing it.
For like the last two weeks I've been needing to cut again. Not just thinking about it as a passing thought, but really having to fight the urge with every bit of determination I've got, but I can't anymore. Everything seems so overwhelming.
I've called a helpline twice, called my friend, tried distracting myself, tried getting out my emotions by writing... but nothing is helping anymore.

I was happy that I'm coming up on a whole year cut-free, but now I feel like 'celebrating' that by messing up. I'm scared. I don't want to do that.
I've really struggled not to do it for like 8 1/2 months but kept pushing on bec. it's supposed to get easier. Finally it did, for about 2 months. I was really doing good then. But now I'm back to needing to do it.
I feel like I'm undoing everything I learn't, and cannot deal with my emotions anymore.

I totally need to get out of my house for a while, but I don't have the energy for ppl.'s questions... Not that I would answer anyway, but I don't need that kind of 'attention' right now.

sorry for rambling... I just don't know what to do anymore.
 
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su7kids
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Where would you like to go? Who is going to ask the questions? Can you go for a walk? Or is it more than that that you need?


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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little sheep
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i don't have much to say...just that i'm thinking of you...i hope you make it...(((hugs!!)))


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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Holding on
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Thanks for responding. I'm feeling so bad about myself I almost expected not to get a reply.

I can go hang out by my sister if I wanted, and she wouldn't bug me, but the rest of my family would want to know what was going on...
Idk where I want to go, I just need to get away from here for a while. My situation at home (more accurately my 'relationship' with my parents) is driving me to want to cut. I just need to get OUT.
I need more than a walk, unless I walk for about one or two weeks...

I hope I make it too. Thanks for the hug.
 
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It's all good...
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Wanna come over?

You're always welcome...

:-)


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Hodu laShem ki tov...
 
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gad
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Quote

Originally posted by: Holding on
I hope I make it too.


I hope so too.

 
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Aba
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Holding on,
How is today going I hope you are well?
When I read your post it reminded me of a blog post I saw from Rabbi Lazer Brody http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2008/12/nasty-flashbacks-of-the-past.html
The timing is "interesting" as he posted it one day before you did.

I hope you can find some solace and Chizuk in his answer.

Kol Tuv,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden

Edited: 12/10/08 at 7:49 PM by Aba
 
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killedlastyear
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i really feel for you. totaly know what you're talking about. the needing to get out. but the questions people will ask and stuff. i'm no help as usual. the best i can do is say that i care and hope the urge passes and you can go back to not needing it so much. oh yeah and i hope you're able to find ways/reasons to get out!
 
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Holding on
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B"H today was a 'ok' after a crazy night of needing to cut. I hate nighttime lately...

Thank you all for being here.

I'm dealing with a lot right now and I'm not sure how I feel.
I'm sleeping at my sister tonight so I should at least be safe.

 
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little sheep
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good for you!


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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Aba
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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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Holding on
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Thank you Aba. I wish that was true though for myself... idk.
 
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